Anniversary Gift (#PearlsofWisdomTarot #TarotReading #HealingJourney

Today would have been my 36th wedding anniversary, and my first without John. I miss him in ways I can’t fully describe. I’m still getting used to functioning without him; learning to adapt and adjust. Every so often I still get teary, in fact it’s happening now, but overall I’m learning how to be without him. I’ve always wondered if I could live independently because when I married John I moved from living with my parents to living with him. I was never fully independent or forced to deal with things on my own. Now I am and, although I’m proud I’m doing well, I wish I didn’t have to learn that answer.

I decided to pull two Tarot cards reflecting what anniversary gifts John would like to give me this year. Using the vibrant & joyful Pearls of Wisdom Tarot, I drew the 4 of Cups reversed and 3 of Pentacles

As soon as I saw this I understood my husband’s message. Looking at the 4 of Cups, I immediately heard the lyrics from the song Jesus sings in the Garden of Gethsemane in Jesus Christ Superstar, “take this cup away from me tried for 3 years seems like 30”. The cup in this case is my brother-in-law Edward, who is deaf and developmentally disabled. I have been his primary caregiver since 2009. It was difficult enough when I had John here to help, but for the past year it’s been exhausting and overly stressful. John is telling me that soon the cup will be taken away from me, the responsibility removed from my hand, and that he’s watching over me and helping in any way that he can.

The 3 of Pentacles is John pointing out that once I have my freedom I can start exploring new learning opportunities and new experiences. I can go back to school or take classes to acquire new skills. My future will be under my own control. I can build the future that I want, and I have John’s love and support to do that.

The amazing thing about our relationship is that John fully supported me in whatever I wanted to do. He was my biggest cheerleader, even if he thought what I was doing was not a good idea. He let me make my mistakes and then gave me a bit of an I told you so but didn’t gloat. We often spoke about what might happen if he pre deceased me, not that we expected it to happen when it did. He was always clear with me and anyone else he discussed these issues with that he did not want me to be trapped caring for Edward for the rest of either of our lives. As much as I care for Edward, and want to see him in a safe nurturing environment, I can’t provide that for him. So this is John giving me his stamp of approval for taking steps to find some place Edward can be cared for in a way that will best serve him. It’s truly the best gift John could have given me.

Election Effluvia (#HauntedHouseTarot) #Tarot

So, I actually did this reading on Thursday night, October 1st, and decided to postpone uploading it after Trump was diagnosed with COVID-19. In retrospect, I regret that decision for a variety of reasons. In many ways Trump’s behavior is exactly what we can expect from him based on past behaviors. And, according to what I was taught in psychology classes, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Now on with the show.

After watching the Trump/Biden debate with the sort of stunned horror one usually reserves for realizing you just witnessed a live human sacrifice and are now splattered with blood, I decided to pull three cards to get an idea of what 4 more years of Trump would look like and what 4 years of a Biden presidency might look. These are the cards I drew.

The top row (Tower Rx, High Priestess and The Moon) reflects 4 more years of Trump. The bottom row (The Magician Rx, 4 of Pentacles and The Hermit) are for a Biden presidency.

Believe it or not, I’m focusing on this part of the reading for two reasons:

  1. Existing biases will influence how one interprets these cards. For example, I have never liked Donald Trump. I’ve considered him a pompous, bullying, self-important egomaniac for years. Living in NYC and working at a non-profit for which Trump was a (very uninvolved) board member, I’ve been familiar with his shenanigans for years. Luckily, he wasn’t President of the United States so he was easily ignored or avoided. Watching the debate last Tuesday cemented my opinion so I’m inclined to apply the most negative interpretation to this reading.
  2. The messages aren’t surprising or unexpected. I don’t think there are any big reveals here.

Quick & dirty interpretation – 4 more years of Trump would mean more business as usual – ignoring standard protocols and courtesies, more secretiveness and hidden agendas. Of course some folks appreciate Trump’s no-holds-barred approach and consider him a refreshing iconoclast who is willing to ruffle feathers in order to stuck it to the elites. You mileage may vary. A Biden presidency would offer 4 years of transparency, no trickery and an “anti-Trump” approach. It would require hard work, conservation and consolidation to rebuild the economy and relations between the US and other nations as well as among ourselves. It would also mean being a voice in the wilderness, perhaps even a return to serving as something of a guiding light to others. Clearly, I’m biased.

For me, the more interesting part of this reading can be found in the two additional cards I pulled reflecting who these two men really are in their cores. For Trump I drew the Knight of Swords and for Biden The World

I was blown away by these cards. They felt so “right” to me. The image on the Knight of Swords shows a smirking demon aiming energy at the model house in front of her. I think this reflects Trump’s attitude in general. It seems like it’s all a game to him; a mental exercise. I don’t think he truly dislikes all the people he bullies and insults, nor do I think he likes those with whom he aligns himself. They are a means to an end; players in Trump’s game to move as he will. Consider his response when questioned about his taxes – he simply took advantage of the tax code Biden helped create. He implied that he would be a fool not to do so. There was no consideration of rightness or fairness, simply what he was eligible to do. Of course, he’s no different from any many in this regard.

The World suggests Biden is a more inclusive person; wanting to invite everyone to the party. Is he perfect? Of course not but he doesn’t seem to feel the same need to project an image of solo ruler. He acknowledges the input of others in his policies and achievements as well as accepting and embracing the need for collaboration and compromise.

I don’t know what’s going to happen or what the outcome of this election will be, but I think I can comfortably say we won’t be surprised by how either of these men will lead if he wins but only time will tell.

#MessageoftheDay – 10 of Swords Rx, Ace of Swords Rx + Queen of Swords (Haunted Mansion Tarot)

I know I’ve been MIA for awhile and I decided it was time to jump back into the swing of things. I’ve decided to take a slightly different approach this time. For each message of the day I ask my matron goddess what message she wants me to share. Then I draw three cards for the answer. Here is today’s message:

“The bullying, betrayal and backstabbing will be left in the past. The new ideas and concepts we all hoped for did not produce the outcomes we actually wanted. Now we need to take a mature, rational yet nurturing approach to things in order to fix the situation.”

I can see this message applying to a number of matters currently being covered in the news. However, I’m not adding my personal take on this. I prefer to put the message out there and let it reach the people it needs to reach. Let whoever reads this interpret it in the way that best suits them.

#TarotDaily – Page of Pentacles Rx + Queen of Swords Rx + Wheel of Fortune (#TrickorTreat)

How are you feeling trapped? How did you get to this point? What is your next step?

I trapped myself into believing I would always be a student, never confident enough to practice or teach. Instead, I convince myself I still have more to learn. I don’t have faith in my skills and knowledge, too afraid to put myself out there.

I don’t value or nurture my own intellect. Instead I pretend I have nothing new to offer. Instead of trying to share my unique insights and thoughts and communicating them to interested parties, I downplay it; denigrate it; treat it as if it’s nothing special.

My next step is to change these things. To paraphrase line from Mad Max:. Beyond Thunderdome, I need to break a deal and spin the wheel. I need to break free from this mindset that undermines my confidence and prevents me from recognizing my gifts. I need to create magick in my life; break the curse under which I’ve placed myself. No one else can do it for me.

This beautifully complements yesterday’s reading.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + 5 of Cups Rx (#TrickorTreat)


What questions should you be asking?

What I should be asking is what new opportunities await out there for me; how should I begin again? I do have faith in my abilities to accomplish things once I fully commit to them. In odd ways, I’m rather fearless (I may have self-esteem issues but as long as I don’t focus on them much, I can hold them at bay).

The reversed 5 of Cups reminds me that I’ve finish mourning what has been left behind. Yes, I’m sorry that my career ended the way it did, but there were aspects of it that were beyond my control so continuing to cry and gnash my teeth about it serves no useful purpose. Instead of obsessing about what has been lost, I need to focus on what I can still explore, still explore and discover about myself.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + Ace of Swords Rx +#TrickorTreat)

What is an accomplishment you need to celebrate?

This question ties in beautifully with yesterday’s. Now that I realize I need to stop undervaluing myself I can consider what I need to celebrate about myself.

Clearly I’m not afraid to look foolish, to take a leap of faith. This was not always the case. It took me a long time to learn to laugh at myself and not take myself so seriously. On the positive side, if I am interested in pursuing something I rarely let fear or self-doubt hold me back. For example, I had no problem returning to college for a master’s in public administration when I was in my forties. I wanted to get the degree so I did it. Having said that, I’m also very comfortable with my skills and knowledge as it pertains to the academic realm. Which brings us to the reversed Ace of Swords.

The reversed Ace of Swords reminds me that I can be too cerebral and get lost in my own head. I have a proclivity towards researching something to death before actively pursuing it. This allows me to bog myself down in so much detail and research that I never actually start anything. I’m very good at studying and a little weak on application.

So, I think these cards are reminding me that I can take a leap of faith; I’m not afraid to start something new. I just have to be careful not to get so lost in my own head researching that I don’t take actual steps to pursuing these new interests.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + 4 of Swords (#AllHallows)

Which of your creative gifts are lying dormant? How might you awaken them?

All of my creative gifts are dormant right now because I don’t have faith in them; I’m afraid to express them. One of my biggest challenges has always been to recognize my gifts and accomplishments. I fell into the mindset of believing that if I am good at something, gifted with a skill, then it mustn’t be that difficult. I also resist exploring unfamiliar territory. If I don’t think I can do something well the first time, I avoid trying it. This has limited me in a variety of ways and us something I’d like to move beyond.

I think one I’ve the ways I can awaken these dormant, unexplored creative gifts is to take breaks for myself. I recently decided to spend 15-30 minutes everyday in a mini-retreat. I will spend the time journaling or crafting, listening to music and meditating. This will enable me to shake myself loose from current, stifling patterns. I think this will help me reconnect to existing creative gifts and discover new ones.

#TarotDaily – 4 of Wheels + 7 of Cups (#SacredBridges)

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • You’ve been conserving resources, holding on to what you’ll need to help you move forward. Now you need to decide which dream to pursue; to focus on which dream to manifest.
  • You’re cautious in relationships, protective of your heart and guarded about sharing it. Right now you may have a few options for a romantic partner but in order to make things work you might find it beneficial to limit yourself to one committed partner. You’ll also need to risk opening up your heart and letting down your guards.
  • Feeling stable and secure in who you are and what you’ve achieved in your life has you in a good place right now; a solid point from which to pursue your heart’s desire. Now you just need to determine what your heart’s desire might be.

Believing in Magic

Earlier, I was reading @SusanAkaSARK’s book Living Juicy and was inspired by the entries for yesterday and today. Her focus is on believing – in miracles, in magic, in ourselves. As I read the entries I realized how important that is right now – belief. When the world seems to be determined to go to Hell in a handbasket, when it seems gloomy & hopeless on the best of days it can be difficult to simply believe. I do, despite my bitching, cynicism and occasional pontificating rants, I believe.

I believe that, despite how mind bogglingly insane America seems right now, we will find our way again. I believe in the goodness, kindness and decency of people as individuals. I believe that things can and will get better. Imagine my shock in realizing I’m a closet optimist! 😵 Who’d have thunk it? 😜

So, to share that sense of belief, hopefulness and optimism, here are two songs I hope will cheer you up.

You Make Loving Fun – Fleetwood Mac

Miracles – Jefferson Starship

#TarotDaily – Ace of Coins Rx + 5 of Cups Rx (Toscano)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • Holding on to painful memories and continuing to mourn what is lost prevents you from planting new seeds and manifesting a new reality.
  • If you don’t ground yourself, connect with what is really important in life, emotional instability will consume you.
  • Past opportunities are gone, it’s time to accept their loss and find the way forward. Remaining lost in mourning, continuing to cry over spilt milk, will create a barren, fallow future.