Tag Archives: Insights

Week 18 What is Happiness Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

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“Happiness lies not in finding what is missing but in finding what is present.” – Tara Brach

  1. What is missing from my life? The Moon
  2. What is present in my life? Art
  3. What will help me find happiness? Mistress of Skulls Rx
The Moon, Art & Mistress of Skulls from The Crooked Way Tarot

My first reaction seeing the Moon in answer to “What is missing in my life?” was that perhaps what I’m missing are dreams. The more I thought about it, the more wrong it felt. Then it hit me that the answer couldn’t be more obvious. The idea that anything is missing from my life is an illusion. Well, except for the obvious answer of my husband. However if I were to interpret the meaning of this card in that way it would completely contradict the whole point of the reading. So, perhaps the Moon is showing me that’s what’s missing is a need to howl at the Moon for things that aren’t really there and aren’t really necessary.

Art or Temperance showing up in response to “What is present in my life?” is especially impactful because I’ve drawn Temperance a number of times in the past year as something I need to aspire to or achieve. In this position the suggestion is that it has been achieved. This balance is present in my life and contributing to my happiness. On a practical level this is seen in my efforts to exercise more, eat more healthily and to take a little bit more time for myself. At the same time I’m trying to finalize arrangements for my brother-in-law’s move to a residential facility. This is not the final destination, but an action that will need regular recalibration.

Seeing the Mistress of Skulls Rx tells me that what will help me find happiness is getting familiar with my own heart and dreams; nurturing my emotional side. I think she’s showing me that a gentle, supportive exploration of my emotional responses and relationships would be a useful exercise to aid me in finding happiness. The reality is if I’m unable to process emotions and relationships, and listen to my heart, finding happiness will be an almost insurmountable challenge.

ADDENDUM:. A friend pointed out something I completely missed on The Moon card – the image of the moon has a clock face superimposed upon it. She suggested it was showing that time to do what I want might be something missing in my life. This is true but it’s also something that’s coming to an end soon. However what did strike me is that the hands of the clock are pointing at 10 and 2. When I was learning how to drive that was always the mantra of my driving instructor “keep your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel”. So to me this suggested even if I haven’t had the time that soon coming to an end and I’ll be able to drive my life my own way.

Something else I missed in my initial interpretation of these cards is that the Mistress of Skulls is sitting at a desk writing in a book with a skull shaped mug before her. I think this is a practical suggestion for me – what will help me to find happiness is using tools like journaling, medication and relaxing with tea to help me explore my inner landscape, reacquaint myself with my inner emotions and desires.

Week 15 Sesame Street’s Inner Child Spread (#TarotReading #StolenChildTarot #52WeekProject)

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1. What would you like to tell me? 10 of Zephyrs Rx
2. What is your favorite game? 2 of Brine Rx
3. What is your favorite thing to do? 9 of Oak Rx
4. What can I do for you? Queen of Brine Rx
5. Do you feel ignored or left out? Ace of Oak
6. What do you desire but aren’t getting? Temperance
7. How can I provide this for you now? Justice Rx
8. What do you fear most? 6 of Zephyrs
9. How can I give you what you need? 5 of Oak Rx

Stolen Child Tarot

I found this spread in Sasha Graham’s 365 Tarot Spreads book and decided it looked interesting, so I gave it a try. Sasha suggests picking a specific age when doing the reading. I decided to roll a die and came up with 15. So this is current me talking with 15-year-old me. One interesting thing about that time in my life is it’s before I met my hubby. As is true for many 15 year olds, this was a very chaotic and turbulent time in my life.

Some of the interesting insights offered by this reading include the fact that I never really felt safe and often preferred to hide to avoid being hurt. I wasn’t good with relationships and often tried to convince myself and others that I didn’t need emotional connections, despite the fact that I desperately craved them. I always felt that I didn’t fit in; that I was an oddball, so I often hid away in books. Many of the traits and behaviors I developed over the years were an effort to protect myself. They were the armor that helped me hold loneliness, pain and fear at bay. I still remain resistant to change simply because even if things are currently miserable, change always brings the potential for things to get worse. The best way that current me can help teenage me is by embracing her with all her sharp edges and flaws and showing her that it’s okay to be imperfect and that she is loved.

One of the major takeaways for this reading is that the majority of the cards are reversed which tells me that a lot of the issues brought up in this reading require me to forgive myself; to love myself. As has been said, I’m often my harshest critic. I think this reading shows that it’s time to let go of that critical perspective. It’s also interesting that there is not one Fire card in this entire reading. I find that interesting because fire is the element to which I feel most drawn and with which I’m most comfortable. So, clearly, I need to go outside my comfort zone in order to work on these issues. I think the message is that I have to stretch my boundaries and force myself to look at my past behaviors and attitudes and see them from a clearer perspective. To have a clearer idea what motivated them and stop castigating myself. It’s time to release past hurts and resentments so that I can move forward with a more healthy mindset and spirit.

Week 10 Get a Clue Spread (#TarotReading #DarkWoodTarot #52WeekProject)

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Get a Clue Spread by Nancy Antenucci from 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters (Volume 1) + The Hermit, 6 of Pentacles Rx and Page of Cups from The Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham

The Hermit is telling me that what I truly know is how to be alone; how to handle things by myself. I know how to explore new territory in a search for answers and knowledge. I truly know how to rely on no one but myself. I know how to shoulder a burden and continue moving forward despite the cost. It’s a very short trip from self-reliance and solitude to isolation and loneliness.

The 6 of Pentacles Rx shows that I’m clueless about asking for or accepting help. As The Hermit shows, I’m comfortable, maybe too comfortable, going it alone. Asking for help has often seemed like a devil’s bargain to me. Often this is because when I have asked for help in the past it is either reluctantly or begrudgingly given or, after promising to help, people don’t follow through. At his often left me feeling like a character in Oliver Twist with my hand out asking “please may I have some more”. I’m clueless about accepting that people will be honest when I ask for help, and if they’re unable to do so will let me know. I’m clueless about accepting did people really do want to help when they offer. This is definitely a learning process for me.

The Page of Cups is showing me that what will help me transform my cluelessness into awareness is listening to my heart, my inner voice; being kinder and gentler with myself. It also shows me that I need to relearn how to be more heart centered, and focused. I need to reconnect with my emotionally vulnerable inner core, which is something I’ve never been comfortable doing.

Overall, this reading reminds me that while self-reliance and independence can be positive traits, they can also become negative traits when it makes one unable to ask for or accept help. It also reminds me that sometimes you have to be willing to be emotionally vulnerable in order to establish positive, healthy, reciprocal relationships. Reality is that always giving or always being the one who helps creates an imbalance in relationships. Denying people the opportunity to provide support and assistance can create resentment and strain, and may even eventually damage the relationship. If I want to avoid this I need to work at establishing a more balanced give and take in my relationships.

Harvest Home Lughnasa Spread #Tarot #TarotReading #Lughnasa #TarotoftheHiddenRealm

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Harvest Home Lughnasa Spread from Tarot for All Seasons by Christine Jette
  1. The root of the matter, what you need to do to keep both your feet on the ground? 5 of Swords
  2. Career, attitudes about work – are you following your heart’s desire or just surviving? Page of Swords Rx
  3. Finances, attitudes about money – Money is energy; is your energy blocked or does it flow freely? Queen of Swords Rx
  4. Connections and sharing – how do you let your guard down to share with others? The Star
  5. Health & healing; how do you nurture & care for yourself? The Sun
  6. First harvest you have planted, the garden and the seeds of your life – What are you reaping for yourself based on your attitudes and behaviors?  What are you harvesting? 8 of Pentacles
  7. Fruition achievements maturation fulfillment satisfaction success – what are you thankful for? Life Renewed (Judgement)

The figure on the Five of Swords is fierce and determined. She looks like she’s going into battle convinced of the rightness of her cause and that others will follow her. In the context of this reading, I think she reflects that fighting for our truth, fighting for what we believe in, fighting for our ideals can help keep us grounded. The world is a very scary place right now and it’s easy to get overwhelmed by what’s going on. I think the Five of Swords shows that defending what we believe in gives us purpose. The unfortunate flip side to this is that those who disagree with us will be equally vehement in defending their beliefs and ideals. Sometimes, that’s the way it goes.

The reverse Page of Swords suggested right now might be a time to reassess what you’re doing on a professional level. Something isn’t sitting right for you at the moment. Perhaps you just don’t believe in the value of your job the way you once did. You’ve lost your sense of purpose. In the context of this spread it suggests that you’re letting the logical path (staying in a job you may no longer be passionate about because it’s a secure income) outweigh your desire to feel committed to your work; to feel that it has meaning and value.

The reverse Queen of Swords shows that right now your energy is blocked, especially as it pertains to finances. If we connect this to the Page of Swords reversed, perhaps this Queen is reflecting that you’re blocked because, although you’re getting paid, your current job not nurturing your inner self; it’s not allowing you to live up to your ideals and your beliefs. If that is one of your core values, then this might be an area that you address so all that blocked energy can be freed.

The Star reflects the hopefulness and trust we might need to bring to connecting with others. Let’s face it any relationship requires a certain amount of faith because we open ourselves up to others as reflected by the childlike figure on this card. That also leaves us vulnerable to being hurt and betrayed. What The Star shows us is that even if this is the case, hope will remain as a light in the darkness to guide us through it. As many public service announcements remind LGBTQ+ youth, it will get better. In this reading, I think The Star reminds us that if we close ourselves off to meeting new people, to exploring relationships with those that seem unfamiliar or have different viewpoints, we risk becoming isolated and rigid.

This was an interesting card in this position. The Sun is usually symbolic of celebrating ourselves and embracing our successes but in this case it’s reversed. I think that’s telling us that we can’t celebrate ourselves and embrace our achievements until we can value ourselves. Perhaps this ties in with the reversed Page and Queen in terms of one’s attitude towards their career and money. If someone sticks to a job they detest in order to maintain a secure income it might impact their self-esteem and sense of self; cause untold levels of stress that negatively impact one’s health. It’s hard to celebrate yourself and acknowledge achievements if these things have no value to you because they’re in a field that you no longer find fulfilling. So maybe the key to unblocking this energy is free the stuck energy reflected in positions 2 and 3.

The 8 of Pentacles is a reminder that we get out of this life what we put into it. If we continue forcing ourselves to pursue a path that no longer brings a satisfaction it’s going to impact our relationships, our health our sense of self. I love the energy reflected in this card because it seems a perfect melding of Earth and fire; of the physical and the energetic; of money and career. In order to get to this place perhaps we need to look at the other blocked areas and get them unstuck.

Life Renewed reminds us that there is a way out of the darkness. We can emerge from all this blocked energy filled with dissatisfaction and self doubt by changing our mindset. We need to reassess and reevaluate what we’re doing and see if it’s providing the benefit we desired. We don’t always have to work at a job that is our hearts desire as long as it fulfills a need and only you can decide what that need truly is. The important thing is to recognize whether you’re feeling trapped by the situation and if so what can you do to change it because only you can lead yourself out of the shadows and into the light.

The three Swords cards at the core of this reading suggest that healing this situation is going to depend upon changing our perspective and mindset. We need to communicate more effectively with ourselves and listen to our inner voice. We might also find it useful to communicate more effectively with others in our lives so they understand our thoughts about a situation and whether we are truly satisfied and fulfilled. And if not, what they can do, if anything, to help us change it. It’s useful to remember that others in our lives cannot read our minds. If we don’t tell them what we’re thinking, we can’t become upset when they don’t fulfill our needs.

A blogging introvert – is that an oxymoron?

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So, I am an introvert. This must be understood or nothing that follows will make sense. 🤔😉. I know I’m an introvert because unreliable, potentially invalid online testing told me so. 🤯 Actually, it’s not a surprise. My entire childhood was spent with my nose in a book and my body in the NY Public Library. I may be the only kid I know who had a fake library card. Several library books had been lost in a fire in our apartment and, rather than explain the circumstances to a librarian, I got a library card using my grandmother’s last name.

Now if you’ve met me you might think I’m extroverted because I can be quite opinionated and rarely have a problem expressing it. However, I am only comfortable doing so in a familiar environment. For example, at school (once I became comfortable), with friends and at events like Readers Studio. The shared element here is that I already have a built in support network of friends and co-conspirators who know and love, or at least tolerate, me. I tend not to do well among strangers or in unfamiliar environments. So, after completing several online versions of the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory and being assessed as INFP by all of these different “tests”, I suppose that makes it official – I’m definitely introverted.

I am also a very private person. I tend not to like my personal business being shared hither and yon. Social media interactions often send me running while screaming “Ah, people!!!!” – like Gossamer, the hairy orange monster from Bugs Bunny. However, I obviously maintain a blog in which I share some very personal information with complete strangers. What the f*ck is wrong with me?!! Well, as it turns out, lots of things but not because of blogging. 😜 So, to further explores this matter I did what I often do – a Tarot reading.

I used the Lo Scarabeo Secret Tarot deck and asked:

  • What are the benefits of blogging for me?
  • What are the challenges?
  • What should I focus on with my blog?

I drew The Hanged Man Rx, The Sun Rx, and the 6 of Wands Rx. I know, look at all those reversals!

So my immediate response to these reversals is that this is truly all about me; about my internal processes and how I work through my own swampland of the soul. I don’t blog for others, I do it as a form of journaling; a way to explore the labyrinth within me. It helps me see things from a different perspective and in an objective manner. It also works for me because it doesn’t put me in the spotlight. I’ve never been comfortable being the center of attention or standing out in a crowd, unless it’s a familiar crowd. I do love if someone has gotten something useful from my meandering and tangents and let’s me know but I certainly would be uncomfortable being called out for it in public. Private”atta broads” work just fine for me.

I think I need to focus on the fact that this blog is a record of my struggles, victories and losses. I’m not trying to portray myself as a superhero, far from it. Sometimes I’m a little cuckoo and need to rant. Other times I’m thoughtful and pondering. Other times I’m outrage and frustrated. What ties all this together is that regardless if mindset, I find my Tarot deck a useful tool to help me process it all. And, if any of my processes help anyone else going through similar experiences then I’ll count that as a triumph!

#TarotDaily – King of Discs + 8 of Swords Rx #AllHallows)

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What advice would you give your younger self?

I would advise my younger self that I will eventually manifest the life I truly desire. I will become comfortable in my own skin and not need external validation and approval. My life will have the things I truly need to be content and happy, even if those things turn out to be markedky less “stuff” than I imagined I needed to be happy and fulfilled.

Restricting myself according to others’ rules will never serve me well. Limiting myself to meet others’ standards will frustrate me and lead to a lot of sublimation and retail therapy. Regretting instances where I let myself become ensnared is natural but letting them continue to haunt me puts the control and power in someone else’s hands. Screw that! Once free of those restraints, i need to leave them in the dust at my feet and move forward; reclaim my life and pursue my future.

#TarotDaily – Page of Discs + 2 of Wands Rx #(AllHallows)

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How are you enslaved? What is the answer?

Hmm, so I’m a prisoner of my own need to learn; my greed for knowledge and stuff. Sometimes I feel like my entire life is one big hyperlink. I learn about a topic and then that leads me to another topic which leads me to another topic and so on and so on. Even when it comes to hobbies, which in theory should be a form of relaxation, I feel the need to gather as much information abd materials as possible before actually beginning anything.

For example, when I collected Barbie dolls I had to research the value of the dolls. I had to learn the different face molds used. I had to discover the history of Barbie fashions. I couldn’t just relax and buy dolls, I had to add all of that information first.

The same thing happened when I became interested in Tarot cards. I wasn’t one of those people who opened up a deck and began to read. I had to learn about the history of the tarot and the different interpretations of the cards; the different ways one could interpret the cards (divinatory, psychological, etc.). I had to have a mix of modern, classic and vintage decks; a blend of mass produced and self-published. Needless to say this tendency quickly increased both my doll and Tarot collections. Don’t even get me started on my book collection!

My newest dive into the deep end is card making and stamping. Somehow within only a matter of months I have managed to acquire quite a collection of stamps, a stamp platform, a die cutting and embossing machine, and numerous collections of pattern paper and cardstock. I have subscribed to a few magazines focused on card making and paper crafts. Subscribed to and watched numerous YouTube channels. So, as one can see I am consistent in my enslavement to my obsessions. A friend and I once joked that we both have SIOID, or stress induced obsessive interest disorder. Not a clinical diagnosis but certainly one that has a negative impact on one’s bank account.

So, what is the antidote to this problem? Well to be perfectly honest I can’t say that I feel I need a solution. I like the disease. However, even I can acknowledge that part of the reason it gets so bad so quickly is because I’m using it as a way to counteract my isolation. So I would have to say that the way to address this enslavement of mine is to find people that I can interact with, do projects with, even share some of these obsessions. This might be easier said than done due to the realities of my life at this time but it is something I can do in a limited fashion. Or, I can actually put these interests to good use (creating cards & donating them to charities, for example) instead of letting them collect dust.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + 4 of Swords (#AllHallows)

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Which of your creative gifts are lying dormant? How might you awaken them?

All of my creative gifts are dormant right now because I don’t have faith in them; I’m afraid to express them. One of my biggest challenges has always been to recognize my gifts and accomplishments. I fell into the mindset of believing that if I am good at something, gifted with a skill, then it mustn’t be that difficult. I also resist exploring unfamiliar territory. If I don’t think I can do something well the first time, I avoid trying it. This has limited me in a variety of ways and us something I’d like to move beyond.

I think one I’ve the ways I can awaken these dormant, unexplored creative gifts is to take breaks for myself. I recently decided to spend 15-30 minutes everyday in a mini-retreat. I will spend the time journaling or crafting, listening to music and meditating. This will enable me to shake myself loose from current, stifling patterns. I think this will help me reconnect to existing creative gifts and discover new ones.

#TarotDaily – Queen of Cups + Knight of Pentacles (Radiant WS)

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TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • You’re feeling torn and conflicted, unsure which path to choose. Part of you wants stability and emotional satisfaction while another side wants to be more daring and seek out physical gratification. In the battle between heart and body, which will win.
  • You dream of a knight in shining armor who will sweep you off your feet but all you’ve encountered so far are well meaning plodders caught up in the day to day grind. Perhaps you’re so caught up in your fantasy that you aren’t seeing things clearly. Your expectations might be unreasonable and unrealistic, leaving you few options and little opportunity for a fulfilling relationship.
  • Do you feel disconnected from your physical self? Are you more comfortable with emotional connections than physical ones? This separation between heart and body can lead to relationship and even health issues down the road. Now might be a good time for some introspection, journal work and physical activities like yoga or Tai chi to help reintegrate these different parts of yourself.

Wheel of Change Moon

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Wheel of Change Moon

Wheel of Change Tarot
created by Alexandra Gennetti
Published by Destiny Books, 1997
ISBN #0-89281-609-0

 

The Book says: When this card is a part of your reading you are experiencing a kind of foreshadowing: an intuition, suspicion, and fear of what is to come. This card signifies a time in which shadow aspects of your personality or things that are hidden in darkness are developing a life of their own. Sometimes these things are positive, creative aspects of the personality and lead to a deep appreciation of our talents and our humanity. Whatever is at work in the darkness, it is time to pay attention, as the opportunity for real growth is present. Follow the cycle of the moon and try to recognize its development from new to full and its return to full. Watch how it becomes visible in the daylight hours and use its phases to help you illuminate your own situation. The Moon card represents inner process, and these processes work well with the help of symbols; the moon’s changeability is just such a transformative process and a visual tool for growth and change.

TarotBroad’s Buzz:  To me this Moon card symbolizes the mysteries of the unconscious and the hidden aspects of the human psyche – those things we only dare to address in the darkness of the night. Very often the Moon is associated with women’s mysteries and women’s cycles. I’ve never really felt that connection myself. To me the Moon is more of a psychological card; a card that forces us to face the things that scare us deep down inside. The Moon is about the unknown and our terror of things that go bump in the night.

It has always amazed me how familiar things appear so much more threatening and fearsome in the dark. This card represents the darkness present in the human soul and our ability to do horrible things to each other. At the same time The Moon symbolizes dreams and intuition, trusting our inner voice and inner wisdom but even that can seem like a scary, alien landscape. We are so often taught that there must be a rational explanation for everything. However even if mysterious things can be explained in a rational way, that doesn’t mean it’s the only possible explanation. Look at crop circles and UFO sightings. There are rational and logical explanations for both of these phenomena but that doesn’t necessarily mean these are the only possibility.

The Moon didn’t become any less magical and mystical just because humans landed there. It is still a beacon in the night; a light which guides us through the darkness and helps us find our way. The Moon may not be able to make all the darkness and scariness disappear but its presence helps reassure us that we are not alone. I remember as a child being convinced the moon followed me home. How many people wish for the moon. The moon is the keeper of our deepest dreams, our secret desires and our hidden shames. Perhaps the moon can eventually help us realize that there is a time to face and address these desires, dreams and shames otherwise we don’t allow ourselves to transform and move to the next level. It may be a messy, frightening prospect but the moon will help guide us along the path.