Tag Archives: Home & family

Week 29 – Like a Mountain Spread (#TarotReading #WheelofChangeTarot #52WeekProject)

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Like a Mountain Spread by Stevie Converse from Sheilaa Hite’s 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters

I found this spread in Sheilaa Hite’s 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters.  It looked intriguing and I decided this was something I needed to focus on this week.  So, I shuffled my Wheel of Change Tarot deck, and drew the following cards.

The Tower Rx, Ace of Wands, 10 of Disks & The High Priestess from The Wheel of Change Tarot

I have to admit, I always love when I get these kinds of readings.  The message just seemed so clear to me.  The Tower reversed is showing the nature of the storm is that I have already lost one of the most important things in the world to me – my hubby.  And now I’m dealing with the aftermath of that loss from a practical perspective, an emotional perspective, every possible perspective.  Especially as it pertains to trying to make arrangements for future care of my brother-in-law.  This is the mess that I have been left to clean up after my world has fallen down around me.  That is the storm which has been consuming my life for the last 2 years.

The 10 of Disks appearing in response to bedrock of support seems both revealing and a bit confusing.  From a financial perspective, things will be fine once everything is back on track.  My husband always made it a priority to try to ensure that I would be in a solid financial position if something happened to him.  However, looking at all the drums on this card, it also shows me that some of the bedrock is not as stable as it might appear.  There are people involved in this situation who are beating their drums, promising to help, and in reality they’re creating a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. The truth is, it’s very easy to pay lip service to something and much more challenging to actually follow through.  I do have the support of friends and family, but there is a limit to what they can do.  Some of them do not live near me or they have their own responsibilities that need attending.  I think some of these extraneous drums refer to some of the people whose job it is to help find a new residence for my brother-in-law.  The ones who promise they’re doing everything they can, and yet there’s been absolutely no progress.  Interesting.

The Ace of Wands as my shelter from the storm tells me that my creative and spiritual endeavors are what will help me get through this with my sanity intact.  I think this reinforces the benefits of my renewed daily spiritual practice as a very healing tool.  It also makes me feel a little less guilty about some of the splurging I’ve done recently on art supplies.  I might have been indulging in some retail therapy; I might have been preparing myself to explore new artistic endeavors. Time will tell.

And, last but certainly not least, the rainbow after the storm is The High Priestess.  I think she’s telling me that everything that I am going through, all of the tools I’m using to help me process & manage my stress, my grief & my frustration, will ultimately leave me with a much better understanding of myself, and a deep inner knowledge of who I am, and who I am becoming.

I found this to be a very positive reading for me.  It reinforces that although things are difficult right now, and I will need to beat my own drum more, things will work out for the best.  I may need to take some action to clear away the drums that aren’t playing my tune, despite what they claim, but I think I can handle it.

Week 21 – The Show Must Go On Spread  (#TarotReading #SlavicLegendsTarot #52WeekProject)

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Where have I wasted time?  7 of Swords Rx – I wasted time reclaiming my autonomy and freedom. I allowed external forces to determine how I spent my time and now I need to reclaim that power. I also need to fully accept that this is the right path to take. Part of the reason I let things go on as long as I did was because I felt obligated to care for my brother-in-law and guilty at the idea of having him removed from what has been his home. I need to remember that, as I’ve mentioned to several friends, I’m the sanitation worker cleaning up after the parade. I had nothing to do with deciding the parade route or who would be marching in the parade but I’m left cleaning up the crap after everyone’s gone. Discard is telling me it’s time to get over that mindset.

What walls need to be torn down to let me out?  3 of Wands – I need to stop being an observer in my own life and realize these agencies helping my brother-in-law aren’t working on this project with me. This isn’t a collaboration between us. They’re using me as a tool and keeping me stuck on that pier because it suits their purposes. There’s no malice behind this, but I need to break free and take a more active role in creating the life I want.

What will help me escape?  Queen of Cups Rx – I need to love myself more and protect my heart. It’s time to get more in touch with my inner emotional landscape and not let my feelings be used against me. On several occasions the agencies trying to find a residence for my brother-in-law have tried using guilt to get me to do things. I need to be aware when this happens and not succumb to it.

What if I let the show go on?   King of Coins Rx – If I let the show go on I will be broke both financially and physically. I’m putting my physical and financial well-being at risk because I’m trying to work with the social service agencies trying to help my brother-in-law. I think with this card is reminding me is that I need to be careful not to overextend myself. I can only do what I can do.

7 of Swords Rx, 3 of Wands, Queen of Cups Rx & King of Coins Rx – The Slavic Legends Tarot

One other thing that I found very interesting about this reading is that I drew a card from each of the four minor suits. This suggests to me that, overall, dealing with this situation is going to require balance between the various aspects of myself but that this isn’t a big picture issue. There’s no overarching life lesson that needs to be learned. It’s simply a day-to-day issue and I need to approach it in a calm, grounded and loving way. What I need to keep uppermost in my mind is that I need to treat myself the same way as the others involved in this.

#MessageoftheDay 7 of Cups, Ace of Pentacles & Wheel of Fortune (#SecretForest Tarot)

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Well, two days in a row – a new record for me. Once again I decided to simply ask my guides/guardians for insight and guidance. I drew these three cards:

They suggest that there is a lot hidden beneath the surface that is being circled around but not addressed. There will be new growth and prosperity after this has moved on because that is the nature of things. The cycle will once again begin working its way upwards, however that doesn’t mean the danger is over.

As I reviewed this reading, I realized this could refer to the changes taking places in families right now.  Social media is filled with posts if parents and children building stronger relationships due to forced social distancing.  We’re mandated to slow down and some are using this opportunity to reconnect with their families; learning to appreciate the often thankless responsibilities teacher handle every day.

Maybe the growth and changes will be in how we interact with each other moving forward.  Consider all those familial issues we were able to ignore before.  We treaded water rather than diving down to find their origins.  This might be our chance to root out the weeds and allow more healthy, nurtured, nourished relationships to bloom forth.  Of course, we might also learn that in some instances things are unsalvageable.   Although that may prove painful to accept, it will also provide an opportunity to cut away what is rotted and festering and allow a healthier life and relationships in the future.

Growth and change can be scary but they can also provide opportunities for healing and growth.  Only we can decide how to handle it.

#ChattingwithTarot – 10 of Pentacles, Ace of Cups Rx + Knight of Cups Rx (#Dreamkeepers #Tarot)

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Today I enjoyed a cuppa Harney & Sons Malachi McCormick blend while chatting with my ancestors. We had quite the chat.

Their message, “Nitwit! You’re missing the point! Instead of looking at the whole picture you’re focusing on details. Open your eyes, look inside your heart. What you seek can’t be found without but only within.”. This was followed by a metaphorical smack upside the head.

So, clearly, I was misinterpreting my ancestors’ message as far as the 10 of Pentacles is concerned because it kept coming up. So I did something I rarely do, looked in the companion book. The first sentence was “Honor the endowment of your roots.” D’oh! 🤦 The author then goes on to discuss how we need to connect with our roots so that we can then move forward and express that energy in our lives; ground ourselves so we can soar.

That makes do much sense because one of the motivating factors that influenced my taking on a caregiver role for both my mother-in-law and brother-in-law is that’s how my mother’s family did it. That’s what I saw growing up. In her later years, my great-grandmother suffered from some type of dementia and I watched my mother’s aunts and uncles rally round and take care of her so she could stay at home. My great-grandmother wasn’t relegated to the sidelines either. Despite her inability to fully comprehend what was going on, she sat at the dinner table with us, she was there when we sang Happy Birthday, she was there for holiday celebrations. So my experience growing up was that when family members were in bad shape those that could picked up the slack. That is how I continue to live my life.

My ancestors are reminding me that this is my inheritance but it doesn’t have to be my jail cell. I can still find ways to enjoy my life; find things that bring me joy and make my spirit soar. Right now, I’m restricted to things that I can do within the house and with limited flexibility and freedom but that doesn’t mean I can’t try. The key is looking within myself and changing my perceptions. I understand that focusing on the negative just enhances it, but sometimes I forget. So, what I need to do is focus on the positive; retrain myself to fully embrace the little things in my life that make me happy. I can also be a little more patient with myself when I lose sight of this.

#Supernatural #WaywardTarot – Dean worries about Sammy attending Stanford

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This is companion reading to the one I posted the other day helping Sam Winchester explore how to make his family more supportive about his desire to go to Stanford. This time I’m helping Dean try to figure out how to handle Sammy’s plan to leave.

My brother, Sammy, wants to go to college and I’m worried. Our family life has been unusual and as a result we’re often in the crosshairs of some pretty nasty things. As long as Sammy stays with us I can watch over and protect him. If he goes to college I’m worried he’ll be vulnerable to attacks by some of the the things we hunt. How can I convince him to stay or at least ensure he’ll be safe?

Hi Dean,
Thank you for giving me this opportunity to do a reading for you. Please understand that even the best Tarot reading can only provide insight and illumination upon things as they stand right now. Future factors can shift the outcome or change the situation altogether.
Instead of creating specific positions for each card, I’m going to pull three cards and read the message based upon whether they’re upright or reversed, direction, etc. Let see what message the universe wants to offer.

I drew the Ace of Peppermills Rx, 2 of Oysters and 10 of Oysters Rx. I don’t think there is any way you can prevent Sam from pursuing his goal of attending Stanford. He sees this as his opportunity to take charge of his own life and pursue his goals and dreams. You are stuck in the middle trying to balance your desire for Sammy to have what he wants and your need to keep those you love safe and all in one place. No matter what option you chose, someone won’t get what he wants.
The figure in the 2 of Oysters is facing the 10 of Oysters. This suggests that your priority is always going to be keeping your loved ones safe. Trying to do that may stifle them; leave them feeling trapped, suffocated. It also may leave Sammy feeling isolated and left out in the cold. My recommendation is to do what you can to arm Sammy with the tools, skills and knowledge that will keep him safe but don’t try to fence him in. He has to learn Independence and self-reliance. Perhaps you can visit him periodically and check on his he’s doing, without trying to coerce him to do things the way you want.

#WaywardTarot #Supernatural – I want to go to college but my family doesn’t support me (#Wonderland #Tarot)

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I’m once again going to borrow a page from James Ricklef’s KnightHawk technique and do a Tarot reading for a fictional character.  I’ve decided Sam Winchester, the younger brother in the TV series Supernatural is reaching out for advice on how to handle his family’s resistance to his leaving for college.

“I’ve had an unusual upbringing.  My father’s job forces us to travel all over the country, never staying in any location for very long.  My older brother enjoys this but I find it chaotic. I want to live a stable, more normal life. In order to achieve this goal, I plan to attend college.  Despite this chaotic childhood, I managed to manage an excellent GPA and have been offered a scholarship to Stanford University but I’m conflicted.

Despite our contentious relationship, I love my father but I don’t want to live the life he has planned for me.  My older brother, Dean, who practically raised me, will be devastated at my leaving but if I stay  I’ll resent him.  I know what I’m going to do – Stanford is my future.  What I’d like advice about is how/if I can make my family understand why I need to do this.  Thank you for your help.” – Sam Winchester

Hi Sam,

Thank you for choosing me to provide you with additional insight and advice regarding this issue.  It must be difficult for you to leave your family behind and pursue your dreams, especially if you are close to them.  I’m going to pull three cards for you to see what clarity we can find.

What underlies their resistance?  Page of Peppermills They’re afraid that you’re still very young and too eager to get out into the big, wide world without being fully aware of the dangers you might face.  You’re full of excitement and enthusiasm, piss and vinegar, for college and can’t wait to explore what “normal” looks like but  despite what lessons you’ve learned and how prepared you believe you are, your family is worried about your safety.  They’re afraid you’re impetuous and too hot-headed for your own good.

How to address their concerns?  10 of Hats Rx

I don’t think there is an easy answer for this one.  The truth is that your family may be loyal and fierce in your defense of each other but any resemblance to a happy family is illusory at best.  You aren’t comfortable dealing with this but I get the sense that you left “happy” in the rearview mirror at some point.  That means discussions about how you feel about college and using an emotional argument to sway your family will probably be useless.  They are set against your leaving and I don’t think you’ll be able to change their minds.

What will support you in your choice?  Page of Oysters Rx

In your core, you see yourself as a student.  You thrive on learning new things and acquiring knowledge.  In addition, you believe you are practical and grounded with a realistic view of what’s out there in the world.  You may be young but you’re not stupid or naive.  You believe this works in your favor and it seems that your past experiences and scholarly pursuits will serve you well in your academic career.  You consider the world to be your oyster and you’re chomping at the bit to enjoy it.

In summary, you and your family don’t see eye to eye on this matter and probably never will.  It boils down to subsuming your desire for college to their need to keep you close and safe.  Ultimately, only you can decide which option is in your best interests and serves your long term goals.  Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

As any fan of Supernatural is aware, Sam Winchester left his family and attended Stanford University in Palo Alto.  He is offered a scholarship and in the series premiere, we learn he scored a 174 on his LSAT and has a meeting scheduled with Stanford Law School in a few days to discuss his admittance (most likely with another scholarship).  Things don’t work out according to Sam’s plans and at the end of the episode, he leaves Stanford and returns to hunting supernatural monsters with his brother Dean.

John Winchester (Sam’s father) and his brother Dean don’t want Sam to leave for college because they fear they cannot protect him from supernatural creatures.  They know how many monsters lurk in the dark and how dangerous they can be and worry Sam won’t be able to protect himself.  As the series progresses we learn that a powerful demon is interested in Sam and John is aware of this (although he doesn’t reveal this to his sons until much later).  This demon’s interest in Sam endangers anyone he cares about, as is revealed when Sam’s girlfriend Jess is killed the same way his mother died – pinned to the ceiling and burned to death.  Although Sam believes he knows how to protect himself and is aware of what’s out there, the truth is that it was much worse and bigger than he ever imagined.

Despite Sam’s desire for a normal life, the show has shown time and time again over the years that’s just not practical.  The supernatural will always use anyone they care about as a way to hurt the Winchesters.

The Body Never Lies (#TarotfromtheDarkSide)

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I’ve been reading Alice Miller’s “The Body Never Lies” I felt it resonate within me. In the book, Miller addresses the damage abusive parenting can cause in our lives. Specifically, she connects diseases in adulthood, ranging from asthma to mental illness, to harsh, cruel parenting styles. Miller uses the histories of well-known writers to support her theories and, while I think she makes some overly enthusiastic leaps of logic, her premise rings true.

One of the points Miller makes that I find intriguing is that we block these abuses from our memories because adherence to the 4th Commandment (honor thy father and mother) is so prevalent in our society that we don’t even realize its impact. We can’t reconcile our need to honor our parents with the realities of the abuses we experience and this manifests in physical and mental ailments. Our souls and psyches are broken on the wheel of obedience to our parents’ wills and societal demands that we honor our abusers.

I know in my own life I was frequently told not to speak ill of my parents; that I didn’t’ understand what they had gone through. Depending upon my age and attitude at the time I might ignore the comments or I might choose to unleash a rage-filled diatribe against the offender, explaining to him or her that they were talking out their ass. In some respects I consider myself blessed because I seem to lack that personality trait that requires me to absolve my parents of their sins against me. I may have learned to forgive my parents but it doesn’t ameliorate the abuses to which they subjected me. However, my goal here is not to revisit these abuses or even to explore Miller’s theories. Instead, I want to use Tarot to explore my own responses to this childhood abuse and how I can heal from it.

So my question is: How have childhood traumas impacted me:
Physically? Dancer of Money & the Material World
Emotionally? Muse of Self
Psychologically? Sage of Money & the Material World Rx
How can I move forward and heal this damage? Muse of Money & the Material World Rx


Looking at these cards the initial message I receive is that as a result of my childhood experiences I have a chip on my shoulders; always struggling not to lose myself beneath the weight of those experiences. I can also be emotionally closed off and protective of my heart. At the same time, I am willing to keep struggling uphill and I’m comfortable exploring those dark places within myself; to explore my shadow side. I’ve also put a lot of time and effort into mastering and exploring my psyche so the damage has been exposed, explored and expunged.

Moving forward, I think the key to dealing with this is to remember that it is in the past, it can’t hurt me anymore. I know how to balance the anger and betrayal I feel towards my parents because of those traumas against the love I genuinely do bear them. I can understand some of what damaged them and lead to this abuse but that doesn’t exonerate them. I think the primary difference between my experience and those Alice Miller writes about is that I never accepted it was okay. I never forgot or tried to downplay those memories. I was also fortunate enough to have a husband who bore witness and reinforced that I had every right to hate my parents for what they did to me. So, although I am certainly damaged by my childhood trauma I have also healed and learned to move forward.

#TarotDaily – 10 of Cups Rx + 7 of Wands RX (#AllHallows)

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38

Is there an area in your life in which you are hesitant to stand out? Why?

If course there is! Don’t we all have an area in which we’re hesitant to stand out? No? Okay, maybe it’s just me.

Looking at these cards gave me a chuckle. The first thought that streaked across my mind is that I’m reluctant to share my happy marriage with other people (which wasn’t what I expected). It’s not that I’m afraid people will get jealous, although that certainly part of it, it’s that I’m very protective and defensive of certain elements of my private life. Hence the appearance of the 7 of Wands.

Quite frankly, I am very lucky in the man that I married. He encourages my weirdness, celebrates my intelligence and has no problem poking fun at me when my ego gets too big for itself. He is also fiercely proud of the fact that I don’t take crap from anybody. I honestly think I may have found the perfect husband for me.

At the same time, he does not ever want to be shared online in any way, shape, or form. he has been known to threaten friends and relatives with death if they post photos of him on Facebook. It’s also one of the reasons I rarely mention him by name in any of my posts.

Well, now I’ve done what I have always been hesitant to do. I guess it wasn’t as hard as I feared.

#TarotDaily – The Lovers + Queen of Cups Rx (#AllHallows)

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Do you remember the last time you felt confident? What can you do to easily access that state (physically and mentally) when it is called for?

I feel confident whenever I think about my marriage. My husband’s support, trust, faith and belief in me helps me remain confident and positive even when my life seems like a shit storm. He is proud of me in all my vocal, assertive brashness. He encourages my weirdness and reminds me of my value.

The way I can easily tap into that state is to look in my own heart and see my hubby’s face reflected there. I’m usually fairly confident but every so often I stumble. When I do, I hear my hubby’s voice in my head & heart encouraging me, supporting me and loving me.

#TarotDaily – 6 of Coral + Dreamer of Wings (Pholarchos)

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Soaring through the night sky, adrift in her dreams, the seeker remembered. Childhood memories filled with laughter and joy; fond moments of quiet tenderness and being together. This is what supported her during her quest. Those loving, piercingly sweet memories sustained her when she felt alone and lost in her thoughts. Her desire to build new memories fueled her drive towards the future.