Today I wondered what lesson I need to learn? Where should I be focusing my energy? I drew:
I need to learn to balance my energy and focus more effectively; blend what I must do with what I want to do. It would also help if I listened to my institution, trusted my inner voice. The truth is I know what to do and how to do it but I need to listen and trust in my inner wisdom; the self-knowledge woven through my soul.
What are you concealing from others? Is the decision to do so empowering or weakening?
I often conceal aspects of my personality from others. It’s a defense mechanism and way to avoid unnecessary conflicts. I detest pointless arguments so I tend to avoid discussing politics (especially these days), sports etc. Temperance reversed also suggests I hide aspects of my personality from myself because in some calculation methods, Temperance is one of my birth cards. I think I’m more well-rounded and blended than I admit. There are hidden depths to my psyche (despite my glib claim to being as deep as a babbling brook).
The reversed 5 of Wands reinforces the point that hiding elements if who I truly am is a pointless endeavor; an effort in futility. On one hand I may not be as discreet as I like to think. On the other hand, why bother? At this point in my life being true to myself is more important than fitting in, not that I’m usually that successful at it.
What is the state of your creative life? How can you foster it?
My creative life has gone down the sewer, drifted away like an unwanted toy boat. Okay, maybe that’s a bit over the top. However, looking at the image on this card reminds me of the opening scene of It when little Georgie Denbrough chases his toy ship along the sidewalk. It disappears into the sewer and Pennywise appears, snatching Georgie. Could Georgie have avoided Pennywise if he wasn’t so desperate to reacquire his boat? Could I rediscover my creative life if I was willing to explore new ideas & methods; if I didn’t cling to what I knew before? I’m guessing the answer is “Yes”!
Temperance again! Obviously forging a new path blending past pleasures and current obligations is the option for me right now. I’ve known this for some time, but the truth is I need to make sure I carve out time for myself. I need to actually use all of the creative tools at my disposal and not just add to the collection. I need to accept that it’s healthy and beneficial to make time for myself if I want to stay sane.
What do you need to grieve? How might you give yourself the permission you need to do so?
I need to grieve the lack of balance in my life; the loss of freedom and the ability to pursue my interests. There is little equilibrium between obligation and desire; between what I must do and what I want to do. It’s still difficult for me to accept. I know I’m doing the right thing but it’s certainly not my preferred thing.
I just need to move forward and reconnect with people the best way I can. I know I’m on the outside of the flow but that’s not so unusual. So, I need to find different ways to accept support and friendship; to keep connected to others. Facebook would probably be one easy solution but I despise FB so much, that isn’t really an option. I do have the telephone, email, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and MeWe, but none of these are the same as spending time with friends and loved ones but it’s better than nothing.
I know what will help me grieve and move forward. The challenge now us actually doing it.
How aware you of all of your different selves? How can you best honor and/or integrate them into your life?
I’m very aware of my different selves. I would say I’m the master of them but that would be quite an overstatement. I can say that I’m comfortably familiar with the ones I know and well aware there may be a few more waiting to be introduced. I’d hate to think that I am now all that I will ever be.
As for integrating them into my life, well, clearly I need to dance to the beat of my own drummer. I have to listen to the music that lives in my heart, creating moves that blend my current selves with any potential future selves. I need to learn to incorporate that which is and that which is becoming. Easy to say, perhaps not so easy to do but I look forward to the challenge.
You’re feeling torn and conflicted, unsure which path to choose. Part of you wants stability and emotional satisfaction while another side wants to be more daring and seek out physical gratification. In the battle between heart and body, which will win.
You dream of a knight in shining armor who will sweep you off your feet but all you’ve encountered so far are well meaning plodders caught up in the day to day grind. Perhaps you’re so caught up in your fantasy that you aren’t seeing things clearly. Your expectations might be unreasonable and unrealistic, leaving you few options and little opportunity for a fulfilling relationship.
Do you feel disconnected from your physical self? Are you more comfortable with emotional connections than physical ones? This separation between heart and body can lead to relationship and even health issues down the road. Now might be a good time for some introspection, journal work and physical activities like yoga or Tai chi to help reintegrate these different parts of yourself.
Buried deep within is the seed of financial success and physical comfort. To explore and enhance it requires a melding of personal needs and external requirements, of internal motivations and external goals. Accomplishing this may be easier said than done.
The hope and potential for new growth remains hidden. In order to manifest, you need to tend it and nurture it while not losing sight of your other needs.
Forging the various elements of your life and personality may seem overwhelming but remember that even when a seed is sprouting the result are not apparent immediately. Be patient, care for yourself and tend your inner garden and you may reap more than anticipated.