Category Archives: Cups

Week 40 – Message of the Green Spirits (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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  • What message do the green spirits have for me?  5 of Pentacles
  • How can I best manifest this in my life right now?  Knight of Cups Rx
  • What will help me strengthen my connection to the green spirits?  The Chariot Rx
5 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups Rx & The Chariot Rx – The Herbal Tarot

The 5 of Pentacles suggest that the green spirits are letting me know this time of solitude and privation is necessary in order for me to lose my connection to things and start to spend more time focusing on who I am and who I want to be.  The connection of mugwort with this card may be showing that this is part of a healing process for me.  I think for many years I felt impoverished even when that was not the reality.  The lack of financial resources in my childhood has left its influence.  Mugwort suggests that I needed to go through this bitter time as a way to realign my system and be open to a new reality.  It’s time to sage my life so that the old negative influences can be swept away and make room for a stronger connection to the reality of what is around me right now.  The affirmation associated with this card is “I see the richness in my spirit and acknowledge my inner values.”  This seems very appropriate to where I am in my life right now.

The Knight of Cups Rx reinforces a similar message I’ve been receiving for the past few months – the answers I seek lie within my own heart.  As I’ve mentioned several times over the past few years, Cups have always been uncharted Territory for me.  Much of that is due to a childhood in which showing emotions or vulnerability often led to mockery or bullying.  So in order to avoid this situation, I donned very sick armor and acted as though the petty insults and slings of others didn’t bother me.  Unfortunately, I started to believe it myself.  Which led to many years of claiming “I don’t care” or “that doesn’t bother me”.  In reality it often bothered me a lot.  I started to believe that I couldn’t be hurt emotionally but the result of that was that I often cut myself off from emotional connections with people.  The only person I felt completely safe with from an emotional perspective was my husband.  Now he’s gone and if I don’t want to live an isolated, and very lonely, existence, I need to learn how to be more emotionally vulnerable with others so that I can form healthy relationships.  The affirmation associated with this card is “I create opportunities to share my thoughts and feelings with others.”  That is a key area of potential growth for me.   I think this reversed Knight of Cups shows that it’s safe to put down my armor for a while.  To start to look for ways that I can create a sense of trust and emotional vulnerability, that will allow me to be open to new relationships.  I also need to remember that just because I have removed the armor that doesn’t mean I’m discarding it completely. If the need arises I can always put it back on to protect myself depending upon the circumstances. According to the companion book one of the spiritual properties associated with sarsaparilla is “purification of the emotions and the associated ability to express clearly are most intimate thoughts and feelings with others.”. Perhaps a nice cup of sarsaparilla tea will help me in this endeavor.

The Chariot Rx shows that I still need to work on how to harness the energies of my will and steering the course of my life going forward. The herb associated with this is Cyperus. According to the companion book, its spiritual properties include teaching the way of the middle path and the capacity to regulate energy. In Chinese medicine it is seen as an important herb for regulating chi or bodily energy. I think what can help strengthen my tenuous connection to the green spirits is to listen to what they’re telling me. I think strengthening my connection to the green spirits has already helped me realize that it can be sensible to retreat. I’ve learned here is a delicate balance in life and trying to go against it can sometimes boomerang in negative ways. The way that I am going to learn how to steer the course of my own life will involve finding the middle path, and applying these lessons in practical ways. The key is realizing what my place is in this ecosystem and being careful not to disrupt things simply because it might benefit me. One of the key phrases associated with this card in the companion book is “needing to contact the watery part in oneself”. So obviously this also reinforces the message of the Knight of Cups. I need to create more balance within myself by embracing and acknowledging my emotional side. Working with the green spirits, and in this case I think that means reacquainting myself with herbal medicines, is a good place to start.

Week 39 – How can I bring Frith (Peace) into my life? (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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Earlier this week I drew the rune Jera as an omen. I decided to incorporate its energies into my reading for the week. Among other things, Jera represents “peace on the land and in the heart“. So I asked the universe how I can manifest this peace in my life and drew The Star Rx, 4 of Wands and Page of Cups.

The Star Rx, 4 of Wands and Page of Cups.

The Star Rx reminds me that I should never give up hope. I need to hold on to it within my heart and feel its healing waters wash over me. This card also reminds me that I’m still healing; I’m still in the process of grieving my husband’s death and determining what kind of life I want to create for myself moving forward. I need to still be gentle with myself and not try to force matters to suit some unwritten agenda.

The 4 of Wands shows me that continuing to connect with nature is another way to bring peace into my life. In the short time I’ve been paying more attention to the wildlife around me, I’ve come to appreciate the tenacity and courage of the small creatures – chipmunks, squirrels, small birds. There is so much out there that can threaten them and yet they endure. They managed to face the challenges and find paths that allow them to survive and thrive. They must experience loss and other potential miseries, but they still focus their energies on survival. I have to admire that quality. At the same, time I realize that one of the qualities of nature is that smaller critters are prey to larger critters. Pretty cats can be quite deadly to small animals. The crows I love to watch so much think nothing of feeding on smaller animals to survive. It is their nature and that is a lesson for me too.

The Page of Cups appears to once again point out that I need to continue the Journey of getting to know myself. I must continue exploring my emotions and embrace the fact that I’m human, I can, and most likely will, be hurt sometimes. Pretending that I don’t feel things deeply as a way of protecting myself is felt spectacularly, and I know that. The Page of Cups is letting me know that I need to explore new tools for dealing with my emotions; healthier, more balanced tools and techniques will be more beneficial. All I’ve managed to do by trying to build a huge wall to protect myself is become a cranky hermit. Not exactly the most well-balanced way to deal with life.

Once again these cards have reinforced messages I’ve received before, especially as it pertains to my own emotional healing and reconnecting with the world around me. A lot of this is beneficial to explore because right now I am rather limited in where I can go and what I can do. So, within those parameters, I need to find other ways to bring joy and peace in my life. Retail therapy is not a solution, despite my love of getting packages.

Week 38 – Bealtaine Spread (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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  1. What am I being asked to learn more about? King of Cups
  2. What is ready for release in this next seasonal cycle (from now until the next fire festival, Lughnasadh, in August)? 3 of Pentacles
  3. With this release, what am I making space for? Page of Cups Rx
  4. A card to ground me as I work with nature, rather than against. 4 of Wands Rx
King of Cups, 3 of Pentacles, Page of Cups Rx, & 4 of Wands Rx – The Herbal Tarot

The King of Cups reveals that what I’m being asked to learn more about is myself; my emotional needs; my relationships with others. I think it’s telling me that one of the areas I need to focus on more is my emotional connections with other people. For many many years I didn’t need anyone other than my husband. Now he’s gone, and I need to learn how to reconnect and form relationships and emotional bonds with others in a way that allows me to feel safe and able to express myself.

I think the 3 of Pentacles shows that I’m ready to release all the seeds that I have planted so far. All the hard work I’ve put into my current situation has laid the groundwork and results should begin to be seen. The creative endeavors I’ve been exploring now need to be nurtured and tended so they can grow and spring forth shoots.

The Page of Cups Rx reminds me that I’m making space for the simple internal Joy that can spring from discovering things that satisfy on an emotional level. Reconnecting with the childlike, simple happiness of coloring or drawing. Dancing just because it makes joy bubble up inside me. Connecting with friends because it makes me smile. I need to stop worrying so much about whether it’s good enough or if other people will like it and just do it for fun.

The 4 of Wands Rx with its fairy figures tending the plants reminds me of the connection I’ve developed to local wildlife since I began making daily offerings. It has helped me become more aware of the variety of small creatures that surround me every day and how in harmony they are with each other. Even when it seems harsh, there is a delicate balance to their interactions with each other and their environment. This card helps to remind me that I must be cautious not to make these wild critters dependent on me because that would throw the dance off kilter. At the same time, paying attention and watching them has made me more aware of the diversity existing even on this small little piece of land as well as reinforcing that I am also part of this web.

For me this reading reinforced previous messages that my focus needs to be on nurturing joy in my life as well as establishing new and tending existing emotional connections and relationships. It’s also giving me a sense that perhaps during this cycle some of the hard work I’ve been putting into the situation with my brother-in-law will finally show some results. And it reminds me that what is helping me to stay grounded is the connection I’ve been building with local wildlife through giving them offerings of food. Just that one little step shows me how important it is to maintain the dance; to remember I’m part of, not above, this web of life.

Week 37 – Conduits of Power Spread by Carolyn Cushing (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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Carolyn Cushing shared this spread in her blog post exploring the energies of this New Moon.  I recommend reading her post and considering how you handle and utilize power in your life too.  In America right now we’re seeing some of the results of unchecked power and abuses of power.   It made me consider how I contribute to, and resist, this paradigm.

  • POWER: What power desires to flow through me?  8 of Pentacles Rx
  • RECEIVING: How can I open to receive this power?  Page of Cups
  • RELEASING: How can I let it go?  10 of Pentacles
8 of Pentacles, Page of Cups & 10 of Pentacles – Herbal Tarot

The power desiring to flow through me is the power of putting my skills and knowledge to work; being able to embrace my inner craftsperson.  It’s the power of being able to share my experience with others.  Right now I’m still acquiring the skills, knowledge, and experience but I have the sense that soon I will have the opportunity to put my skill set to more practical use. Ginger is associated with this card which adds an element of igniting energy, and being more motivated to use my talents and constructive ways. Who knows? Perhaps this suggests that the power desiring to flow through me is that of becoming a teacher in some capacity.

The Page of Cups shows that the way I can be open to receive this power is by literally being more open emotionally; dipping my feet in the water of new experiences and letting go of my need to protect myself.  I need to trust in my inner nature and listen to my heart. Damiana can symbolize releasing self-consciousness and feeling more enthusiastic and self-confident. I need to believe in myself and embrace opportunities for growth, even if my initial efforts result in mistakes and stumbling around in ignorance. It’s the only way to truly learn.

The 10 of Pentacles tells me the way to let it go is to first fully embrace it. Then be willing to share it with others. I get the sense it’s telling me that I need to take stock of what skills I have and what knowledge I might be willing to share with others. The addition of Wild Yam to the energies of this card reinforce the message of accumulated energy and power; whose release will encourage the use of talents, gifts, and possessions for the greatest good (according to the companion book).

The message that I’m getting from this reading is that the power flowing through me that wants to be expressed is one of sharing, and teaching, and encouraging others, and myself at the same time. It’s about letting go of the skills and knowledge I hoard as I self-deprecatingly claim I have nothing. I think the first part is that I need to look at what I have that I can and would be willing to share. Then I need to consider how I might go about doing that. It may take some time simply because of the realities of what’s going on in my life, but it does open an intriguing pathway for me.

Week 34 – Forgiveness (#TarotReading #ShiningTribeTarot #52WeekProject)

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When I was younger, I would listen to people talk about how forgiveness was healing and that it was to the benefit of the forgiver more than the one forgiven, and I snorted in disbelief. Like many teens and young adults, I was arrogantly sure that my righteous anger was better than any potential healing forgiving someone might bring. Needless to say, as with so many things, maturity has taught me the folly of that belief.

Several years back I was working for a non-profit agency. There was a supervisor there with whom I had a challenged relationship. Overall we seem to get along fairly well however whenever there was a situation in which he was my supervisor I seem to irritate him. I think he was concerned that my loyalty was not to him. To be fair, in some ways that was true because I did have other supervisors, and in many cases my loyalty was to them. But he never understood that I could be loyal to more than one person if I felt that that loyalty was also extended to me. I never felt that with this person. He eventually became the executive director of this non-profit agency and within a few years of his ascension I was fired. Allegedly it was because there was no money to continue funding my position. However, considering that after I was gone someone else took the exact same job I would have to question that. Needless to say, I was devastated for years after. It was very traumatic, and I held on to anger and hostility towards this person for many, many years.

Recently I reconnected with two co-workers from that agency. During the course of our conversation this person was mentioned. I knew he had been fired from the non-profit where we were a few years after me. I have no idea why he was let go, but I will admit to experiencing a sense of schadenfreude when I heard the news. While talking with my friend, she mentioned that he had been out of work for a few years and was having a difficult time finding a new job. Based on things I’ve heard about this person, he is his own worst enemy and unfortunately has a tendency to undermine himself. However when my friend mentioned that he was interviewing for a new position I found myself genuinely wishing him well. That’s when I realized, I had finally let go of my anger and forgave him. The truth is I might have let go of the anger years ago but had no reason to consider it. Now that I was looking at it, I understood that I had finally let It go and I felt better, lighter. I finally understood what people meant when they said forgiveness helped the forgiver as much as, or more than, the forgiven. So I decided to pull some cards to explore how this situation influenced me.

  • How did holding on to the anger benefit me? The Chariot
  • How did releasing the anger and forgiving help me? 8 of Rivers
  • How can I embrace this lesson and allow this healing energy to benefit me in the future? 2 of Trees
The Chariot, 8 of Rivers & 2 of Trees from The Shining Tribe Tarot

The Chariot shows me that the anger allowed me to feel I had control over the situation or that I had some ability to influence it in some way. It allowed me to create a “sour grapes” type of scenario and convince myself that the agency didn’t deserve me anyway. Holding on to the anger helped me create a mask to hide behind and avoid dealing with the feelings of hurt and betrayal.

In the 8 of Rivers, Rachel Pollack writes “the 8 of Rivers shows the powerful new self who emerges after the liberating effective anger or simply telling the truth. The card says: if you feel like a new person trusts the feeling”. I cannot imagine a more perfect card appearing in response to this question! I do feel liberated and freer. I feel as though I was able to release some of those inner demons haunting me; or better said take off the mask of anger I was hiding behind to reveal a truer self. By releasing the anger, I opened myself up to connecting to my emotions on a deeper level.

Rachel writes “The trees form a gate that opens to new experience. The image suggests a gateway, a moment in our lives when we feel opportunities open before us. Opening to a higher level of awareness”. I can embrace this lesson by seeing it as the opportunity that it is; embracing its potential for transformation. In Tarot, the twos often represent a partnership. In this instance, I think the 2 of Trees is showing me that what I need to partner my emotional and spiritual side so that I can embrace the opportunities this experience is presenting to me.

This experience has helped me shed the angry, emotionally immature part of myself, and will allow me to move forward with a less reactive, childish mindset. It also helped me realize that holding on to that anger was giving that person power over my life, something to which they have never been entitled. Was it a devastating experience? Yes. Was it a learning experience? Also, yes. Did it break me? No, it made me stronger. Holding on to the resentment and anger I felt towards this person created a narrative of victimhood, and I refuse to be a victim. Realizing that I am able to, and have, released it allows me to change that narrative.

Week 31 – Offering Messages Spread (#TarotReading #WheelofChangeTarot #52WeekProject)

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This week I decided to create a spread based on the messages I received during each of my daily devotionals.  As I may have mentioned, from Monday through Friday I perform daily devotionals to the Earth mother, the nature spirits, the ancestors, the gods and goddesses, as well as the fair folk, and the outdwellers.  In addition to this, I make a daily offering to a specific deity or ancestor.  Right now I honor my hubby, The Morrigan, The Dagda, Thor and Skadi.  After making my offering I ask for a message from the ones I honored.  From my hubby, The Morrigan and The Dagda, I pull a Tarot card for their response.  I use runes for Thor’s and Skadi’s messages.  This past week my messages were The Sun Rx, Woman of Battle (Page of Swords), Foundation of Skill (6 of Wands), Ehwaz and Othala.  From these messages, I created the following spread.

  • Who am I in my true self?  6 of Swords
  • What changes are constellating around me right now?  7 of Swords Rx
  • What is my true skill in life?  Knight of Swords Rx
  • How can I create a support team to help me in this endeavor?  7 of Wands
  • How can my ancestors aid me in this endeavor?  3 of Cups
6 of Swords, 7 of Swords Rx, Knight of Swords Rx, 7 of Wands, 3 of Cups from The Wheel of Change Tarot

The message I get from the 6 of Swords is that there is a cycle to life. The caribou dies to feed the tribe. The birds fly south for the winter. Ice and snow cover the land and eventually melt away. In my true self I am a person who understands that there are cycles to life and tries to prepare and plan accordingly. I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices in order to achieve my goals. I’m not willing to continue spinning my wheels with no end in sight, and nothing achieved.

The changes constellating around me right now seem to involve communication and being open to suggestions and ideas from others. The image on this card represents the Rosetta Stone, a tool which allowed us to understand certain ancient languages for the first time. I think this card’s message reveals that I need to look within myself and find my inner Rosetta Stone; I need to find the key that will allow me to interpret my inner thoughts and ideas, and communicate them, calmly, clearly and intelligently, to those that need to hear them.

The Knight of Swords Rx representing my true skill in life threw me. I actually referred to the book on this one, and I rarely do that. Looking at what the deck creator intended this card to symbolize helped me understand that my skill is in approaching things from a very rational, intellectual perspective but not getting caught up in the perspective and vision of pure science. I can’t help but explore what the practical applications might be resulting from pure research. I can’t help but disagree with the belief that potential applications of knowledge shouldn’t preclude the pursuit of that knowledge. Nothing exists in a vacuum. I think we must take a hard look at where our pursuit of knowledge, without having the wisdom to apply it, has led us.

I think the 7 of Wands is telling me that I need to build a support network of friends and loved ones who not only support me but help me recognize my accomplishments and achievements. It has been pointed out to me that sometimes I don’t recognize how extraordinary some of the things I have been able to accomplish actually are. I have an unfortunate habit of downplaying my successes or treating them as though anyone could achieve them. With rare exception shooting my own horn is difficult for me. I need to build a support network that doesn’t allow me to get away with this and challenges me when I do.

The 3 of Cups shows that my ancestors will help me achieve this goal by the ancestral memories and examples they provide. The image on this 3 of Cups reminds me of the pensieve in the Harry Potter series. A tool through which I can revisit past events, and have a better understanding of the sacrifices made and challenges faced by my ancestors. Obviously I do not have a pensieve, but that certainly would be a task for which Tarot is uniquely suited. So I think the way the ancestors can continue to help me is by offering insight and advice from their perspective using the Tarot as a tool for communication.

I think one of my skills is calling myself on my own bullshit. I might be smart enough to use logic and claim that I’m being rational in my behaviors and my decisions however also well aware that I try to fool myself quite a bit. I think my true skill isn’t digging deeper until I get to the root of my bullshit, and expose it so that the light can burn it to a cinder. I’m learning how to listen to myself so that I can explore and understand better who I truly am, and not just meet the needs and expectations of others.

Week 30 – Here Comes the Sun Spread (#TarotReading #WheelofChangeTarot #52WeekProject)

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I created this spread to honor the impending arrival of Spring. It’s based on one of my favorite Beatles’ songs, written by George Harrison.

  • What’s been frozen this winter? Princess of Disks
  • What will the melting ice reveal? Prince of Disks Rx
  • What will return the smile to my face? Knight of Disks Rx
  • What will be made clear? 9 of Cups
Princess of Disks, Prince of Disks Rx, Knight of Disks Rx, 9 of Cups from The Wheel of Change Tarot

What has been frozen this Winter is my ability to explore and learn new things about myself and my environment; my ability to plant seeds that will bring forth new growth and abundance. Some of this might be due to the nature of the season. Some days it’s simply too cold to go outside and roam around. However, I think the bigger portion of this is due to the reality of how limited my life is right now because of the situation with my brother-in-law. I’m realizing it takes a very special focus and mindset to mentally and psychologically free oneself from a physical limitation.

I think the melting ice will reveal that I do have that ability. I just have to believe that I have it. I think the reversed nature of this Prince of Disks shows that I have the skills and capability to build whatever reality I want as long, as I have the willingness to make the attempt. I have to have faith in myself, and confidence in my skill set, because if I don’t believe in myself, the foundation will be too shaky to stand. I also like the inclusion of the wheel in this card which suggests that this reversal will be turned around soon enough. Right now, this is an area that I need to focus on within myself, and within these restrictions but eventually that will change.

When I saw the Knight of Disks show up in response to “What will return the smile to my face?”, I had to smile. The Knight is equivalent to the King in this deck, and I have always seen my husband’s energy as very King of Disks. So in its most simplistic form, this answer is telling me that thinking about my husband will return the smile to my face. In the larger sense I think what it’s showing is that I will always carry him in my heart. I will always feel him watching over me and know that he would support me and want me to be happy and fulfilled. Realizing that is comforting and reassuring and absolutely makes me smile. On another level, this Knight of Disks shows me that I have the potential to become my own Knight of Disks; to become the master of my own physical self and physical space. Once I am able to activate the energies in the Prince of Disks, I will find myself able to manifest my own inner hubby, if you will. I will be able to activate the inner strength I already possess that I have always associated with my husband.

What will be made clear is my inner wishes and desires. I have spent so much time suppressing them because it’s just too painful. When there are limits on how one can pursue one’s interests, it’s much easier to shrink them down to achievable bites. Instead of crying for the moon, and yearning for what I cannot possibly have right now, I have diminished my dreams. I think this reading reminds me that once I am able to have more control over my life, to physically manifest the environment and reality that I desire, I will find it easier to unlock those dreams and begin to actively pursue them.

Despite the fact that The Sun never actually appeared in this reading, it feels like these cards are showing me how I can manifest a reality in which I finally have my moment to shine in the sun again. I will reach a place where I can start to pursue my dreams, hopes, and wishes. First I have to build a solid foundation; manifest my skills and energies in a way that will allow that to happen.

Week 28 – Superior Me (TarotReading #FörhäxaTarot #52WeekProject)

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I was chatting with a friend the other day about how people’s pursuit of money can often skew their values and indeed has had a seemingly negative impact upon our society as a whole. That led me to some naval gazing, and I started wondering is it really pursuit of money that’s the root of evil or is it what we think having money grants us? As a society many Americans ascribe certain qualities to being wealthy. We think it makes people happier; makes people impervious to the viscitudes of everyday life. We see it in the news all the time rich, people are not held to the same standards as the rest of us. It’s often claimed that the criminal justice system is very different for people with money, especially white people with money. This made me wonder if it’s really the money that we want or the privilege that we believe accompanies having money. For example, consider Sigmund Freud’s penis envy Theory. I honestly don’t know many women who envy men’s physical possession of a penis. However, it’s possible what women actually envy is the privilege and rights ascribed to them because of said appendage. I think that what we really want is something that makes us feel Superior to other people. Think about people who feel like they’re in the know about a subject people who buy into conspiracy theories because they think it’s hidden information that only a select few can access.

Think about people who feel like they’re in the know about a subject; people who buy into conspiracy theories because they think it’s hidden information that only a select few can access. We all like to feel that we possess secret information to which others are ignorant. Why? Because it allows us to feel Superior in some way. Why do some people fight so hard to take away the rights of minorities or other special groups? Because it’s a way to feel Superior to those people. I could be totally wrong about this because honestly I’m just basing this on a gut feeling but I still thought it might be interesting to explore.

So, I wondered where in my life I suffer from a superiority complex. I know that I have them. Some I’m well aware of, but I’m trying to explore the ones to which I might be oblivious. So I decided to do what I often do in these types of situations. I sought advice from the Tarot.

I asked: 1) What superiority complex do I not see? 2) What will help me recognize it? 3) How has this blind spot been serving me?

Queen of Water, 9 of Air & Wheel of Fortune – Förhäxa Tarot

The Queen of Water reminds me that I tend to be dismissive of people’s feelings or avoid dealing with them. I like to flatter myself that I’m above all of that, but the reality is I’m not. In fact, it’s a weak point for me it’s why I prefer dealing with Swords issues than Cups issues. In my world growing up showing your emotions left you vulnerable and could create a weapon for people to use against you. So I donned a cloak of emotional and vulnerability and used it to protect myself. I draped myself in the moral superiority I felt because I wouldn’t let someone hurt me like that. I have failed to recognize that pretending to be emotionally invulnerable doesn’t mean that I am. In fact by avoiding addressing emotional issues I’ve probably made myself more vulnerable than I would have been had I dealt with this at an earlier point in my life. This Queen of Water is reminding me that instead of learning to embrace my emotions, I’ve barely been able to keep my head above water.

I really love this 9 of Air card. When I first saw, it I thought those were dragonflies coming up out of a swampy body of water (they’re actually hornets). The message I got from this card is what will help me is accepting and acknowledging that no matter how much I ignore emotional issues, they’re lying in wait under the surface. If I don’t handle them they will rise up, and sting me. At the same time, I see these dragonfly/hornets as a hopeful sign because their wings are so luminous against the darkness of the background. It’s a reminder that while intellect cannot control emotions, learning new ideas and taking a new perspective to the matter, will help me develop a plan to deal with them. My emotions are going to be there whether I choose to address them or not. What needs to change, so that I can deal with them in a healthier way, is my mindset about the whole issue.

The Wheel of Fortune shows this blind spot has been serving me because it allowed me to treat my emotions as though they’re something separate from me; my shadow side that I could ignore. They allowed me to try to resist the changes that are essential to grow and expand in life. It was a way for me to try to stave off the inevitable. It allowed me to cling to my illusion that I was somehow Superior because I was not subject to the whims of being overly emotional. In reality what I’ve realized is I didn’t need to be emotional with anyone else because I had my husband. He was my support. He was my rock, my stability. He allowed me to hide my vulnerable, emotional side from anybody but him. I could trust him and knew he wouldn’t hurt me. So in a way, this created a situation where I could allow myself to stagnate in this area. I didn’t need to change and grow because my husband protected me; shielded me.

I found this reading especially interesting because all three of these cards showed up for me earlier in the week as messages from my ancestors. Except they were originally reversed. So once again I’m getting reinforcement of the original message. I need to work on my emotional maturity and nature because if I don’t it’s going to cause me problems in the long run. And that is nothing to feel Superior about.

Week 27 – How can I strengthen my connection to my gods? (TarotReading #FörhäxaTarot #CelticWisdomTarot #52WeekProject)

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I have developed a daily devotional practice honoring the Earth mother,  the nature spirits, the ancestors, the gods and goddesses that my people honored as well as specific individual deities with whom I feel a stronger connection.  I try to keep it fairly simple; offering nuts to the Earth mother, critter food to the nature spirits and tea to the ancestors and the gods.  I also used tea for the offering when I’m honoring a specific deity or ancestor, except my husband – he gets coffee.  So far this seems to work out very well.  After making an offering to a specific ancestor or deity, I take an omen ADF style.  When the ancestor or deity is Irish, I use my Celtic Wisdom Tarot for the omen.  For my Norse deities I pull a rune.  Usually this works fine but every so often things get confusing.

One of the deities that I am trying to build a stronger relationship with is The Morrigan.  I have felt drawn to her for many years, but haven’t actually taken any steps to enhance that bond.  So recently when I made my first offering to her as part of my daily devotional practice, I received The Shaper (Empress) reversed as my omen/message.  As soon as I saw this card I heard a voice in my head telling me “I am not your mother and this is not going to be a kinder, gentler relationship”.  Honestly this felt completely appropriate and typical of the kind of energy that I have often felt while working with The Morrigan.  She’s not soft and cuddly, and if that’s what I’m looking for she would not be the best goddess with whom to align myself.

The next time I made an offering the card I drew was the Augury of Skill (Ace of Wands) reversed.  The image on the card represents the Irish deity Lugh and his spear, which is considered one of the treasures of the Tuatha de Danann.  One of the aspects described to Lugh is that he is “many skilled”.  So I can see him being associated with the suit of Wands because he is a source of creativity.  However having this show up reversed is the message I received confused me a little bit. 

The next day the deity that I honored is The Dagda, the Good Father of the Tuatha de Danann, a god of great knowledge, a skilled warrior, and an inspired musician.  He possesses a cauldron from which none walk away hungry.  He also happens to be considered by many to be the husband of The Morrigan.  On a personal note, my husband always struck me as a wonderful embodiment of The Dagda’s energy manifested on this plane.  When I pulled a card to receive my message from him, I received the Queen of Battle, The Morrigan.  In my head I heard a voice telling me “you need to make sure you understand who she is and what she will be requiring of you”.  In other words I had to make sure I had made “right” my relationship with The Morrigan.

So to help me figure out the best way to do this I pulled three more cards for clarification.  I asked The Morrigan what was the best way to establish a “right” relationship with her?  I drew Woman of Battle Rx, Quest of Art, and Woman of Art (Page of Air Rx, 10 of Water & Page of Water).  When I looked at these cards I got distracted by the figures from Irish mythology and folklore that they represented.  The Woman of Battle is Queen Maeve.  The 10 of Art shows the Salmon of Wisdom being found in The Well of Segais.  The Woman of Art represented by  Boann, the goddess of the Boyne River whose mythology is also associated with The Well of Segais.  My initial response to reading these cards is that The Morrigan was showing me that our relationship will be a battle but not one of the mind.  She doesn’t really need to work on my intelligence or mental abilities, because I am fairly comfortable and confident in these areas. However the presence of the 10 and Page of Water suggest that where we will battle is the realm of emotions, the heart. I decided to pull the matching cards from the Förhäxa Tarot to help clarify things for me. It also intrigued me that the two Water cards are connected with a well known as a source of great wisdom. In other words, if I want to actually acquire wisdom, not just knowledge, I need to dive into The Well of my own emotions.

Celtic Wisdom Tarot
Förhäxa Tarot

Looking at these cards I had to laugh. The wasp-like shape of the Queen of Air reinforces the idea that I’m going to get stung with some things, will be hurt, but ultimately will be helped. The only way for me to move forward is to let go of the past. The Page of Air Rx suggests that in the past focusing more on my intelligence, logic, and knowledge was a way of protecting myself. If I became like Mr Spock, I wouldn’t have to worry about being hurt by the slings and barbs of others. In some ways, I see myself as Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. I may be insensitive and seem heartless, but most times it’s because I just don’t understand what it is people want or expect from me. I know I should offer distressed people a hot refreshing beverage but don’t always understand why. The roots of that developed as an effort to protect my very soft inner center from the pain of friends who betrayed me or classmates who mocked me. I understand that in many cases they were as clueless as I was, but those barbs dug deep and still reside in my soul. As a result, I put on very thick armor to pretend none of it impacted me, didn’t bother me. In reality I was curled up and crying on the inside.

Similar messages have appeared for me numerous times over the past few months.  It has become clear that one of the lessons I need to learn moving forward is to grow more comfortable with that side of my nature; to explore my inner emotions.  This is rarely something I will do voluntarily.  So it makes perfect sense that the only lens through which I would be willing to explore this side of my nature is the one provided by The Morrigan. She’s not going to cuddle me and Pat me on the back saying “there, there”. Instead she is basically going to slap me at the back of the head and say “put on your big girl panties, and keep going. All of this is in the past. It can’t hurt you anymore unless you let it”. The truth is I know that, but very much like exercising or eating right, that’s often the harder choice to make, so I avoid it. The Morrigan is showing me she’s not going to let me avoid this anymore. I’m both a little terrified and excited. This will really be uncharted territory for me.

Week 26 – How can I use this time to explore my creativity? (TarotReading #FörhäxaTarot #52WeekProject)

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In honor of the full moon in Leo, I decided to do a reading for myself focusing on some of the energies associated with this cycle.   Since I have been thinking about expressing my creativity in different areas, I thought that might be a fun topic to explore.  So using my absolutely stunning Förhäxa Tarot,I asked the following questions.

9 of Earth, Queen of Water Rx, 6 of Air – Förhäxa Tarot

What will inspire me?  9 of Earth – I can be inspired by the natural world around me.  Despite the fact that I have limited ability to go beyond the borders of my own property that doesn’t mean I can’t explore the beauty on this property.  Practically every day I’m visited by squirrels, various birds, ducks, occasionally a swan comes by, and my heron sometimes drops in.  They all offer an amazing window into the natural world that surrounds this little piece of land and I need to take advantage of it.  Nature journaling might be the perfect way to get me started and inspire me to try new techniques or revisit old techniques.

What will challenge me?  Queen of Water Rx – I think the Queen of Water is showing me that what will challenge me is what always challenges me, exploring and embracing my inner emotions.  Cup issues are a realm I prefer to avoid.  The truth is, I think the only thing holding me together right now is the fact that I don’t give in to becoming overly emotional.  However, I’m realizing that ignoring or avoiding this part of my psyche also limits me because it’s difficult to find ways to sustain yourself emotionally if you avoid diving into that pool.  The truth is ignoring or avoiding my emotions doesn’t mean they don’t exist and are impacting the situation.  I can see this becoming a challenge when it comes to expressing my creativity because I do believe that one’s creativity is innately tied to one’s emotional state.  So this ought to be fun.

What practical steps can I take?  6 of Air – I think this reinforces the idea that although I cannot physically change my environment right now, I can change my mindset. This message has come up for me several times in the past few months. The only limits on me are ones I impose upon myself. Even if I’m limited in where I can go and what I can do in the physical realm, that doesn’t stop me from using my mind to learn new things; explore new ideas. I need to keep the fact uppermost in my mind.

So, clearly the cards are telling me that my creativity is only limited by my own internal restrictions. I don’t need to leave this property in order to be creative, I only think I do. I’ve recently become enamored with the idea of plein air painting, painting outdoors. Nothing says that needs to be any further than 5′ outside the front door. Implicit in these cards is a message of “just do it”. It has come up for me numerous times as a reminder that much of what limits me is my own internally imposed restrictions. I have to move beyond that to avoid stifling my creativity.