On being an outlier

I’m an outlier, an outsider, an oddball. I often don’t fit in even with groups to which I feel I belong. There is just something under my skin that become itchy when I try to fit in; be part of the group. I often joke that my motto is “Whatever it is, I’m against it” (thank you, Groucho Marx). In reality, it isn’t a joke. Even when it comes to opinions and stances which I share, I can’t help but argue the opposite position if I feel too many have jumped on the bandwagon. I don’t like to feel that I’m part of the majority opinion.  As Groucho also once said, “I wouldn’t want to join a club that would have me as a member.”

I’m not sure why I am this way but I tend to put it down to my parents exhorting me when I was a child not to do things simply because everyone else did. They encouraged me to trust my own opinions and not to be a follower. I may carry this a bit too far. This is both a blessing and a curse, allowing me to defend my positions despite others’ attitudes but also isolating me.

In order to get some clarity about this, I did a reading for myself.

Using the Wizards Tarot, I asked:

How does being an outlier serve me? Knight of Pentacles Rx
How does it hinder me? 2 of Cups Rx
What can I do with this information going forward? The Hierophant Rx

Being an outlier has been a way of protecting myself, of isolating myself before others could exile me. Of course, this also says a lot about some of the earlier relationships I had in my life. I did have occasions where those I believed were “friends” betrayed me or mocked me. It created a very weird dynamic and made me mistrustful and extremely cautious.

This mistrust and caution have also prevented me from forming closer friendships and emotional bonds. I do have friends but they are a small, select group. I don’t really do casual friendships which may explain why Facebook made me so twitchy. To paraphrase a friend of my hubby’s, if you haven’t seen me make a complete ass of myself at least once, you aren’t really my friend.

So, going forward I need to learn from these experiences; to be willing to use it as a learning opportunity. That doesn’t mean I have to change the way I am, simply that I should be more mindful and conscious of what I’m doing and why. Perhaps this will also serve as a tool for helping others who have similar issues.

#TarotDaily – Knight of Discs + 8 of Cups (#AllHallows)

How do you measure your self-worth? Is that something that needs to change?

Hmm, so do I measure my self-worth based upon my journey; seeking out new experiences and sensations? Am I like the voyage of the original Starship Enterprise – “seeking out new life and new civilizations; boldly going where no man has gone before”? I dunno, maybe. I remember a former mentor telling me that when she was younger her focus was on acquiring possessions, but as she got older her focus changed to acquiring experiences. I think I’m still transitioning but I feel the shift in focus occuring.

I’m definitely on a journey and I enjoy the journey. I feel I’ve learned a lot about myself but so much more remains unexplored. Clearly, I still have work to do on releasing my emotional attachment to things that need to be let go. I’m often reluctant to get rid of toys or books or other items that represent hobbies I have moved beyond. I worry that I will regain interest in the hobby and once I get rid of these items I will not be able to reacquire or replace them. Perhaps in order to continue moving forward I need to seriously look at releasing some of these things so they’re no longer weighing me down; holding me back.

#TarotDaily – 7 of Pentacles Rx + 4 of Cups Rx (Radiant WS)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • You tend to make yourself unhappy because instead of enjoying the good things in your life right now you bemoan what you don’t have. Rather than appreciating where you are, you bitch about how far you have to go.
  • You lose yourself in dissatisfaction and ennui because you don’t learn from the past. When things are not perfect you mourn rather than determining how they can be improved.
  • Revisiting past achievements and life experiences can help us realize how far we’ve come and how much we’ve learned. Getting lost in them only makes us unhappy and disgruntled.

#TarotDaily – 10 of Stakes Rx + The Daughter Rx (Sacred Bridges)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • All the nails are falling out of what you’ve built. You hoped your accomplishments would gain you the recognition you desire but instead you feel young, inexperienced and like a failure. Learn from this experience and don’t let it hold you back.
  • This entire process has been internal for you; you finally feel able to move on and can accept that your achievements may never generate public acclaim or recognition. Instead you move towards accepting that idea that internal validation may be the only kind you are likely to get.
  • You’re trying to resist the inevitable, avoid what comes next, but doing so only prolongs the pain and prevents moving forward. Right now you may feel like you have been exposed as incompetent instead of praised for your skill. That sucks but the only way to get to the other side is to keep moving. It’s time to quickly rip off the bandage, doing it slowly drags things out and doesn’t actually reduce the pain.

#TarotDaily – 10 of Pentacles Rx + Hermit Rx (Guardian)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • You don’t believe in “happily ever after” and as a result find yourself alone and lonely. You can either change your perceptions so you’ll be more open to potential relationships or make your antisocial grumpiness work for you by gaining insights and knowledge easily missed if one is distracted by a relationship.
  • You’re resisting moving on to the next phase of your life because you don’t want to do it alone. Unfortunately, many of our greatest personal epiphanies occur when we are in solitude.
  • You fear that your lack of financial resources and impoverished lifestyle limit your social interactions. Is it that others judge you poorly for your socioeconomic status, or that you’re projecting your insecurities onto the world?

#TarotDaily – Lovers+ Ace of Swords Rx (Guardian)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • Are you facing a major decision; a life altering choice? Don’t over think it! Look deep within yourself and trust your instincts. Listen to that divine spark in your soul and you’ll know what oath to choose.
  • The current situation is not about a failure to communicate. However it might be a good idea to listen to what’s truly being said; to listen to your inner voice.
  • When you look at others, do you see the divine reflected in their eyes? Are you truly looking? Remember that sometimes faith and trust are not intellectual exercises, they are choices and life experiences.

#TarotDaily – Chariot + King of Pentacles (Guardian)

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • Branching out, exploring different options and trusting your instincts can aid you in your journey to your final destination – being able to manifest your goals into reality.
  • The journey is important and offers valuable lessons but remember that the end of one journey is also the beginning of the next.
  • You’ve achieved this set of goals, now where will your journey take you? Is your journey linear or a spiral that occasionally revisits certain lessons? Mastery of one lesson may not mean you’re finished. Refresher courses can be beneficial.