I asked my ancestors for guidance, insight and wisdom. This was their response.
“You are the perpetual student, the eternal learner. You are always seeking new knowledge and pursuing new areas of exploration. Even when you master one thing, you eagerly seek to start over again in a different arena. The challenge for you is relaxing and enjoying what you’ve acquired before charging off into your next Quest.”
This message is very true. One of the challenges I regularly deal with is that I am a bit like a dog chasing a squirrel; haring off down a new path without completing the original journey. I do this with many of my hobbies and creative outlets. My ancestors are telling me to “stop and smell the roses”. They’re reminding me that I need to actually embrace what I’ve learned, to implement and put it to use in my life before seeking a new challenge.
So, my ancestors were unexpectedly charitable today. Instead of the usual smack upside the head (in a loving, concerned manner of course), I got a bit of an “attagirl”. They’re reminding me that I’ve learned a lot over the years. In fact, I’ve learned enough that I could teach certain things if I chose to do so. I just need to maintain confidence in myself; keep my expertise, enthusiasm, and ability to engage others in the forefront. I also need to make sure I enjoy what I’m doing. At the end of the day what I know and how I convey that is only beneficial if I enjoy doing it. Otherwise, it becomes just one more chore over the course of my life.
I’ve been reading Alice Miller’s “The Body Never Lies” I felt it resonate within me. In the book, Miller addresses the damage abusive parenting can cause in our lives. Specifically, she connects diseases in adulthood, ranging from asthma to mental illness, to harsh, cruel parenting styles. Miller uses the histories of well-known writers to support her theories and, while I think she makes some overly enthusiastic leaps of logic, her premise rings true.
One of the points Miller makes that I find intriguing is that we block these abuses from our memories because adherence to the 4th Commandment (honor thy father and mother) is so prevalent in our society that we don’t even realize its impact. We can’t reconcile our need to honor our parents with the realities of the abuses we experience and this manifests in physical and mental ailments. Our souls and psyches are broken on the wheel of obedience to our parents’ wills and societal demands that we honor our abusers.
I know in my own life I was frequently told not to speak ill of my parents; that I didn’t’ understand what they had gone through. Depending upon my age and attitude at the time I might ignore the comments or I might choose to unleash a rage-filled diatribe against the offender, explaining to him or her that they were talking out their ass. In some respects I consider myself blessed because I seem to lack that personality trait that requires me to absolve my parents of their sins against me. I may have learned to forgive my parents but it doesn’t ameliorate the abuses to which they subjected me. However, my goal here is not to revisit these abuses or even to explore Miller’s theories. Instead, I want to use Tarot to explore my own responses to this childhood abuse and how I can heal from it.
So my question is: How have childhood traumas impacted me: Physically? Dancer of Money & the Material World Emotionally? Muse of Self Psychologically? Sage of Money & the Material World Rx How can I move forward and heal this damage? Muse of Money & the Material World Rx
Looking at these cards the initial message I receive is that as a result of my childhood experiences I have a chip on my shoulders; always struggling not to lose myself beneath the weight of those experiences. I can also be emotionally closed off and protective of my heart. At the same time, I am willing to keep struggling uphill and I’m comfortable exploring those dark places within myself; to explore my shadow side. I’ve also put a lot of time and effort into mastering and exploring my psyche so the damage has been exposed, explored and expunged.
Moving forward, I think the key to dealing with this is to remember that it is in the past, it can’t hurt me anymore. I know how to balance the anger and betrayal I feel towards my parents because of those traumas against the love I genuinely do bear them. I can understand some of what damaged them and lead to this abuse but that doesn’t exonerate them. I think the primary difference between my experience and those Alice Miller writes about is that I never accepted it was okay. I never forgot or tried to downplay those memories. I was also fortunate enough to have a husband who bore witness and reinforced that I had every right to hate my parents for what they did to me. So, although I am certainly damaged by my childhood trauma I have also healed and learned to move forward.
How are you undervaluing yourself? What can you do in order to get what you deserve?
Hmm, it appears that I don’t appreciate things at which I have some expertise or mastery. I might have mentioned several times in the past that I often view my accomplishments as something easily dismissed as not difficult to achieve. I think that’s the message the reversed King of Wands is giving me – undervaluing my skills equals undervaluing myself. Not appreciating what I’ve accomplished in my life makes it seem as though I don’t count; have little to offer.
The reversed Six of Pentacles shows that although it’s nice to be generous, giving away too much undermines the worth of my skills and gifts. Unfortunately many people associate value with cost; being overly generous with my gifts sends the message to others that my skills are of little value. If I don’t value my gifts and skills, consider them worthy, then how can I expect others to do so?
I would advise my younger self that I will eventually manifest the life I truly desire. I will become comfortable in my own skin and not need external validation and approval. My life will have the things I truly need to be content and happy, even if those things turn out to be markedky less “stuff” than I imagined I needed to be happy and fulfilled.
Restricting myself according to others’ rules will never serve me well. Limiting myself to meet others’ standards will frustrate me and lead to a lot of sublimation and retail therapy. Regretting instances where I let myself become ensnared is natural but letting them continue to haunt me puts the control and power in someone else’s hands. Screw that! Once free of those restraints, i need to leave them in the dust at my feet and move forward; reclaim my life and pursue my future.
How connected are you to your personal power? What gets in the way? How can you best manifest the power that lays within you?
I find this reading fascinating (of course it’s about me so that might be just a tad self-centered). The Queen of Cups suggests that I see my personal power more as potential, a dream than as a reality. I know it’s there but I don’t tap into it or even believe in it. My power is really more wishful thinking.
What prevents it from manifesting is that I don’t believe it can manifest. My realistic, practical side battles with my intuitive, dreamy side. I remember readings a short story many years ago about children who exhibit psychic abilities. To test how reliable they are a government official forces the teacher to tell a levitating child that his skills are impossible; he cannot really be doing this. The child loses faith in his abilities and his desk crashes to the ground never to rise again. I feel like that child. I sense that I have untapped psychic abilities but because I don’t have faith in myself I find it impossible to tap into them.
The Fool is the key. Its message is that I can tap into these powers by believing in myself; having faith in myself. Doing the complete opposite of the child in the story referenced above. Can I do that? I have no idea. What I do know is that I can try. After all, if I don’t have faith in myself how can I expect others to have faith in me?
You have all that you desire, all the wealth you ever wanted, but it isn’t providing the satisfaction you believed it would. Instead, you’re trapped by your own mind. You think you have to continue maintaining this lifestyle; to keep up with the Joneses, but is that accurate? Maybe it’s time to put that mindset behind you, remove your blinders and take a reassess your priorities.
You’re surrounded by abundance and plenty but feel as though you’ve lost your mind. You’ve lost sight of what you once believed and your view of the world. Now you’re wondering what you can do to change this situation. The reality is, accepting this is the biggest part of the struggle. if you truly wish to free yourself from this current reality all you have to do is try.
You feel as though you have so much while others around you are suffering. At the same time you feel as though you are helpless, powerless to change this situation. That is a fallacy. You’re in a uniquely perfect position to make positive changes if you choose to do so. The first step is removing your blinders and seeing yourself for the powerful, influential person you truly are. Stop merely thinking about making changes and start talking to those who can help get your message across.