Week 24 – New Moon in Aquarius Spread (TarotReading #FörhäxaTarot #52WeekProject)

  • What unique talents can I share with the world? The Tower
  • How can I trust my intuition more fully? The Hermit Rx
  • What vision for the future is awakening in me? Temperance Rx
  • Who are my friends and how do they make me feel? Page of Fire
Förhäxa Tarot

I have to admit drawing The Tower as the answer to what talents I can share with the world was a bit off putting. But when I look at the image on the card it made me think of the benefits The Tower brings, just like the benefits after a volcanic eruption. Initially the devastation seems cataclysmic, but over time, once the rebuilding starts, we realize this is an opportunity to do things differently, possibly better. How does this tie in with talents I can share with the world? I’m not actually certain but the answer that came to me is that sometimes I am like that Tower. I sometimes look at things differently and perhaps I’m able to help other people tear down things that are preventing them from seeing things more clearly and from a different perspective

The Hermit Rx suggests that the best way to trust my intuition more fully is to take that journey within myself. I need to explore the inner workings of my own psyche and forge my own way through whatever overgrowth, also known as societal conditioning, is preventing me from achieving this. I tend to see myself as a very left brained, logical, rational Swords kind of person. However a recent conversation with a dear friend has made me realize I’m not very Swordsy. I am intellectual, but in a very Wands way. The belief that I am logical and rational has always made me scoff at the idea that I might have any inherent psychic ability, and caused me to mistrust my own intuition. I think The Hermit is showing this is a journey I have to make on my own, but it’s not outside it’s within.

I see the reversed Temperance card as the second phase of The Hermit’s journey. Once I have tapped into my intuitive nature and explored my psychic talents, I think this will allow me to find an inner balance between left-brain and right-brain. I love how the image on this card has her hands up and is embracing water from both left and right sides. She is pouring it into herself; purifying herself. She’s not overwhelmed by this water but channeling it. Considering I’ve always been very open about my lack of comfort with emotions and the Cuppish realm, I find this card especially empowering because it suggests that doing this work will enable me to become more comfortable with my intuitive, emotional side, and not feel overwhelmed by it.

I had to smile when I saw the Page of Fire show up in answer to the last question because it really struck me as such a clear message. My friends are people who like to explore new ideas, and get excited about new concepts. They are people who inspire me and help light my fires when it feels like they are burning low. They are people who like to have fun and can be serious at the same time.

I really appreciate that this reading begins and ends with very fiery imagery. I think it symbolizes my journey. I start off very explosive and sometimes out of control, but through the path of The Hermit and Temperance, I learn to control my energies so that they become something I can channel in ways that are more healing and beneficial to me and to others in my life.

Week 23 -What will help me deal with the brother-in-law situation for right now?  (#TarotReading #SlavicLegendsTarot #52WeekProject)

After what happened last week with my BiL’s case, I decided this week I need to focus on concrete steps or ideas that might help me deal with this whole situation moving forward. The reality is there is nothing I can do to force things to go the way I want, so I have to change how I’m handling the situation.

What’s the next best logical, rational step? 3 of Wands

What’s the best practical step to take? 5 of Swords Rx

What spiritual step will help me most? Knight of Cups

What heart-centered step will most benefit me right now? Knight of Coins Rx

The first thing I noticed about this reading is that I drew a card from each of the four suits although interestingly none of them fall within the area of influence of the question. Two of the cards are upright and two of the cards are reversed, which is another interesting coincidence. It suggests in some areas I’m moving in the right direction while in other my options are hampered or blocked right now.

So, here is my down & dirty take on this reading. My next best logical & rational step is working with the system instead of fighting against it. The truth is my struggles have been fruitless and resulted in more moments of banging my head against wall than is good for my cranium. Now what I need to do is cooperate and let them see for themselves that the results they hope for probably won’t be achieved. They refuse to accept my take on this situation or acknowledge that I do know something about how the BiL with respond. I’ll kill them with cooperation as it were.

The best practical step I can take dovetails nicely with the previous card. The 5 of Swords Rx is showing that it’s time to put down my arms and stop fighting; it’s pointless and serves no useful purpose right now. I need to strategize and not charge in without a plan. Instead of viewing this current situation as a defeat, I need to see it as a strategic retreat to regroup and plan how to move forward again.

The spiritual step that will help me most is to find my heart’s desire; take a quest into my own feelings to see what I want to do next. This has come up for me quite often – exploring who I want to be and where I want to focus my energies in this new phase of my life. In many ways, my heart is broken and will never be the same but it still functions and it still has interests and desires to pursue. The Knight of Cups is showing that needs to be my next spiritual quest.

The Knight of Coins Rx shows that the heart-centered step will most benefit me right now is self care. I need to take practical steps to tend to my physical being. The amount of stress I’ve been dealing with since my hubby died has made it easy to put aside my own health issues. I need to make those a priority again.

So my priorities need to be focused on self-care and strategizing not creating a lot of sound and fury that isn’t going to help. This will be quite a challenge because it goes against my natural inclinations and temperament. Oh well, I guess I need to look at this as an opportunity for growth.

Week 22 -How do I solve a problem like EL?  (#TarotReading #SlavicLegendsTarot #52WeekProject)

Card 1 – Positive aspects of pushing this issue?  2 of Cups Rx
Card 2 – Negative aspects of pushing this issue?  The Moon
Card 3 – Positive aspects of taking a more Stoic approach?  Page of Wands Rx
Card 4 – Negative aspects of taking a more Stoic approach?  The Devil Rx
Card 5 – How can I ensure the best possible outcome?  Queen of Wands Rx

On Friday a hearing was held to determine if my brother-in-law can be forcibly removed from this house in order for it to be sold.  The problem is that he hasn’t left the property in over 30 years.  It’s why I ended up in this position in the first place.  I can’t afford to keep the house. I certainly can’t afford the renovation that it needs and, as long as I’m stuck here taking care of him, I have no way to earn any income.  So I tried to push through the sale and the state, also known as his legal guardian, went to court to stop it.  They were successful.  The judge decided that it is not in my brother-in-law’s best interests to be forcibly removed from the home.  This leaves me with two choices:  I can either amp things up from a legal perspective, possibly hiring a lawyer of my own; or I can take a more Stoic approach and handle the things I can but accept that much of this is out of my control and just go with the flow.  Admittedly this is not my usual approach to things, but my usual approach has led to many, many months of me banging my head against concrete walls.

So I decided to pull some cards for some clarification.  Within this context, pushing the issue would mean amping up the legal proceedings and really kicking up a fuss.  Taking the more Stoic approach would mean taking a more thoughtful, grounded approach rather than my usual shoot from the hip style.

The first thing that struck me about the cards is that four out of the five of reversed.  This suggests to me that there’s a lot of blockages going on that are impacting this situation and the things will have to get turned on their head before changes will occur.  The 2 of Cups Rx as a positive aspect of pushing this issue implies to me that being aggressive will make no one happy.  Even if the sale does go through, presumably the seller and me would be happy but it’s not going to bring me the joy that I think it will.  I think The Moon reinforces this by implying that I’m deluding myself if I think that pushing this is going to produce the results that I want. 

The Page of Wands Rx suggest that the positive side of taking a more Stoic approach is that it will give me more time to focus on where I want to focus my energies once I have the freedom to do so.  The Devil Rx shows that the negative side is that I’m going to be tethered to this situation until they’re able to come up with a strategy to relocate my brother-in-law to a residential facility.  This isn’t an addiction or a choice I’ve made to commit myself so I can’t free myself right now.

The key to this entire reading for me is this final card – the Queen of Wands Rx.  I identify so much with the Queen of Wands that seeing It reversed here screams to me “you can’t resolve this issue by taking your typical shoot from the hip approach”.  This isn’t a situation that needs energetic and fiery assertiveness.  It needs subtlety and strategy. So it’s time to tap into my Capricorn Moon, and give my Leo Sun a bit of a rest.

As an interesting addendum to my reading, this is a reading a friend did for me regarding this issue using the Förhäxa Tarot. I think it ties in very well with my reading because it look like the figure on The Hanged Man man is being held aloft by a demon. Maybe this is The Devil’s tethering her in place because she needs to be patient and give up control of the situation. The 4 of Water speaks of having to make choices that we may find undesirable which certainly ties in with the reality of this situation right now. I’m getting so caught up in my own emotions about the situation that it’s making me frantic and I need to let it go. The Page of Earth offers what looks to me like a hopeful resolution to all of this. She offers the message that taking baby steps in a grounded and more practical way will produce the seeds of achieving my heart’s desire, which is selling this house and moving back into my own home.

So although things seem rather challenging right now, if I take time and plan a strategy, and accept that it’s not going to happen on my timetable, the situation will resolve itself in a positive way for me and my brother-in-law.

Week 21 – The Show Must Go On Spread  (#TarotReading #SlavicLegendsTarot #52WeekProject)

Where have I wasted time?  7 of Swords Rx – I wasted time reclaiming my autonomy and freedom. I allowed external forces to determine how I spent my time and now I need to reclaim that power. I also need to fully accept that this is the right path to take. Part of the reason I let things go on as long as I did was because I felt obligated to care for my brother-in-law and guilty at the idea of having him removed from what has been his home. I need to remember that, as I’ve mentioned to several friends, I’m the sanitation worker cleaning up after the parade. I had nothing to do with deciding the parade route or who would be marching in the parade but I’m left cleaning up the crap after everyone’s gone. Discard is telling me it’s time to get over that mindset.

What walls need to be torn down to let me out?  3 of Wands – I need to stop being an observer in my own life and realize these agencies helping my brother-in-law aren’t working on this project with me. This isn’t a collaboration between us. They’re using me as a tool and keeping me stuck on that pier because it suits their purposes. There’s no malice behind this, but I need to break free and take a more active role in creating the life I want.

What will help me escape?  Queen of Cups Rx – I need to love myself more and protect my heart. It’s time to get more in touch with my inner emotional landscape and not let my feelings be used against me. On several occasions the agencies trying to find a residence for my brother-in-law have tried using guilt to get me to do things. I need to be aware when this happens and not succumb to it.

What if I let the show go on?   King of Coins Rx – If I let the show go on I will be broke both financially and physically. I’m putting my physical and financial well-being at risk because I’m trying to work with the social service agencies trying to help my brother-in-law. I think with this card is reminding me is that I need to be careful not to overextend myself. I can only do what I can do.

7 of Swords Rx, 3 of Wands, Queen of Cups Rx & King of Coins Rx – The Slavic Legends Tarot

One other thing that I found very interesting about this reading is that I drew a card from each of the four minor suits. This suggests to me that, overall, dealing with this situation is going to require balance between the various aspects of myself but that this isn’t a big picture issue. There’s no overarching life lesson that needs to be learned. It’s simply a day-to-day issue and I need to approach it in a calm, grounded and loving way. What I need to keep uppermost in my mind is that I need to treat myself the same way as the others involved in this.

Week 20 – What is Life Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

Inspired by the George Harrison song of the same name.

Tell me what is my life without your love?  7 of Pins

Tell me who am I without you by my side?  Page of Sticks Rx

If it’s not love that I need, then what do I need to succeed?  Master of Pentacles

7 of Pins, Page of Sticks Rx & Master of Pentacles – The Crooked Way Tarot

Okay, this reading made me cry.  It felt like such a clear message from my hubby.  His way of letting me know he’s still watching over me and always will be.  Things have been especially challenging lately as I try to struggle to forge a new path for myself as well as trying to resolve placement issues for my brother-in-law. It feels like for every step forward I get knocked back two more and I’m genuinely reaching the end of my rope. So receiving this reassuring message give me quite a boost.

The 7 of Pins reminds me that I’ll never live my life without John’s love. Even if he’s no longer with me on the physical plane; even if he’s caged in an alternate level of existence; he’ll always be watching over me. He’ll always love me.

The Page of Sticks Rx shows me that my life without him by my side is something that still remains to be explored. Right now it’s untapped or unexpressed because of the situation with my brother-in-law. I just don’t have the resources or energy to invest any effort into accomplishing this right now, but soon.

The Master of Pentacles shows that what I need is to be a little bit more like my husband in the sense that I approach things in a calm grounded fashion as opposed to my usual shoot from the hip approach. I need to be firm and resolute without becoming overly agitated or making over the top statements. I need to channel the lessons I learned from John and put those into play.

My primary takeaway from this reading is that now is a time for practicality and intellect; for rationality and groundedness. My more fiery nature won’t stand me in good stead right now. Logic and common sense are what I will need to succeed right now.

Week 19 – Twelve Thirty (Young Girls Are Coming to the Canyon) Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

I’ve always loved this song by The Mamas and The Papas and decided to create a 3 card spreads using some of the lyrics as inspiration. My 3 questions are:

1. Where is my life always stuck at 12:30? The Devil
2. What can I no longer keep my blinds drawn about in my life? 8 of Pentacles Rx
3. What changes can I feel happening in me? Knight of Skulls Rx

The Devil, 8 of Pentacles Rx & Knight of Skulls Rx – The Crooked Way Tarot

I find it kind of funny that I drew The Devil for this question because the answer implies that my life is stuck at 12:30 because it’s stuck in general. Of course this is true, I am a prisoner to circumstance right now. This imprisonment is not of my doing or caused by anything I’ve done. It’s something I inherited. Well I’m trying to rectify the situation it is proven to be more challenging than expected. The end may be in sight, but at this point I’m still bound by my obligations and responsibilities.

What I can no longer ignore, or “keep my blinds drawn” about, is the fact that I am reaping a crop that I didn’t sow. I didn’t create this monster but I’m the one responsible for making sure that the monster is handled in a way that causes the least amount of harm to all concerned. I think the reason this showed up for me is because sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of that fact. I’m still dealing with feelings of guilt and selfishness even if I don’t deserve them. I think

The Knight of Skulls Rx shows that the changes happening in me will soon allow me to pursue my inner dreams, my heart’s desire; to follow my own Grail quest. Of course right now that energy can’t be silly accessed because of the other circumstances in my life. Hopefully I will soon be free to explore my bliss and seek joy but I’m not quite there yet.

I will say, I didn’t find this reading especially enjoyable. However it clarified certain things and reminded me of realities I sometimes forget it choose to ignore.

Week 18 What is Happiness Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

“Happiness lies not in finding what is missing but in finding what is present.” – Tara Brach

  1. What is missing from my life? The Moon
  2. What is present in my life? Art
  3. What will help me find happiness? Mistress of Skulls Rx
The Moon, Art & Mistress of Skulls from The Crooked Way Tarot

My first reaction seeing the Moon in answer to “What is missing in my life?” was that perhaps what I’m missing are dreams. The more I thought about it, the more wrong it felt. Then it hit me that the answer couldn’t be more obvious. The idea that anything is missing from my life is an illusion. Well, except for the obvious answer of my husband. However if I were to interpret the meaning of this card in that way it would completely contradict the whole point of the reading. So, perhaps the Moon is showing me that’s what’s missing is a need to howl at the Moon for things that aren’t really there and aren’t really necessary.

Art or Temperance showing up in response to “What is present in my life?” is especially impactful because I’ve drawn Temperance a number of times in the past year as something I need to aspire to or achieve. In this position the suggestion is that it has been achieved. This balance is present in my life and contributing to my happiness. On a practical level this is seen in my efforts to exercise more, eat more healthily and to take a little bit more time for myself. At the same time I’m trying to finalize arrangements for my brother-in-law’s move to a residential facility. This is not the final destination, but an action that will need regular recalibration.

Seeing the Mistress of Skulls Rx tells me that what will help me find happiness is getting familiar with my own heart and dreams; nurturing my emotional side. I think she’s showing me that a gentle, supportive exploration of my emotional responses and relationships would be a useful exercise to aid me in finding happiness. The reality is if I’m unable to process emotions and relationships, and listen to my heart, finding happiness will be an almost insurmountable challenge.

ADDENDUM:. A friend pointed out something I completely missed on The Moon card – the image of the moon has a clock face superimposed upon it. She suggested it was showing that time to do what I want might be something missing in my life. This is true but it’s also something that’s coming to an end soon. However what did strike me is that the hands of the clock are pointing at 10 and 2. When I was learning how to drive that was always the mantra of my driving instructor “keep your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel”. So to me this suggested even if I haven’t had the time that soon coming to an end and I’ll be able to drive my life my own way.

Something else I missed in my initial interpretation of these cards is that the Mistress of Skulls is sitting at a desk writing in a book with a skull shaped mug before her. I think this is a practical suggestion for me – what will help me to find happiness is using tools like journaling, medication and relaxing with tea to help me explore my inner landscape, reacquaint myself with my inner emotions and desires.

Week 17 Gifts of Imperfection Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

This spread is inspired by Brené Brown’s book of the same name

How can I let go of who I think I’m supposed to be? Master of Skulls Rx – This card is showing me that I need to let go of my fear of becoming my father. Much of my life I imposed certain conditions upon myself because I feared becoming like my father. In fact many of my decisions were to avoid that and thus lead me to developing “anti-dad” tendencies. The Master of Skulls offers me the insight that I can leave this behind. I can move forward without every decision being connected to my father – pro or con. I can work on healing my heart and emotional landscape; become a midwife to my own soul; listen to the poetry in my heart.

How can I embrace who I am? 8 of Skulls – Edgar Allen Poe’s freshly torn from his chest, bisected heart graces the small guillotine. Boy does this describe me right now. Losing my hubby has left me feeling that my heart has been torn asunder and I’m not operating on full thrusters. However it also reminds me that even with a heart not at its best, I can still live a full life. I can accept that a piece of me did die with my hubby but that doesn’t mean I’m dead. I can move into the future, embracing new opportunities and new experiences. Who knows, I may even find love again. I won’t be what I had with my hubby but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth striving and fighting to experience.

What have my imperfections gifted me? 3 of Sticks – The name Bramwell on this card made me thing of the Bronte sisters’ brother (Branwell), to whom they dedicated much attention and devotion. In this image see a mausoleum with the word Thorn on it. It resonated with my because I have also spent many of my recent years dedicated to caring for someone who cannot fully appreciate it or understand the sacrifices it entails. It is a thorn in one’s spirit that you cannot remove because its removal will cause as much pain as it’s placement. What this card is telling me is that one this aspect of my life is laid to rest, I will be able to go on; I will find new creative outlets, new projects, new things about which to become passionate and engaged.

Master of Skulls Rx, 8 of Skulls & 3 of Sticks from The Crooked Way Tarot

This reading is reassuring because it offers the hope of a broken heart being healed and frustrated creative energies finding new outlets. However, this healing and bursts of energy won’t happen unless I work for it. I have to engage in this process and listen to the messages and lessons I’m being offered. It seems that’s a universal challenge. We are often offered insights, messages and signs telling us how we can make healthy changes to improve our lives and yet we resist. We prefer to remain comfortable in our ruts and avoid making the tough calls. If I want to improve my own life then I have to break this pattern in my own life.

Week 16 Memorial for a Dead Swan Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

On Monday I discovered a dead swan on the side of the road near my property. I don’t know how it got there and it didn’t seem to have been hit by a car but it made me so sad to see it. The water next to my mother-in-law’s property has always hosted ducks, geese, swans and herons. While not especially friendly, they are beautiful and it was always amazing to see them gliding along the water. Realizing that one of them is now gone made me feel as though a magical creature died. So in honor of this poor dead swan I decided to see if it left a message for me.

So I asked the universe the following three questions: 1. What does the dead swan symbolize? 4 of Sticks (Wands) 2. What is its message for me? Page of Pins (Swords) 3. How can I embody a manifest this message? Page of Sticks Rx

4 of Sticks, Page of Pins Rx & Page of Sticks Rx from The Crooked Way Tarot

Looking at these cards, my first thought at seeing the 4 of Sticks is that the death of the swan symbolizes the death of my husband and the huge change it made in my life. It’s letting me know that it’s okay to move on and learn how to interact and be with people; to discover new things that I might enjoy. It’s time make new friends and celebrate some of the new things I will be exploring going forward. The 4 of Sticks speaks to me of celebrating my marriage and honoring what we had, not just mourning my husband’s death.

The little Page of Pins Rx reminds me that, in many ways, I am at a child’s level of experience in dealing with certain things in my life. For example, most of the responsibilities associated with maintaining our cars were handled by my husband. I’m now learning how to deal with insurance issues, registration issues, inspection. Even filling the car with gas was not something I ever had to really handle. Just looking at that sword in the hand of the little Page tells me I need to stop poking myself and being too harsh with myself because I’m still learning how to be alone. I’m still discovering who I am without my hubby. He was such an integral part of my life, I was frightened that I wouldn’t be able to live without him. I have since learned that I can, and somehow that makes me very sad. However, it also means I have an opportunity to explore things that wouldn’t have been possible were he still here. There’s nothing wrong with being excited about the possibilities.

The Page of Sticks Rx reinforces the message of being in a child like, exploratory phase right now. One of the ways I can make it a little easier to adjust to my newly solo state is by re-exploring passions and interests I had when I was younger. It’s time to reconnect with things I might have put aside because I became distracted by interests I shared with my husband. I’m still learning who Debbie is without my husband.

This message reinforces ones I’ve gotten in previous readings. It reminds me not to be impatient with myself because I’m still taking baby steps. I was married for 35 years, it’s going to take me some time to adjust to being single. Trying to rush it or being judgmental with myself about it doesn’t help. So I think the swan was letting me know it’s okay to mourn something magical that passed away but it doesn’t mean that I need to remain frozen in time. It’s okay to change and become someone different, as scary as that might seem.

Week 15 Sesame Street’s Inner Child Spread (#TarotReading #StolenChildTarot #52WeekProject)

1. What would you like to tell me? 10 of Zephyrs Rx
2. What is your favorite game? 2 of Brine Rx
3. What is your favorite thing to do? 9 of Oak Rx
4. What can I do for you? Queen of Brine Rx
5. Do you feel ignored or left out? Ace of Oak
6. What do you desire but aren’t getting? Temperance
7. How can I provide this for you now? Justice Rx
8. What do you fear most? 6 of Zephyrs
9. How can I give you what you need? 5 of Oak Rx

Stolen Child Tarot

I found this spread in Sasha Graham’s 365 Tarot Spreads book and decided it looked interesting, so I gave it a try. Sasha suggests picking a specific age when doing the reading. I decided to roll a die and came up with 15. So this is current me talking with 15-year-old me. One interesting thing about that time in my life is it’s before I met my hubby. As is true for many 15 year olds, this was a very chaotic and turbulent time in my life.

Some of the interesting insights offered by this reading include the fact that I never really felt safe and often preferred to hide to avoid being hurt. I wasn’t good with relationships and often tried to convince myself and others that I didn’t need emotional connections, despite the fact that I desperately craved them. I always felt that I didn’t fit in; that I was an oddball, so I often hid away in books. Many of the traits and behaviors I developed over the years were an effort to protect myself. They were the armor that helped me hold loneliness, pain and fear at bay. I still remain resistant to change simply because even if things are currently miserable, change always brings the potential for things to get worse. The best way that current me can help teenage me is by embracing her with all her sharp edges and flaws and showing her that it’s okay to be imperfect and that she is loved.

One of the major takeaways for this reading is that the majority of the cards are reversed which tells me that a lot of the issues brought up in this reading require me to forgive myself; to love myself. As has been said, I’m often my harshest critic. I think this reading shows that it’s time to let go of that critical perspective. It’s also interesting that there is not one Fire card in this entire reading. I find that interesting because fire is the element to which I feel most drawn and with which I’m most comfortable. So, clearly, I need to go outside my comfort zone in order to work on these issues. I think the message is that I have to stretch my boundaries and force myself to look at my past behaviors and attitudes and see them from a clearer perspective. To have a clearer idea what motivated them and stop castigating myself. It’s time to release past hurts and resentments so that I can move forward with a more healthy mindset and spirit.