Week 19 – Twelve Thirty (Young Girls Are Coming to the Canyon) Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

I’ve always loved this song by The Mamas and The Papas and decided to create a 3 card spreads using some of the lyrics as inspiration. My 3 questions are:

1. Where is my life always stuck at 12:30? The Devil
2. What can I no longer keep my blinds drawn about in my life? 8 of Pentacles Rx
3. What changes can I feel happening in me? Knight of Skulls Rx

The Devil, 8 of Pentacles Rx & Knight of Skulls Rx – The Crooked Way Tarot

I find it kind of funny that I drew The Devil for this question because the answer implies that my life is stuck at 12:30 because it’s stuck in general. Of course this is true, I am a prisoner to circumstance right now. This imprisonment is not of my doing or caused by anything I’ve done. It’s something I inherited. Well I’m trying to rectify the situation it is proven to be more challenging than expected. The end may be in sight, but at this point I’m still bound by my obligations and responsibilities.

What I can no longer ignore, or “keep my blinds drawn” about, is the fact that I am reaping a crop that I didn’t sow. I didn’t create this monster but I’m the one responsible for making sure that the monster is handled in a way that causes the least amount of harm to all concerned. I think the reason this showed up for me is because sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of that fact. I’m still dealing with feelings of guilt and selfishness even if I don’t deserve them. I think

The Knight of Skulls Rx shows that the changes happening in me will soon allow me to pursue my inner dreams, my heart’s desire; to follow my own Grail quest. Of course right now that energy can’t be silly accessed because of the other circumstances in my life. Hopefully I will soon be free to explore my bliss and seek joy but I’m not quite there yet.

I will say, I didn’t find this reading especially enjoyable. However it clarified certain things and reminded me of realities I sometimes forget it choose to ignore.

Week 11 Caring for Myself (#TarotReading #DarkWoodTarot #52WeekProject)

Last week’s left me wondering how I could follow the message of the Page of Cups – taking better care of myself listening to my inner self. So I decided this week that would be the focus of my question. I kind of loosely envisioned the positions as Body, Mind and Spirit, but I wasn’t focused on those positions when I pulled the cards. Of course, as is so often the case in my relationship with Tarot and this deck in particular, I didn’t need to focus on positions to get the message I needed to hear.

The World, The Sun and 10 of Swords from Sasha Graham’s Dark Wood Tarot

The first thing that struck me about all three of these cards that they’re female, which I love. It makes it that much more personal for me. Two of these women are entirely nude, which reminds me that the best way to actually make myself a priority is to be completely honest with myself; to bare my soul, no matter how frightening that might seem. The figure in the final card wears a very revealing dress which suggests she is in the process of baring herself in order to move on to the next level.

The World reminds me that it’s time to make my physical health a priority; to make it the center of my focus. For many years my own health and physical needs have been put on a back burner and I’ve suffered the consequences of that choice. If I want to move forward from a place of health and wellness, I need to focus on eating well and being more physically active. I want to get to a place where I’m as proud of my physical self as the woman on this card.

The Sun, a card for which my Leo Sun has a strong affinity, shows me that my mindset also needs a shift so that once again I understand that it’s okay to make myself a priority. To move forward with a healthy mindset, and let go of the guilt and responsibility that have been holding me down for the last few years, I need to accept that it’s my time to shine; my time to be in the Sun. It’s okay to shine and not hide my light because I might be worried about other people will think. The Sun also reminds me that it’s okay to be warmed by the recognition and praise of others. I’m often very resistant to compliments. The Sun reminds me that there’s nothing wrong with having one’s achievements recognized.

The 10 of Swords suggest that this might be the most challenging part of my journey, the one I struggle with the hardest. At the same time, it may be the most achievable because it’s the one requiring the most practical steps. This will require me to face all those inner demons and slay them; to make my own journey into the darkness of my soul like Inanna. I have a feeling it’s going to be like lancing a boil or removing a splinter – initially painful, but ultimately necessary to allow healing.

Overall I find this reading very positive and a reminder that many of the things I’m struggling with right now can be changed by a shifting of mindset and being more positive and gentle with myself. Pounding myself into submission isn’t the answer to this situation. It requires a more subtle, sharp, Swords approach rather than my usual blunt, Wands approach. If I can follow the advice of this reading I think it will produce a hugely positive outcome which will produce long term, life changing benefits.

Week 4 – Being Oblivious (#TarotReading ##LePsychoTarot #52WeekProject)

For this moon cycle I’ve decided to switch up my decks and use the Le Psycho Tarot. This is a French Canadian reissue of a 1974 deck, originally called The New Tarot, created by William Hurley and J.A. Horler. It has a very late ’60s early/’70s vibe to it and hasn’t been appreciated in a while, so I thought it was time.

This week I’ve been a little all over the place so I decided that I was going to focus on:

  • What am I ignoring or oblivious to that could improve or enrich my life?
  • How can I activate or tap into this?
  • What do I need to be cautious about while doing this?
King of Cups, Princess of Swords and 10 of Swords – Le Psycho Tarot

The first thing that struck me looking at the King of Cups is that he’s holding his heart in his hand, however he isn’t looking at it. He also seems to be completely naked. This tells me I’m ignoring things which will bring me emotional fulfillment and maturity. I may be able to hold my heart in my hands, but I’m not exploring it, I’m not considering what will make it healthy and whole again. I need to Bear my heart to my mind and be willing to face whatever truths arise. I have to become a counselor to my own heart because I’ve been avoiding this for too long. I have often been open about the fact that I prefer to avoid dealing with the suit of Cups and emotions because it’s not an area with which I’m comfortable. This kind of cups is showing me that I’m going to have to get over that discomfort and face some truths.

The Princess of Swords seems to be holding lightning in her hands. I find it interesting that it’s suggesting I can activate my emotional, heart energy by unleashing my mind, my mental energy; trapping lightning in a bottle. I also think the youthfulness implied by the Princess shows this is about learning to be more fluid in how I perceive and think about things, not rigid and fixed. Which is a trait I fully admit to having. It’s interesting because in the last few days I’ve been talking with friends quite a bit about the fact that this phase of my life feels very much like reconnecting with younger me. Becoming a widow has given me the independence and self-reliance that I had before boys became an interest. My inner warrior maiden has connected with my battle tested crone, if you will.

The last card I drew is the 10 of Swords. The hooded executioner figure certainly seems ominous but I think in this case his reflecting the end of a cycle that can now be put to rest. At the same time I think he’s warning me that I need to be cautious about any mental pain this whole process will unleash. Let’s face it healing isn’t a painless process. Whether it’s physical or psychological we often have to push past the pain so that we can start to get better. I think that’s what the 10 of Swords reflects here. Digging into one’s heart or psyche to release the toxins within gets worse before it gets better. If I give in to the pain and quit I’ve achieved nothing. So I think this executioner is reminding me that in order to align my chakras, and release that trapped untapped energy, if you will, I need to be willing to do the work and push through the pain. At the same time I need to be very clear that it’s okay to take breaks from the pain as long as they don’t become permanent. As my dear friend Diane often tells me, I need to remember to be gentle with myself.

So this is my fourth week of my 52 week project. I hope these readings are providing additional insights for anybody reading them. Granted they are fairly personal because I often find that I learn more from others experiences then from objective impersonal concepts.

Working through my loss (#TarotReading #PearlsofWisdomTarot)

The one year anniversary of my husband’s death is next week. On one hand, I can’t believe it’s been a year. On the other, hand it feels like he’s been gone far longer than that. My husband and I were together for 38 years when he died and it was very challenging learning how to deal with things on my own. I didn’t realize how many things he took care of for the both of us. I’m sure it would have been the same situation if I had died and he lived because we tended to divide up our responsibilities that way. There’s something both terrifying and reassuring about the fact that I’m able to handle a lot of this without John even if I wish I didn’t have to.

April 1, 1986 is the day John and I went down to City Hall in New York and applied for our marriage license. 36 years ago – seems like such a long time ago and yet I remember it like it was yesterday. In honor of this anniversary I pulled two cards from my Tarot deck while asking John for a message. This was his response

John’s message using Pearls of Wisdom Tarot

Seeing these cards I burst into tears because they are truly both such John energies, especially as they pertained to the way he cared for in about me. The Chariot suits John for many reasons: it’s his birth card; he was a car guy who loved tinkering with his vehicles; and he refused to let anyone else tell him what to do. He steered the course of his life, for better and worse. With this card John is reminding me that I need to be sure to take up the reins and guide my life going forward. I can certainly seeks advice and guidance from others, but I’m the charioteer now.

The 9 of Pentacles is John’s way of reminding me he always wanted to be sure I would be in a good financial place if anything happened to him. He has definitely done this. In fact, he could have retired but he continued to work. He wanted to be sure there would be enough in his pension to take care of me if something happened to him. Ironically that is what happened. He is visually showing me that he wants me to enjoy what I have and the time I have left. He wants me to be happy and healthy and take care of myself. I think the best way to honor John’s memory is to do that

Midsummer’s Dream Spread (#TarotReading #StolenChildTarot

I did this reading on the Solstice but, being the champion procrastinator that I am, I’m just getting around to posting it now. This spread is from Christine Jette’s book Tarot for All Seasons, which is filled with spreads for each Sabbat as well as the lunar cycles.

Position 1 – What will set your spirit free? – 3 of Zephyrs Rx
I see this card as a reminder that sometimes we can hold on to past betrayals or painful experiences and this holds our Spirit back. I just heard it quote attributed to Stephen King that “ghosts are real and they live inside us”. I think to some degree that’s what this card represents – the ghosts that live inside us holding us back because we can’t move forward until we’ve laid those goes to rest. So in order to set our spirits free we need to release those ghosts and the lingering memories of the pain they might have caused so that we can move forward.

Position 2: Future Trends of Freedom and Liberation. Indicates possible scenarios based on influences at this time. Do you obtain your heart’s desire or are you setting up the wrong life? – 7 of Zephyrs Rx
The image on this card shows a cuckoo laying its eggs in another bird’s nest. Considering it’s reversed, I think it’s a reminder that trying to obtain your heart’s desire at the expense of others will probably bring more harm than good. For example if you cast a love spell how could you ever be sure whether any resulting relationship is based on genuine love and attraction? Or if you pursued advancement in your career by detracting others efforts then is your success deserved? I suppose these are questions we can only answer for ourselves but it does raise interesting concepts to ponder.

Position 3: The Need for Protection. Shows your vulnerabilities or where you might block your heart’s desire. – High Priestess Rx
This High Priestess shows a Chimera – a legendary creature composed of parts from different animals. The word can also refer to an illusion or fabrication of the mind. The reverse nature of the card in this position suggests that we are vulnerable and blocking our hearts desire because we don’t have the ability to imagine anymore; to see ourselves making our dreams come true. Sometimes the only way to create magic in our lives is to believe that we have the ability to create magic. Without a magical belief in our own abilities, we undermine ourselves.

Position 4: Future Trends of the Need for Protection. Are you on the path to fulfilling your heart’s desire, or do you need to go in another direction? – Ace of Zephyrs
I think this Ace of Zephyrs shows us that we have the ability to achieve our hearts desire but we have to allow ourselves to see things clearly and align our disparate mindsets. In other words, I think this is showing we need to combine the magical thinking suggested by The High Priestess with a certain amount of reality and clearsightedness. The only way we can achieve our dreams, fulfill our heart’s desire is by both believing in ourselves and having a clear understanding of our capabilities and our skills. It’s showing us that we can always start anew, begin over again and change the path, to help guide us to our desired goal. All we have to do is change our mindset and believe in ourselves.

Position 5: Paying Attention to Intuition. Either describes how to develop the inner voice of the soul, or what may be blocking its development – Strength
The best way for us to develop our inner voice of our soul is not to hide from ourselves and to be willing to actually make the attempt. Sometimes we can act like we’re tough and capable and strong enough to handle what life throws at us on the outside, but on the inside we’re the child hiding beneath the bison’s protective body. I think what Strength reminds us is that we need to have the inner fortitude to keep trying even when we fail the first few times. We need to be willing to pick ourselves up and keep working at it. After all, practice makes perfect and very few of us are perfect at something on our first attempt. At the same time we shouldn’t be hard on ourselves because we weren’t successful on our first attempt. We need to be gentle with ourselves; nurturing and protecting our fragile inner spirit.

Position 6: Future Trends in Psychic Development. Given the influences of the cards at this time, what is a probable outcome to your psychic development? – The Chariot
I think the energy of The Chariot and the image on this card combine to remind us that our psychic development, or indeed our ability to achieve any goal, is a combination of being willing to take the opportunities offered to us as well as understanding that sometimes slow and steady wins the race. No matter how much we might wish it were different, life provides few fairy godmothers as well as rare instances of immediate success. The most successful people we know spend years honing their craft. I think this Chariot is reminding us that it’s equally appropriate when dealing with psychic development. Practice makes perfect and the longer we practice the better we will be.

Although the reading specifically addresses psychic development and achieving one’s heart’s desire I believe these cards can be applicable to any endeavor one pursues in life. We can’t let the ghosts of past failures paralyze us and hold us back. We need to be careful not to claim other people successes as our own. At the same time if we don’t believe in ourselves no one else will either. We also need to continually support and nourish our inner spark; treating it gently and with encouragement, not harsh criticism.

The best way to achieve our goals is to keep trying, be persistent even if we fail at first. We also need a clear understanding of our own skills and abilities. After all no matter how hard one might wish for it, if you’re not well coordinated and athletic the odds are you will never be a successful professional basketball player. However that doesn’t mean you can enjoy the experience of playing the sport just for the joy of it.

Finding Clarity in a Hopeless Place (#Tarot #HauntedHouseTarot)

So, I have been in a funk lately. My head is screwed on wrong; I’m stressed, frustrated and discontented. The world seems headed to Hell in a handbasket and focusing on coloring or reading Tarot feels self-indulgent and shallow to me. At the same time, these are the things helping me maintain my sanity and destress and there’s nothing wrong with that.

So I decided to pulls some cards for clarification. I used the Haunted House Tarot by Sasha Graham and asked: What can help me deal with the current situation and my mental state?

  1. What’s at the roof of my mental state? Knight of Cups Rx
  2. What will help improve it? Knight of Pentacles Rx
  3. What will help me fight off future incidents? Strength Rx

The discontent and dissatisfaction stems from feeling disconnected from divine inspiration; being blocked from achieving my personal grail quest.

The way for me to improve it is to actually manifest things and not get stuck wishing and dreaming. This is the time to move to the next level; move beyond learning into applying what’s been learned.

Preventing future incidences is as simple and as complex as accepting that I have the strength to overcome obstacles; that I didn’t need the feather because I had the ability to fly all the time. I also have to be strong enough to face myself in the mirror and be honest about how I sabotage myself. Sometimes I equate fortitude and inner strength with being stoic and long suffering, a habit I need to break.

So the key focus for me is to explore what brings me joy; quest after my personal grail and accept that things are screwed up right now and there is only so much I can do about it. I also need to prioritize caring for myself. Otherwise I’ll crack up and be if use to no one, especially myself.

How can America heal it’s spirit? 4 of Wands Rx, The Hermit Rx & 7 of Pentacles (#MoonGarden #Tarot #TarotReading)

I’m reading Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth by Robert Johnson and he discusses what can happen when we loose our connection to spirit. He wrote “If we don’t go to the spirit, the spirit comes to us as neurosis.” This made me wonder if that explains some of the craziness going on in America – we’ve become disconnected from our spirit.

In this scenario, I don’t believe spirit equates to religion ( because, quite frankly, I believe most organized religions are just as disconnected from spirit). Instead, I believe it refers to that part of our nature that connects in a caring, symbiotic way with the world around us. It’s that instinct we feel to provide aid and succor when we see people struggling or in need. It’s that inner voice that encourages us to do good; to make the world a better place. That generous, caring side more concerned with ensuring others are treated fairly than with profits and economic theory.

I have to wonder if capitalism and the push towards a global economy has undermined these traits and reinforced our greedy, gluttonous nature. We seem more focused on want and fear of scarcity without understanding that much of this is artificially created, like planned obsolescence. We focus more on squandering our money on ridiculous frivolities like dog weddings rather than putting our resources to use helping those less fortunate. We convince ourselves that impoverished people are in that situation because they didn’t try hard enough rather than understanding that the deck was stacked against them from the start.

We accept the theory that “job creators” will trickle down prosperity on the masses as long as the government doesn’t try to restrict them but ignore the reality that once they’ve been given an inch these corporations take the mile. We accept the claims that many things are manufactured in China because it’s more cost effective but ignore China’s history of human & civil right violations and the oppressive nature of it’s policies. We ignore that US corporations that set up shop overseas often create sweatshops so we can buy more affordable gadgets. How do these behaviors reflect a country that claims to represent democracy, freedom and equality?

So, I decided to ask my guides his we can heal this disconnect from America’s spirit. I drew

My take (and naturally your mileage may vary) is that we’ve divorced ourselves from our spirit. The reversed 4 of Wands shows our success was based on a belief in ourselves married with the desire to work hard towards that goal. There have always been flaws inherent in the system but I like to think we did strive to be and do better. In the last 40+ years we’ve grown cynical and jaded, taking a more selfish approach. We’ve gone from believing in supporting our communities and helping out neighbors to suspicious isolationists who believe everyone is out for themselves and we should get ours first. It’s all about the money, finding the cheapest price and getting “mine”. I think we lost sight of the true path and let ourselves get seduced by all the shiny things. We view everything as disposable and frugality is a joke.

The Hermit reversed suggests two things to me. The first is that because we’ve lost our way we’re no longer a light for others; no longer a shining beacon of democracy leading through example. It also reminds us that we cannot and do not exist in isolation. Despite America’s belief in “rugged individualism”, the truth is that it’s almost impossible for industrialized nations to do this on an international level. And, despite my earlier rants about globalization, I don’t think it’s healthy. Perhaps instead of preying on third world nations we should work towards truly improving their social and economic status.

The 7 of Pentacles offers a possible solution. Perhaps we can use the current situation in the US to take some time and ponder what we’re sowing right now and consider if it’s what we want to continue sowing. Do we wish to truly be a leader in freedom and democracy or become part of the crowd? Are we sowing good will or ill? Are we truly improving the lives of workers in third world nations of are we helping to line the pockets of the ruling class, corporate CEOs, and politicians?

I realize this oversimplifies many of the issues and factors involved in this situation. I don’t think it’s a magic bullet. What I hope is that anyone reading this will consider how they can make changes in their own lives to reconnect with their spirit. Maybe if enough of us put that energy out in the world it will become a movement that produces permanent change.

#MessageoftheDay – 6 of Swords Rx, 7 of Wands Rx + 10 of Wands (#SecretForest #Tarot)

The river wends its way through a landscape that is either thickly forested or practically barren. In the distance a small body of water is visible. Reversed it gives the impression that the river is moving towards the pond. Rather than traveling away, we are moving inward. We can’t get away from ourselves. Whether this proves negative or beneficial is up to us.

Once again the 7 of Wands appears. It’s reversed again; reinforcing the sense of restriction and cabin fever many have expressed. How can we deal with this? Distractions – online social interactions, hobbies & crafts. We have to force ourselves to engage because it’s too easy to get lost in frustration, fears and paranoia.

To me, the growth coming out of the turtles back suggests that although this is a heavy weight right now and things are going slow, an end is in sight. As even Bugs Bunny learned, slow & steady sometimes wins the race. As soon as I saw this card I heard The Beatles’ “Carry That Weight”. Things feel so heavy and ponderous right now it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and hopeless. We have to remind ourselves that we’re strong enough to make it. We will adapt, thrive and flourish but it will need to be a slow, steady and cautious process so the improvement is sustainable.

So there is hope but we need to be willing to endure the necessary struggle to get there. Let’s see how that works out.

#TarotDaily – 8 of Swords + 5 of Swords (#TrickorTreat)

 

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What threshold are you about to step over? How have you prepared for what is to come next?

 

The 8 of Swords reminds me that I’m finally ready to escape the cage I created with my own self-doubts and low self-esteem. I’m getting my head on straight and ready to move forward.

The 5 of Swords suggests this won’t be an easy task. My inner demons won’t give up peaceably and quietly go away. They’ll try to trip me up, undermine my confidence and slam me back into that cage. I have to alway keep fighting, never give up and never surrender (yes, I’m quoting themes from Supernatural and Galaxy Quest).

I can do it as long as I keep believing in myself.

#TarotDaily – Knight of Discs + 8 of Cups (#AllHallows)

How do you measure your self-worth? Is that something that needs to change?

Hmm, so do I measure my self-worth based upon my journey; seeking out new experiences and sensations? Am I like the voyage of the original Starship Enterprise – “seeking out new life and new civilizations; boldly going where no man has gone before”? I dunno, maybe. I remember a former mentor telling me that when she was younger her focus was on acquiring possessions, but as she got older her focus changed to acquiring experiences. I think I’m still transitioning but I feel the shift in focus occuring.

I’m definitely on a journey and I enjoy the journey. I feel I’ve learned a lot about myself but so much more remains unexplored. Clearly, I still have work to do on releasing my emotional attachment to things that need to be let go. I’m often reluctant to get rid of toys or books or other items that represent hobbies I have moved beyond. I worry that I will regain interest in the hobby and once I get rid of these items I will not be able to reacquire or replace them. Perhaps in order to continue moving forward I need to seriously look at releasing some of these things so they’re no longer weighing me down; holding me back.