In honor of the full moon in Leo, I decided to do a reading for myself focusing on some of the energies associated with this cycle. Since I have been thinking about expressing my creativity in different areas, I thought that might be a fun topic to explore. So using my absolutely stunning Förhäxa Tarot,I asked the following questions.
What will inspire me? 9 of Earth – I can be inspired by the natural world around me. Despite the fact that I have limited ability to go beyond the borders of my own property that doesn’t mean I can’t explore the beauty on this property. Practically every day I’m visited by squirrels, various birds, ducks, occasionally a swan comes by, and my heron sometimes drops in. They all offer an amazing window into the natural world that surrounds this little piece of land and I need to take advantage of it. Nature journaling might be the perfect way to get me started and inspire me to try new techniques or revisit old techniques.
What will challenge me? Queen of Water Rx – I think the Queen of Water is showing me that what will challenge me is what always challenges me, exploring and embracing my inner emotions. Cup issues are a realm I prefer to avoid. The truth is, I think the only thing holding me together right now is the fact that I don’t give in to becoming overly emotional. However, I’m realizing that ignoring or avoiding this part of my psyche also limits me because it’s difficult to find ways to sustain yourself emotionally if you avoid diving into that pool. The truth is ignoring or avoiding my emotions doesn’t mean they don’t exist and are impacting the situation. I can see this becoming a challenge when it comes to expressing my creativity because I do believe that one’s creativity is innately tied to one’s emotional state. So this ought to be fun.
What practical steps can I take? 6 of Air – I think this reinforces the idea that although I cannot physically change my environment right now, I can change my mindset. This message has come up for me several times in the past few months. The only limits on me are ones I impose upon myself. Even if I’m limited in where I can go and what I can do in the physical realm, that doesn’t stop me from using my mind to learn new things; explore new ideas. I need to keep the fact uppermost in my mind.
So, clearly the cards are telling me that my creativity is only limited by my own internal restrictions. I don’t need to leave this property in order to be creative, I only think I do. I’ve recently become enamored with the idea of plein air painting, painting outdoors. Nothing says that needs to be any further than 5′ outside the front door. Implicit in these cards is a message of “just do it”. It has come up for me numerous times as a reminder that much of what limits me is my own internally imposed restrictions. I have to move beyond that to avoid stifling my creativity.
After offering the ancestors a nice cuppa Barry’s Irish Breakfast tea (because, of course), I asked what message they wished to gift me with today. Using the Wonderland Tarot, I drew the 4 of Peppermills, 3 of Peppermills and 9 of Peppermills Rx.
My message: “You have a settled, established life right now with a stable relationship but you want things to be a bit more interesting and exciting. You’re seeking out new projects and ways to express your creative side. Enjoy this process but don’t let it become a burden or another task you HAVE to tend rather than something that brings you joy and excitement.”
She crackles with energy but can’t channel it. Her inspiration has flown leaving her feeling at loose ends. She has drive and energy and passion but it’s blocked, stifled, dimmed. It’s as if her pilot light has gone out and she can’t reignite it.
She needs a project, an outlet for her creative fire. Her energy isn’t scattered, just unfocused. Once she finds a way to express her fire, an amazing creative force will be unleashed. Or maybe she needs to get laid?
I turned 50 back in July. I have to say it’s been more of a shock than I expected. I figured all the hype about becoming a Crone or 50 being a big transition age was just that – hype. Once again I have been proven wrong.
The biggest shock I had upon turning 50 is the realization that I have somehow manage to shed almost 30+ years of civilizing. I joke that the women in my family don’t domesticate well but it’s kind of true. None of us has ever been a “traditional” female. Quite possibly because most of us have had the unluck to marry men who have proven to be abysmal partners for one reason or other. Clearly this is some type of familial pattern; a cycle that needs to be addressed and changed. Anyway, I’ve gotten off point here. The point is that apparently 50 year old me has a lot in common with 13 year old me. Now that I no longer need to “dress for success” or anyone else’s approval, I have gone back to my favorite look – jeans, boots and plaid shirts. How ironic that I loved this look long before Supernatural became popular.
I’ve also experienced a shift in attitude. Not that I was ever shy about expressing my opinions but I did occasionally manage to tone things down depending upon the company. Now I just don’t give a shit. It’s as though that poor, weak, fragile filter that prevented me from being completely unrated was demolished, destroyed, damaged beyond repair. Don’t misunderstand, I rarely intend to be insulting, rude or obnoxious but somehow I’m sure I come off that way when my mouth gets ahead of my brain. At the same time I realize this is the result of not having to worry that I’ll offend someone who good opinion I might need later on. The truth is I am a lousy diplomat.
For many years I felt as though I identified most with the energies of the Queen of Swords and Queen of Wands. Now I realize that Queen of Swords persona was exactly that – a mask I donned when the occasion called for it. Now I fully embrace my Queen of Wands energy but it means that sometimes I bash people into submission (or as my mother likes to say, I use “truth” as a weapon). What I have also discovered is my connection to the Queen of Pentacles. I can be a caregiver. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not my favorite role but when I have to make a choice between doing what might be sensible and/or more convenient or doing what I believe is right, then I’m willing and able to make sacrifices.
So, turning 50 has proven to be quite a mind-blowing experience all around. I’ve realized that I don’t need things to be happy (in fact, much to my shock, I’ve realized too many things just makes me feel overwhelmed). I’ve learned that I don’t want to bend to the wills of others. I want to run my own life and follow my own passions. I’ve learned that I’m tired of letting the perfect get in the way of the good. I’m sure there are lots more things I’ve learned but this was a good starting point.
Just to make it interesting for any readers out there I decided to ask the Tarot what message I can offer to any others going through a similar experience. I drew the Page of Swords from the Tarot of the Secret Forest. At first I thought the youth was playing a cello or similar instrument but looking closer I realized he is holding a sword and shield. The minute I saw this card I heard the phrase “relearn your own mind; stay true to your inner music”. I’m interpreting this to mean that turning 50 gives us a chance to reconnect to who we really are without the obligations of motherhood, career, marriage and societal expectations. We’ve been able to moved beyond all that and now we can pick up our instruments and learn how to dance and sing our true songs, our soul songs, again.
Celtic Wisdom Tarot Text by Caitlin Matthews, art by Olivia Raynor Destiny Books, 1999 ISBN 0-89281-720-8
The Book says: This is Epona, the pan-Celtic Goddess who is matron not only of horses but of passing over and through obstacles; she is also known as the one who opens the gates of the Underworld to the dead.
Keywords: Triumph; success due to initiative and self-discipline; obstacles overcome; self-mastery; being in control of one’s ccircumstances prominence; fame or greatness; travel; speed.
Reversed: Defeat or failure; ruthlessness; success at others’ expense; loss of self-control; addictive behavior; egocentricity; things careering out of control.
TarotBroad’s Buzz: I really love this card (well to be honest I really love this deck). It is one of the gentlest expressions of the Chariot energy which I have seen. Epona is able to gentle the horses, she is connected to them on a deep, spiritual level. One gets the feeling that the relationship is not one of owner and pet but it is one of kindred spirits. Epona and her mares can gently trot around the area or they can race across the field at full gallop, manes flaring out behind them. This card is about self-control and self-expression; knowing when you need to trot and when it is time to gallop ahead.