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Week 42 – How can I mend my damaged soul? (#TarotReading #MarseilleWaiteTarot #52WeekProject)

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Mending a Damaged Soul Spread by Janet Jendrzejewski from 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters by Sheilaa Hite

I found this spread while browsing through the book I’m looking for something that would feel appropriate to work with this week.  This reading fits beautifully with a conversation I’ve been having with a friend about forgiving ourselves and changing familial patterns that impact our lives.

I decided to modify it and only pull four cards from the 8 in this spread.  I asked:

  • How do I forgive what was done to me?  10 of Batons Rx
  • How can I reclaim what I lost, what was taken from me or what I’ve kept hidden?  7 of Sword
  • What does my soul need to be whole again and to flourish once more?  Le Mat
  • How can I mend my damaged soul?  Justice
10 of Batons RX, 7 of Epees, Le Mat & La Justice from The Marseille-Waite Tarot by Emmanuelle Iger

The figure on the 10 of Batons is so burdened that she cannot even see the path in front of her.  She is so caught up in the responsibility, the weight that she bears, she cannot even see the path ahead.  Reversed I believe this card is telling me it’s time to let this burden go.  The burdens of past harms and abuses is exactly that – the past. Nothing I do now can change what has already happened.  It’s very similar to the situation with my brother-in-law.  Were there things that could have been done in the past that would have made this situation significantly better?  Of course, but they didn’t happen.  Nothing I do now changes that.  Carrying the burden of my brother-in-law’s long-term care should never have been mine.  Even though it will be hard to put him in someone else’s care that doesn’t mean I’m at fault, or that I am doing anything wrong.  The only way to forgive what was done to me is to let it go.  Just drop that burden to the ground and walk away.  Simple in concept, a little more challenging in execution

The figure on the 7 of Epees looks behind her, not just to see if the coast is clear but also to ensure that Le Mat was able to begin her journey.  She wants to assure herself that her efforts were not in vain.  Similarly to the message of the reversed 10 of Batons, this card’s message feels very clear to me.  The only way to reclaim what I lost is to literally go and grab it and walk away.  I need to revisit who I used to be before.  This is a message that’s come up for me a number of times it is a work in progress.  I see this card is reaffirming and reinforcing that.  It’s also interesting that she is carrying five swords and leaving two behind.  This brings to mind the concept that I am going to be moving forward with my life and pieces of me will be left behind because I have lost my husband and because Edward will no longer be a dominant part of my life.  Just looking at this card next to Le Mat also reminds me that eventually Edward and I will be going in separate directions.  I will be moving forward, while still keeping an eye on him, to the next phase in my life.  He will be The Fool, moving forward to the next phase in his.

Le Mat shows me that I need to be more willing to take chances; to have more faith in myself and trust that this journey will take me in the direction I need to go. I need to let it be about the journey and the joy and the new experiences and not about some specific goal. One of the things I’ve noticed about myself is that I often won’t try new things because I feel the need to study for months or years first so that I can get it perfect. Sometimes that really takes the fun out of it. I think the fool is showing me that I need to bring more fun and a more whimsical sense of adventure into my life and not worry so much about goals being achieved. I’ve already lived that life and it’s time to let it go and move in a different direction.

One of the messages I’m receiving from Justice appearing in answer to this question is that one way to mend my soul is to stop being so harsh on myself. I need to be fair to myself and I also need to be fair to those who have “trespassed against” me. This reading reminds me of the Our Father where the congregants say “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. I think it’s important to remember that I have done wrong probably as often as I have been wronged. That’s not always a pleasant fact to accept, but if I’m being fair and impartial I have to acknowledge it. And I think the only way to truly heal what damage remains in my soul is to understand that it is part of being human. That doesn’t mean I can’t work on improving it or attempting to make reparations to those I’ve wronged. It does mean I need to try being more clear sighted and impartial when looking at these past offenses.

The overall message I get from this reading is that my soul is not quite is damaged as I feared. There is still work to be done, but I truly believe that our journey through life is all about doing this work. If there’s nothing left to achieve then what’s the point. Despite the fact that the focus of this reading is mending a damaged soul, it has helped me realize that my soul is healing and transforming. I almost get the sense it’s like our lungs when we finally quit smoking. It may take years, but if we take care of our body there is every chance our lungs will return to a healthier condition. I think that’s where my soul is right now on its way to returning to its pink and healthy condition. It may bear some scars and damage that will never truly heal but that doesn’t mean it’s irreparably broken. That gives me a lot of hope and happiness.

Week 41 – Where does my life turn? (#TarotReading #MarseilleWaiteTarot #52WeekProject)

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I came across this quote by Nisargadatta Maharaj (1897 – 1981) in a meditation app I use “When I look inside and see that I am nothing, that is wisdom. When I look outside and see that I am everything, that is love. And between these two, my life turns.”. The concept appealed to me and I decided to do a 3 card reading based on these statements.

  • Where am I nothing? 5 des Deniers Rx
  • Where am I everything? Cavalier des Deniers
  • Where does my life turn? 9 des Deniers
5 des Deniers, Cavalier des Deniers & 9 des Deniers from the Marseille-Waite Tarot by Emmanuelle Iger

Wow! These cards rather took me by surprise. They feel very on target for my life right now. The 5 des Deniers Rx shows that I’m nothing on my own; that no one is an island. We all need support and assistance at some point in our lives. I think the 5 des Deniers Rx proves to me that I was wise to finally admit that I did need help, and to reach out for that help. My stubborn insistence on being a “rugged individualist” was causing more harm than good. Learning and accepting this finally gave me some wisdom.

I am everything in my search for meaning, for physical and financial satisfaction. I like that this Knight’s eyes are closed. He almost seems to be using the coin in his hand as a tool to help him find what he seeks, not as his goal. He takes his time and isn’t charging thoughtlessly ahead. He ponders, considers, and carefully plans his next move. His passion and excitement for exploring new ground is balanced by practicality, and a realistic understanding of circumstances and probabilities.

As exhibited by the 9 des Deniers, my life turns on my desire to be in my home, surrounded by my things, and living my life. Right now, from the perspective of financial stability and possessions, I seem to be in a solid position. However, the reality is I am a prisoner of these very things. I do own two homes, but one needs to be sold. I can’t do that because of the situation with my brother-in-law. My home has been beautifully renovated and gives me a sense of comfort and deep personal satisfaction whenever I am there. Unfortunately, I don’t get to spend a lot of time there right now. I think this card reminds me this is the final goal, and is one that will be achieved. It just may take a little bit more time and patience.

This reading is giving me a sense of hope because it shows that I am on the right path; that I’m doing the right things both for me and for my brother-in-law. I will eventually achieve my goal although it may be a slower process than I would like. I will eventually be able to live with “my things about me”, to paraphrase Maureen O’Hara in The Quiet Man. Patience is not usually my strong suit. All three of these cards being Earth cards suggest that this will be a slow process, but there will be progress.

Week 40 – Message of the Green Spirits (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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  • What message do the green spirits have for me?  5 of Pentacles
  • How can I best manifest this in my life right now?  Knight of Cups Rx
  • What will help me strengthen my connection to the green spirits?  The Chariot Rx
5 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups Rx & The Chariot Rx – The Herbal Tarot

The 5 of Pentacles suggest that the green spirits are letting me know this time of solitude and privation is necessary in order for me to lose my connection to things and start to spend more time focusing on who I am and who I want to be.  The connection of mugwort with this card may be showing that this is part of a healing process for me.  I think for many years I felt impoverished even when that was not the reality.  The lack of financial resources in my childhood has left its influence.  Mugwort suggests that I needed to go through this bitter time as a way to realign my system and be open to a new reality.  It’s time to sage my life so that the old negative influences can be swept away and make room for a stronger connection to the reality of what is around me right now.  The affirmation associated with this card is “I see the richness in my spirit and acknowledge my inner values.”  This seems very appropriate to where I am in my life right now.

The Knight of Cups Rx reinforces a similar message I’ve been receiving for the past few months – the answers I seek lie within my own heart.  As I’ve mentioned several times over the past few years, Cups have always been uncharted Territory for me.  Much of that is due to a childhood in which showing emotions or vulnerability often led to mockery or bullying.  So in order to avoid this situation, I donned very sick armor and acted as though the petty insults and slings of others didn’t bother me.  Unfortunately, I started to believe it myself.  Which led to many years of claiming “I don’t care” or “that doesn’t bother me”.  In reality it often bothered me a lot.  I started to believe that I couldn’t be hurt emotionally but the result of that was that I often cut myself off from emotional connections with people.  The only person I felt completely safe with from an emotional perspective was my husband.  Now he’s gone and if I don’t want to live an isolated, and very lonely, existence, I need to learn how to be more emotionally vulnerable with others so that I can form healthy relationships.  The affirmation associated with this card is “I create opportunities to share my thoughts and feelings with others.”  That is a key area of potential growth for me.   I think this reversed Knight of Cups shows that it’s safe to put down my armor for a while.  To start to look for ways that I can create a sense of trust and emotional vulnerability, that will allow me to be open to new relationships.  I also need to remember that just because I have removed the armor that doesn’t mean I’m discarding it completely. If the need arises I can always put it back on to protect myself depending upon the circumstances. According to the companion book one of the spiritual properties associated with sarsaparilla is “purification of the emotions and the associated ability to express clearly are most intimate thoughts and feelings with others.”. Perhaps a nice cup of sarsaparilla tea will help me in this endeavor.

The Chariot Rx shows that I still need to work on how to harness the energies of my will and steering the course of my life going forward. The herb associated with this is Cyperus. According to the companion book, its spiritual properties include teaching the way of the middle path and the capacity to regulate energy. In Chinese medicine it is seen as an important herb for regulating chi or bodily energy. I think what can help strengthen my tenuous connection to the green spirits is to listen to what they’re telling me. I think strengthening my connection to the green spirits has already helped me realize that it can be sensible to retreat. I’ve learned here is a delicate balance in life and trying to go against it can sometimes boomerang in negative ways. The way that I am going to learn how to steer the course of my own life will involve finding the middle path, and applying these lessons in practical ways. The key is realizing what my place is in this ecosystem and being careful not to disrupt things simply because it might benefit me. One of the key phrases associated with this card in the companion book is “needing to contact the watery part in oneself”. So obviously this also reinforces the message of the Knight of Cups. I need to create more balance within myself by embracing and acknowledging my emotional side. Working with the green spirits, and in this case I think that means reacquainting myself with herbal medicines, is a good place to start.

Week 39 – How can I bring Frith (Peace) into my life? (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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Earlier this week I drew the rune Jera as an omen. I decided to incorporate its energies into my reading for the week. Among other things, Jera represents “peace on the land and in the heart“. So I asked the universe how I can manifest this peace in my life and drew The Star Rx, 4 of Wands and Page of Cups.

The Star Rx, 4 of Wands and Page of Cups.

The Star Rx reminds me that I should never give up hope. I need to hold on to it within my heart and feel its healing waters wash over me. This card also reminds me that I’m still healing; I’m still in the process of grieving my husband’s death and determining what kind of life I want to create for myself moving forward. I need to still be gentle with myself and not try to force matters to suit some unwritten agenda.

The 4 of Wands shows me that continuing to connect with nature is another way to bring peace into my life. In the short time I’ve been paying more attention to the wildlife around me, I’ve come to appreciate the tenacity and courage of the small creatures – chipmunks, squirrels, small birds. There is so much out there that can threaten them and yet they endure. They managed to face the challenges and find paths that allow them to survive and thrive. They must experience loss and other potential miseries, but they still focus their energies on survival. I have to admire that quality. At the same, time I realize that one of the qualities of nature is that smaller critters are prey to larger critters. Pretty cats can be quite deadly to small animals. The crows I love to watch so much think nothing of feeding on smaller animals to survive. It is their nature and that is a lesson for me too.

The Page of Cups appears to once again point out that I need to continue the Journey of getting to know myself. I must continue exploring my emotions and embrace the fact that I’m human, I can, and most likely will, be hurt sometimes. Pretending that I don’t feel things deeply as a way of protecting myself is felt spectacularly, and I know that. The Page of Cups is letting me know that I need to explore new tools for dealing with my emotions; healthier, more balanced tools and techniques will be more beneficial. All I’ve managed to do by trying to build a huge wall to protect myself is become a cranky hermit. Not exactly the most well-balanced way to deal with life.

Once again these cards have reinforced messages I’ve received before, especially as it pertains to my own emotional healing and reconnecting with the world around me. A lot of this is beneficial to explore because right now I am rather limited in where I can go and what I can do. So, within those parameters, I need to find other ways to bring joy and peace in my life. Retail therapy is not a solution, despite my love of getting packages.

Week 38 – Bealtaine Spread (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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  1. What am I being asked to learn more about? King of Cups
  2. What is ready for release in this next seasonal cycle (from now until the next fire festival, Lughnasadh, in August)? 3 of Pentacles
  3. With this release, what am I making space for? Page of Cups Rx
  4. A card to ground me as I work with nature, rather than against. 4 of Wands Rx
King of Cups, 3 of Pentacles, Page of Cups Rx, & 4 of Wands Rx – The Herbal Tarot

The King of Cups reveals that what I’m being asked to learn more about is myself; my emotional needs; my relationships with others. I think it’s telling me that one of the areas I need to focus on more is my emotional connections with other people. For many many years I didn’t need anyone other than my husband. Now he’s gone, and I need to learn how to reconnect and form relationships and emotional bonds with others in a way that allows me to feel safe and able to express myself.

I think the 3 of Pentacles shows that I’m ready to release all the seeds that I have planted so far. All the hard work I’ve put into my current situation has laid the groundwork and results should begin to be seen. The creative endeavors I’ve been exploring now need to be nurtured and tended so they can grow and spring forth shoots.

The Page of Cups Rx reminds me that I’m making space for the simple internal Joy that can spring from discovering things that satisfy on an emotional level. Reconnecting with the childlike, simple happiness of coloring or drawing. Dancing just because it makes joy bubble up inside me. Connecting with friends because it makes me smile. I need to stop worrying so much about whether it’s good enough or if other people will like it and just do it for fun.

The 4 of Wands Rx with its fairy figures tending the plants reminds me of the connection I’ve developed to local wildlife since I began making daily offerings. It has helped me become more aware of the variety of small creatures that surround me every day and how in harmony they are with each other. Even when it seems harsh, there is a delicate balance to their interactions with each other and their environment. This card helps to remind me that I must be cautious not to make these wild critters dependent on me because that would throw the dance off kilter. At the same time, paying attention and watching them has made me more aware of the diversity existing even on this small little piece of land as well as reinforcing that I am also part of this web.

For me this reading reinforced previous messages that my focus needs to be on nurturing joy in my life as well as establishing new and tending existing emotional connections and relationships. It’s also giving me a sense that perhaps during this cycle some of the hard work I’ve been putting into the situation with my brother-in-law will finally show some results. And it reminds me that what is helping me to stay grounded is the connection I’ve been building with local wildlife through giving them offerings of food. Just that one little step shows me how important it is to maintain the dance; to remember I’m part of, not above, this web of life.

Week 37 – Conduits of Power Spread by Carolyn Cushing (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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Carolyn Cushing shared this spread in her blog post exploring the energies of this New Moon.  I recommend reading her post and considering how you handle and utilize power in your life too.  In America right now we’re seeing some of the results of unchecked power and abuses of power.   It made me consider how I contribute to, and resist, this paradigm.

  • POWER: What power desires to flow through me?  8 of Pentacles Rx
  • RECEIVING: How can I open to receive this power?  Page of Cups
  • RELEASING: How can I let it go?  10 of Pentacles
8 of Pentacles, Page of Cups & 10 of Pentacles – Herbal Tarot

The power desiring to flow through me is the power of putting my skills and knowledge to work; being able to embrace my inner craftsperson.  It’s the power of being able to share my experience with others.  Right now I’m still acquiring the skills, knowledge, and experience but I have the sense that soon I will have the opportunity to put my skill set to more practical use. Ginger is associated with this card which adds an element of igniting energy, and being more motivated to use my talents and constructive ways. Who knows? Perhaps this suggests that the power desiring to flow through me is that of becoming a teacher in some capacity.

The Page of Cups shows that the way I can be open to receive this power is by literally being more open emotionally; dipping my feet in the water of new experiences and letting go of my need to protect myself.  I need to trust in my inner nature and listen to my heart. Damiana can symbolize releasing self-consciousness and feeling more enthusiastic and self-confident. I need to believe in myself and embrace opportunities for growth, even if my initial efforts result in mistakes and stumbling around in ignorance. It’s the only way to truly learn.

The 10 of Pentacles tells me the way to let it go is to first fully embrace it. Then be willing to share it with others. I get the sense it’s telling me that I need to take stock of what skills I have and what knowledge I might be willing to share with others. The addition of Wild Yam to the energies of this card reinforce the message of accumulated energy and power; whose release will encourage the use of talents, gifts, and possessions for the greatest good (according to the companion book).

The message that I’m getting from this reading is that the power flowing through me that wants to be expressed is one of sharing, and teaching, and encouraging others, and myself at the same time. It’s about letting go of the skills and knowledge I hoard as I self-deprecatingly claim I have nothing. I think the first part is that I need to look at what I have that I can and would be willing to share. Then I need to consider how I might go about doing that. It may take some time simply because of the realities of what’s going on in my life, but it does open an intriguing pathway for me.

Week 36 – The Will-Fate-Fortune-Destiny Spread by Mary K. Greer (#TarotReading #ShiningTribeTarot #52WeekProject)

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The Will-Fate-Fortune-Destiny Spread by Mary K. Greer from 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters Vol 1 by Sheilaa Hite
  • My Current Will – The Lovers Rx
  • My Current Fate – 2 of Trees
  • My Current Fortune – 8 of Birds Rx
  • My Current Destiny – 5 of Stones
Shining Tribe Tarot

My current will, as represented by The Lovers Rx, is to not focus my energies on a relationship with anyone else.  I’ve already had a relationship with someone who was perfect for me and I lost him.  Part of the process of learning to live without him is realizing that by the very nature of our relationship I changed for him and he changed for me.  There are things I might have explored or pads I would have taken except I knew he had no interest in them.  It seemed unfair to try to subject him to participate in activities he wouldn’t enjoy.  He was always kind enough to extend that same courtesy to me.  I think what the lovers reversed to showing is that right now my conscious intent is to learn to love myself and to reconnect with the Divine side of my own nature.  Isn’t there a saying that before you can love someone else you need to learn to love yourself.  I think this car is showing that my focus right now is on learning to love myself more.

The 2 of Trees suggests that my current fate is to continue exploring my creative energies and outlets.  I think it will also be beneficial to find new people that can help me break through to the next level with regard to creativity.  People who can help me learn and expand my knowledge base.  Once again this is a message that has come up for me several times in the past few months so I think it’s reinforcing and reaffirming that this is the path I need to explore moving forward.

According to Rachel’s companion book, the 8 of Birds Rx can indicate the need to find a voice and unlock the doors in the self; a process of recovery and the release of blocks to creativity.  I think the appearance of this card reinforces the idea that happenstance is exactly how I’ve been processing things lately.  I have often found that synchronicity regularly applies in my life.  I discover new creative outlets or find a book I’m supposed to read exactly when I will be open, and ready, to utilize it.  I connect with specific people who can help me with a certain area in my life at just the right moment.  The very fact that I’ve been getting messages from my Tarot readings that help me with this process shows how this energy plays out in my life.

I’m headed to face my inner demons.  These ghosts like figures on the 5 of Stones strike me as scary until one is able to face them and receive their message.  Rachel describes this as a card of internal healing, and finding one’s personal values; recognizing your own power.  All of this has been part of my journey since losing my husband.  At the center of it is facing my own fears about being alone, and having to deal with things by myself.  At the same time, it also indicates that this is an opportunity for me to relearn what brings me joy outside of my relationship with my husband.  I realized in the last couple of months that our relationship was very much a closed unit.  We were very happy together but we also didn’t need anybody else.  Now I have to be open to new relationships because I’m learning that there is truth to the saying that no one is an island. This is especially true as it pertains to the situation with my brother-in-law. I’ve recently really realized that my own refusal to ask for help has resulted in me bearing additional burdens when I didn’t have to. As Dumbledore once told Harry Potter, help is always available at Hogwarts to those who ask.

This reading seemed to reinforce elements in my life that have already begun to manifest and have been coming into play. I see it more as a reaffirmation that I’m moving in the right direction than giving any earth-shattering revelations. It’s as if the Tarot gave me a cosmic “atta girl”. And I’ll take it!

Week 35 – Heron’s Message (#TarotReading #ShiningTribeTarot #52WeekProject)

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The water outside my in-laws’ house is occasionally visited by a heron (well, I think it’s the same heron). According to WorldBirds.com “The heron is often used as a symbol of grace and beauty. It is not hard to see why this is upon observing the fluid movements and stunning appearance of this bird. Beyond the physical body of the heron, these birds are often found in beautiful places as well. The harmonious regions where land and sea (or pond, lake, or river) meet is the heron’s home. Thus the heron represents three essential energies which exist in perfect balance: land, water, and sky.

The calm stillness of the heron of course represents peace and serenity. On top of this, the heron’s endless patience reminds us of the importance of waiting for opportunities to appear. Timing is a difficult thing to master, but everyone could learn a thing or two from watching the heron at work!”

I decided to focus this reading on heron’s liminal nature. So I pulled a card each to represent land, sea & sky (or physical, emotional and intellectual)

  • Land/Physical Realm – Gift of Trees
  • Sea/Emotional Realm – 4 of Stones
  • Air/Intellectual Realm – Knower of Trees
Gift of Trees, 4 of Stones & Knower of Trees from The Shining Tribe Tarot

The Gift of Trees reveals I need to merge knowledge about what is best for my physical health and combine it with the wisdom to use it in ways that will best help me. I think it’s a reminder that no one else is going to take care of my health except me. I often know what I should do, but that doesn’t mean I actually do it. This card suggests it’s time to change that pattern. Healthier eating is certainly one of the key elements of making this happen.

The 4 of Stones suggests that in order to move on to the next level of my emotional journey, I need to be willing to push past my comfort zone. I need to be willing to go through the doorway and explore uncharted territory. It’s a frightening prospect because dealing with emotions has always made me feel vulnerable and exposed. This is a recurring theme for me, and Heron is once again reinforcing it.

The Knower of Trees suggests I have a core burning within me that needs to learn and think. A core I need to nurture; to continue feeding and tending. My intellectual side needs to be supported in a way that keeps my inner passion and fire for knowledge and information burning. The blooming tree or flower at the core of the figure on this card suggests that pursuit of knowledge and information is at the core of who I am. It’s what inspires me to keep moving, and keep learning. It’s what enables me to grow and bloom as a person, and I need to take care of it to ensure it does not wither and die.

Heron seems to be letting me know that it’s time to make changes in my life that will transform things in a positive healthy way. I’ve been stuck in neutral for too long; allowing things to happen to me rather than taking control and trying to steer the course of my life. Moving forward it will prove more beneficial and enjoyable for me to be more focused and moving towards goals I want to achieve rather than just drifting.

Week 34 – Forgiveness (#TarotReading #ShiningTribeTarot #52WeekProject)

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When I was younger, I would listen to people talk about how forgiveness was healing and that it was to the benefit of the forgiver more than the one forgiven, and I snorted in disbelief. Like many teens and young adults, I was arrogantly sure that my righteous anger was better than any potential healing forgiving someone might bring. Needless to say, as with so many things, maturity has taught me the folly of that belief.

Several years back I was working for a non-profit agency. There was a supervisor there with whom I had a challenged relationship. Overall we seem to get along fairly well however whenever there was a situation in which he was my supervisor I seem to irritate him. I think he was concerned that my loyalty was not to him. To be fair, in some ways that was true because I did have other supervisors, and in many cases my loyalty was to them. But he never understood that I could be loyal to more than one person if I felt that that loyalty was also extended to me. I never felt that with this person. He eventually became the executive director of this non-profit agency and within a few years of his ascension I was fired. Allegedly it was because there was no money to continue funding my position. However, considering that after I was gone someone else took the exact same job I would have to question that. Needless to say, I was devastated for years after. It was very traumatic, and I held on to anger and hostility towards this person for many, many years.

Recently I reconnected with two co-workers from that agency. During the course of our conversation this person was mentioned. I knew he had been fired from the non-profit where we were a few years after me. I have no idea why he was let go, but I will admit to experiencing a sense of schadenfreude when I heard the news. While talking with my friend, she mentioned that he had been out of work for a few years and was having a difficult time finding a new job. Based on things I’ve heard about this person, he is his own worst enemy and unfortunately has a tendency to undermine himself. However when my friend mentioned that he was interviewing for a new position I found myself genuinely wishing him well. That’s when I realized, I had finally let go of my anger and forgave him. The truth is I might have let go of the anger years ago but had no reason to consider it. Now that I was looking at it, I understood that I had finally let It go and I felt better, lighter. I finally understood what people meant when they said forgiveness helped the forgiver as much as, or more than, the forgiven. So I decided to pull some cards to explore how this situation influenced me.

  • How did holding on to the anger benefit me? The Chariot
  • How did releasing the anger and forgiving help me? 8 of Rivers
  • How can I embrace this lesson and allow this healing energy to benefit me in the future? 2 of Trees
The Chariot, 8 of Rivers & 2 of Trees from The Shining Tribe Tarot

The Chariot shows me that the anger allowed me to feel I had control over the situation or that I had some ability to influence it in some way. It allowed me to create a “sour grapes” type of scenario and convince myself that the agency didn’t deserve me anyway. Holding on to the anger helped me create a mask to hide behind and avoid dealing with the feelings of hurt and betrayal.

In the 8 of Rivers, Rachel Pollack writes “the 8 of Rivers shows the powerful new self who emerges after the liberating effective anger or simply telling the truth. The card says: if you feel like a new person trusts the feeling”. I cannot imagine a more perfect card appearing in response to this question! I do feel liberated and freer. I feel as though I was able to release some of those inner demons haunting me; or better said take off the mask of anger I was hiding behind to reveal a truer self. By releasing the anger, I opened myself up to connecting to my emotions on a deeper level.

Rachel writes “The trees form a gate that opens to new experience. The image suggests a gateway, a moment in our lives when we feel opportunities open before us. Opening to a higher level of awareness”. I can embrace this lesson by seeing it as the opportunity that it is; embracing its potential for transformation. In Tarot, the twos often represent a partnership. In this instance, I think the 2 of Trees is showing me that what I need to partner my emotional and spiritual side so that I can embrace the opportunities this experience is presenting to me.

This experience has helped me shed the angry, emotionally immature part of myself, and will allow me to move forward with a less reactive, childish mindset. It also helped me realize that holding on to that anger was giving that person power over my life, something to which they have never been entitled. Was it a devastating experience? Yes. Was it a learning experience? Also, yes. Did it break me? No, it made me stronger. Holding on to the resentment and anger I felt towards this person created a narrative of victimhood, and I refuse to be a victim. Realizing that I am able to, and have, released it allows me to change that narrative.

Week 33 – Message of the Speaker of Stones (#TarotReading #ShiningTribeTarot #52WeekProject)

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I couldn’t think of what I wanted to focus on in my reading this week so I decided to pull a card from The Shining Tribe Tarot and create some questions based on the energies of the card. I drew the Speaker of Stones Rx, and developed these questions.

Speaker of Stones – The Shining Tribe Tarot
  • How can I unburden myself of some of the obligations & responsibilities I now carry?  The Chariot Rx
  • What blocks me from manifesting the reality I desire?  2 of Trees Rx
  • What advice can the Speaker of Stones offer?  The Sun Rx
The Chariot Rx, 2 of Trees Rx, and The Sun Rx – The Shining Tribe Tarot

The way I can unburden myself, according to The Chariot Rx, is to start taking charge of the direction my life is taking; advocate for myself. This card reminds me that, despite the protestations otherwise, the people involved in finding placement for my brother-in-law do not have my best interests at heart. Once again, to be fair to them, that’s not their job. So I need to take a stand, pick up the reins, and make sure that I’m moving my life in the direction that I want. If I keep waiting for them to make the necessary changes, I’m going to be stuck in stasis for a long time.

The 2 of Trees Rx reminds me of previous messages I’ve received indicating that I need to start building a team to help me. I need to find sympathetic collaborators to aid me in resolving this current situation. That’s the only way I will be able to manifest the future and reality I desire.

The Speaker of Stones reminds me, once again, that I need to change things if I want to have my day in The Sun. I have all the potential necessary to be able to shine, and have opportunities for success and achievement. I can’t manifest them right now because my reality is so limited and I’m still buried under my obligations. I feel rather like a seed that’s too far beneath the Earth, and can’t feel the sun’s rays. The only way I can change that is to start digging myself out from under it.

Overall, I think this reading shows that the possibilities are there, the potential exists, for me to take the steps necessary to release my burdens. However in order to do this I need to take action and not wait for things to happen on their own timetable. The truth of the matter is no one is going to save me from this but me.