How are you feeling trapped? How did you get to this point? What is your next step?
I trapped myself into believing I would always be a student, never confident enough to practice or teach. Instead, I convince myself I still have more to learn. I don’t have faith in my skills and knowledge, too afraid to put myself out there.
I don’t value or nurture my own intellect. Instead I pretend I have nothing new to offer. Instead of trying to share my unique insights and thoughts and communicating them to interested parties, I downplay it; denigrate it; treat it as if it’s nothing special.
My next step is to change these things. To paraphrase line from Mad Max:. Beyond Thunderdome, I need to break a deal and spin the wheel. I need to break free from this mindset that undermines my confidence and prevents me from recognizing my gifts. I need to create magick in my life; break the curse under which I’ve placed myself. No one else can do it for me.
What I should be asking is what new opportunities await out there for me; how should I begin again? I do have faith in my abilities to accomplish things once I fully commit to them. In odd ways, I’m rather fearless (I may have self-esteem issues but as long as I don’t focus on them much, I can hold them at bay).
The reversed 5 of Cups reminds me that I’ve finish mourning what has been left behind. Yes, I’m sorry that my career ended the way it did, but there were aspects of it that were beyond my control so continuing to cry and gnash my teeth about it serves no useful purpose. Instead of obsessing about what has been lost, I need to focus on what I can still explore, still explore and discover about myself.
This question ties in beautifully with yesterday’s. Now that I realize I need to stop undervaluing myself I can consider what I need to celebrate about myself.
Clearly I’m not afraid to look foolish, to take a leap of faith. This was not always the case. It took me a long time to learn to laugh at myself and not take myself so seriously. On the positive side, if I am interested in pursuing something I rarely let fear or self-doubt hold me back. For example, I had no problem returning to college for a master’s in public administration when I was in my forties. I wanted to get the degree so I did it. Having said that, I’m also very comfortable with my skills and knowledge as it pertains to the academic realm. Which brings us to the reversed Ace of Swords.
The reversed Ace of Swords reminds me that I can be too cerebral and get lost in my own head. I have a proclivity towards researching something to death before actively pursuing it. This allows me to bog myself down in so much detail and research that I never actually start anything. I’m very good at studying and a little weak on application.
So, I think these cards are reminding me that I can take a leap of faith; I’m not afraid to start something new. I just have to be careful not to get so lost in my own head researching that I don’t take actual steps to pursuing these new interests.
Which of your creative gifts are lying dormant? How might you awaken them?
All of my creative gifts are dormant right now because I don’t have faith in them; I’m afraid to express them. One of my biggest challenges has always been to recognize my gifts and accomplishments. I fell into the mindset of believing that if I am good at something, gifted with a skill, then it mustn’t be that difficult. I also resist exploring unfamiliar territory. If I don’t think I can do something well the first time, I avoid trying it. This has limited me in a variety of ways and us something I’d like to move beyond.
I think one I’ve the ways I can awaken these dormant, unexplored creative gifts is to take breaks for myself. I recently decided to spend 15-30 minutes everyday in a mini-retreat. I will spend the time journaling or crafting, listening to music and meditating. This will enable me to shake myself loose from current, stifling patterns. I think this will help me reconnect to existing creative gifts and discover new ones.
You’ve been conserving resources, holding on to what you’ll need to help you move forward. Now you need to decide which dream to pursue; to focus on which dream to manifest.
You’re cautious in relationships, protective of your heart and guarded about sharing it. Right now you may have a few options for a romantic partner but in order to make things work you might find it beneficial to limit yourself to one committed partner. You’ll also need to risk opening up your heart and letting down your guards.
Feeling stable and secure in who you are and what you’ve achieved in your life has you in a good place right now; a solid point from which to pursue your heart’s desire. Now you just need to determine what your heart’s desire might be.
Earlier, I was reading @SusanAkaSARK’s book Living Juicy and was inspired by the entries for yesterday and today. Her focus is on believing – in miracles, in magic, in ourselves. As I read the entries I realized how important that is right now – belief. When the world seems to be determined to go to Hell in a handbasket, when it seems gloomy & hopeless on the best of days it can be difficult to simply believe. I do, despite my bitching, cynicism and occasional pontificating rants, I believe.
I believe that, despite how mind bogglingly insane America seems right now, we will find our way again. I believe in the goodness, kindness and decency of people as individuals. I believe that things can and will get better. Imagine my shock in realizing I’m a closet optimist! 😵 Who’d have thunk it? 😜
So, to share that sense of belief, hopefulness and optimism, here are two songs I hope will cheer you up.