Tag Archives: Acceptance

Week 32 – The Message of the Swans Spread (#TarotReading #WheelofChangeTarot #52WeekProject)

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Yesterday, I went for a walk and sat at a gazebo that faces out over the lake.  I noticed two swans enjoying the sunny afternoon.  I have always considered swans to be magical, otherworldly creatures so I had to take a picture.

I’ve taken many pictures of the swans that occupy the lake over the years.  My mother-in-law’s house overlooks a small arm of the lake and the swans are regular visitors along with a heron, ducks, and geese.

I don’t know if these are the same two swans but there have been swans visiting these waters for at least the last 15 years, possibly much longer than that.  So, today, while I was trying to think of what question to focus on for my weekly reading, it occurred to me that I am regularly visited by many different critters.  I decided it might be time to see if they have any messages for me, starting with the swans.

What message do the swans have for me?  8 of Swords, 3 of Wands Rx, 3 of Disks Rx.

8 of Swords, 3 of Wands Rx, 3 of Disks Rx – The Wheel of Change Tarot

The shattered window on the 8 of Swords shows me that I need to actually break that glass. I need to shake things up to force those that should be doing more to fix my brother-in-law’s situation to take action. It feels like I’m an exhibit in the Star Trek episode The Cage. I’m behind glass with people walking past and staring. They comment on how wonderful I am; how devoted caring for my brother-in-law, but no one’s listening to me scream on the other side that I can’t do this anymore! Attempts to break the glass have been futile because their gas lighting me into believing the glass isn’t really broken. It allows them to leave feeling virtuous, but having done nothing to change or help the situation. It’s time to smash that glass; make noise so they understand things can’t remain this way anymore. They must be forced to see this situation more clearly, to see, as symbolized by the window, that it’s broken and I must be released. To hear me shrieking that I’m exhausted and need things to change!

The Three of Wands reversed shows me that expressing and exploring my creative energies is dependent upon shattering that glass; shaking up the status quo. It’s reversed because until I dramatically change the current situation, I’m stuck in stasis. It also reminds me that I can’t, shouldn’t, do this alone. I need to have allies, family and Friends supporting me, advising me, and working with me as I go through this. I need to find ways to nurture and replenish my spark so it doesn’t get extinguished.

The 3 of Disks shows that if I want to dig down to the next layer, and explore uncharted territory, I’m going to need help; it’s going to be a team effort. As it stands right now all the work I’m trying to do is actually benefiting someone else and not me. That needs to change. Otherwise I’m just digging myself a hole from which I can’t be extricated. I think it’s also a reminder that despite the seeming activity on the part of those responsible for resolving the situation with my brother-in-law, a lot of it is futile and pointless action that resolves nothing. It’s another trying to make it look like they’re busy and doing things when they’re actually not. Connecting back with the broken window in the 8 of Swords, they’re comfortable with the status quo because all responsibility falls on me. I have to take steps to make the situation untenable for them as it currently exists.

Despite my tendency to try to be a rugged individualist, this reading points out that’s not going to serve me well right now. I need to break free of that pattern and that tendency; find ways to accept input from others that will help me transform my reality. I’ve been dealing with stuff by myself for too long and it’s wearing on me. The only way to change that is to be willing to ask and accept assistance, suggestions, and support from others that I trust. Thinking about it, I often see the swans together. They’re a collaborative; a partnership. Their message to me is that I need to start creating some collaborations of my own.

During a slight bout of sleeplessness early this morning, I came across this video. I was blown away by how perfectly the imagery in this video suits the message of the 8 of Swords card in this reading

Week 18 What is Happiness Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

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“Happiness lies not in finding what is missing but in finding what is present.” – Tara Brach

  1. What is missing from my life? The Moon
  2. What is present in my life? Art
  3. What will help me find happiness? Mistress of Skulls Rx
The Moon, Art & Mistress of Skulls from The Crooked Way Tarot

My first reaction seeing the Moon in answer to “What is missing in my life?” was that perhaps what I’m missing are dreams. The more I thought about it, the more wrong it felt. Then it hit me that the answer couldn’t be more obvious. The idea that anything is missing from my life is an illusion. Well, except for the obvious answer of my husband. However if I were to interpret the meaning of this card in that way it would completely contradict the whole point of the reading. So, perhaps the Moon is showing me that’s what’s missing is a need to howl at the Moon for things that aren’t really there and aren’t really necessary.

Art or Temperance showing up in response to “What is present in my life?” is especially impactful because I’ve drawn Temperance a number of times in the past year as something I need to aspire to or achieve. In this position the suggestion is that it has been achieved. This balance is present in my life and contributing to my happiness. On a practical level this is seen in my efforts to exercise more, eat more healthily and to take a little bit more time for myself. At the same time I’m trying to finalize arrangements for my brother-in-law’s move to a residential facility. This is not the final destination, but an action that will need regular recalibration.

Seeing the Mistress of Skulls Rx tells me that what will help me find happiness is getting familiar with my own heart and dreams; nurturing my emotional side. I think she’s showing me that a gentle, supportive exploration of my emotional responses and relationships would be a useful exercise to aid me in finding happiness. The reality is if I’m unable to process emotions and relationships, and listen to my heart, finding happiness will be an almost insurmountable challenge.

ADDENDUM:. A friend pointed out something I completely missed on The Moon card – the image of the moon has a clock face superimposed upon it. She suggested it was showing that time to do what I want might be something missing in my life. This is true but it’s also something that’s coming to an end soon. However what did strike me is that the hands of the clock are pointing at 10 and 2. When I was learning how to drive that was always the mantra of my driving instructor “keep your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel”. So to me this suggested even if I haven’t had the time that soon coming to an end and I’ll be able to drive my life my own way.

Something else I missed in my initial interpretation of these cards is that the Mistress of Skulls is sitting at a desk writing in a book with a skull shaped mug before her. I think this is a practical suggestion for me – what will help me to find happiness is using tools like journaling, medication and relaxing with tea to help me explore my inner landscape, reacquaint myself with my inner emotions and desires.

Week 17 Gifts of Imperfection Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

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This spread is inspired by Brené Brown’s book of the same name

How can I let go of who I think I’m supposed to be? Master of Skulls Rx – This card is showing me that I need to let go of my fear of becoming my father. Much of my life I imposed certain conditions upon myself because I feared becoming like my father. In fact many of my decisions were to avoid that and thus lead me to developing “anti-dad” tendencies. The Master of Skulls offers me the insight that I can leave this behind. I can move forward without every decision being connected to my father – pro or con. I can work on healing my heart and emotional landscape; become a midwife to my own soul; listen to the poetry in my heart.

How can I embrace who I am? 8 of Skulls – Edgar Allen Poe’s freshly torn from his chest, bisected heart graces the small guillotine. Boy does this describe me right now. Losing my hubby has left me feeling that my heart has been torn asunder and I’m not operating on full thrusters. However it also reminds me that even with a heart not at its best, I can still live a full life. I can accept that a piece of me did die with my hubby but that doesn’t mean I’m dead. I can move into the future, embracing new opportunities and new experiences. Who knows, I may even find love again. I won’t be what I had with my hubby but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth striving and fighting to experience.

What have my imperfections gifted me? 3 of Sticks – The name Bramwell on this card made me thing of the Bronte sisters’ brother (Branwell), to whom they dedicated much attention and devotion. In this image see a mausoleum with the word Thorn on it. It resonated with my because I have also spent many of my recent years dedicated to caring for someone who cannot fully appreciate it or understand the sacrifices it entails. It is a thorn in one’s spirit that you cannot remove because its removal will cause as much pain as it’s placement. What this card is telling me is that one this aspect of my life is laid to rest, I will be able to go on; I will find new creative outlets, new projects, new things about which to become passionate and engaged.

Master of Skulls Rx, 8 of Skulls & 3 of Sticks from The Crooked Way Tarot

This reading is reassuring because it offers the hope of a broken heart being healed and frustrated creative energies finding new outlets. However, this healing and bursts of energy won’t happen unless I work for it. I have to engage in this process and listen to the messages and lessons I’m being offered. It seems that’s a universal challenge. We are often offered insights, messages and signs telling us how we can make healthy changes to improve our lives and yet we resist. We prefer to remain comfortable in our ruts and avoid making the tough calls. If I want to improve my own life then I have to break this pattern in my own life.

Week 13 Speak to the Dead Spread (#TarotReading #HauntedHouseTarot #52WeekProject)

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3 of Swords Rx, 8 of Cups & 7 of Cups from The Haunted House Tarot

Who is here with me?  3 of Swords Rx – This is my brother Tom coming through. His death was violent and this image shares certain similarities.

What message do you want to convey?  8 of Cups – He’s telling me it’s okay to walk away; to move on to a new phase. I believe this is in relation to the resolution of my brother-in-law’s future residence. Even though I know it’s for the best it’s going to be an emotionally wrenching experience to see him relocated. I think my brother is trying to reassure me that it’s okay to feel bad about that while also being excited about what awaits.

What do I need to know?  7 of Cups – The 7 of Cups continues the message of the 8 of Cups. It’s reinforcing the hope that there will be many opportunities and possibilities awaiting me once the situation with my brother-in-law is resolved and I move on to the next phase in my life. It’s a card of magic and potential because it will give me an opportunity to explore different possibilities that will bring joy and happiness into my life

Once again this reading points out things I already understand on an intellectual level but haven’t fully absorbed in my heart. It’s going to be very difficult to watch my brother-in-law leave. At the same time I’m convinced it’s the best thing for him and the best thing for me. It’s not selfish to accept that I can’t do this alone, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to accept.