Tag Archives: New beginnings

Week 45 – Stoplight Spread (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #52WeekProject)

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  • 1.  Green light: Something to pursue with speed – Page of Swords
  • 2.  Yellow light: Approach this with caution – 8 of Pentacles Rx
  • 3.  Red light: Something to be avoided – 7 of Pentacles Rx
7 of Pentacles Rx, 8 of Pentacles Rx & Page of Swords – Pam’s Vintage Tarot

The Page of Swords tells me that I need to start pursuing new ideas, new mental challenges, and a new way to sharpen the saw. To me this card speaks of needing to challenge myself intellectually; to find new ways of thinking about myself. I think this is a reminder that I should start exploring pursuing additional educational pathways. Looking into art classes I might enjoy or explore pursuing a new degree. I think the important thing about the Page is that it represents new experiences and taking things in a new direction.

To me the 8 of Pentacles Rx is a reminder that I need to get beyond seeing myself in the past. The perception that there are no new challenges for me because I’ve already mastered what I’m going to master in this life is a fallacy. It’s a mindset I need to avoid because it will limit me, and prevent me from exploring new territory and new challenges. I think it also reminds me that, going forward, my decisions do not have to be based on what I’ve accomplished in the past or financial considerations. I have a bit more flexibility, and the freedom, to try things that might not have an immediate financial benefit because that doesn’t have to be my priority right now.

The 7 of Pentacles Rx ties in with the message of the 8 of Pentacles Rx. It’s a warning not to rest on my laurels; not to spend the time I have left reflecting on past achievements and past glories because there are future ones waiting ahead. If I think that there are no new challenges awaiting no unchartered areas to explore, then in many respects I’m giving up. I will be in danger of calcifying and stagnating. If I want to keep expanding my horizons and knowledge base then I need to keep finding new interests and new pathways to reinvigorate and re-energize me. I don’t want to become a living mummy.

Overall this reading is showing me that there’s still a lot left for me to learn, and explore, and try. Well I may be at a point in my life where I could successfully teach that doesn’t mean that there’s no longer anything new for me to learn. I think that can sometimes be a danger to us as we get older. We think we know it all and there’s nothing new to teach us. Although I have no problem being cantankerous and cranky, I don’t want to be that person who thinks they know everything only to realize they know nothing and have missed the opportunities to learn.

Week 44 – How can I adapt to the changes I’m experiencing?  (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #NewMoon #Gemini #52WeekProject)

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Knight of Cups, The Hierophant & The Tower Rx from Pam’s Vintage Tarot

For such a simple question I feel like the answer I received was rather profound.  The Knight of Cups reminds me that the way to adapt to the changes in my life is to move forward heart first.  It reinforces the message that has appeared numerous times in various ways over the past few months – that I need to live a more heart-centered life.  It’s not about seeking romance or relationships it’s about what makes my heart sing; what brings joy and bliss into my life.

The Knight moves towards The Hierophant, symbolically showing that while pursuing a more heart centered life I should not forget the lessons of the past and the knowledge that I have acquired over the years.  In fact, it may be showing that I can bring joy into my life by finding a way to share that knowledge and experience with others.  Perhaps it’s showing me that, in some capacity, I need to become the teacher that I have fought so hard to avoid being.  I don’t think it necessarily means teaching in a formal structured sense, but perhaps being more willing to share lessons I’ve learned will allow me to share the knowledge with others that it might benefit.

The Tower Rx is symbolic of a very real moment that has triggered all of this introspection and inner workings.  Losing my husband has probably been one of the most impactful Tower moments of my life.  And yet, despite moments when I might have wished otherwise, I survived.  I was able to adapt and move forward onto a new path. I was able to look at the destruction of my life and realize there was still something left, something worth fighting to manifest.

In many ways this reading is mirroring things that I already knew. I think it’s a reminder and a reflection of the fact that I actually am already adapting. I’m embracing the new opportunities and experiences that are being offered to me. Yes, sometimes I do it kicking and screaming “I don’t wanna”. Or I may dig in my heels and resist as long as possible until I finally accept, and give into the inevitable. At the end of the day, despite the resistance and denial, I am changing and I’ll continue to change. If we don’t learn and grow then one has to wonder what’s the point of existing.

Week 44 – My Journey Continues (#TarotReading #MarseilleWaiteTarot #52WeekProject)

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I was browsing through Sheilaa Hite’s 101 Tarot Spreads book in search of a spread and came across this one. It appealed to me because so often lately I focus on what’s going wrong or what hasn’t been achieved. This spread gives me the opportunity to look at what positive changes have occurred in my life. It offers me a way to look back, and reflect, on how far I’ve come.

Le Mat Rx, 4 des Batons Rx, 7 des Coupes Rx, 9 des Batons & As des Coupes – Marseille-Waite Tarot

Le Mat symbolizing a wish that has been fulfilled really puzzled me. Right now I’m just going to give my initial interpretation of it, but I may come back and change it after considering it further. There has always been a part of me that resists change, and so would not want to be The Fool setting out on a New Journey. However, there is also another part of me that yearned for adventure and trying new things. Now, this has been taken out of my hands. The death of my husband has forced me onto a new path, a New Journey that I never would have explored had he lived. I’m being forced to learn to trust and believe in myself because I’m the only one who truly can. I no longer have my primary support and cheerleader. As much as I desperately miss my husband, I have reached a point where I am very excited to discover what lies ahead.

The longing that is still with me is for my husband. Not just for him as a person, although that’s a significant part of it, but also for the relationship we had together; the way we supported each other and worked as a team. I see the 4 des Batons Rx as reflecting the yearning I feel every time I want to have a discussion with my husband about events of the day. I so miss our random conversations about everything. He might not have agreed with my assessment but, despite the fact that he didn’t graduate high school, my husband was a very intelligent and insightful man. And I so miss having that in my life. No matter what other types of relationships I nurture in the future, none will match the one that my husband and I had. It’s also interesting that Le Mat is walking away from the 4 of Batons. It symbolically shows that this new path, this new adventure, can only happen now that my life with my husband has ended. It is sad and hopeful, heartbreaking and joyous, at the same time.

I really appreciate that the 7 des Coupes Rx appeared as a fear that is dissipating. I think this card is showing me that, despite my panic, life isn’t passing me by because of the situation with my brother-in-law. There are still a lot of new options and choices that await me I’m just limited in which ones I can explore right now. What I can do is start to lay the groundwork so that when the opportunity does arise I will be ready to grasp it with both hands.

Ah, the 9 des Batons – my old friend. To paraphrase Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles, “I’m tired, tired of playing the game”. I’ve been engaged in this particular endeavor of caring for my brother-in-law since 2009. It was tolerable in the past because my husband was here to help, but for the past two years I’ve been doing it alone. I’m exhausted. I feel battered bruised and beaten however I also feel like there is an end in sight. Notice how the figure in the 9 des Batons faces the 7 des Coupes. She’s eyeing the dreams that shimmer just over the horizon, waiting for this latest battle to finish. They may not be manifesting yet but they’re waiting for her to be free to choose which option to explore next.

And finally we have the As des Coupes. The new beginning that awaits me is one of new joy, and New Hope; New opportunities to pursue dreams deferred. I think that cup reflects whichever one I select out of the seven that have been presented to me. Of course it may very well be that I will pursue all seven, but one at a time. I see this is a very hopeful sign of my life being refreshed and overflowing with bliss as long as I’m willing to grasp the cup and do the work.

Week 2 Tarot Reading (#TarotReading #SecretForestTarot #52WeekProject)

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Tarot of the Secret Forest 3 card reading

This is week two of my personal 52 week project. My goal is to do a weekly three card reading and post it to this blog. I plan to stick to it but, as we all know, sometimes life has other plans

My reading for this week: 1) What aspect of my life should I focus on this week? The Moon; 2) What will help me with this? 6 of Wands Rx; 3) What unseen factors impact this? The Empress Rx

So, the Moon shows that I need to listen to my subconscious and find what fascinates in mesmerizes me. I really love how the two figures on this card seem to be in thrall to the Moon and communicating with it on some level. I need to do the same, to trust my instincts and look deep within myself to reconnect and find the answers to this question. For so long I’ve done what I had to do, I’ve kind of lost sight of what brings me joy and fulfillment. Now would be a good time to dive deep and uncover those treasures.

The 6 of Wands reversed guides this transformation by helping me triumph over my self doubt and inner demons. It also shows that I need to reframe my achievement so they’re less about defeating things and more about exploring new terrain and overcoming my own fears.

The Empress reversed reinforces the six of Wands reversed by pointing out that my focus needs to be on tending my own inner landscape, nurturing myself and my creative spirit. For so long I’ve been forced to nurture and care for others and it’s left a bad taste in my mouth. I need to relearn that nurturing and nourishing is not a bad thing, not when it’s done willingly. I spent enough time expressing my Empress energy on others, now it’s time to focus that on caring for and nurturing myself.

Anniversary Gift (#PearlsofWisdomTarot #TarotReading #HealingJourney

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Today would have been my 36th wedding anniversary, and my first without John. I miss him in ways I can’t fully describe. I’m still getting used to functioning without him; learning to adapt and adjust. Every so often I still get teary, in fact it’s happening now, but overall I’m learning how to be without him. I’ve always wondered if I could live independently because when I married John I moved from living with my parents to living with him. I was never fully independent or forced to deal with things on my own. Now I am and, although I’m proud I’m doing well, I wish I didn’t have to learn that answer.

I decided to pull two Tarot cards reflecting what anniversary gifts John would like to give me this year. Using the vibrant & joyful Pearls of Wisdom Tarot, I drew the 4 of Cups reversed and 3 of Pentacles

As soon as I saw this I understood my husband’s message. Looking at the 4 of Cups, I immediately heard the lyrics from the song Jesus sings in the Garden of Gethsemane in Jesus Christ Superstar, “take this cup away from me tried for 3 years seems like 30”. The cup in this case is my brother-in-law Edward, who is deaf and developmentally disabled. I have been his primary caregiver since 2009. It was difficult enough when I had John here to help, but for the past year it’s been exhausting and overly stressful. John is telling me that soon the cup will be taken away from me, the responsibility removed from my hand, and that he’s watching over me and helping in any way that he can.

The 3 of Pentacles is John pointing out that once I have my freedom I can start exploring new learning opportunities and new experiences. I can go back to school or take classes to acquire new skills. My future will be under my own control. I can build the future that I want, and I have John’s love and support to do that.

The amazing thing about our relationship is that John fully supported me in whatever I wanted to do. He was my biggest cheerleader, even if he thought what I was doing was not a good idea. He let me make my mistakes and then gave me a bit of an I told you so but didn’t gloat. We often spoke about what might happen if he pre deceased me, not that we expected it to happen when it did. He was always clear with me and anyone else he discussed these issues with that he did not want me to be trapped caring for Edward for the rest of either of our lives. As much as I care for Edward, and want to see him in a safe nurturing environment, I can’t provide that for him. So this is John giving me his stamp of approval for taking steps to find some place Edward can be cared for in a way that will best serve him. It’s truly the best gift John could have given me.

Election Effluvia (#HauntedHouseTarot) #Tarot

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So, I actually did this reading on Thursday night, October 1st, and decided to postpone uploading it after Trump was diagnosed with COVID-19. In retrospect, I regret that decision for a variety of reasons. In many ways Trump’s behavior is exactly what we can expect from him based on past behaviors. And, according to what I was taught in psychology classes, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Now on with the show.

After watching the Trump/Biden debate with the sort of stunned horror one usually reserves for realizing you just witnessed a live human sacrifice and are now splattered with blood, I decided to pull three cards to get an idea of what 4 more years of Trump would look like and what 4 years of a Biden presidency might look. These are the cards I drew.

The top row (Tower Rx, High Priestess and The Moon) reflects 4 more years of Trump. The bottom row (The Magician Rx, 4 of Pentacles and The Hermit) are for a Biden presidency.

Believe it or not, I’m focusing on this part of the reading for two reasons:

  1. Existing biases will influence how one interprets these cards. For example, I have never liked Donald Trump. I’ve considered him a pompous, bullying, self-important egomaniac for years. Living in NYC and working at a non-profit for which Trump was a (very uninvolved) board member, I’ve been familiar with his shenanigans for years. Luckily, he wasn’t President of the United States so he was easily ignored or avoided. Watching the debate last Tuesday cemented my opinion so I’m inclined to apply the most negative interpretation to this reading.
  2. The messages aren’t surprising or unexpected. I don’t think there are any big reveals here.

Quick & dirty interpretation – 4 more years of Trump would mean more business as usual – ignoring standard protocols and courtesies, more secretiveness and hidden agendas. Of course some folks appreciate Trump’s no-holds-barred approach and consider him a refreshing iconoclast who is willing to ruffle feathers in order to stuck it to the elites. You mileage may vary. A Biden presidency would offer 4 years of transparency, no trickery and an “anti-Trump” approach. It would require hard work, conservation and consolidation to rebuild the economy and relations between the US and other nations as well as among ourselves. It would also mean being a voice in the wilderness, perhaps even a return to serving as something of a guiding light to others. Clearly, I’m biased.

For me, the more interesting part of this reading can be found in the two additional cards I pulled reflecting who these two men really are in their cores. For Trump I drew the Knight of Swords and for Biden The World

I was blown away by these cards. They felt so “right” to me. The image on the Knight of Swords shows a smirking demon aiming energy at the model house in front of her. I think this reflects Trump’s attitude in general. It seems like it’s all a game to him; a mental exercise. I don’t think he truly dislikes all the people he bullies and insults, nor do I think he likes those with whom he aligns himself. They are a means to an end; players in Trump’s game to move as he will. Consider his response when questioned about his taxes – he simply took advantage of the tax code Biden helped create. He implied that he would be a fool not to do so. There was no consideration of rightness or fairness, simply what he was eligible to do. Of course, he’s no different from any many in this regard.

The World suggests Biden is a more inclusive person; wanting to invite everyone to the party. Is he perfect? Of course not but he doesn’t seem to feel the same need to project an image of solo ruler. He acknowledges the input of others in his policies and achievements as well as accepting and embracing the need for collaboration and compromise.

I don’t know what’s going to happen or what the outcome of this election will be, but I think I can comfortably say we won’t be surprised by how either of these men will lead if he wins but only time will tell.

#MessageoftheDay – 10 of Swords Rx, Ace of Swords Rx + Queen of Swords (Haunted Mansion Tarot)

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I know I’ve been MIA for awhile and I decided it was time to jump back into the swing of things. I’ve decided to take a slightly different approach this time. For each message of the day I ask my matron goddess what message she wants me to share. Then I draw three cards for the answer. Here is today’s message:

“The bullying, betrayal and backstabbing will be left in the past. The new ideas and concepts we all hoped for did not produce the outcomes we actually wanted. Now we need to take a mature, rational yet nurturing approach to things in order to fix the situation.”

I can see this message applying to a number of matters currently being covered in the news. However, I’m not adding my personal take on this. I prefer to put the message out there and let it reach the people it needs to reach. Let whoever reads this interpret it in the way that best suits them.

#TarotDaily – Page of Pentacles Rx + Queen of Swords Rx + Wheel of Fortune (#TrickorTreat)

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How are you feeling trapped? How did you get to this point? What is your next step?

I trapped myself into believing I would always be a student, never confident enough to practice or teach. Instead, I convince myself I still have more to learn. I don’t have faith in my skills and knowledge, too afraid to put myself out there.

I don’t value or nurture my own intellect. Instead I pretend I have nothing new to offer. Instead of trying to share my unique insights and thoughts and communicating them to interested parties, I downplay it; denigrate it; treat it as if it’s nothing special.

My next step is to change these things. To paraphrase line from Mad Max:. Beyond Thunderdome, I need to break a deal and spin the wheel. I need to break free from this mindset that undermines my confidence and prevents me from recognizing my gifts. I need to create magick in my life; break the curse under which I’ve placed myself. No one else can do it for me.

This beautifully complements yesterday’s reading.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + 5 of Cups Rx (#TrickorTreat)

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What questions should you be asking?

What I should be asking is what new opportunities await out there for me; how should I begin again? I do have faith in my abilities to accomplish things once I fully commit to them. In odd ways, I’m rather fearless (I may have self-esteem issues but as long as I don’t focus on them much, I can hold them at bay).

The reversed 5 of Cups reminds me that I’ve finish mourning what has been left behind. Yes, I’m sorry that my career ended the way it did, but there were aspects of it that were beyond my control so continuing to cry and gnash my teeth about it serves no useful purpose. Instead of obsessing about what has been lost, I need to focus on what I can still explore, still explore and discover about myself.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + Ace of Swords Rx +#TrickorTreat)

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What is an accomplishment you need to celebrate?

This question ties in beautifully with yesterday’s. Now that I realize I need to stop undervaluing myself I can consider what I need to celebrate about myself.

Clearly I’m not afraid to look foolish, to take a leap of faith. This was not always the case. It took me a long time to learn to laugh at myself and not take myself so seriously. On the positive side, if I am interested in pursuing something I rarely let fear or self-doubt hold me back. For example, I had no problem returning to college for a master’s in public administration when I was in my forties. I wanted to get the degree so I did it. Having said that, I’m also very comfortable with my skills and knowledge as it pertains to the academic realm. Which brings us to the reversed Ace of Swords.

The reversed Ace of Swords reminds me that I can be too cerebral and get lost in my own head. I have a proclivity towards researching something to death before actively pursuing it. This allows me to bog myself down in so much detail and research that I never actually start anything. I’m very good at studying and a little weak on application.

So, I think these cards are reminding me that I can take a leap of faith; I’m not afraid to start something new. I just have to be careful not to get so lost in my own head researching that I don’t take actual steps to pursuing these new interests.