So I know I’ve been missing for quite a while. Life’s been challenging but I want to get back into posting Tarot readings and other content to this blog and hopefully there’s still people out there who want to read it. So I decided to set a challenge for myself. I’m going to challenge myself to post at least one Tarot card reading a week for the next 52 weeks. For the most part they’ll be three card readings because those are just the types I prefer. This is my first entry.
I focused on “What will bring me joy this week?” “What will cause sorrow?” “What will help me balance between them?”
Temperance shows me that joy can come from moderation and finding the way to forge balance between my obligations (those things I must do) and my hobbies and interests (those things I want to do). It reminds me of the Serenity Prayer, and that I need to understand that certain things are just out of my control. No matter how much I try, I won’t make any headway with those. At the same, time there are steps I can take to try to change those circumstances. So, I need to focus on not causing myself stress by fighting against circumstances over which I have no control. I also need to allow myself to accept that it’s okay for me to have fun, even while dealing with these obligations. As the saying goes, all work and no play makes one a dull girl.
The 2 of Wands reversed speaks to me on two different levels. On a personal level, it’s pointing out that it’s okay to get frustrated over the fact that all my excitement over new adventures and new experiences is temporarily dashed. It doesn’t mean it’s forever, but at this point those goals are stymied. It’s also a reminder that I may see other people exploring new projects and opportunities and feel a little resentful because I’m in a holding pattern. Or, on a more macrocosmic level, I may see other projects that I don’t want to see come to fruition because I disagree with their goals or agenda. I just need to remind myself it’s okay to be said about all of that.
In between, the Page of Pentacles show that balance will be found in practical, grounded responses and reactions rather than my usual fiery and impulsive ones. I also think its reminding me to use this opportunity to learn more about myself and find ways to express my creativity and find fun in things I can do right now. It may be time to reacquaint myself with SARK.
So, I’m having a problem with a neighbor over a small piece of property that belongs to me. She, however, feels that it is part of her property and has decided to try staking her claim by putting a chair on my property as though marking her territory. She’s never directly confronted me. Although, when I questioned her about what she was doing on the property, she did become rather verbally aggressive telling me she would not speak to me, and I should call the police. So I did. Naturally, it proved futile because she still behaves as if it’s her property.
I was becoming very stressed out by this. Headaches, anxiety, nervous stomach all decided to pay me a visit. One consistent trait I possess is that I’m very outwardly expressive when it comes to anger, I don’t internalize it. I sometimes joke that if depression is anger turned inward, I won’t suffer from it because I prefer to turn my anger outward. This situation, however, was getting the best of me. So I decided to do something about it because it had become intolerable and unacceptable.
When I find myself in times of trouble, Tarot always comes to me. So I did what I always do when I need clarification, I pulled cards! First I asked the Morrigan (my Matron goddess) “What is my neighbor’s problem? Then I asked my husband “How should I handle this?” And finally I asked my ancestors for additional insight or clarification. Here are my answers;
The Morrigan showing me my neighbor’s problem as the King of Cups suggests to me that this woman would benefit from therapy. I’ve seen her in other circumstances and she becomes easily agitated and emotionally overwrought, disproportionate to the situation. She definitely gives off a vibe of an out of control neighbor who could easily cross the line into potentially harmful confrontations.
My husband sending me the Strength card as the answer to how I should handle this is just so true to who he was, and how he saw me. This is John sending me support, and letting me know that I’m strong enough to handle this. I shouldn’t let this get the best of me. I don’t need to become aggressive in this situation, I just need to stay calm, not lose my cool, and do whatever is necessary legally to make sure that this is cleared up.
The final card, additional insight from my ancestors, is the 8 of Wands. As soon as I saw this image the first thing I thought of was people plugging in to a tree or waterway (appropriate, as this property is along an arm of a lake). That made me think of restoring myself by plugging in to the nature that’s surrounds me. Letting myself just relax by watching the squirrels and the birds and the other critters coexisting on this property. When I shared this reading with two friends, they both also pointed out that it could also symbolize plugging into my support network and my community so that I know I’m not dealing with this alone.
This reading really helped me get a better handle and different perspective on this entire situation. I feel much calmer and much better able to handle it in a non-stress-inducing way. I’ve decided she can play all the games she wants and each time she puts that chair on my property I will remove it again. If she involves the police, I will just calmly explain that it’s my property and, unless she can prove otherwise, I’m going to remove anything on there that isn’t mine. In the meantime, I will figure out a way to put up a barrier or some type so she can’t access it anymore. Simple but clear steps that should prove effective.
I hope anyone reading this enjoyed the journey through my mini near breakdown. While I hope none of you need to deal with a similar situation, if you do, I hope this post will prove helpful in some small way.
ADDENDUM: I had a bit of an epiphany after posting this. 💡 I realized that although the King of Cups can indeed suggest that this neighbor would benefit from therapy; I think it’s also pointing out is that she is a master emotional manipulator. Now, that might not be the right interpretation for other people, but I have always had a problem with the suit of Cups. I would prefer to get Swords in a reading for myself over Cups any day (it’s my issue, I’m dealing with it). The point is, in my own readings, I often see the Cups Court cards as representing some type of emotional manipulation. As Mel Brooks said in History of the World, Part I “it’s good to be the king”. 👑 She enjoys the sense of power that playing these kinds of games gives her. To take away that power, I need to stop responding the way I have been. I need to remove myself from her little emotional games. I can’t believe I didn’t see that before! 🤦♀️
Today would have been my 36th wedding anniversary, and my first without John. I miss him in ways I can’t fully describe. I’m still getting used to functioning without him; learning to adapt and adjust. Every so often I still get teary, in fact it’s happening now, but overall I’m learning how to be without him. I’ve always wondered if I could live independently because when I married John I moved from living with my parents to living with him. I was never fully independent or forced to deal with things on my own. Now I am and, although I’m proud I’m doing well, I wish I didn’t have to learn that answer.
I decided to pull two Tarot cards reflecting what anniversary gifts John would like to give me this year. Using the vibrant & joyful Pearls of Wisdom Tarot, I drew the 4 of Cups reversed and 3 of Pentacles
As soon as I saw this I understood my husband’s message. Looking at the 4 of Cups, I immediately heard the lyrics from the song Jesus sings in the Garden of Gethsemane in Jesus Christ Superstar, “take this cup away from me tried for 3 years seems like 30”. The cup in this case is my brother-in-law Edward, who is deaf and developmentally disabled. I have been his primary caregiver since 2009. It was difficult enough when I had John here to help, but for the past year it’s been exhausting and overly stressful. John is telling me that soon the cup will be taken away from me, the responsibility removed from my hand, and that he’s watching over me and helping in any way that he can.
The 3 of Pentacles is John pointing out that once I have my freedom I can start exploring new learning opportunities and new experiences. I can go back to school or take classes to acquire new skills. My future will be under my own control. I can build the future that I want, and I have John’s love and support to do that.
The amazing thing about our relationship is that John fully supported me in whatever I wanted to do. He was my biggest cheerleader, even if he thought what I was doing was not a good idea. He let me make my mistakes and then gave me a bit of an I told you so but didn’t gloat. We often spoke about what might happen if he pre deceased me, not that we expected it to happen when it did. He was always clear with me and anyone else he discussed these issues with that he did not want me to be trapped caring for Edward for the rest of either of our lives. As much as I care for Edward, and want to see him in a safe nurturing environment, I can’t provide that for him. So this is John giving me his stamp of approval for taking steps to find some place Edward can be cared for in a way that will best serve him. It’s truly the best gift John could have given me.
The one year anniversary of my husband’s death is next week. On one hand, I can’t believe it’s been a year. On the other, hand it feels like he’s been gone far longer than that. My husband and I were together for 38 years when he died and it was very challenging learning how to deal with things on my own. I didn’t realize how many things he took care of for the both of us. I’m sure it would have been the same situation if I had died and he lived because we tended to divide up our responsibilities that way. There’s something both terrifying and reassuring about the fact that I’m able to handle a lot of this without John even if I wish I didn’t have to.
April 1, 1986 is the day John and I went down to City Hall in New York and applied for our marriage license. 36 years ago – seems like such a long time ago and yet I remember it like it was yesterday. In honor of this anniversary I pulled two cards from my Tarot deck while asking John for a message. This was his response
Seeing these cards I burst into tears because they are truly both such John energies, especially as they pertained to the way he cared for in about me. The Chariot suits John for many reasons: it’s his birth card; he was a car guy who loved tinkering with his vehicles; and he refused to let anyone else tell him what to do. He steered the course of his life, for better and worse. With this card John is reminding me that I need to be sure to take up the reins and guide my life going forward. I can certainly seeks advice and guidance from others, but I’m the charioteer now.
The 9 of Pentacles is John’s way of reminding me he always wanted to be sure I would be in a good financial place if anything happened to him. He has definitely done this. In fact, he could have retired but he continued to work. He wanted to be sure there would be enough in his pension to take care of me if something happened to him. Ironically that is what happened. He is visually showing me that he wants me to enjoy what I have and the time I have left. He wants me to be happy and healthy and take care of myself. I think the best way to honor John’s memory is to do that
So, since my husband died I find myself trying to speak with him every night before I fall asleep. I ask him to give me some kind of sign that he’s still with me in some way and I’ve never gotten one. It frustrated me because I believe in the afterlife and in the soul traveling to the Otherworld after death; and I felt like I was being cheated. I was rather angry about it. It was bad enough that he died on me but now I had no connection, no sense that he was still there at all. Until the other night.
I dreamed I was in my house, not a house I have ever actually owned but I knew it was my house. I also knew that my husband was there. I’m not sure how I knew this because I couldn’t see or hear him, but I was sure he was there. I was getting ready for something but I don’t know what. Then I heard footsteps walking through the house and knew that it was John coming my way. He finally stood in the doorway where I could see him. I took one look at him and turned away towards the wall screaming in horror. I was so terrified that I woke myself up and began sobbing. The figure I saw standing in the doorway bore almost no resemblance to my husband and in fact reminded me more of a Frankenstein type monster. I was shaken by this dream for days afterwards.
So, I processed this dream the way I process anything that bothers me – I did a tarot reading. Using Sasha Graham’s Haunted House Tarot, I pulled 3 cards:
What is the dream telling me? Knight of Wands Rx
Why did my husband appear that way? The Wheel of Fortune Rx
What terrified me? Justice
After looking at these cards, this is my interpretation of this reading. The first sentence that popped in my head upon seeing the reversed Knight of Wands is from the original Planet of the Apes movie. Dr. Zaius warns Taylor to be careful what he looks for because he might not like what he finds. I think that’s what this card is showing me. I’m trying to reach out beyond the veil for some type of reassurance from my husband but now might not be the time for that. What I discover might be more disturbing than I’m ready to handle. I have no idea how time flows in the afterlife or how a human soul processes transitioning to that level. Perhaps the living aren’t supposed to know these things or at least I’m not supposed to at this time.
The reversed Wheel of Fortune tells me that John appeared the way he did because he’s not finished transitioning yet. He hasn’t fully adapted to his new reality and so he looks like an unfinished science experiment. At the same time I can’t help but feel touched and reassured that despite this he still reached out to reassure me because he always tried to do that.
Justice was a little trickier for me to interpret. It wasn’t until I looked at the actual image on the card that a connection was made. The dream terrified me because if I had been able to fully connect to my deceased husband I think it would have thrown me off balance; so off balance that there would have been psychological and physical health repercussions. The female figure in the forefront of the Justice card looks like an old fashioned nurse. This makes me think that as things are right now my health would be endangered and that’s what terrified me. My soul was protecting itself.
When I first woke up from the stream I was so upset and disturbed. It really shook me. However, upon further reflection it has calmed me and helped me move forward in my grieving process. I realize now it’s not that my husband doesn’t want to connect with me; it’s just not advisable right now. Just knowing that he was willing to make the attempt, even if it wasn’t ultimately in either of our best interests, is reassuring and reminds me how much he loved me. I know now that I will reconnect with him someday; if not in this life then in the next. That makes me feel lighter.
Last night I attended a Tarot Meetup at the fabulous Crystals of Quartz store here in Greenwood Lake. These monthly meetups are led usually by Meghan and Jem but this month Syd, who owns the store, was the co-facilitator. It was a lively Meetup filled with a very diverse group of women ranging from two very mature and insightful young ladies of 9 and 13, to us more allegedly mature types in our 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and eternal.
We did a few different spreads and got some interesting messages. The one I’m sharing and focusing on here is a new moon spread exploring “What is the new moon teaching me?” Using Sasha Graham’s wonderful Haunted House Tarot, this was my answer: 3 of Cups Rx, Ace of Wands Rx & King of Wands Rx
The first thing I noticed is that everything is reversed which suggests to me that these are all areas which I haven’t fully manifested yet. The second thing is that two of the cards are wands suggesting my inner fire has been dampened, perhaps by the water the figure in the 3 of Cups is submerged beneath (my grief). I also think what I’m learning is how to shift this current circumstance so that I can activate the energies of these cards.
The 3 of Cups Rx reminds me that even if I can’t embrace it right now, I do have friends ready, willing and able to provide emotional support for me as I process my new status in life. The Ace of Wands reminds me that no matter how much I might wish to douse my own candle (in a vague, apathetic way) that’s not who I am. That’s really not who I want to be and that’s not who my John would want me to be. I think the King of Wands shows me what lies in wait once I can activate the candle shown in the Ace. The woman in his arms is Queen Debbie who was part of the ruling couple. Now she is morphing into a King in her own right; a Debbie who is master of her own fate and the final authority in her own life.
Quite honestly this felt very profound for me and it’s something I think is going to take me awhile to fully process. I’m both terrified and energized by the possibilities and potential that awaits as I move forward.
This is something I’ve been putting off for a while now. Partly because I’m a fairly private person and don’t like exposing parts of myself to the general public but somehow this felt important to address here. On April 8th I lost my husband of 35 years. He died of a massive heart attack and went the way he would have wanted to go quickly and probably painlessly. And while I’m happy that he didn’t suffer, I’m also angry that he left me. I realize that to some degree this was out of his hands but I’m convinced that his smoking along with stress contributed to this. Maybe if he had stopped smoking a few years back it wouldn’t have gone this way. I’m trying to adapt to this new status in my life. For the first time in 38 years I am not part of John and Debbie; I’m just Debbie, and I’m not sure how to be just Debbie anymore. So I’m learning.
I’ve been very lucky to have supportive friends and families helping me with this and I’ve been doing a lot of Tarot work. In fact I think the only reason I might avoid grief counseling is because of the Tarot. It’s reminded me that one gift from my husband that I need to carry forward is a belief in myself. He was always my biggest supporter and convinced that I could do anything if I focused on it. So now I need to focus on being a solo individual. It is both an exhilarating and terrifying concept.
In honor of Samhain I decided to do the Fruits of Wisdom spread from Christine Jette’s Tarot for All Seasons. I used the Trick or Treat Tarot and pulled the following cards:
Death reverse carries a fairly simple to understand message for me right now – I’m still processing my John’s death and it’s ramifications. I’ve accepted and continue processing his loss but what is more challenging to get a handle on is who I am in the wake of his death. I think that’s where the Ace of Wands comes into play. It’s reminding me that no matter how much I sometimes feel the desire to join John, the reality is that I’m not the tight to just lie down and die. It’s not who I am and it’s not what John would want me to do. The Fool reversed is pointing out that I need to release and let go of the pattern of stasis I’ve been in lately. I lost my faith in myself and it’s paralyzing me so it’s time to let it go; time to make those leaps of faith and believe things will work out; to explore the uncharted territory that is Debbie Alone. I need to protect and nurture all the skills I’ve acquired up to this point, embrace the lessons John taught and the knowledge I gained simply by watching and listening to him. The Knight of Pentacles has always been the court card I most associate with John. Showing up reversed here reinforces that while he might be gone from the physical realm he’s still alive in my heart and soul. The Page of Cups reminds me that at the end of the day I need to look within myself and reconnect with things that gave ME joy and make ME happy. For 38 years I’ve taken into consideration what kinds of things John liked to do and where my interests and his overlapped. He did as well; that’s what being in a relationship should be. Now that John is gone I have an opportunity to explore my interests and my joys. I don’t know where this will take me but I’m cautiously optimistic that it will be an interesting journey.
The root of the matter, what you need to do to keep both your feet on the ground? 5 of Swords
Career, attitudes about work – are you following your heart’s desire or just surviving? Page of Swords Rx
Finances, attitudes about money – Money is energy; is your energy blocked or does it flow freely? Queen of Swords Rx
Connections and sharing – how do you let your guard down to share with others? The Star
Health & healing; how do you nurture & care for yourself? The Sun
First harvest you have planted, the garden and the seeds of your life – What are you reaping for yourself based on your attitudes and behaviors? What are you harvesting? 8 of Pentacles
Fruition achievements maturation fulfillment satisfaction success – what are you thankful for? Life Renewed (Judgement)
The figure on the Five of Swords is fierce and determined. She looks like she’s going into battle convinced of the rightness of her cause and that others will follow her. In the context of this reading, I think she reflects that fighting for our truth, fighting for what we believe in, fighting for our ideals can help keep us grounded. The world is a very scary place right now and it’s easy to get overwhelmed by what’s going on. I think the Five of Swords shows that defending what we believe in gives us purpose. The unfortunate flip side to this is that those who disagree with us will be equally vehement in defending their beliefs and ideals. Sometimes, that’s the way it goes.
The reverse Page of Swords suggested right now might be a time to reassess what you’re doing on a professional level. Something isn’t sitting right for you at the moment. Perhaps you just don’t believe in the value of your job the way you once did. You’ve lost your sense of purpose. In the context of this spread it suggests that you’re letting the logical path (staying in a job you may no longer be passionate about because it’s a secure income) outweigh your desire to feel committed to your work; to feel that it has meaning and value.
The reverse Queen of Swords shows that right now your energy is blocked, especially as it pertains to finances. If we connect this to the Page of Swords reversed, perhaps this Queen is reflecting that you’re blocked because, although you’re getting paid, your current job not nurturing your inner self; it’s not allowing you to live up to your ideals and your beliefs. If that is one of your core values, then this might be an area that you address so all that blocked energy can be freed.
The Star reflects the hopefulness and trust we might need to bring to connecting with others. Let’s face it any relationship requires a certain amount of faith because we open ourselves up to others as reflected by the childlike figure on this card. That also leaves us vulnerable to being hurt and betrayed. What The Star shows us is that even if this is the case, hope will remain as a light in the darkness to guide us through it. As many public service announcements remind LGBTQ+ youth, it will get better. In this reading, I think The Star reminds us that if we close ourselves off to meeting new people, to exploring relationships with those that seem unfamiliar or have different viewpoints, we risk becoming isolated and rigid.
This was an interesting card in this position. The Sun is usually symbolic of celebrating ourselves and embracing our successes but in this case it’s reversed. I think that’s telling us that we can’t celebrate ourselves and embrace our achievements until we can value ourselves. Perhaps this ties in with the reversed Page and Queen in terms of one’s attitude towards their career and money. If someone sticks to a job they detest in order to maintain a secure income it might impact their self-esteem and sense of self; cause untold levels of stress that negatively impact one’s health. It’s hard to celebrate yourself and acknowledge achievements if these things have no value to you because they’re in a field that you no longer find fulfilling. So maybe the key to unblocking this energy is free the stuck energy reflected in positions 2 and 3.
The 8 of Pentacles is a reminder that we get out of this life what we put into it. If we continue forcing ourselves to pursue a path that no longer brings a satisfaction it’s going to impact our relationships, our health our sense of self. I love the energy reflected in this card because it seems a perfect melding of Earth and fire; of the physical and the energetic; of money and career. In order to get to this place perhaps we need to look at the other blocked areas and get them unstuck.
Life Renewed reminds us that there is a way out of the darkness. We can emerge from all this blocked energy filled with dissatisfaction and self doubt by changing our mindset. We need to reassess and reevaluate what we’re doing and see if it’s providing the benefit we desired. We don’t always have to work at a job that is our hearts desire as long as it fulfills a need and only you can decide what that need truly is. The important thing is to recognize whether you’re feeling trapped by the situation and if so what can you do to change it because only you can lead yourself out of the shadows and into the light.
The three Swords cards at the core of this reading suggest that healing this situation is going to depend upon changing our perspective and mindset. We need to communicate more effectively with ourselves and listen to our inner voice. We might also find it useful to communicate more effectively with others in our lives so they understand our thoughts about a situation and whether we are truly satisfied and fulfilled. And if not, what they can do, if anything, to help us change it. It’s useful to remember that others in our lives cannot read our minds. If we don’t tell them what we’re thinking, we can’t become upset when they don’t fulfill our needs.
I did this reading on the Solstice but, being the champion procrastinator that I am, I’m just getting around to posting it now. This spread is from Christine Jette’s book Tarot for All Seasons, which is filled with spreads for each Sabbat as well as the lunar cycles.
Position 1 – What will set your spirit free? – 3 of Zephyrs Rx I see this card as a reminder that sometimes we can hold on to past betrayals or painful experiences and this holds our Spirit back. I just heard it quote attributed to Stephen King that “ghosts are real and they live inside us”. I think to some degree that’s what this card represents – the ghosts that live inside us holding us back because we can’t move forward until we’ve laid those goes to rest. So in order to set our spirits free we need to release those ghosts and the lingering memories of the pain they might have caused so that we can move forward.
Position 2: Future Trends of Freedom and Liberation. Indicates possible scenarios based on influences at this time. Do you obtain your heart’s desire or are you setting up the wrong life? – 7 of Zephyrs Rx The image on this card shows a cuckoo laying its eggs in another bird’s nest. Considering it’s reversed, I think it’s a reminder that trying to obtain your heart’s desire at the expense of others will probably bring more harm than good. For example if you cast a love spell how could you ever be sure whether any resulting relationship is based on genuine love and attraction? Or if you pursued advancement in your career by detracting others efforts then is your success deserved? I suppose these are questions we can only answer for ourselves but it does raise interesting concepts to ponder.
Position 3: The Need for Protection. Shows your vulnerabilities or where you might block your heart’s desire. – High Priestess Rx This High Priestess shows a Chimera – a legendary creature composed of parts from different animals. The word can also refer to an illusion or fabrication of the mind. The reverse nature of the card in this position suggests that we are vulnerable and blocking our hearts desire because we don’t have the ability to imagine anymore; to see ourselves making our dreams come true. Sometimes the only way to create magic in our lives is to believe that we have the ability to create magic. Without a magical belief in our own abilities, we undermine ourselves.
Position 4: Future Trends of the Need for Protection. Are you on the path to fulfilling your heart’s desire, or do you need to go in another direction? – Ace of Zephyrs I think this Ace of Zephyrs shows us that we have the ability to achieve our hearts desire but we have to allow ourselves to see things clearly and align our disparate mindsets. In other words, I think this is showing we need to combine the magical thinking suggested by The High Priestess with a certain amount of reality and clearsightedness. The only way we can achieve our dreams, fulfill our heart’s desire is by both believing in ourselves and having a clear understanding of our capabilities and our skills. It’s showing us that we can always start anew, begin over again and change the path, to help guide us to our desired goal. All we have to do is change our mindset and believe in ourselves.
Position 5: Paying Attention to Intuition. Either describes how to develop the inner voice of the soul, or what may be blocking its development – Strength The best way for us to develop our inner voice of our soul is not to hide from ourselves and to be willing to actually make the attempt. Sometimes we can act like we’re tough and capable and strong enough to handle what life throws at us on the outside, but on the inside we’re the child hiding beneath the bison’s protective body. I think what Strength reminds us is that we need to have the inner fortitude to keep trying even when we fail the first few times. We need to be willing to pick ourselves up and keep working at it. After all, practice makes perfect and very few of us are perfect at something on our first attempt. At the same time we shouldn’t be hard on ourselves because we weren’t successful on our first attempt. We need to be gentle with ourselves; nurturing and protecting our fragile inner spirit.
Position 6: Future Trends in Psychic Development. Given the influences of the cards at this time, what is a probable outcome to your psychic development? – The Chariot I think the energy of The Chariot and the image on this card combine to remind us that our psychic development, or indeed our ability to achieve any goal, is a combination of being willing to take the opportunities offered to us as well as understanding that sometimes slow and steady wins the race. No matter how much we might wish it were different, life provides few fairy godmothers as well as rare instances of immediate success. The most successful people we know spend years honing their craft. I think this Chariot is reminding us that it’s equally appropriate when dealing with psychic development. Practice makes perfect and the longer we practice the better we will be.
Although the reading specifically addresses psychic development and achieving one’s heart’s desire I believe these cards can be applicable to any endeavor one pursues in life. We can’t let the ghosts of past failures paralyze us and hold us back. We need to be careful not to claim other people successes as our own. At the same time if we don’t believe in ourselves no one else will either. We also need to continually support and nourish our inner spark; treating it gently and with encouragement, not harsh criticism.
The best way to achieve our goals is to keep trying, be persistent even if we fail at first. We also need a clear understanding of our own skills and abilities. After all no matter how hard one might wish for it, if you’re not well coordinated and athletic the odds are you will never be a successful professional basketball player. However that doesn’t mean you can enjoy the experience of playing the sport just for the joy of it.
For the past few months I have been at loose ends. I can’t focus; haven’t been able to even start a new book; don’t even feel like changing out of my pajamas. As a result, I feel like a sloth. So I decided to gain some insight by using Tarot to explore what’s going on with me.
Using the Muse Tarot, I asked:
Why am I so unfocused? Queen of Materials Rx
What can change this? 10 of Inspiration
What underlying factors impact this? 3 of Voices Rx
Looking at the cards helped me realize that isolation and quarantine are negatively impacting me (something I’m sure us not unique right now. I can’t manifest what I want in my life. I’ve been forced into a caretaker role which is not innate to my nature and feels as though it’s sucking all my creative energies. I can’t focus on my needs and care for myself because I have to focus on others, and I rail against this restriction.
I can change this by taking baby steps; nurturing and tending to one interest, one creative endeavor even when I feel too worn out. Using the large amphora carried by the woman, I can carefully refill the smaller jars and slowly refuel. Instead of focusing on what I can’t do right now, explore what I can.
The reversed 3 of Voices touches on childhood feelings of feeling abandoned and excluded; as though I’ve been ditched in advance. Growing up I was always an oddball, a misfit and didn’t fit in well with most of my peer group. I had friends but even they didn’t get me. Quite often I felt like everyone else spoke in a code I didn’t understand and regularly mocked me (yes, I had issues). Being isolated and disconnected from friends and family right now triggers a lot of those feelings and made me realize it’s something I might need to work on a bit more.
I know I’m not alone in these feelings. In fact, in an odd way it’s reassuring to see other crafters expressing similar feelings or chatting with friends and hearing they’re going through their own moments of isolation and frustration. It helps me understand that I’m not in this alone, even if it feels that way right now. The best way for me to handle it is focusing on what I can do and using my creative energies in ways that revive and rejuvenate me.