So, I have been in a funk lately. My head is screwed on wrong; I’m stressed, frustrated and discontented. The world seems headed to Hell in a handbasket and focusing on coloring or reading Tarot feels self-indulgent and shallow to me. At the same time, these are the things helping me maintain my sanity and destress and there’s nothing wrong with that.
So I decided to pulls some cards for clarification. I used the Haunted House Tarot by Sasha Graham and asked: What can help me deal with the current situation and my mental state?
What’s at the roof of my mental state? Knight of Cups Rx
What will help improve it? Knight of Pentacles Rx
What will help me fight off future incidents? Strength Rx
The discontent and dissatisfaction stems from feeling disconnected from divine inspiration; being blocked from achieving my personal grail quest.
The way for me to improve it is to actually manifest things and not get stuck wishing and dreaming. This is the time to move to the next level; move beyond learning into applying what’s been learned.
Preventing future incidences is as simple and as complex as accepting that I have the strength to overcome obstacles; that I didn’t need the feather because I had the ability to fly all the time. I also have to be strong enough to face myself in the mirror and be honest about how I sabotage myself. Sometimes I equate fortitude and inner strength with being stoic and long suffering, a habit I need to break.
So the key focus for me is to explore what brings me joy; quest after my personal grail and accept that things are screwed up right now and there is only so much I can do about it. I also need to prioritize caring for myself. Otherwise I’ll crack up and be if use to no one, especially myself.
“You’re surrounded by abundance, by things, by wealth. However, this is not created the happy, contented family & life that you imagined. Have you made a deal with the devil and sold your soul for this prosperity?”
Today I enjoyed a cuppa Harney & Sons Malachi McCormick blend while chatting with my ancestors. We had quite the chat.
Their message, “Nitwit! You’re missing the point! Instead of looking at the whole picture you’re focusing on details. Open your eyes, look inside your heart. What you seek can’t be found without but only within.”. This was followed by a metaphorical smack upside the head.
So, clearly, I was misinterpreting my ancestors’ message as far as the 10 of Pentacles is concerned because it kept coming up. So I did something I rarely do, looked in the companion book. The first sentence was “Honor the endowment of your roots.” D’oh! 🤦 The author then goes on to discuss how we need to connect with our roots so that we can then move forward and express that energy in our lives; ground ourselves so we can soar.
That makes do much sense because one of the motivating factors that influenced my taking on a caregiver role for both my mother-in-law and brother-in-law is that’s how my mother’s family did it. That’s what I saw growing up. In her later years, my great-grandmother suffered from some type of dementia and I watched my mother’s aunts and uncles rally round and take care of her so she could stay at home. My great-grandmother wasn’t relegated to the sidelines either. Despite her inability to fully comprehend what was going on, she sat at the dinner table with us, she was there when we sang Happy Birthday, she was there for holiday celebrations. So my experience growing up was that when family members were in bad shape those that could picked up the slack. That is how I continue to live my life.
My ancestors are reminding me that this is my inheritance but it doesn’t have to be my jail cell. I can still find ways to enjoy my life; find things that bring me joy and make my spirit soar. Right now, I’m restricted to things that I can do within the house and with limited flexibility and freedom but that doesn’t mean I can’t try. The key is looking within myself and changing my perceptions. I understand that focusing on the negative just enhances it, but sometimes I forget. So, what I need to do is focus on the positive; retrain myself to fully embrace the little things in my life that make me happy. I can also be a little more patient with myself when I lose sight of this.
I asked my ancestors for guidance, insight and wisdom. This was their response.
“You are the perpetual student, the eternal learner. You are always seeking new knowledge and pursuing new areas of exploration. Even when you master one thing, you eagerly seek to start over again in a different arena. The challenge for you is relaxing and enjoying what you’ve acquired before charging off into your next Quest.”
This message is very true. One of the challenges I regularly deal with is that I am a bit like a dog chasing a squirrel; haring off down a new path without completing the original journey. I do this with many of my hobbies and creative outlets. My ancestors are telling me to “stop and smell the roses”. They’re reminding me that I need to actually embrace what I’ve learned, to implement and put it to use in my life before seeking a new challenge.
My ancestors are being a bit obscure today. I’m not really sure I’m fully grasping their message but this is what I’ve gotten out of it so far.
The only way to fully embrace who I am and what I want to be is to release sense of being entrapped by obligations I didn’t chose. If I want to free myself from the weight and responsibility that weighs me down, I need to change how I perceive them. At the same time, I need to accept that I have chosen to these obligations, even when they prove inconvenient. I need to be careful not get so caught up in my own mind that I trap myself even further. I keep seeing a prison when the only bars that exist are in my mind.
I think this is my ancestors giving me a gentle nudge to remind me that I’m not really trapped, imprisoned. Yes, some of my options are quite limited right now, however, that doesn’t mean that I can’t make choices and engage in activities that will alleviate that sense of oppression. Perhaps it’s also a reminder to focus on the things I have in my life that a good and fulfilling and stop focusing on what I perceive as lacking.
What is becoming unsustainable or unbearable in your life? What is your next step?
Wow! Clearly, something in my life needs shaking up. I think The Hanged Man is pointing out that I’ve done enough hanging around, stuck in stasis. It’s time to see things from a different perspective; turn things on their heads.
The next step is accepting that it’s okay to be dissatisfied with how things are; to want to find the emotional fulfillment and healing I need. Acknowledging that sense of ennui and emotional stagnation is an important start.
In the past you’ve focused so much on your achievements that you didn’t consider whether you were happy about them. Now it seems as though all those accomplishments leave you unsatisfied and emotionally unfulfilled. It might be time to leave them behind and seek out what will satisfy your heart and soul.
You’ve been resting on your laurels; letting yourself coast on past glories. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it is not very challenging or satisfying. Maybe it’s time to reprioritize and seek out new challenges that will make your heart & spirit sing.
You’re not putting any effort into things anymore. You continue to do the work but your heart isn’t in it. Your enthusiasm has left the building. Maybe it’s time to revisit the things that you love in life and reprioritize. Find ways to become more enthusiastic and experience joy in what you do and what you accomplish.
Happiness, joy and emotional satisfaction are amazing but not static. Remember that clear communication is essential to maintaining this state.
Just because thing are good right now doesn’t mean you should ignore warning signs you receive. The assumption that things will always stay the way they are right this minute is a fallacy.
Be cautious and careful about what goes on behind your back. Many smart people have been caught off guard because they left their flank unprotected. Think of the times we’ve seen people brought low right after their greatest triumph, their happiest moment. Don’t take your happiness and emotional satisfaction for granted.
You look deep within to discover your heart’s desire but your perceptions and viewpoint make achieving it problematic.
You may be young and seen as emotionally immature but others, but that is not how you see yourself. However, we can all be somewhat deluded in our self-perceptions.
Communing with fish and maintaining bizarre yoga poses has given you a reputation as an oddball. However you refuse to see the world through any lens but your own. You’vd learned from past experiences that while others’ perceptions may be intriguing, they won’t sway you from your course.
You’re feeling torn and conflicted, unsure which path to choose. Part of you wants stability and emotional satisfaction while another side wants to be more daring and seek out physical gratification. In the battle between heart and body, which will win.
You dream of a knight in shining armor who will sweep you off your feet but all you’ve encountered so far are well meaning plodders caught up in the day to day grind. Perhaps you’re so caught up in your fantasy that you aren’t seeing things clearly. Your expectations might be unreasonable and unrealistic, leaving you few options and little opportunity for a fulfilling relationship.
Do you feel disconnected from your physical self? Are you more comfortable with emotional connections than physical ones? This separation between heart and body can lead to relationship and even health issues down the road. Now might be a good time for some introspection, journal work and physical activities like yoga or Tai chi to help reintegrate these different parts of yourself.