Tag Archives: Balance

Because I’m Happy

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I was sitting in my house the other day just feeling content, satisfied, surrounded by my books. It actually took me a few minutes to realize, because I wasn’t looking for it, but ultimately it struck me that I was feeling happy; just quietly, joyfully happy. I wasn’t happy because of any major activity I had planned or because anything special had happened, I was just happy about where I was in my life. That made me wonder how many other moments of happiness I’ve missed because I didn’t know how to recognize it. M so I came up with this spread as a way to try to develop a plan.

  • How can I better recognize the happy moments in my life? Death Rx
  • How can I stop undermining my happy moments? 5 of Pentacles Rx
  • How can I more fully embrace & increase those happy moments? 8 of Cups
Death Rx, 5 of Pentacles Rx & 8 of Cups – Bohemian Gothic Tarot

Death Rx holds a two-fold meaning for me in this position. One is the fairly obvious fact that I need to recognize that my hubby’s death has not resulted in the death of joy in my life. It can be too easy to fall into the mindset of “how can I be happy without him here”. However, what I am realizing is that joy and happiness haven’t departed, but they may have changed shape a bit. Death Rx also reminds me that I have experienced a huge transition in my life. A transition that will force me to see things through a different lens and to have a different perspective going forward. Things that made me happy when I was part of a team may not bring me the same amount of joy now that I have no one to share it with. At the same time there may be things that I willingly compromised on because I knew that my husband did not enjoy them. Now that I’m on my own I can revisit and re-explore those interests and see if they still bring me joy. The way I can recognize the happy moments in my life now is by not comparing them to what they looked like to me before.

The 5 of Pentacles Rx reminds me that my happiness impacts no one but me. I don’t have to worry about how my choices impact anyone else. I don’t necessarily think this means I can be as selfish and self-centered as I want but it’s a reminder that I have no dependence I have no one in my life who will be directly impacted by these choices. That takes a lot of the pressure off it and frees me to just enjoy, instead of worrying.

The 8 of Cups shows that I need to be willing to leave behind what no longer brings me joy. One of the things I’m realizing as I am unpacking boxes at my house is that I have a lot of stuff that I can and should release. They are things that brought enjoyment to The me that I used to be. I’m not that person anymore, and I have to seriously consider whether these things will continue to bring me joy. Or should I let them go and hope that they find someone else who will enjoy them. I don’t think this is something I have to rush through but I’m looking forward to it. I’m realizing lately that owning so much stuff is starting to weigh me down and I need to lighten that load.

I realize ultimately being happy is a state of mind, obviously, and something that it is within my ability to control. My happiness is not the result of some purchase I have made or some book I have acquired, although they can certainly bring a little bit of joy. My happiness is the result of embracing quiet, little moments and just focusing on being fully present in my life.

September 2023 Autumn Equinox Reading with Jumbledance Tarot

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https://www.interrobangtarot.com/blog/autumn-equinox-tarot-spread
  • 1.  Area of Greatest Balance in Life – Fool Rx
  • 2. Area of Least Balance in Life – Chariot
  • 3. Balancing Energies to Draw On – Empress Rx
  • 4. Where and how I spend my energy on others – 4 of Cups
  • 5. Where and how I spend my energy on myself – Wheel of Fortune Rx
  • 6. Balancing Energies to Draw On – 5 of Swords
  • 7. How my Sense of Equilibrium Connects to My Energy’s Outflow and Focus – 4
Jumbledance Tarot

It’s interesting that The Fool Rx showed up for the area of greatest balance in my life while The Chariot appeared in response to the least balanced area in my life.  I think the truth is losing my husband shook my faith in myself because I wasn’t sure if I could keep moving forward on my own. The Fool Rx shows that I have developed the ability to still find joy in the simple things to still believe in myself and to have faith that everything will work out for the best. 

I think The Chariot reflects that I feel the least balanced in having self-determination and control over what is going on right now, specifically as it pertains to the situation with my brother-in-law. Things feel out of my control and I don’t like it. At the same time perhaps learning to trust in the journey is part of this learning process for me. Sometimes things won’t go along if the pace that I would like but they may be going along at the pace they need to best help me.

I think The Empress Rx’s balancing energies reflect the reality that nurturing and taking care of myself, of my inner world and inner growth, is an essential part of this process. Although the external world may require the dominant focus of my time and energy, I have to remember not to lose sight of my inner self. Despite the physical limitations on my time and mobility, that doesn’t mean I can’t let my mind and spirit wander and explore. I think doing that is what will nourish and replenish the hopeful trust and faith of The Fool’s energy and balance the frustration expressed in The Chariot’s.

The 4 of Cups suggests that I may not like giving as much of myself as I do, but I definitely do what needs to be done. In fact, I would say that I actively resent the amount of emotion, time and energy I have been required to put into caring for others at this point. At the same time, I think I’m learning to establish a certain amount of boundaries as it pertains to others. I’m improving my ability to be a bit more balanced.

The Wheel of Fortune Rx points out that I am not good at adjusting how I spend my energy on myself. Indeed, I think it’s showing that this is a lesson I need to learn because the erratic way I handle it now isn’t healthy. Right now I take a bit of an old or nothing approach. I overdo it to the point that I’m exhausted and then I completely retreat. It feels like I’m on a constant rollercoaster ride.

The 5 of Swords suggest that the way to balance these energies and, more importantly, balance the way I approach expending energy on myself, is to overcome my resistance and put my mind to creating a schedule. Despite many years attempting to do so I have an innate resistance to planning and scheduling time. Intellectually I understand that it is in my best interest to take that approach. However that doesn’t make it any easier to actually implement this. On some level, I think I use the excuse that it will ruin spontaneity in my life, but that’s self-serving bullshit. In many ways I’m The Squiggle in Norton Juster’s The Dot and The Line. I try to convince myself that I’m spontaneous and Bohemian, but I’m just a lazy slug who wants to attain the mastery that The Line does in this story. The truth is, I need to put the effort in that The Line line does so that I can achieve the beautiful results.

I think the 4 of Swords Rx points out that my equilibrium is out of whack because I’m not good at balancing how I spend my energy on myself. I waste too much time on things that are unimportant and not enough time on things that will actually produce beneficial results, like resting and recuperating. I need to find healthy beneficial ways to recharge my batteries and channel my energies. I know this, I’ve known this for a long time. This reading is reinforcing that fact in telling me that it’s time to change that situation.

Week 51 – Small Improvements (#TarotReading #GreenwoodTarot #52WeekProject)

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Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. This is one reason why meaningful change does not require radical change. Small habits can make a meaningful difference by providing evidence of a new identity. And if a change is meaningful, it is actually big. That’s the paradox of making small improvements. – James Clear

  • What am I not seeing about the type of person I am right now? Queen of Cups
  • What type of person can I become? Queen of Stones Rx
  • What small habits will help this change? 10 of Arrows Rx
Queen of Cups, Queen of Stones Rx & 10 of Arrows Rx – The Greenwood Tarot

The Queen of Cups seems to be telling me I’m more connected to my emotions, and the emotions of others, than I’d like to admit. She might even be reminding me that, despite protests to the contrary, I do work well with psychic energy; that I’m more open to receiving wisdom and input from the energies around me than I realized. Messages from Cups have been appearing for me quite regularly during this year-long exercise. Perhaps this Queen is reinforcing that I’m already hearing, and heeding, their messages.

The Queen of Stones shows that I have the potential to be at one with the Earth and solidly grounded in my home place. This will enable me to be at peace and feel secure and protected. I think the reason she’s reversed right now is because completing this transformation will require me to move back into my own home. This card makes me hopeful that it will happen soon even if it’s not in the immediate future.

To me, the 10 of Arrows Rx is letting me know that the small habits that will help my change will involve changing the way I think and seeing things from a different perspective. I think this card is not just about improving how I communicate with others, but also being open to sharing knowledge in a way that will prove helpful and healing not just instructional. It’s reminding me to communicate, not pontificate. I have realized that there are people I care very deeply about but I’m not always good at communicating that. I also feel that I have a tendency towards “know-it-all” ness that can be off-putting. Considering the weather nurturing and supportive energies represented by Cups and Stones, I think the arrows are telling me it might be helpful to put away my pointy barbs, and try to expand my methods of communicating.

Week 47 – Rain, River, Ocean (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #52WeekProject)

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  • Rain: Luck or circumstances, what is “raining” on you – 9 of Cups Rx
  • River: Motion, action or direction – The World
  • Ocean: Ultimate outcome, purpose – Temperance
Pam’s Vintage Tarot

Drawing the 9 of Cups again this week, although reversed, intrigues me.  Is what’s raining on me connected to my narrative from last week’s reading?   That makes a certain kind of sense.  If these readings are a progression indicating how far I’ve come and what still remains to be accomplished, then turning my narrative on its head might result in some unexpected things raining down on me.  Or perhaps it’s indicating that my narrative needs to change because it no longer reflects my reality or my dreams.  I think part of this process I’m still working through is to help me realize what new dreams I want to pursue and consider how to achieve them.  The 9 of Cups Rx seems to reflect that the emotional satisfaction and contentment I have tried to portray isn’t serving me, and prevents me from moving forward to the next phase.

The first thing I noticed about The World is that they appear to be looking back towards the 9 of Cups Rx.  At the same time, their body seems to be moving forward.  To me this reflects that in order to move forward we need to be aware of how far we’ve come and embraced our past.  I’ve always liked the concept of the future as expressed in Norse mythology.  It’s not presented as something woven into the fabric of reality that it is immutable.  Instead it is portrayed as “that which is becoming”.  I can appreciate this because it’s a reminder that everything we do today impacts the choices that will be available to us tomorrow. The World seems to be reinforcing that by physically having the person’s head turned back towards the road they have come down, while still walking towards whatever awaits in the future. I also find it interesting that The Lion and the bull are both looking out of the card directly at me. This is especially pertinent to me because my sun sign is Leo and a dear friend, with whom I chat almost every day, is a Taurus. One of the things we’ve both been working on is making changes to the patterns in our lives. That seems to connect with these two figures staring out at me.

Temperance as the ultimate outcome seems almost inevitable. Which rather contradicts what I said in the previous paragraph regarding the future being that which is becoming. However I have often drawn Temperance as something I need to strive for in my life. Moderation, the middle path, blending and mixing different aspects of myself are all things I’ve tried to avoid. In fact I have been known to even deny that there is a need for it. One of the things I’ve learned over the course of these weekly readings is that reconnecting with my emotional nature, my Cups side, is essential for continuing to grow and embrace what awaits. As I’ve mentioned many times my relationship with Cups is tricky. Looking at how the figure concentrates as water pours from one cup to the other suggests that the ultimate goal of all of this is to embrace my Cups side, and balance it so that it’s not ignored but not overwhelming either. I’ve already started dipping my toe in the water of healing . Temperance is showing me that if I continue down this path I will eventually achieve balance and the ability to blend the disparate parts of my personality into a healthy balanced whole.

Of course when I chose this spread it didn’t occur to me that the fact that all of the positions pertain to water also ties in with the work that I’m doing for myself right now. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the message I received is one of positive reinforcement and encouragement to continue this journey and this process. The presence of two major arcana cards reinforces the idea that this is a lesson that I need to learn, perhaps my overarching goal in life, for right now at least.

Week 40 – Message of the Green Spirits (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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  • What message do the green spirits have for me?  5 of Pentacles
  • How can I best manifest this in my life right now?  Knight of Cups Rx
  • What will help me strengthen my connection to the green spirits?  The Chariot Rx
5 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups Rx & The Chariot Rx – The Herbal Tarot

The 5 of Pentacles suggest that the green spirits are letting me know this time of solitude and privation is necessary in order for me to lose my connection to things and start to spend more time focusing on who I am and who I want to be.  The connection of mugwort with this card may be showing that this is part of a healing process for me.  I think for many years I felt impoverished even when that was not the reality.  The lack of financial resources in my childhood has left its influence.  Mugwort suggests that I needed to go through this bitter time as a way to realign my system and be open to a new reality.  It’s time to sage my life so that the old negative influences can be swept away and make room for a stronger connection to the reality of what is around me right now.  The affirmation associated with this card is “I see the richness in my spirit and acknowledge my inner values.”  This seems very appropriate to where I am in my life right now.

The Knight of Cups Rx reinforces a similar message I’ve been receiving for the past few months – the answers I seek lie within my own heart.  As I’ve mentioned several times over the past few years, Cups have always been uncharted Territory for me.  Much of that is due to a childhood in which showing emotions or vulnerability often led to mockery or bullying.  So in order to avoid this situation, I donned very sick armor and acted as though the petty insults and slings of others didn’t bother me.  Unfortunately, I started to believe it myself.  Which led to many years of claiming “I don’t care” or “that doesn’t bother me”.  In reality it often bothered me a lot.  I started to believe that I couldn’t be hurt emotionally but the result of that was that I often cut myself off from emotional connections with people.  The only person I felt completely safe with from an emotional perspective was my husband.  Now he’s gone and if I don’t want to live an isolated, and very lonely, existence, I need to learn how to be more emotionally vulnerable with others so that I can form healthy relationships.  The affirmation associated with this card is “I create opportunities to share my thoughts and feelings with others.”  That is a key area of potential growth for me.   I think this reversed Knight of Cups shows that it’s safe to put down my armor for a while.  To start to look for ways that I can create a sense of trust and emotional vulnerability, that will allow me to be open to new relationships.  I also need to remember that just because I have removed the armor that doesn’t mean I’m discarding it completely. If the need arises I can always put it back on to protect myself depending upon the circumstances. According to the companion book one of the spiritual properties associated with sarsaparilla is “purification of the emotions and the associated ability to express clearly are most intimate thoughts and feelings with others.”. Perhaps a nice cup of sarsaparilla tea will help me in this endeavor.

The Chariot Rx shows that I still need to work on how to harness the energies of my will and steering the course of my life going forward. The herb associated with this is Cyperus. According to the companion book, its spiritual properties include teaching the way of the middle path and the capacity to regulate energy. In Chinese medicine it is seen as an important herb for regulating chi or bodily energy. I think what can help strengthen my tenuous connection to the green spirits is to listen to what they’re telling me. I think strengthening my connection to the green spirits has already helped me realize that it can be sensible to retreat. I’ve learned here is a delicate balance in life and trying to go against it can sometimes boomerang in negative ways. The way that I am going to learn how to steer the course of my own life will involve finding the middle path, and applying these lessons in practical ways. The key is realizing what my place is in this ecosystem and being careful not to disrupt things simply because it might benefit me. One of the key phrases associated with this card in the companion book is “needing to contact the watery part in oneself”. So obviously this also reinforces the message of the Knight of Cups. I need to create more balance within myself by embracing and acknowledging my emotional side. Working with the green spirits, and in this case I think that means reacquainting myself with herbal medicines, is a good place to start.

Week 38 – Bealtaine Spread (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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  1. What am I being asked to learn more about? King of Cups
  2. What is ready for release in this next seasonal cycle (from now until the next fire festival, Lughnasadh, in August)? 3 of Pentacles
  3. With this release, what am I making space for? Page of Cups Rx
  4. A card to ground me as I work with nature, rather than against. 4 of Wands Rx
King of Cups, 3 of Pentacles, Page of Cups Rx, & 4 of Wands Rx – The Herbal Tarot

The King of Cups reveals that what I’m being asked to learn more about is myself; my emotional needs; my relationships with others. I think it’s telling me that one of the areas I need to focus on more is my emotional connections with other people. For many many years I didn’t need anyone other than my husband. Now he’s gone, and I need to learn how to reconnect and form relationships and emotional bonds with others in a way that allows me to feel safe and able to express myself.

I think the 3 of Pentacles shows that I’m ready to release all the seeds that I have planted so far. All the hard work I’ve put into my current situation has laid the groundwork and results should begin to be seen. The creative endeavors I’ve been exploring now need to be nurtured and tended so they can grow and spring forth shoots.

The Page of Cups Rx reminds me that I’m making space for the simple internal Joy that can spring from discovering things that satisfy on an emotional level. Reconnecting with the childlike, simple happiness of coloring or drawing. Dancing just because it makes joy bubble up inside me. Connecting with friends because it makes me smile. I need to stop worrying so much about whether it’s good enough or if other people will like it and just do it for fun.

The 4 of Wands Rx with its fairy figures tending the plants reminds me of the connection I’ve developed to local wildlife since I began making daily offerings. It has helped me become more aware of the variety of small creatures that surround me every day and how in harmony they are with each other. Even when it seems harsh, there is a delicate balance to their interactions with each other and their environment. This card helps to remind me that I must be cautious not to make these wild critters dependent on me because that would throw the dance off kilter. At the same time, paying attention and watching them has made me more aware of the diversity existing even on this small little piece of land as well as reinforcing that I am also part of this web.

For me this reading reinforced previous messages that my focus needs to be on nurturing joy in my life as well as establishing new and tending existing emotional connections and relationships. It’s also giving me a sense that perhaps during this cycle some of the hard work I’ve been putting into the situation with my brother-in-law will finally show some results. And it reminds me that what is helping me to stay grounded is the connection I’ve been building with local wildlife through giving them offerings of food. Just that one little step shows me how important it is to maintain the dance; to remember I’m part of, not above, this web of life.

Week 22 -How do I solve a problem like EL?  (#TarotReading #SlavicLegendsTarot #52WeekProject)

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Card 1 – Positive aspects of pushing this issue?  2 of Cups Rx
Card 2 – Negative aspects of pushing this issue?  The Moon
Card 3 – Positive aspects of taking a more Stoic approach?  Page of Wands Rx
Card 4 – Negative aspects of taking a more Stoic approach?  The Devil Rx
Card 5 – How can I ensure the best possible outcome?  Queen of Wands Rx

On Friday a hearing was held to determine if my brother-in-law can be forcibly removed from this house in order for it to be sold.  The problem is that he hasn’t left the property in over 30 years.  It’s why I ended up in this position in the first place.  I can’t afford to keep the house. I certainly can’t afford the renovation that it needs and, as long as I’m stuck here taking care of him, I have no way to earn any income.  So I tried to push through the sale and the state, also known as his legal guardian, went to court to stop it.  They were successful.  The judge decided that it is not in my brother-in-law’s best interests to be forcibly removed from the home.  This leaves me with two choices:  I can either amp things up from a legal perspective, possibly hiring a lawyer of my own; or I can take a more Stoic approach and handle the things I can but accept that much of this is out of my control and just go with the flow.  Admittedly this is not my usual approach to things, but my usual approach has led to many, many months of me banging my head against concrete walls.

So I decided to pull some cards for some clarification.  Within this context, pushing the issue would mean amping up the legal proceedings and really kicking up a fuss.  Taking the more Stoic approach would mean taking a more thoughtful, grounded approach rather than my usual shoot from the hip style.

The first thing that struck me about the cards is that four out of the five of reversed.  This suggests to me that there’s a lot of blockages going on that are impacting this situation and the things will have to get turned on their head before changes will occur.  The 2 of Cups Rx as a positive aspect of pushing this issue implies to me that being aggressive will make no one happy.  Even if the sale does go through, presumably the seller and me would be happy but it’s not going to bring me the joy that I think it will.  I think The Moon reinforces this by implying that I’m deluding myself if I think that pushing this is going to produce the results that I want. 

The Page of Wands Rx suggest that the positive side of taking a more Stoic approach is that it will give me more time to focus on where I want to focus my energies once I have the freedom to do so.  The Devil Rx shows that the negative side is that I’m going to be tethered to this situation until they’re able to come up with a strategy to relocate my brother-in-law to a residential facility.  This isn’t an addiction or a choice I’ve made to commit myself so I can’t free myself right now.

The key to this entire reading for me is this final card – the Queen of Wands Rx.  I identify so much with the Queen of Wands that seeing It reversed here screams to me “you can’t resolve this issue by taking your typical shoot from the hip approach”.  This isn’t a situation that needs energetic and fiery assertiveness.  It needs subtlety and strategy. So it’s time to tap into my Capricorn Moon, and give my Leo Sun a bit of a rest.

The Hanged Man, 4 of Water & Page of Earth from the Förhäxa Tarot

As an interesting addendum to my reading, this is a reading a friend did for me regarding this issue using the Förhäxa Tarot. I think it ties in very well with my reading because it look like the figure on The Hanged Man man is being held aloft by a demon. Maybe this is The Devil’s tethering her in place because she needs to be patient and give up control of the situation. The 4 of Water speaks of having to make choices that we may find undesirable which certainly ties in with the reality of this situation right now. I’m getting so caught up in my own emotions about the situation that it’s making me frantic and I need to let it go. The Page of Earth offers what looks to me like a hopeful resolution to all of this. She offers the message that taking baby steps in a grounded and more practical way will produce the seeds of achieving my heart’s desire, which is selling this house and moving back into my own home.

So although things seem rather challenging right now, if I take time and plan a strategy, and accept that it’s not going to happen on my timetable, the situation will resolve itself in a positive way for me and my brother-in-law.

Week 21 – The Show Must Go On Spread  (#TarotReading #SlavicLegendsTarot #52WeekProject)

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Where have I wasted time?  7 of Swords Rx – I wasted time reclaiming my autonomy and freedom. I allowed external forces to determine how I spent my time and now I need to reclaim that power. I also need to fully accept that this is the right path to take. Part of the reason I let things go on as long as I did was because I felt obligated to care for my brother-in-law and guilty at the idea of having him removed from what has been his home. I need to remember that, as I’ve mentioned to several friends, I’m the sanitation worker cleaning up after the parade. I had nothing to do with deciding the parade route or who would be marching in the parade but I’m left cleaning up the crap after everyone’s gone. Discard is telling me it’s time to get over that mindset.

What walls need to be torn down to let me out?  3 of Wands – I need to stop being an observer in my own life and realize these agencies helping my brother-in-law aren’t working on this project with me. This isn’t a collaboration between us. They’re using me as a tool and keeping me stuck on that pier because it suits their purposes. There’s no malice behind this, but I need to break free and take a more active role in creating the life I want.

What will help me escape?  Queen of Cups Rx – I need to love myself more and protect my heart. It’s time to get more in touch with my inner emotional landscape and not let my feelings be used against me. On several occasions the agencies trying to find a residence for my brother-in-law have tried using guilt to get me to do things. I need to be aware when this happens and not succumb to it.

What if I let the show go on?   King of Coins Rx – If I let the show go on I will be broke both financially and physically. I’m putting my physical and financial well-being at risk because I’m trying to work with the social service agencies trying to help my brother-in-law. I think with this card is reminding me is that I need to be careful not to overextend myself. I can only do what I can do.

7 of Swords Rx, 3 of Wands, Queen of Cups Rx & King of Coins Rx – The Slavic Legends Tarot

One other thing that I found very interesting about this reading is that I drew a card from each of the four minor suits. This suggests to me that, overall, dealing with this situation is going to require balance between the various aspects of myself but that this isn’t a big picture issue. There’s no overarching life lesson that needs to be learned. It’s simply a day-to-day issue and I need to approach it in a calm, grounded and loving way. What I need to keep uppermost in my mind is that I need to treat myself the same way as the others involved in this.

Week 18 What is Happiness Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

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“Happiness lies not in finding what is missing but in finding what is present.” – Tara Brach

  1. What is missing from my life? The Moon
  2. What is present in my life? Art
  3. What will help me find happiness? Mistress of Skulls Rx
The Moon, Art & Mistress of Skulls from The Crooked Way Tarot

My first reaction seeing the Moon in answer to “What is missing in my life?” was that perhaps what I’m missing are dreams. The more I thought about it, the more wrong it felt. Then it hit me that the answer couldn’t be more obvious. The idea that anything is missing from my life is an illusion. Well, except for the obvious answer of my husband. However if I were to interpret the meaning of this card in that way it would completely contradict the whole point of the reading. So, perhaps the Moon is showing me that’s what’s missing is a need to howl at the Moon for things that aren’t really there and aren’t really necessary.

Art or Temperance showing up in response to “What is present in my life?” is especially impactful because I’ve drawn Temperance a number of times in the past year as something I need to aspire to or achieve. In this position the suggestion is that it has been achieved. This balance is present in my life and contributing to my happiness. On a practical level this is seen in my efforts to exercise more, eat more healthily and to take a little bit more time for myself. At the same time I’m trying to finalize arrangements for my brother-in-law’s move to a residential facility. This is not the final destination, but an action that will need regular recalibration.

Seeing the Mistress of Skulls Rx tells me that what will help me find happiness is getting familiar with my own heart and dreams; nurturing my emotional side. I think she’s showing me that a gentle, supportive exploration of my emotional responses and relationships would be a useful exercise to aid me in finding happiness. The reality is if I’m unable to process emotions and relationships, and listen to my heart, finding happiness will be an almost insurmountable challenge.

ADDENDUM:. A friend pointed out something I completely missed on The Moon card – the image of the moon has a clock face superimposed upon it. She suggested it was showing that time to do what I want might be something missing in my life. This is true but it’s also something that’s coming to an end soon. However what did strike me is that the hands of the clock are pointing at 10 and 2. When I was learning how to drive that was always the mantra of my driving instructor “keep your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel”. So to me this suggested even if I haven’t had the time that soon coming to an end and I’ll be able to drive my life my own way.

Something else I missed in my initial interpretation of these cards is that the Mistress of Skulls is sitting at a desk writing in a book with a skull shaped mug before her. I think this is a practical suggestion for me – what will help me to find happiness is using tools like journaling, medication and relaxing with tea to help me explore my inner landscape, reacquaint myself with my inner emotions and desires.

Week 10 Get a Clue Spread (#TarotReading #DarkWoodTarot #52WeekProject)

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Get a Clue Spread by Nancy Antenucci from 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters (Volume 1) + The Hermit, 6 of Pentacles Rx and Page of Cups from The Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham

The Hermit is telling me that what I truly know is how to be alone; how to handle things by myself. I know how to explore new territory in a search for answers and knowledge. I truly know how to rely on no one but myself. I know how to shoulder a burden and continue moving forward despite the cost. It’s a very short trip from self-reliance and solitude to isolation and loneliness.

The 6 of Pentacles Rx shows that I’m clueless about asking for or accepting help. As The Hermit shows, I’m comfortable, maybe too comfortable, going it alone. Asking for help has often seemed like a devil’s bargain to me. Often this is because when I have asked for help in the past it is either reluctantly or begrudgingly given or, after promising to help, people don’t follow through. At his often left me feeling like a character in Oliver Twist with my hand out asking “please may I have some more”. I’m clueless about accepting that people will be honest when I ask for help, and if they’re unable to do so will let me know. I’m clueless about accepting did people really do want to help when they offer. This is definitely a learning process for me.

The Page of Cups is showing me that what will help me transform my cluelessness into awareness is listening to my heart, my inner voice; being kinder and gentler with myself. It also shows me that I need to relearn how to be more heart centered, and focused. I need to reconnect with my emotionally vulnerable inner core, which is something I’ve never been comfortable doing.

Overall, this reading reminds me that while self-reliance and independence can be positive traits, they can also become negative traits when it makes one unable to ask for or accept help. It also reminds me that sometimes you have to be willing to be emotionally vulnerable in order to establish positive, healthy, reciprocal relationships. Reality is that always giving or always being the one who helps creates an imbalance in relationships. Denying people the opportunity to provide support and assistance can create resentment and strain, and may even eventually damage the relationship. If I want to avoid this I need to work at establishing a more balanced give and take in my relationships.