Week 23 -What will help me deal with the brother-in-law situation for right now?  (#TarotReading #SlavicLegendsTarot #52WeekProject)

After what happened last week with my BiL’s case, I decided this week I need to focus on concrete steps or ideas that might help me deal with this whole situation moving forward. The reality is there is nothing I can do to force things to go the way I want, so I have to change how I’m handling the situation.

What’s the next best logical, rational step? 3 of Wands

What’s the best practical step to take? 5 of Swords Rx

What spiritual step will help me most? Knight of Cups

What heart-centered step will most benefit me right now? Knight of Coins Rx

The first thing I noticed about this reading is that I drew a card from each of the four suits although interestingly none of them fall within the area of influence of the question. Two of the cards are upright and two of the cards are reversed, which is another interesting coincidence. It suggests in some areas I’m moving in the right direction while in other my options are hampered or blocked right now.

So, here is my down & dirty take on this reading. My next best logical & rational step is working with the system instead of fighting against it. The truth is my struggles have been fruitless and resulted in more moments of banging my head against wall than is good for my cranium. Now what I need to do is cooperate and let them see for themselves that the results they hope for probably won’t be achieved. They refuse to accept my take on this situation or acknowledge that I do know something about how the BiL with respond. I’ll kill them with cooperation as it were.

The best practical step I can take dovetails nicely with the previous card. The 5 of Swords Rx is showing that it’s time to put down my arms and stop fighting; it’s pointless and serves no useful purpose right now. I need to strategize and not charge in without a plan. Instead of viewing this current situation as a defeat, I need to see it as a strategic retreat to regroup and plan how to move forward again.

The spiritual step that will help me most is to find my heart’s desire; take a quest into my own feelings to see what I want to do next. This has come up for me quite often – exploring who I want to be and where I want to focus my energies in this new phase of my life. In many ways, my heart is broken and will never be the same but it still functions and it still has interests and desires to pursue. The Knight of Cups is showing that needs to be my next spiritual quest.

The Knight of Coins Rx shows that the heart-centered step will most benefit me right now is self care. I need to take practical steps to tend to my physical being. The amount of stress I’ve been dealing with since my hubby died has made it easy to put aside my own health issues. I need to make those a priority again.

So my priorities need to be focused on self-care and strategizing not creating a lot of sound and fury that isn’t going to help. This will be quite a challenge because it goes against my natural inclinations and temperament. Oh well, I guess I need to look at this as an opportunity for growth.

Week 20 – What is Life Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

Inspired by the George Harrison song of the same name.

Tell me what is my life without your love?  7 of Pins

Tell me who am I without you by my side?  Page of Sticks Rx

If it’s not love that I need, then what do I need to succeed?  Master of Pentacles

7 of Pins, Page of Sticks Rx & Master of Pentacles – The Crooked Way Tarot

Okay, this reading made me cry.  It felt like such a clear message from my hubby.  His way of letting me know he’s still watching over me and always will be.  Things have been especially challenging lately as I try to struggle to forge a new path for myself as well as trying to resolve placement issues for my brother-in-law. It feels like for every step forward I get knocked back two more and I’m genuinely reaching the end of my rope. So receiving this reassuring message give me quite a boost.

The 7 of Pins reminds me that I’ll never live my life without John’s love. Even if he’s no longer with me on the physical plane; even if he’s caged in an alternate level of existence; he’ll always be watching over me. He’ll always love me.

The Page of Sticks Rx shows me that my life without him by my side is something that still remains to be explored. Right now it’s untapped or unexpressed because of the situation with my brother-in-law. I just don’t have the resources or energy to invest any effort into accomplishing this right now, but soon.

The Master of Pentacles shows that what I need is to be a little bit more like my husband in the sense that I approach things in a calm grounded fashion as opposed to my usual shoot from the hip approach. I need to be firm and resolute without becoming overly agitated or making over the top statements. I need to channel the lessons I learned from John and put those into play.

My primary takeaway from this reading is that now is a time for practicality and intellect; for rationality and groundedness. My more fiery nature won’t stand me in good stead right now. Logic and common sense are what I will need to succeed right now.

Week 18 What is Happiness Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

“Happiness lies not in finding what is missing but in finding what is present.” – Tara Brach

  1. What is missing from my life? The Moon
  2. What is present in my life? Art
  3. What will help me find happiness? Mistress of Skulls Rx
The Moon, Art & Mistress of Skulls from The Crooked Way Tarot

My first reaction seeing the Moon in answer to “What is missing in my life?” was that perhaps what I’m missing are dreams. The more I thought about it, the more wrong it felt. Then it hit me that the answer couldn’t be more obvious. The idea that anything is missing from my life is an illusion. Well, except for the obvious answer of my husband. However if I were to interpret the meaning of this card in that way it would completely contradict the whole point of the reading. So, perhaps the Moon is showing me that’s what’s missing is a need to howl at the Moon for things that aren’t really there and aren’t really necessary.

Art or Temperance showing up in response to “What is present in my life?” is especially impactful because I’ve drawn Temperance a number of times in the past year as something I need to aspire to or achieve. In this position the suggestion is that it has been achieved. This balance is present in my life and contributing to my happiness. On a practical level this is seen in my efforts to exercise more, eat more healthily and to take a little bit more time for myself. At the same time I’m trying to finalize arrangements for my brother-in-law’s move to a residential facility. This is not the final destination, but an action that will need regular recalibration.

Seeing the Mistress of Skulls Rx tells me that what will help me find happiness is getting familiar with my own heart and dreams; nurturing my emotional side. I think she’s showing me that a gentle, supportive exploration of my emotional responses and relationships would be a useful exercise to aid me in finding happiness. The reality is if I’m unable to process emotions and relationships, and listen to my heart, finding happiness will be an almost insurmountable challenge.

ADDENDUM:. A friend pointed out something I completely missed on The Moon card – the image of the moon has a clock face superimposed upon it. She suggested it was showing that time to do what I want might be something missing in my life. This is true but it’s also something that’s coming to an end soon. However what did strike me is that the hands of the clock are pointing at 10 and 2. When I was learning how to drive that was always the mantra of my driving instructor “keep your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel”. So to me this suggested even if I haven’t had the time that soon coming to an end and I’ll be able to drive my life my own way.

Something else I missed in my initial interpretation of these cards is that the Mistress of Skulls is sitting at a desk writing in a book with a skull shaped mug before her. I think this is a practical suggestion for me – what will help me to find happiness is using tools like journaling, medication and relaxing with tea to help me explore my inner landscape, reacquaint myself with my inner emotions and desires.

Week 17 Gifts of Imperfection Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

This spread is inspired by Bren√© Brown’s book of the same name

How can I let go of who I think I’m supposed to be? Master of Skulls Rx – This card is showing me that I need to let go of my fear of becoming my father. Much of my life I imposed certain conditions upon myself because I feared becoming like my father. In fact many of my decisions were to avoid that and thus lead me to developing “anti-dad” tendencies. The Master of Skulls offers me the insight that I can leave this behind. I can move forward without every decision being connected to my father – pro or con. I can work on healing my heart and emotional landscape; become a midwife to my own soul; listen to the poetry in my heart.

How can I embrace who I am? 8 of Skulls – Edgar Allen Poe’s freshly torn from his chest, bisected heart graces the small guillotine. Boy does this describe me right now. Losing my hubby has left me feeling that my heart has been torn asunder and I’m not operating on full thrusters. However it also reminds me that even with a heart not at its best, I can still live a full life. I can accept that a piece of me did die with my hubby but that doesn’t mean I’m dead. I can move into the future, embracing new opportunities and new experiences. Who knows, I may even find love again. I won’t be what I had with my hubby but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth striving and fighting to experience.

What have my imperfections gifted me? 3 of Sticks – The name Bramwell on this card made me thing of the Bronte sisters’ brother (Branwell), to whom they dedicated much attention and devotion. In this image see a mausoleum with the word Thorn on it. It resonated with my because I have also spent many of my recent years dedicated to caring for someone who cannot fully appreciate it or understand the sacrifices it entails. It is a thorn in one’s spirit that you cannot remove because its removal will cause as much pain as it’s placement. What this card is telling me is that one this aspect of my life is laid to rest, I will be able to go on; I will find new creative outlets, new projects, new things about which to become passionate and engaged.

Master of Skulls Rx, 8 of Skulls & 3 of Sticks from The Crooked Way Tarot

This reading is reassuring because it offers the hope of a broken heart being healed and frustrated creative energies finding new outlets. However, this healing and bursts of energy won’t happen unless I work for it. I have to engage in this process and listen to the messages and lessons I’m being offered. It seems that’s a universal challenge. We are often offered insights, messages and signs telling us how we can make healthy changes to improve our lives and yet we resist. We prefer to remain comfortable in our ruts and avoid making the tough calls. If I want to improve my own life then I have to break this pattern in my own life.

Week 4 – Being Oblivious (#TarotReading ##LePsychoTarot #52WeekProject)

For this moon cycle I’ve decided to switch up my decks and use the Le Psycho Tarot. This is a French Canadian reissue of a 1974 deck, originally called The New Tarot, created by William Hurley and J.A. Horler. It has a very late ’60s early/’70s vibe to it and hasn’t been appreciated in a while, so I thought it was time.

This week I’ve been a little all over the place so I decided that I was going to focus on:

  • What am I ignoring or oblivious to that could improve or enrich my life?
  • How can I activate or tap into this?
  • What do I need to be cautious about while doing this?
King of Cups, Princess of Swords and 10 of Swords – Le Psycho Tarot

The first thing that struck me looking at the King of Cups is that he’s holding his heart in his hand, however he isn’t looking at it. He also seems to be completely naked. This tells me I’m ignoring things which will bring me emotional fulfillment and maturity. I may be able to hold my heart in my hands, but I’m not exploring it, I’m not considering what will make it healthy and whole again. I need to Bear my heart to my mind and be willing to face whatever truths arise. I have to become a counselor to my own heart because I’ve been avoiding this for too long. I have often been open about the fact that I prefer to avoid dealing with the suit of Cups and emotions because it’s not an area with which I’m comfortable. This kind of cups is showing me that I’m going to have to get over that discomfort and face some truths.

The Princess of Swords seems to be holding lightning in her hands. I find it interesting that it’s suggesting I can activate my emotional, heart energy by unleashing my mind, my mental energy; trapping lightning in a bottle. I also think the youthfulness implied by the Princess shows this is about learning to be more fluid in how I perceive and think about things, not rigid and fixed. Which is a trait I fully admit to having. It’s interesting because in the last few days I’ve been talking with friends quite a bit about the fact that this phase of my life feels very much like reconnecting with younger me. Becoming a widow has given me the independence and self-reliance that I had before boys became an interest. My inner warrior maiden has connected with my battle tested crone, if you will.

The last card I drew is the 10 of Swords. The hooded executioner figure certainly seems ominous but I think in this case his reflecting the end of a cycle that can now be put to rest. At the same time I think he’s warning me that I need to be cautious about any mental pain this whole process will unleash. Let’s face it healing isn’t a painless process. Whether it’s physical or psychological we often have to push past the pain so that we can start to get better. I think that’s what the 10 of Swords reflects here. Digging into one’s heart or psyche to release the toxins within gets worse before it gets better. If I give in to the pain and quit I’ve achieved nothing. So I think this executioner is reminding me that in order to align my chakras, and release that trapped untapped energy, if you will, I need to be willing to do the work and push through the pain. At the same time I need to be very clear that it’s okay to take breaks from the pain as long as they don’t become permanent. As my dear friend Diane often tells me, I need to remember to be gentle with myself.

So this is my fourth week of my 52 week project. I hope these readings are providing additional insights for anybody reading them. Granted they are fairly personal because I often find that I learn more from others experiences then from objective impersonal concepts.

Week 2 Tarot Reading (#TarotReading #SecretForestTarot #52WeekProject)

This is week two of my personal 52 week project. My goal is to do a weekly three card reading and post it to this blog. I plan to stick to it but, as we all know, sometimes life has other plans

My reading for this week: 1) What aspect of my life should I focus on this week? The Moon; 2) What will help me with this? 6 of Wands Rx; 3) What unseen factors impact this? The Empress Rx

So, the Moon shows that I need to listen to my subconscious and find what fascinates in mesmerizes me. I really love how the two figures on this card seem to be in thrall to the Moon and communicating with it on some level. I need to do the same, to trust my instincts and look deep within myself to reconnect and find the answers to this question. For so long I’ve done what I had to do, I’ve kind of lost sight of what brings me joy and fulfillment. Now would be a good time to dive deep and uncover those treasures.

The 6 of Wands reversed guides this transformation by helping me triumph over my self doubt and inner demons. It also shows that I need to reframe my achievement so they’re less about defeating things and more about exploring new terrain and overcoming my own fears.

The Empress reversed reinforces the six of Wands reversed by pointing out that my focus needs to be on tending my own inner landscape, nurturing myself and my creative spirit. For so long I’ve been forced to nurture and care for others and it’s left a bad taste in my mouth. I need to relearn that nurturing and nourishing is not a bad thing, not when it’s done willingly. I spent enough time expressing my Empress energy on others, now it’s time to focus that on caring for and nurturing myself.

Looking at my week ahead – Week 1 #TarotReading #SecretForestTarot #52WeekProject

So I know I’ve been missing for quite a while. Life’s been challenging but I want to get back into posting Tarot readings and other content to this blog and hopefully there’s still people out there who want to read it. So I decided to set a challenge for myself. I’m going to challenge myself to post at least one Tarot card reading a week for the next 52 weeks. For the most part they’ll be three card readings because those are just the types I prefer. This is my first entry.

Week 1 three card reading using the Secret Forest Tarot

I focused on “What will bring me joy this week?” “What will cause sorrow?” “What will help me balance between them?”

Temperance shows me that joy can come from moderation and finding the way to forge balance between my obligations (those things I must do) and my hobbies and interests (those things I want to do). It reminds me of the Serenity Prayer, and that I need to understand that certain things are just out of my control. No matter how much I try, I won’t make any headway with those. At the same, time there are steps I can take to try to change those circumstances. So, I need to focus on not causing myself stress by fighting against circumstances over which I have no control. I also need to allow myself to accept that it’s okay for me to have fun, even while dealing with these obligations. As the saying goes, all work and no play makes one a dull girl.

The 2 of Wands reversed speaks to me on two different levels. On a personal level, it’s pointing out that it’s okay to get frustrated over the fact that all my excitement over new adventures and new experiences is temporarily dashed. It doesn’t mean it’s forever, but at this point those goals are stymied. It’s also a reminder that I may see other people exploring new projects and opportunities and feel a little resentful because I’m in a holding pattern. Or, on a more macrocosmic level, I may see other projects that I don’t want to see come to fruition because I disagree with their goals or agenda. I just need to remind myself it’s okay to be said about all of that.

In between, the Page of Pentacles show that balance will be found in practical, grounded responses and reactions rather than my usual fiery and impulsive ones. I also think its reminding me to use this opportunity to learn more about myself and find ways to express my creativity and find fun in things I can do right now. It may be time to reacquaint myself with SARK.