#ChattingwithTarot – Empress Rx, 2 of Swords Rx + 4 of Cups Rx (#WizardsTarot)

Over my afternoon cuppa @HarneyTea’s wondrous Viennese Earl Grey blend, I had my chat with the Divine (today it felt rather like Grandma Burke, my paternal grandmother, decided to pay a call). Her message to me:

What I heard, “Enough already! I get it, you’re feeling frustrated and stifled because life right now requires you to focus on being nurturing and somewhat maternal – not your favorite thing. You think your creative juices are drying up from lack of use. I call bullshit! You aren’t looking at things clearly. Open up you damn eyes and see what’s really going on. See how you can change things so your creative energies find expression. Stop waiting for things to change and make it happen! Stop letting self-pity hold you down. You already know the answer so trust your instincts.”

#ChattingwithTarot – 6 of Swords Rx, 7 of Wands + 9 of Swords Rx (#WizardsTarot)

So, regular card of the day readings aren’t working for me. So I decided to take a slightly different approach and have a daily chat with my Tarot deck.

I got the idea during Rana George’s session on Lenormand at this year’s Divination Day prior to Readers’ Studio. She said she would never do a one card Lenormand reading because a Lenormand reading is like a sentence requiring a subject, verb and object or like a conversation. It needs more than just one card. So I took that concept and applied it to my daily readings for myself. It helps put me in a different frame of mind.

So I sat down with a cuppa tea, pulled three cards and this is the message I received:

Her message:. “Stop resisting change, moving on to the next phase. You’re fighting too hard to maintain the status quo; defending yourself from imaginary threats. The only demons are in your head and if you look at things clearly you’ll realize they don’t exist. Right now the only thing you need to defend yourself from are your own doubts.”

I am Nobody

I am Nobody. Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us — don’t tell!
They’d banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Since first reading it, I have been drawn to Emily Dickinson’s poem “I am Nobody”. It speaks to me because I have often felt like a nobody. So I decided to pull a few Tarot cards to gain some insight. I decided to use the Allison M. Garcia Illustrated Blind Person Tarot that I discovered on Etsy.

Why do I feel like nobody? Queen of Cups Rx
How does being a nobody serve me? 10 of Wands
How does it hinder me? Knight of Wands
What would happen if I became somebody? 3 of Cups Rx

I love when Tarot does this, calls me on my bullshit. I feel like nobody because I don’t love myself or trust my insights and intuition. I’m afraid to connect to my deep, emotional nature because it leaves me feeling vulnerable and at risk.

Being nobody serves me by giving me something to grumble about; a burden to carry. It allows me to feel unfairly treated while allowing me to appear sacrificing and long-suffering.

It hinders me because as long as I cling to this delusion it will prevent me from finding my creative spark, my life calling. I’m meant to be active and charging forward. If I can’t channel it in creative, healthy, productive ways then it will find less beneficial ways to express itself.

If I became somebody then I will truly find people with whom to celebrate this joy, in a quiet, non-public way of course. I might alienate some but the odds are the are folks with whom I wouldn’t be simpatico anyway. Being somebody would allow me the freedom to celebrate my weirdness and quirkiness with fellow oddballs – like the Addams Family!

Curious that I drew two reversed Cups and two upright Wands for this reading. Considering how long it has taken me to appreciate Cups energy, I can’t say I’m thrilled to see them but clearly that attitude is part of the issue. Obviously my heart & spirit, my soul and spark are intertwined and if I can’t find the way to embrace both equally I’ll always feel like nobody.

#TarotDaily

Which of your inner passions do you need to express?

I need to figure this one out. I could say that the passion I need to express is the one that leaves me off-balance and maybe a little obsessed; the one that leaves no room for anything else. Of course what that might be, I’m not sure.

Perhaps it’s time to explore a relatively new passion in more depth. Or maybe I need to revisit an inner passion that’s been dormant since childhood. The first thing that comes to mind is writing. When I was a child I loved writing – poems, journal entries, short stories. I lost faith in myself but maybe this is a sign to reconnect with my inner author; re-explore my writing skills. Am I strong enough to put myself out there and risk negative feedback? Time will tell.

#TarotDaily – 8 of Swords + 5 of Swords (#TrickorTreat)

 

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What threshold are you about to step over? How have you prepared for what is to come next?

 

The 8 of Swords reminds me that I’m finally ready to escape the cage I created with my own self-doubts and low self-esteem. I’m getting my head on straight and ready to move forward.

The 5 of Swords suggests this won’t be an easy task. My inner demons won’t give up peaceably and quietly go away. They’ll try to trip me up, undermine my confidence and slam me back into that cage. I have to alway keep fighting, never give up and never surrender (yes, I’m quoting themes from Supernatural and Galaxy Quest).

I can do it as long as I keep believing in myself.

#TarotDaily – 9 of Swords Rx + Knight of Pentacles Rx (#TrickorTreat)

What is beginning to wither in your life that deserves more of your attention?

This I interesting because I think what’s withering in my life is the influence of the inner demons and self-doubt that have often plagued and haunted me. Even though I still pay lip-service to not being confident and valuing my self, I think the reality is that I am confident I just didn’t realize it or embrace it. It deserves more of my attention because I have to fully incorporate this into my self perception and how I interact with the outer world. I have a chance to make some interesting changes and transform the rest of my life but first I have to accept that those inner demons don’t have power over me anymore.

The reversed Knight of Pentacles suggests that I don’t need should be so defensive; trying to insulate myself with protective layers. It doesn’t mean I have to rush to make these changes but I can take my time and cut through that protection like peeling an onion. This is an opportunity to get back to the core of who I am and who I want to be.

#TarotDaily – Page of Wands + 5 of Pentacles (#TrickorTreat)

How are you holding back? What are you afraid of?

I’m afraid of starting over; of being the student again, the beginner. At the same time I do have faith and confidence in my ability to succeed at whatever I focus my energies towards achieving. I think there is still a part of me that resists drawing attention to myself; that wants to avoid standing out from the crowd. Call it the lingering effects of high school mocking and teasing.

My inability to seek support and assistance further complicates matters. I’m definitely in the “rugged individualist” camp. I know it’s short-sighted and makes things more difficult than they need to be but it’s a mold I find almost impossible to break. I come from a long line of self-sufficient, fiercely independent women. We can bear a helluva lot without asking for help. In this respect I’m my own worst enemy. So, the only thing holding me back is me and my own self-doubt and stubbornness.