Last night I had an interesting dream. In it there were several different scenarios where I was sitting with a group of people in an informal setting. We were having a conversation about things, but I can’t remember anything specific. I was seated so that my upper body was turned in facing the circle but my legs were on the other side so that I could have gotten up and left the group easily. At some point, someone else comes and sits next to me blocking my access to the group and cutting me off from the conversation. I have no idea who the person was but I remember that it happened a few times during the course of the dream.
Then the scene shifted and I was walking down a NYC street and decided to take a shortcut through a building into its backyard. I walked through the front door of the building and out the back only to realize that there was construction going on and I couldn’t go forward. I turned to go back into to the building but the back door had closed and locked. One of the construction workers saw me trapped in the backyard and cursed because they would now have to find a way to get me out of there. Then I woke up.
How do I cut myself off from others? 7 of Swords Rx
How do I trap myself in situations from which I can’t escape? Queen of Wands Rx
How can I change these behaviors? 5 of Cups
I cut myself off by being too cautious and guarded. I keep my personal issues the way Daffy duck clings to his treasures. I prefer to slink off and lick my wounds and solitude rather than be vulnerable and let someone else help me.
I trap myself by being too arrogant and strong-willed; viewing the need for support and assistance as exposing my vulnerability and weakness. I swallowed the “rugged individualist” Kool-Aid. What I find interesting is that I don’t apply this to others, just myself. I have to believe that this is the lingering effect of my life experiences. Opening myself up to others has often led to betrayal and disappointment. Only my husband never let me down.
I can change this pattern by keeping these past experiences in mind but not prominent. I can be more emotionally open and realistic, understanding the past betrayal doesn’t always predict future pain. Being closed off has hurt me in different ways, so it might be a good idea to change that pattern.