Blue Moon

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In honor of the second Full Moon this month, this one in Pisces, I decided to try this spread I found online.

Queen of Wands Rx, Strength Rx, Ace of Wands Rx – Animal Totem Tarot

It’s interesting that all three cards I pulled are reversed. To me, this serves as a reminder that even if I can’t take active steps right now that doesn’t mean that there isn’t work to be done. By tending the seeds now, I will have created a solid foundation upon which to build when I’m ready and able to move forward.

The Queen of Wands Rx reminds me that if I don’t nurture my inner spark, tend my creativity and Spirituality, I won’t be able to manifest it more fully when the situation has changed. She’s also a reminder that down time is essential and not lazy. We need to recharge the batteries. We need to allow internal resources to build back up or we run the risk of running out of gas. I think of how active and fierce lionesses are when on the hunt or protecting their young. This expenditure of energy is offset by times of resting in the sun to allow themselves to recharge the batteries. Right now, I’m recharging the batteries.

Strength Rx reminds me that no matter how strong I think I am physically or emotionally, we all hit a breaking point. I have to keep reminding myself that I do not need to go through all of this alone I don’t need to pull that cart without support and assistance. What I will gain if I allow myself the opportunity to actively rest and recharge my batteries, rather than just falling into a state of ennui, is a mental shift that will allow me to embrace the opportunities to accept and seek assistance and support from those who might be willing to offer it. This will not only allow me to occasionally put down this burden it will also help me make a more realistic assessment of my resources and how to allocate them.

The Ace of Wands Rx shows that if I don’t embrace this opportunity to actively rest and recharge my batteries I will find my creative spark dimmed; trapped and unable to be freed and expressed. Even though this Firefly offers a light in the darkness it can’t go where it wants to go because it is being harnessed for someone else’s purposes. I’m tired of being harnessed for other people’s purposes. The way to actively change this is to accept that I’m entitled to relax sometimes; I’m entitled to downtime. I’m entitled to ask for help when I need it and not shoulder the burden all by myself. I may joke that I’m “strong like bull, worth many ponies”, but the truth is I’m not a bull; and even a bull’s strength can only last for so long unless it’s given time to recuperate.

New Moon in Leo Reading using The Animal Totem Tarot

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I found this spread in Carolyn Cushing’s Soul Path Sanctuary newsletter.  I have always loved the synchronicity of the Full Moon falling in the zodiac sign opposite the Sun’s, and falling into the same sign when New.

WILD LOVE: What wild love is emerging from your heart right now?  The Hermit Rx
 
FEAR: How to work with any fear that emerges from your embrace of this wild love?  King of Swords Rx
 
ACTION: What is the best action to take this moonth to feed this wild love?  The Emperor
 

There Hermit Rx, King of Swords Rx & The Emperor – The Animal Totem Tarot

I think the wild love emerging from my heart right now is a love for the journey; for the process. Most of my life I’ve needed external validation. I was the good student who always got excellent grades. I would learn how to adapt myself so that I did things the way the supervisor wanted. It was basically all about the end goal for me. The reality of my life is that the last few years have been sorely lacking in end goals. In fact my biggest end goal, retiring with my husband, is completely off the table now. So I’m trying to work on embracing the journey and not being so focused on achieving specific goals. The Hermit also reminds me that I’ve become much more comfortable with doing things on my own. I’ve always had a strong introverted streak but lately dealing with people can sometimes be a burden. I think The Hermit is reminding me that one of the points of The Hermit’s role is to share the knowledge discovered with others who may want to follow that path. So, perhaps, in addition to embracing the process, I need to embrace the idea of sharing that process with others.

When I first saw the King of Swords Rx in response to this question, I immediately thought I would mentally wrestle those fears into submission; exert my intellectual mastery over it. However, upon further reflection I think my response should be the complete opposite of that. I think the King of Swords Rx is reminding me that sometimes trying to soar above things creates a distance that doesn’t actually help one deal with the situation. At the same time it does allow one to get some distance and perspective on the situation. I think this King of Swords Rx reveals the need to get some distance, to look back over my past and see the origins of these fears, so that I can deal with them in a more rational, logical way rather than allowing them to overwhelm me.

The Emperor suggests that the way to feed this wild Love is to ensure that I have what I need; that I gather all the tools and support systems that will help me continue along this path moving forward. If I want to become the leader of my own life rather than be subjected to the whims of fate or chance, then I need to actually step up and become the leader of my own life. Sometimes it’s easier to take the past of least resistance. The Emperor is showing me that this is not the best way for me to proceed. I need to approach this with a sense of purpose and determination. At the same time I need to be realistic and prepared for my own inner resistance. I think the thing is often easy to lose sight of is the fact that most things in our lives need to constantly be tended and reinforced and repaired. Just because one particular battle has finished doesn’t mean another battle doesn’t wait on the horizon. It’s kind of like democracy. In order for it to drive we need to be eternally vigilant to threats against it. If I don’t want to backslide with the progress I’ve made so far I need to continue tending it, protecting it, and guarding it

I found that this message was slightly more challenging than I thought it would be. Although my 52 week project is completed, obviously this reading is telling me that doesn’t mean the journey is done. If I don’t want to lose the progress and insights I’ve gained then I need to continue along this path. So here’s to another 52 weeks of insight and sharing that I hope helps others as much as it helps me.

Week 52 – Last Look (#TarotReading #GreenwoodTarot #52WeekProject)

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So, this is my final week of my 52 week project. I’m actually rather impressed that I stuck with it. I might have posted a few of my entries late but I did do them weekly. It’s also been a very interesting experience reviewing the various messages I’ve received from the cards. So I decided to take this opportunity to think about what might take away should be from this project.

Page of Stones, Knight of Wands Rx, Greenman, Wheel of Fortune Rx, & 4 of Stones – The Greenwood Tarot

The Page of Stones suggests that what needs to stay with me is being open to learning new things; to staying a student at heart, especially when it comes to learning new things about myself. Looking at this image, it also speaks to me of coming out of my shell and learning who I am and how to be in this new phase of my life. It also reminds me to keep nurturing the connection to the natural world around me that I have been slowly establishing because this nourishes my spirit too.

The Knight of Wands Rx tells me that this experience has changed me by reconnecting me in a deeper way with my creative side. Since using this deck, I’ve established a very interesting connection with Fox energy. So it’s especially appropriate that the fox represents the Knight of Wands in this deck. I know Fox can often be seen as sneaky and a trickster, but for me it has come to symbolize creativity, playfulness, quick-wittedness, and an ability to only be seen when I want to be seen. Prior to what I have learned about myself during this 52 week project, I was not tending my creative and spiritual side. I wasn’t allowing myself to explore new creative outlets and embracing my spirituality in a way that felt organic and holistic to me, rather than trying to follow someone else’s example.

The Green Man shows that one of the things I need to work on releasing is a sense of dominance and control over every aspect of my life. There are just too many things out of my direct control, and I’m learning to accept and embrace it. I think the energy on this card also reinforces the idea of becoming an organic component of my environment, rather than imposing my will on it. The idea that humans exert any permanent control over our environment is a fallacy, as Mother Nature regularly proves.

The Wheel of Fortune Rx reminds me that I still need to stop struggling against change. Although I have gotten better, I still have moments of raging against this newfangled world and rhapsodizing about the good old days. The truth is even in the good old days I complained about something. Just as in the present time, there are things that I both liked and disliked about the past. There will be things I like and dislike about the future. But the fact of the matter is that, whether I like them or not, changes are going to occur. I can’t stop them. All I can do is manage how I adapt to them.

And, finally, the 4 of Stones reminds me that once I have a safe base from which to venture forward I will feel more comfortable taking on new challenges and exploring new realms of interest. I think this is referring to the fact that my foundation is a little shaky because things are still so up in the air regarding the situation with my brother-in-law. It can be very difficult to build something when the foundation underneath your feet keeps shifting. When I am able to feel that there is some security and stability in my life I think that will enable me to be willing to take more chances and risks.

This 52-week project was very interesting. I got a lot of readings that gave me some insight into aspects of myself that I have avoided embracing. I hope anyone who was following along found it helpful. Now on to the next phase.

Week 51 – Small Improvements (#TarotReading #GreenwoodTarot #52WeekProject)

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Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. This is one reason why meaningful change does not require radical change. Small habits can make a meaningful difference by providing evidence of a new identity. And if a change is meaningful, it is actually big. That’s the paradox of making small improvements. – James Clear

  • What am I not seeing about the type of person I am right now? Queen of Cups
  • What type of person can I become? Queen of Stones Rx
  • What small habits will help this change? 10 of Arrows Rx
Queen of Cups, Queen of Stones Rx & 10 of Arrows Rx – The Greenwood Tarot

The Queen of Cups seems to be telling me I’m more connected to my emotions, and the emotions of others, than I’d like to admit. She might even be reminding me that, despite protests to the contrary, I do work well with psychic energy; that I’m more open to receiving wisdom and input from the energies around me than I realized. Messages from Cups have been appearing for me quite regularly during this year-long exercise. Perhaps this Queen is reinforcing that I’m already hearing, and heeding, their messages.

The Queen of Stones shows that I have the potential to be at one with the Earth and solidly grounded in my home place. This will enable me to be at peace and feel secure and protected. I think the reason she’s reversed right now is because completing this transformation will require me to move back into my own home. This card makes me hopeful that it will happen soon even if it’s not in the immediate future.

To me, the 10 of Arrows Rx is letting me know that the small habits that will help my change will involve changing the way I think and seeing things from a different perspective. I think this card is not just about improving how I communicate with others, but also being open to sharing knowledge in a way that will prove helpful and healing not just instructional. It’s reminding me to communicate, not pontificate. I have realized that there are people I care very deeply about but I’m not always good at communicating that. I also feel that I have a tendency towards “know-it-all” ness that can be off-putting. Considering the weather nurturing and supportive energies represented by Cups and Stones, I think the arrows are telling me it might be helpful to put away my pointy barbs, and try to expand my methods of communicating.

Week 50 – Hereditary (#TarotReading #GreenwoodTarot #52WeekProject)

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Similar to last week’s endeavor, this week my friend and I developed a reading based on the movie Hereditary. We both found ourselves fascinated with the themes of how what a family worships can impact successive generations and what we inherit as a result. So we combined our little gray cells and came up with the following reading.

10 of Cups Rx, King of Stones Rx, 10 of Wands – The Greenwood Tarot

My immediate reaction upon seeing these cards was feeling a bit unsettled at how accurate it was in many respects. Both sides of my family tended to pursue an illusory goal of happiness that ultimately resulted in a lot more unhappiness. The 10 of Cups Rx certainly seems to support and reinforce this concept. Instead of the happiness pouring down upon us, whatever Joy might be in our lives seems to get rerouted or sucked out of us. Quite frankly, there is also a tendency to focus on what goes wrong rather than whatever positives remain in our lives. Ss well as a proclivity for relying on alcoholic substances to self medicate.

The King of Stones Rx, especially as symbolized by a horse (a hard-working, solid workhorse) holds a lot of significance. To me, the horse on this card is not a thoroughbred. It’s a sturdy, reliable workhorse. This also fits with the description I would give of the women in my family. I have often joked that we don’t domesticate well. We’re pretty hopeless at interior decorating, entertaining and housekeeping. However, we’re really good at putting up with useless husbands, ungrateful children, and hard work. We might never be the ones you ask for a recipe or tips about table settings. We are a group of women who have learned how to make do with what’s available and figure out how to keep moving forward. At the same time, I acknowledge this inheritance without claiming it. I am reliable, stable and responsible without allowing myself to be abused or mistreated. I may be a workhorse but I’m a damned Clydesdale!

And, of course, it makes perfect sense with what I wrote in the previous paragraphs that my legacy is one of bearing the burden; of taking on the responsibility. That is exactly what my family taught me. At the same time, I know that a time to lay down these burdens is in the future. In the meantime, I’m willing and capable of doing the work necessary to maintain and tend my own fire, my creative spark and my spiritual energy.

My family has left me a complex and rich legacy, but one whose usable fibers need to be teased out from the waste. To create a beautiful tapestry from my legacy, I need to be willing to do this work.

Week 49 – The Babadook (#TarotReading #GreenwoodTarot #52WeekProject)

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This reading was inspired by a conversation a friend and I had about the movie The Babadook. We were talking about whether the creature was real or a manifestation of the mother’s unresolved emotional and psychological issues. We talked about whether the ending was showing a resolution to these issues. Which made us wonder how we keep our unresolved issues hidden in the basements of ourselves. So we created this reading.

  • What is hidden in my basement? 8 of Wands
  • How am I feeding it? Death
  • How can I make peace with it? Knight of Wands
8 of Wands, Death & Knight of Wands – Greenwood Tarot

The 8 of Wands shows that what is hidden in my basement is my fear and wariness towards my creative and spiritual energy. I think it represents my concern about showing all my fire; showing my creativity, my achievements. It reflects my reluctance to reveal all my potential; what I’m capable of accomplishing. It symbolizes my reluctance to embrace and accept how powerful I am. I think, like a lot of people, I’m cautious about being all that I can be because in the past that has led to resentment and anger from people I considered friends. I have no doubt that I am not alone in this experience. I think for many of us, embracing and accepting and celebrating how powerful we truly are can be terrifying. We’re all like fireworks that have the potential to explode in the night sky, illuminating the darkness but we resist because we’re afraid that our radiance will alienate us from others.

Death suggests I’m feeding this hidden creative energy by the life I’m living right now, post my husband’s death. I’m using the transformative energy inherent in Death to transition to a different phase in my life; a phase that would have gone unexplored except for the dramatic change caused by losing my husband. As other roads closed due to his loss new ones opened up and now is my opportunity to see where they take me. This transformation is allowing me to experiment with watercolor and gouache painting; working with pastels and other art media, even urban sketching. I’m considering taking classes once I have the free time, which is not something I would have considered before. So although I may not be ready to share the results of this creative exploration at least I am exploring.

The Knight of Wands shows that I can make peace with my fear of creativity and energy by being curious and quick-witted; being willing to take chances as I’m exploring this previously uncharted territory. It reminds me to take joy in the process and not allow a desire for perfection to spoil the fun of making mistakes. Foxes are also excellent it’s staying hidden in plain sight. I know there have been a few times when I have spotted a fox outside my home only to see it vanish when it realizes it’s been seen. This is telling me that I don’t have to show my creative energy to anybody until I’m ready to do so. It’s okay to stay hidden until I feel the time is right.

Overall, I think this reading reinforces the idea that the biggest monster we often face in our lives is our own fears and self-doubts. We often allow them to become so large and looming that we feel we cannot escape their presence. What this reading shows me is that I can face those fears and I can find a way to make peace with them.

Week 48 – Healing (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #52WeekProject)

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  • What expectations need to be let go?  3 of Wands Rx
  • What beliefs need to be let go?  5 of Swords Rx
  • What will help me manifest who I am?  8 of Wands

The 3 of Wands Rx points out that I don’t need to wait for help to arrive; for my ship to come in. My life does not need to be on hold. I think the expectation I need to release is that someone else is going to come along and help me figure out a strategy to move things along. At the same time, this card reminds me that I still need support and help on occasion. Although I would like to pretend I’m perfectly capable of doing things by myself, in reality I do need assistance. So the expectations I need to let go of are the ones I keep imposing on myself. I don’t need to be a rugged individualist and handle all of the things I’m dealing with in my life by myself.

The 5 of Swords Rx points out that I can put down my sword at any time. I can let go of my belief that I always have to be on guard to protect myself. I can release the belief that everything has to be an argument or a debate. I can move away from needing to be victorious towards being whole, and release the belief that every confrontation needs an aggressive response.

The 8 of Wands shows me that what will help me manifest who I am is being open to new ideas, new energy, new experiences. Once I’m able to lay down my arms and release the expectations and beliefs that don’t serve me anymore I can be more open to embracing and exploring new ones. I can try things I never would have considered before and allow myself to fully embrace the entire experience whether I do well at it or not. I’m finally learning to accept and understand that it really is about the journey.

This reading actually is pointing out things that I’ve already noticed but not fully explored. One of the biggest challenges I’ve been facing is the idea that I’m being given an opportunity to explore paths that would have been closed to me had my husband lived. That’s not necessarily bad or good it simply is. Just as the fact that there are pads that are now close to me that would still be there if he were still with me. It’s both terrifying and exhilarating and I look forward to exploring this uncharted territory. At the same time, some of the behaviors and beliefs that have served me in the past no longer do. I need to release them and leave them behind so that I can develop new responses and new beliefs, and create new expectations for myself.

Week 47 – Rain, River, Ocean (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #52WeekProject)

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  • Rain: Luck or circumstances, what is “raining” on you – 9 of Cups Rx
  • River: Motion, action or direction – The World
  • Ocean: Ultimate outcome, purpose – Temperance
Pam’s Vintage Tarot

Drawing the 9 of Cups again this week, although reversed, intrigues me.  Is what’s raining on me connected to my narrative from last week’s reading?   That makes a certain kind of sense.  If these readings are a progression indicating how far I’ve come and what still remains to be accomplished, then turning my narrative on its head might result in some unexpected things raining down on me.  Or perhaps it’s indicating that my narrative needs to change because it no longer reflects my reality or my dreams.  I think part of this process I’m still working through is to help me realize what new dreams I want to pursue and consider how to achieve them.  The 9 of Cups Rx seems to reflect that the emotional satisfaction and contentment I have tried to portray isn’t serving me, and prevents me from moving forward to the next phase.

The first thing I noticed about The World is that they appear to be looking back towards the 9 of Cups Rx.  At the same time, their body seems to be moving forward.  To me this reflects that in order to move forward we need to be aware of how far we’ve come and embraced our past.  I’ve always liked the concept of the future as expressed in Norse mythology.  It’s not presented as something woven into the fabric of reality that it is immutable.  Instead it is portrayed as “that which is becoming”.  I can appreciate this because it’s a reminder that everything we do today impacts the choices that will be available to us tomorrow. The World seems to be reinforcing that by physically having the person’s head turned back towards the road they have come down, while still walking towards whatever awaits in the future. I also find it interesting that The Lion and the bull are both looking out of the card directly at me. This is especially pertinent to me because my sun sign is Leo and a dear friend, with whom I chat almost every day, is a Taurus. One of the things we’ve both been working on is making changes to the patterns in our lives. That seems to connect with these two figures staring out at me.

Temperance as the ultimate outcome seems almost inevitable. Which rather contradicts what I said in the previous paragraph regarding the future being that which is becoming. However I have often drawn Temperance as something I need to strive for in my life. Moderation, the middle path, blending and mixing different aspects of myself are all things I’ve tried to avoid. In fact I have been known to even deny that there is a need for it. One of the things I’ve learned over the course of these weekly readings is that reconnecting with my emotional nature, my Cups side, is essential for continuing to grow and embrace what awaits. As I’ve mentioned many times my relationship with Cups is tricky. Looking at how the figure concentrates as water pours from one cup to the other suggests that the ultimate goal of all of this is to embrace my Cups side, and balance it so that it’s not ignored but not overwhelming either. I’ve already started dipping my toe in the water of healing . Temperance is showing me that if I continue down this path I will eventually achieve balance and the ability to blend the disparate parts of my personality into a healthy balanced whole.

Of course when I chose this spread it didn’t occur to me that the fact that all of the positions pertain to water also ties in with the work that I’m doing for myself right now. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the message I received is one of positive reinforcement and encouragement to continue this journey and this process. The presence of two major arcana cards reinforces the idea that this is a lesson that I need to learn, perhaps my overarching goal in life, for right now at least.

Week 46 – What reality is my own narrative attempting to escape?  (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #52WeekProject)

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  • What is my narrative?  9 of Cups
  • What is my reality?  2 of Wands
  • How can I merge them?  King of Cups
Pam’s Vintage Tarot

Believe it or not I developed this question after reading this line in a book about folk horror movies.  After reading the sentence I just thought it would make an awesome tarot reading for this week.  When I saw the cards that I drew I realized this reading was giving me more insight than I anticipated.

Having the 9 of Cups appear as my narrative suggests that I’m trying to convince myself that I’m okay with my current reality.  That I’m happy and content with what I have, indeed maybe even a little smug because of how well I’m handling things.  It reflects that I’m trying to convince myself, and others, that I’m okay, I’m handling things in a mature, calm manner, but in reality I’m not. In fact, it strikes me that the figure crossing his arms is a self-soothing gesture. No one else is there to comfort him, so he must comfort himself. He’s distracting attention away from how he really feels by arraying all the cups behind him so that people will look at the cups and not at his own body language.

The 2 of Wands appearing as my reality suggests that I’m selling myself a fairy tale.  I know usually the 2 of Wands refers to some type of a creative project or partnership, and I certainly think that can  apply me right now.  I have been looking for ways to express my creative energy in a more positive and focused way.  On a deeper level, I also think it’s reflecting that I’m still searching for what I lost when my husband died.  I’m not looking for a new romantic partnership I’m looking to find traces of his energy still remaining in the world around me.  I’m still trying to find a connection to him. He, literally, was my world and I still miss him.  He always had my back and supported me. No matter how happy I try to pretend to be, or indeed genuinely feel, I’m still grieving.  Trying to distract myself with creative projects, or trying to create a narrative that I’m happy and content with my life now, is me trying to fake it until I make it.

The King of Cups shows that the way to merge my narrative with my reality is to listen to my heart; to continue on my current healing path and counsel myself in ways that support that healing. It could refer to actually seeing a therapist at some point down the road. However I know myself well enough to know I am not open to listening to the advice of a stranger right now. On a positive note I do have friends that I can bounce ideas off and brainstorm with who will call me on my bullshit. I do sometimes need a reality check because, like many of us, I often delude myself about what’s really going on in my life. Listening to my heart and nurturing my healing will help me reduce this tendency.

Week 45 – Stoplight Spread (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #52WeekProject)

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  • 1.  Green light: Something to pursue with speed – Page of Swords
  • 2.  Yellow light: Approach this with caution – 8 of Pentacles Rx
  • 3.  Red light: Something to be avoided – 7 of Pentacles Rx
7 of Pentacles Rx, 8 of Pentacles Rx & Page of Swords – Pam’s Vintage Tarot

The Page of Swords tells me that I need to start pursuing new ideas, new mental challenges, and a new way to sharpen the saw. To me this card speaks of needing to challenge myself intellectually; to find new ways of thinking about myself. I think this is a reminder that I should start exploring pursuing additional educational pathways. Looking into art classes I might enjoy or explore pursuing a new degree. I think the important thing about the Page is that it represents new experiences and taking things in a new direction.

To me the 8 of Pentacles Rx is a reminder that I need to get beyond seeing myself in the past. The perception that there are no new challenges for me because I’ve already mastered what I’m going to master in this life is a fallacy. It’s a mindset I need to avoid because it will limit me, and prevent me from exploring new territory and new challenges. I think it also reminds me that, going forward, my decisions do not have to be based on what I’ve accomplished in the past or financial considerations. I have a bit more flexibility, and the freedom, to try things that might not have an immediate financial benefit because that doesn’t have to be my priority right now.

The 7 of Pentacles Rx ties in with the message of the 8 of Pentacles Rx. It’s a warning not to rest on my laurels; not to spend the time I have left reflecting on past achievements and past glories because there are future ones waiting ahead. If I think that there are no new challenges awaiting no unchartered areas to explore, then in many respects I’m giving up. I will be in danger of calcifying and stagnating. If I want to keep expanding my horizons and knowledge base then I need to keep finding new interests and new pathways to reinvigorate and re-energize me. I don’t want to become a living mummy.

Overall this reading is showing me that there’s still a lot left for me to learn, and explore, and try. Well I may be at a point in my life where I could successfully teach that doesn’t mean that there’s no longer anything new for me to learn. I think that can sometimes be a danger to us as we get older. We think we know it all and there’s nothing new to teach us. Although I have no problem being cantankerous and cranky, I don’t want to be that person who thinks they know everything only to realize they know nothing and have missed the opportunities to learn.