My ancestors are a bit more encouraging and less scolding today.
They’re pointing out that overall I have a good life; one of financial stability and comfort. I have an amazing marriage to a supportive man who appreciates my crazy. What I’m lacking is intellectual challenges; academic pursuits. I need puzzles to solve and knowledge to acquire. I need a quest!
Of course the only thing stopping me is me. I let myself get bogged down in overly analyzing things; getting so caught up in planning that I never do anything. It safer that way. If I don’t actually begin, I can’t fail. Of course, then I’ll never be truly satisfied either. Tallyho!
Today while sharing a cuppa tea with my #ancestors. I asked for some advice & guidance. This was their reply:
I heard “You’re wasting time, hoping for the perfect opportunity. Stop futzing around and move forward. Trust that the direction in which you’re moving is the way you’re meant to go. You’ve done a lot of hard work; sown a lot of seeds; honed your skills. Now it’s time to real the benefits and embrace your achievements.”
What belief about yourself no longer serves you? With what can you replace it?
Maybe the belief that no longer serves me is that I still have a lot of unexpressed, untapped potential. The reality is that I’m in my 50s and while I don’t feel old my clock has probably passed the halfway mark. That doesn’t mean I can’t still achieve new goals however it does suggest I need to narrow those goals down to more realistic proportions.
I can replace these myriad goals with more genuine ones; ones that truly fulfill my heart, mind and soul rather than gratifying my ego. I think it’s time for some focused goal setting and practical planning; time to weed through the excess and get to the core of things. Then I can move forward with thoughtfulness and drive.
Whom do you need to forgive? Why? How can you best do so?
I need to forgive my childhood, my parents, my upbringing, myself. I’ve worked hard for everything I have in my life. I paid my way through high school and college. I saved money for clothes, books and any extras I had. My parents didn’t have it. They had four children and high school educations; the world was not beating a path to their door. So if I wanted dolls, books, clothes, I earned the money for them.
My working class roots limited my options in life. This is something I resent and regret even as I acknowledge that some if it is my own doing. When I applied to colleges I didn’t even consider Ivy league or out of state schools because I didn’t belong. Even when I attended NYU I couldn’t connect with many of the other students – our life experiences were too different and I wasn’t very flexible (still not). I didn’t feel the need to change in order to fit in and as a result alienated some folks who might have become friends or at least useful contacts.
The best way for me to forgive thus is to truly let it go. It’s a weight I’ve carried for years and it’s pointless and exhausting. I can’t change the past or redo those decisions and choices. All that’s left is to learn from them and move forward. I can be proud of what I have achieved and stop bemoaning lost opportunities.
This question ties in beautifully with yesterday’s. Now that I realize I need to stop undervaluing myself I can consider what I need to celebrate about myself.
Clearly I’m not afraid to look foolish, to take a leap of faith. This was not always the case. It took me a long time to learn to laugh at myself and not take myself so seriously. On the positive side, if I am interested in pursuing something I rarely let fear or self-doubt hold me back. For example, I had no problem returning to college for a master’s in public administration when I was in my forties. I wanted to get the degree so I did it. Having said that, I’m also very comfortable with my skills and knowledge as it pertains to the academic realm. Which brings us to the reversed Ace of Swords.
The reversed Ace of Swords reminds me that I can be too cerebral and get lost in my own head. I have a proclivity towards researching something to death before actively pursuing it. This allows me to bog myself down in so much detail and research that I never actually start anything. I’m very good at studying and a little weak on application.
So, I think these cards are reminding me that I can take a leap of faith; I’m not afraid to start something new. I just have to be careful not to get so lost in my own head researching that I don’t take actual steps to pursuing these new interests.
How are you undervaluing yourself? What can you do in order to get what you deserve?
Hmm, it appears that I don’t appreciate things at which I have some expertise or mastery. I might have mentioned several times in the past that I often view my accomplishments as something easily dismissed as not difficult to achieve. I think that’s the message the reversed King of Wands is giving me – undervaluing my skills equals undervaluing myself. Not appreciating what I’ve accomplished in my life makes it seem as though I don’t count; have little to offer.
The reversed Six of Pentacles shows that although it’s nice to be generous, giving away too much undermines the worth of my skills and gifts. Unfortunately many people associate value with cost; being overly generous with my gifts sends the message to others that my skills are of little value. If I don’t value my gifts and skills, consider them worthy, then how can I expect others to do so?
How might self-discipline give you more freedom? What would be a way for you develop that discipline?
Self-discipline would enable me to make more informed, practical decisions based in what I’ve achieved so far and what I plan to achieve in the coming years. I have a rather “shoot from the hip” approach to most matters. As a rule, this has worked just fine for me so I feel little incentive to change. This card suggests that planning things in advance and periodically taking stock might help me use my time and energy more effectively as well as recognizing how far I’ve come.
One technique that might help me in being more open to this approach is celebrating my victories when they occur. As much as I don’t take stock, I’m also not good at appreciating or valuing what I’m good at doing. I tend to take a dismissive approach to my own achievements. I’m not sure whether this is because I felt that highlighting my achievements would alienate me from other people or because I have self-esteem issues. What’s most likely is it is a combination of both. Having said that, maybe it’s time to embrace, honor, and celebrate my achievements. This certainly wood go a long way towards keeping me on track and being self-disciplined.
Is there an area in your life in which you are hesitant to stand out? Why?
If course there is! Don’t we all have an area in which we’re hesitant to stand out? No? Okay, maybe it’s just me.
Looking at these cards gave me a chuckle. The first thought that streaked across my mind is that I’m reluctant to share my happy marriage with other people (which wasn’t what I expected). It’s not that I’m afraid people will get jealous, although that certainly part of it, it’s that I’m very protective and defensive of certain elements of my private life. Hence the appearance of the 7 of Wands.
Quite frankly, I am very lucky in the man that I married. He encourages my weirdness, celebrates my intelligence and has no problem poking fun at me when my ego gets too big for itself. He is also fiercely proud of the fact that I don’t take crap from anybody. I honestly think I may have found the perfect husband for me.
At the same time, he does not ever want to be shared online in any way, shape, or form. he has been known to threaten friends and relatives with death if they post photos of him on Facebook. It’s also one of the reasons I rarely mention him by name in any of my posts.
Well, now I’ve done what I have always been hesitant to do. I guess it wasn’t as hard as I feared.
In the past you’ve focused so much on your achievements that you didn’t consider whether you were happy about them. Now it seems as though all those accomplishments leave you unsatisfied and emotionally unfulfilled. It might be time to leave them behind and seek out what will satisfy your heart and soul.
You’ve been resting on your laurels; letting yourself coast on past glories. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it is not very challenging or satisfying. Maybe it’s time to reprioritize and seek out new challenges that will make your heart & spirit sing.
You’re not putting any effort into things anymore. You continue to do the work but your heart isn’t in it. Your enthusiasm has left the building. Maybe it’s time to revisit the things that you love in life and reprioritize. Find ways to become more enthusiastic and experience joy in what you do and what you accomplish.
You don’t believe you’re strong enough to endure, to complete this task, and you’re right. If you don’t believe you’re strong enough then you won’t be. However, if you have faith in yourself, success is much more likely.
Are you feeling tired and worn down? Have the last few months reduced you to a nub? Perhaps you need to give yourself a break and recharge those batteries! You can only run on empty for so long before permanent damage occurs.
Your inner strength and determination have served you well. You’ve made it this far and the finish line is visible. Dig into your reserves and keep moving forward. Remember that you’re doing this for yourself, not to impress anyone else.