Tag Archives: Healing

Week 30 – Here Comes the Sun Spread (#TarotReading #WheelofChangeTarot #52WeekProject)

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I created this spread to honor the impending arrival of Spring. It’s based on one of my favorite Beatles’ songs, written by George Harrison.

  • What’s been frozen this winter? Princess of Disks
  • What will the melting ice reveal? Prince of Disks Rx
  • What will return the smile to my face? Knight of Disks Rx
  • What will be made clear? 9 of Cups
Princess of Disks, Prince of Disks Rx, Knight of Disks Rx, 9 of Cups from The Wheel of Change Tarot

What has been frozen this Winter is my ability to explore and learn new things about myself and my environment; my ability to plant seeds that will bring forth new growth and abundance. Some of this might be due to the nature of the season. Some days it’s simply too cold to go outside and roam around. However, I think the bigger portion of this is due to the reality of how limited my life is right now because of the situation with my brother-in-law. I’m realizing it takes a very special focus and mindset to mentally and psychologically free oneself from a physical limitation.

I think the melting ice will reveal that I do have that ability. I just have to believe that I have it. I think the reversed nature of this Prince of Disks shows that I have the skills and capability to build whatever reality I want as long, as I have the willingness to make the attempt. I have to have faith in myself, and confidence in my skill set, because if I don’t believe in myself, the foundation will be too shaky to stand. I also like the inclusion of the wheel in this card which suggests that this reversal will be turned around soon enough. Right now, this is an area that I need to focus on within myself, and within these restrictions but eventually that will change.

When I saw the Knight of Disks show up in response to “What will return the smile to my face?”, I had to smile. The Knight is equivalent to the King in this deck, and I have always seen my husband’s energy as very King of Disks. So in its most simplistic form, this answer is telling me that thinking about my husband will return the smile to my face. In the larger sense I think what it’s showing is that I will always carry him in my heart. I will always feel him watching over me and know that he would support me and want me to be happy and fulfilled. Realizing that is comforting and reassuring and absolutely makes me smile. On another level, this Knight of Disks shows me that I have the potential to become my own Knight of Disks; to become the master of my own physical self and physical space. Once I am able to activate the energies in the Prince of Disks, I will find myself able to manifest my own inner hubby, if you will. I will be able to activate the inner strength I already possess that I have always associated with my husband.

What will be made clear is my inner wishes and desires. I have spent so much time suppressing them because it’s just too painful. When there are limits on how one can pursue one’s interests, it’s much easier to shrink them down to achievable bites. Instead of crying for the moon, and yearning for what I cannot possibly have right now, I have diminished my dreams. I think this reading reminds me that once I am able to have more control over my life, to physically manifest the environment and reality that I desire, I will find it easier to unlock those dreams and begin to actively pursue them.

Despite the fact that The Sun never actually appeared in this reading, it feels like these cards are showing me how I can manifest a reality in which I finally have my moment to shine in the sun again. I will reach a place where I can start to pursue my dreams, hopes, and wishes. First I have to build a solid foundation; manifest my skills and energies in a way that will allow that to happen.

Week 29 – Like a Mountain Spread (#TarotReading #WheelofChangeTarot #52WeekProject)

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Like a Mountain Spread by Stevie Converse from Sheilaa Hite’s 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters

I found this spread in Sheilaa Hite’s 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters.  It looked intriguing and I decided this was something I needed to focus on this week.  So, I shuffled my Wheel of Change Tarot deck, and drew the following cards.

The Tower Rx, Ace of Wands, 10 of Disks & The High Priestess from The Wheel of Change Tarot

I have to admit, I always love when I get these kinds of readings.  The message just seemed so clear to me.  The Tower reversed is showing the nature of the storm is that I have already lost one of the most important things in the world to me – my hubby.  And now I’m dealing with the aftermath of that loss from a practical perspective, an emotional perspective, every possible perspective.  Especially as it pertains to trying to make arrangements for future care of my brother-in-law.  This is the mess that I have been left to clean up after my world has fallen down around me.  That is the storm which has been consuming my life for the last 2 years.

The 10 of Disks appearing in response to bedrock of support seems both revealing and a bit confusing.  From a financial perspective, things will be fine once everything is back on track.  My husband always made it a priority to try to ensure that I would be in a solid financial position if something happened to him.  However, looking at all the drums on this card, it also shows me that some of the bedrock is not as stable as it might appear.  There are people involved in this situation who are beating their drums, promising to help, and in reality they’re creating a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. The truth is, it’s very easy to pay lip service to something and much more challenging to actually follow through.  I do have the support of friends and family, but there is a limit to what they can do.  Some of them do not live near me or they have their own responsibilities that need attending.  I think some of these extraneous drums refer to some of the people whose job it is to help find a new residence for my brother-in-law.  The ones who promise they’re doing everything they can, and yet there’s been absolutely no progress.  Interesting.

The Ace of Wands as my shelter from the storm tells me that my creative and spiritual endeavors are what will help me get through this with my sanity intact.  I think this reinforces the benefits of my renewed daily spiritual practice as a very healing tool.  It also makes me feel a little less guilty about some of the splurging I’ve done recently on art supplies.  I might have been indulging in some retail therapy; I might have been preparing myself to explore new artistic endeavors. Time will tell.

And, last but certainly not least, the rainbow after the storm is The High Priestess.  I think she’s telling me that everything that I am going through, all of the tools I’m using to help me process & manage my stress, my grief & my frustration, will ultimately leave me with a much better understanding of myself, and a deep inner knowledge of who I am, and who I am becoming.

I found this to be a very positive reading for me.  It reinforces that although things are difficult right now, and I will need to beat my own drum more, things will work out for the best.  I may need to take some action to clear away the drums that aren’t playing my tune, despite what they claim, but I think I can handle it.

Week 27 – How can I strengthen my connection to my gods? (TarotReading #FörhäxaTarot #CelticWisdomTarot #52WeekProject)

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I have developed a daily devotional practice honoring the Earth mother,  the nature spirits, the ancestors, the gods and goddesses that my people honored as well as specific individual deities with whom I feel a stronger connection.  I try to keep it fairly simple; offering nuts to the Earth mother, critter food to the nature spirits and tea to the ancestors and the gods.  I also used tea for the offering when I’m honoring a specific deity or ancestor, except my husband – he gets coffee.  So far this seems to work out very well.  After making an offering to a specific ancestor or deity, I take an omen ADF style.  When the ancestor or deity is Irish, I use my Celtic Wisdom Tarot for the omen.  For my Norse deities I pull a rune.  Usually this works fine but every so often things get confusing.

One of the deities that I am trying to build a stronger relationship with is The Morrigan.  I have felt drawn to her for many years, but haven’t actually taken any steps to enhance that bond.  So recently when I made my first offering to her as part of my daily devotional practice, I received The Shaper (Empress) reversed as my omen/message.  As soon as I saw this card I heard a voice in my head telling me “I am not your mother and this is not going to be a kinder, gentler relationship”.  Honestly this felt completely appropriate and typical of the kind of energy that I have often felt while working with The Morrigan.  She’s not soft and cuddly, and if that’s what I’m looking for she would not be the best goddess with whom to align myself.

The next time I made an offering the card I drew was the Augury of Skill (Ace of Wands) reversed.  The image on the card represents the Irish deity Lugh and his spear, which is considered one of the treasures of the Tuatha de Danann.  One of the aspects described to Lugh is that he is “many skilled”.  So I can see him being associated with the suit of Wands because he is a source of creativity.  However having this show up reversed is the message I received confused me a little bit. 

The next day the deity that I honored is The Dagda, the Good Father of the Tuatha de Danann, a god of great knowledge, a skilled warrior, and an inspired musician.  He possesses a cauldron from which none walk away hungry.  He also happens to be considered by many to be the husband of The Morrigan.  On a personal note, my husband always struck me as a wonderful embodiment of The Dagda’s energy manifested on this plane.  When I pulled a card to receive my message from him, I received the Queen of Battle, The Morrigan.  In my head I heard a voice telling me “you need to make sure you understand who she is and what she will be requiring of you”.  In other words I had to make sure I had made “right” my relationship with The Morrigan.

So to help me figure out the best way to do this I pulled three more cards for clarification.  I asked The Morrigan what was the best way to establish a “right” relationship with her?  I drew Woman of Battle Rx, Quest of Art, and Woman of Art (Page of Air Rx, 10 of Water & Page of Water).  When I looked at these cards I got distracted by the figures from Irish mythology and folklore that they represented.  The Woman of Battle is Queen Maeve.  The 10 of Art shows the Salmon of Wisdom being found in The Well of Segais.  The Woman of Art represented by  Boann, the goddess of the Boyne River whose mythology is also associated with The Well of Segais.  My initial response to reading these cards is that The Morrigan was showing me that our relationship will be a battle but not one of the mind.  She doesn’t really need to work on my intelligence or mental abilities, because I am fairly comfortable and confident in these areas. However the presence of the 10 and Page of Water suggest that where we will battle is the realm of emotions, the heart. I decided to pull the matching cards from the Förhäxa Tarot to help clarify things for me. It also intrigued me that the two Water cards are connected with a well known as a source of great wisdom. In other words, if I want to actually acquire wisdom, not just knowledge, I need to dive into The Well of my own emotions.

Celtic Wisdom Tarot
Förhäxa Tarot

Looking at these cards I had to laugh. The wasp-like shape of the Queen of Air reinforces the idea that I’m going to get stung with some things, will be hurt, but ultimately will be helped. The only way for me to move forward is to let go of the past. The Page of Air Rx suggests that in the past focusing more on my intelligence, logic, and knowledge was a way of protecting myself. If I became like Mr Spock, I wouldn’t have to worry about being hurt by the slings and barbs of others. In some ways, I see myself as Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. I may be insensitive and seem heartless, but most times it’s because I just don’t understand what it is people want or expect from me. I know I should offer distressed people a hot refreshing beverage but don’t always understand why. The roots of that developed as an effort to protect my very soft inner center from the pain of friends who betrayed me or classmates who mocked me. I understand that in many cases they were as clueless as I was, but those barbs dug deep and still reside in my soul. As a result, I put on very thick armor to pretend none of it impacted me, didn’t bother me. In reality I was curled up and crying on the inside.

Similar messages have appeared for me numerous times over the past few months.  It has become clear that one of the lessons I need to learn moving forward is to grow more comfortable with that side of my nature; to explore my inner emotions.  This is rarely something I will do voluntarily.  So it makes perfect sense that the only lens through which I would be willing to explore this side of my nature is the one provided by The Morrigan. She’s not going to cuddle me and Pat me on the back saying “there, there”. Instead she is basically going to slap me at the back of the head and say “put on your big girl panties, and keep going. All of this is in the past. It can’t hurt you anymore unless you let it”. The truth is I know that, but very much like exercising or eating right, that’s often the harder choice to make, so I avoid it. The Morrigan is showing me she’s not going to let me avoid this anymore. I’m both a little terrified and excited. This will really be uncharted territory for me.

Week 24 – New Moon in Aquarius Spread (TarotReading #FörhäxaTarot #52WeekProject)

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  • What unique talents can I share with the world? The Tower
  • How can I trust my intuition more fully? The Hermit Rx
  • What vision for the future is awakening in me? Temperance Rx
  • Who are my friends and how do they make me feel? Page of Fire
Förhäxa Tarot

I have to admit drawing The Tower as the answer to what talents I can share with the world was a bit off putting. But when I look at the image on the card it made me think of the benefits The Tower brings, just like the benefits after a volcanic eruption. Initially the devastation seems cataclysmic, but over time, once the rebuilding starts, we realize this is an opportunity to do things differently, possibly better. How does this tie in with talents I can share with the world? I’m not actually certain but the answer that came to me is that sometimes I am like that Tower. I sometimes look at things differently and perhaps I’m able to help other people tear down things that are preventing them from seeing things more clearly and from a different perspective

The Hermit Rx suggests that the best way to trust my intuition more fully is to take that journey within myself. I need to explore the inner workings of my own psyche and forge my own way through whatever overgrowth, also known as societal conditioning, is preventing me from achieving this. I tend to see myself as a very left brained, logical, rational Swords kind of person. However a recent conversation with a dear friend has made me realize I’m not very Swordsy. I am intellectual, but in a very Wands way. The belief that I am logical and rational has always made me scoff at the idea that I might have any inherent psychic ability, and caused me to mistrust my own intuition. I think The Hermit is showing this is a journey I have to make on my own, but it’s not outside it’s within.

I see the reversed Temperance card as the second phase of The Hermit’s journey. Once I have tapped into my intuitive nature and explored my psychic talents, I think this will allow me to find an inner balance between left-brain and right-brain. I love how the image on this card has her hands up and is embracing water from both left and right sides. She is pouring it into herself; purifying herself. She’s not overwhelmed by this water but channeling it. Considering I’ve always been very open about my lack of comfort with emotions and the Cuppish realm, I find this card especially empowering because it suggests that doing this work will enable me to become more comfortable with my intuitive, emotional side, and not feel overwhelmed by it.

I had to smile when I saw the Page of Fire show up in answer to the last question because it really struck me as such a clear message. My friends are people who like to explore new ideas, and get excited about new concepts. They are people who inspire me and help light my fires when it feels like they are burning low. They are people who like to have fun and can be serious at the same time.

I really appreciate that this reading begins and ends with very fiery imagery. I think it symbolizes my journey. I start off very explosive and sometimes out of control, but through the path of The Hermit and Temperance, I learn to control my energies so that they become something I can channel in ways that are more healing and beneficial to me and to others in my life.

Week 17 Gifts of Imperfection Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

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This spread is inspired by Brené Brown’s book of the same name

How can I let go of who I think I’m supposed to be? Master of Skulls Rx – This card is showing me that I need to let go of my fear of becoming my father. Much of my life I imposed certain conditions upon myself because I feared becoming like my father. In fact many of my decisions were to avoid that and thus lead me to developing “anti-dad” tendencies. The Master of Skulls offers me the insight that I can leave this behind. I can move forward without every decision being connected to my father – pro or con. I can work on healing my heart and emotional landscape; become a midwife to my own soul; listen to the poetry in my heart.

How can I embrace who I am? 8 of Skulls – Edgar Allen Poe’s freshly torn from his chest, bisected heart graces the small guillotine. Boy does this describe me right now. Losing my hubby has left me feeling that my heart has been torn asunder and I’m not operating on full thrusters. However it also reminds me that even with a heart not at its best, I can still live a full life. I can accept that a piece of me did die with my hubby but that doesn’t mean I’m dead. I can move into the future, embracing new opportunities and new experiences. Who knows, I may even find love again. I won’t be what I had with my hubby but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth striving and fighting to experience.

What have my imperfections gifted me? 3 of Sticks – The name Bramwell on this card made me thing of the Bronte sisters’ brother (Branwell), to whom they dedicated much attention and devotion. In this image see a mausoleum with the word Thorn on it. It resonated with my because I have also spent many of my recent years dedicated to caring for someone who cannot fully appreciate it or understand the sacrifices it entails. It is a thorn in one’s spirit that you cannot remove because its removal will cause as much pain as it’s placement. What this card is telling me is that one this aspect of my life is laid to rest, I will be able to go on; I will find new creative outlets, new projects, new things about which to become passionate and engaged.

Master of Skulls Rx, 8 of Skulls & 3 of Sticks from The Crooked Way Tarot

This reading is reassuring because it offers the hope of a broken heart being healed and frustrated creative energies finding new outlets. However, this healing and bursts of energy won’t happen unless I work for it. I have to engage in this process and listen to the messages and lessons I’m being offered. It seems that’s a universal challenge. We are often offered insights, messages and signs telling us how we can make healthy changes to improve our lives and yet we resist. We prefer to remain comfortable in our ruts and avoid making the tough calls. If I want to improve my own life then I have to break this pattern in my own life.

Week 14 Election Spread (#TarotReading #HauntedHouseTarot #52WeekProject)

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As tomorrow is Election Day and I think the outcome of the election is going to have significant long term consequences, I decided to do a reading about it. Using my trusty Haunted House Tarot, I asked the following three questions: 1 – What do we need to know about this election? 2 – What is the likely outcome of this election? 3 – what will help us heal and move forward after this election? Below are the answers I received.

Queen of Cups Rx, Queen of Pentacles Rx, and 8 of Cups Rx from The Haunted House Tarot by Sasha Graham and Micro Pierfederici

I think one would have to be living in a cave to not realize that this election may prove to be a highly contentious one in America whose outcome is likely to be challenged at various levels. The campaigning has been aggressive, filled with falsehoods and exaggerations on both sides, and haunted by the lingering specter of the former president’s claims of election fraud. If I have learned one thing watching people’s responses to the politicians running and their campaigns’ agendas, it’s that the majority of people are not being influenced by the facts but rather are motivated by their party affiliation and personal interests. How this may or may not impact the outcome of the election has yet to be seen. I find it rather frustrating that many of us are falling into the pattern of seeking out facts that reaffirm our existing belief system instead of trying to get to the truth. I don’t necessarily think this is different from the way we have all decided who to vote for in the past but it seems to have more impactful consequences this election.

I’ve decided I’m not going to offer any interpretation of these cards at this point because I’m honestly not clear on the message, except the final card. I think the 8 of Cups Rx is suggesting that the only way we can move forward as a nation is to leave the hurts and negative emotions behind us; let them stay in the past and try to work together in the future.

Addendum November 9, 2022: So, the election is over and some results are still being tabulated. As things stand right now, it looks like the Democrats lost both houses of Congress. That may change after every vote is counted, but I’m not very hopeful. I think the reversed Queens in this reading were telling me that emotions and financial considerations played a major role in how people voted (d’uh 🤦‍♀️) but that they weren’t operating from a nurturing, heart-centered mindset. Instead, fear and “mine, me, mine” won the day. How that will impact this country going forward will depend on how petty and vengeful those now in power become.

Week 11 Caring for Myself (#TarotReading #DarkWoodTarot #52WeekProject)

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Last week’s left me wondering how I could follow the message of the Page of Cups – taking better care of myself listening to my inner self. So I decided this week that would be the focus of my question. I kind of loosely envisioned the positions as Body, Mind and Spirit, but I wasn’t focused on those positions when I pulled the cards. Of course, as is so often the case in my relationship with Tarot and this deck in particular, I didn’t need to focus on positions to get the message I needed to hear.

The World, The Sun and 10 of Swords from Sasha Graham’s Dark Wood Tarot

The first thing that struck me about all three of these cards that they’re female, which I love. It makes it that much more personal for me. Two of these women are entirely nude, which reminds me that the best way to actually make myself a priority is to be completely honest with myself; to bare my soul, no matter how frightening that might seem. The figure in the final card wears a very revealing dress which suggests she is in the process of baring herself in order to move on to the next level.

The World reminds me that it’s time to make my physical health a priority; to make it the center of my focus. For many years my own health and physical needs have been put on a back burner and I’ve suffered the consequences of that choice. If I want to move forward from a place of health and wellness, I need to focus on eating well and being more physically active. I want to get to a place where I’m as proud of my physical self as the woman on this card.

The Sun, a card for which my Leo Sun has a strong affinity, shows me that my mindset also needs a shift so that once again I understand that it’s okay to make myself a priority. To move forward with a healthy mindset, and let go of the guilt and responsibility that have been holding me down for the last few years, I need to accept that it’s my time to shine; my time to be in the Sun. It’s okay to shine and not hide my light because I might be worried about other people will think. The Sun also reminds me that it’s okay to be warmed by the recognition and praise of others. I’m often very resistant to compliments. The Sun reminds me that there’s nothing wrong with having one’s achievements recognized.

The 10 of Swords suggest that this might be the most challenging part of my journey, the one I struggle with the hardest. At the same time, it may be the most achievable because it’s the one requiring the most practical steps. This will require me to face all those inner demons and slay them; to make my own journey into the darkness of my soul like Inanna. I have a feeling it’s going to be like lancing a boil or removing a splinter – initially painful, but ultimately necessary to allow healing.

Overall I find this reading very positive and a reminder that many of the things I’m struggling with right now can be changed by a shifting of mindset and being more positive and gentle with myself. Pounding myself into submission isn’t the answer to this situation. It requires a more subtle, sharp, Swords approach rather than my usual blunt, Wands approach. If I can follow the advice of this reading I think it will produce a hugely positive outcome which will produce long term, life changing benefits.

Week 8 The (Un)Stuck Spread (#TarotReading #DarkWoodTarot #52WeekProject)

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I’ve been feeling spectacularly stupid lately. I’m second-guessing myself and questioning every decision I make. Much of this is the result of a bad judgment call I made a few weeks ago, prepaying someone for a job that hadn’t been completed yet. That person is now demanding more money to complete the work that should have been covered by the original payment. This is made me feel I’m on shaky ground, and caused me to feel like the first class fool. So I decided to do what I always do when I feel this way – work with my Tarot deck. I found the spread below in Sheilaa Hite Presents 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters Vol 1. I don’t necessarily need to explore why I feel foolish but how I can get rid of that sensation.

The (Un)Stuck Spread by Sarah Berry
Knight of Wands Rx, The Tower, The Star + 4 of Pentacles Rx Dark Wood Tarot

The Knight of Wands Rx reveals the I need to let go of the idea that I can handle things the way I could when I was younger or when I had John. I just don’t have the same energy level that I had when I was in my 30s or even 40s. The book offers this tidbit “Small issues steal focus from productive energy”. I think this is another way of saying that my energy is so scattered that I can’t focus on anything right now. I need to focus my energies on what’s really important and break free of the distractedness that is sapping my resolve. The truth is I’m not a good multitasker. So, instead of fighting against myself I need to start handling things one issue at a time and then move on to the next one.

The tower is a reminder that I’ve experienced three dramatic life-altering stressful issues all at once. That’s not an easy thing to process, and I need to allow myself to take the time necessary to process it. I haven’t fully processed John’s death. Trying to arrange for Edward to be settled somewhere, and selling this house on top of that is probably much too ambitious right now. Dealing with any one of these issues right now would be a challenge; trying to handle all three at once is insanity.

The Star is telling me that there is always hope. It always seems darkest before the dawn, but eventually there will be healing and a Star to guide me on my way. It’s something that can sustain me when things feel overwhelming.

The 4 of Pentacles Rx is reminding me that I need to work on not holding so tightly to things; not to be pennywise and pound foolish. I also think it’s a reminder not to ignore my own health and physical needs, which has been easy to do with what’s been going on.

It’s ironic, this reading told me exactly what I needed to hear right now to kickstart me and help me feel unstuck. It’s always fun when the Tarot gives me a smack upside the head and reality check.

Week 4 – Being Oblivious (#TarotReading ##LePsychoTarot #52WeekProject)

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For this moon cycle I’ve decided to switch up my decks and use the Le Psycho Tarot. This is a French Canadian reissue of a 1974 deck, originally called The New Tarot, created by William Hurley and J.A. Horler. It has a very late ’60s early/’70s vibe to it and hasn’t been appreciated in a while, so I thought it was time.

This week I’ve been a little all over the place so I decided that I was going to focus on:

  • What am I ignoring or oblivious to that could improve or enrich my life?
  • How can I activate or tap into this?
  • What do I need to be cautious about while doing this?
King of Cups, Princess of Swords and 10 of Swords – Le Psycho Tarot

The first thing that struck me looking at the King of Cups is that he’s holding his heart in his hand, however he isn’t looking at it. He also seems to be completely naked. This tells me I’m ignoring things which will bring me emotional fulfillment and maturity. I may be able to hold my heart in my hands, but I’m not exploring it, I’m not considering what will make it healthy and whole again. I need to Bear my heart to my mind and be willing to face whatever truths arise. I have to become a counselor to my own heart because I’ve been avoiding this for too long. I have often been open about the fact that I prefer to avoid dealing with the suit of Cups and emotions because it’s not an area with which I’m comfortable. This kind of cups is showing me that I’m going to have to get over that discomfort and face some truths.

The Princess of Swords seems to be holding lightning in her hands. I find it interesting that it’s suggesting I can activate my emotional, heart energy by unleashing my mind, my mental energy; trapping lightning in a bottle. I also think the youthfulness implied by the Princess shows this is about learning to be more fluid in how I perceive and think about things, not rigid and fixed. Which is a trait I fully admit to having. It’s interesting because in the last few days I’ve been talking with friends quite a bit about the fact that this phase of my life feels very much like reconnecting with younger me. Becoming a widow has given me the independence and self-reliance that I had before boys became an interest. My inner warrior maiden has connected with my battle tested crone, if you will.

The last card I drew is the 10 of Swords. The hooded executioner figure certainly seems ominous but I think in this case his reflecting the end of a cycle that can now be put to rest. At the same time I think he’s warning me that I need to be cautious about any mental pain this whole process will unleash. Let’s face it healing isn’t a painless process. Whether it’s physical or psychological we often have to push past the pain so that we can start to get better. I think that’s what the 10 of Swords reflects here. Digging into one’s heart or psyche to release the toxins within gets worse before it gets better. If I give in to the pain and quit I’ve achieved nothing. So I think this executioner is reminding me that in order to align my chakras, and release that trapped untapped energy, if you will, I need to be willing to do the work and push through the pain. At the same time I need to be very clear that it’s okay to take breaks from the pain as long as they don’t become permanent. As my dear friend Diane often tells me, I need to remember to be gentle with myself.

So this is my fourth week of my 52 week project. I hope these readings are providing additional insights for anybody reading them. Granted they are fairly personal because I often find that I learn more from others experiences then from objective impersonal concepts.

Anniversary Gift (#PearlsofWisdomTarot #TarotReading #HealingJourney

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Today would have been my 36th wedding anniversary, and my first without John. I miss him in ways I can’t fully describe. I’m still getting used to functioning without him; learning to adapt and adjust. Every so often I still get teary, in fact it’s happening now, but overall I’m learning how to be without him. I’ve always wondered if I could live independently because when I married John I moved from living with my parents to living with him. I was never fully independent or forced to deal with things on my own. Now I am and, although I’m proud I’m doing well, I wish I didn’t have to learn that answer.

I decided to pull two Tarot cards reflecting what anniversary gifts John would like to give me this year. Using the vibrant & joyful Pearls of Wisdom Tarot, I drew the 4 of Cups reversed and 3 of Pentacles

As soon as I saw this I understood my husband’s message. Looking at the 4 of Cups, I immediately heard the lyrics from the song Jesus sings in the Garden of Gethsemane in Jesus Christ Superstar, “take this cup away from me tried for 3 years seems like 30”. The cup in this case is my brother-in-law Edward, who is deaf and developmentally disabled. I have been his primary caregiver since 2009. It was difficult enough when I had John here to help, but for the past year it’s been exhausting and overly stressful. John is telling me that soon the cup will be taken away from me, the responsibility removed from my hand, and that he’s watching over me and helping in any way that he can.

The 3 of Pentacles is John pointing out that once I have my freedom I can start exploring new learning opportunities and new experiences. I can go back to school or take classes to acquire new skills. My future will be under my own control. I can build the future that I want, and I have John’s love and support to do that.

The amazing thing about our relationship is that John fully supported me in whatever I wanted to do. He was my biggest cheerleader, even if he thought what I was doing was not a good idea. He let me make my mistakes and then gave me a bit of an I told you so but didn’t gloat. We often spoke about what might happen if he pre deceased me, not that we expected it to happen when it did. He was always clear with me and anyone else he discussed these issues with that he did not want me to be trapped caring for Edward for the rest of either of our lives. As much as I care for Edward, and want to see him in a safe nurturing environment, I can’t provide that for him. So this is John giving me his stamp of approval for taking steps to find some place Edward can be cared for in a way that will best serve him. It’s truly the best gift John could have given me.