#ChattingwithTarot – 2 of Swords Rx, Temperance Rx + The World (#Dreamkeepers #Tarot)

Today my ancestors have chosen to remind me that balance is the key to my having it all. It’s the missing piece to the puzzle; the truth I hide from myself.

Of course I know this. It’s another of those truths of which I am well aware and yet continue to ignore. I willfully blind myself to it. Deliberate obtuseness is a long-standing trait of mine. My mother refers to it as being thick and, to be honest, it’s one I inherited from my ancestors. So perhaps this is also a “learn from our mistakes” kind of message.

Now that I’ve been reminded of this truth, what shall I do with it? Time will tell.

#ChattingwithTarot – Knight of Pentacles, King of Wands + Ace of Wands Rx (#Dreamkeepers #Tarot)

While having a lovely cuppa Harney & Sons Citrus Blend,

I asked my ancestors for guidance, insight and wisdom. This was their response.

“You are the perpetual student, the eternal learner. You are always seeking new knowledge and pursuing new areas of exploration. Even when you master one thing, you eagerly seek to start over again in a different arena. The challenge for you is relaxing and enjoying what you’ve acquired before charging off into your next Quest.”

This message is very true. One of the challenges I regularly deal with is that I am a bit like a dog chasing a squirrel; haring off down a new path without completing the original journey. I do this with many of my hobbies and creative outlets. My ancestors are telling me to “stop and smell the roses”. They’re reminding me that I need to actually embrace what I’ve learned, to implement and put it to use in my life before seeking a new challenge.

On being an outlier

I’m an outlier, an outsider, an oddball. I often don’t fit in even with groups to which I feel I belong. There is just something under my skin that become itchy when I try to fit in; be part of the group. I often joke that my motto is “Whatever it is, I’m against it” (thank you, Groucho Marx). In reality, it isn’t a joke. Even when it comes to opinions and stances which I share, I can’t help but argue the opposite position if I feel too many have jumped on the bandwagon. I don’t like to feel that I’m part of the majority opinion.  As Groucho also once said, “I wouldn’t want to join a club that would have me as a member.”

I’m not sure why I am this way but I tend to put it down to my parents exhorting me when I was a child not to do things simply because everyone else did. They encouraged me to trust my own opinions and not to be a follower. I may carry this a bit too far. This is both a blessing and a curse, allowing me to defend my positions despite others’ attitudes but also isolating me.

In order to get some clarity about this, I did a reading for myself.

Using the Wizards Tarot, I asked:

How does being an outlier serve me? Knight of Pentacles Rx
How does it hinder me? 2 of Cups Rx
What can I do with this information going forward? The Hierophant Rx

Being an outlier has been a way of protecting myself, of isolating myself before others could exile me. Of course, this also says a lot about some of the earlier relationships I had in my life. I did have occasions where those I believed were “friends” betrayed me or mocked me. It created a very weird dynamic and made me mistrustful and extremely cautious.

This mistrust and caution have also prevented me from forming closer friendships and emotional bonds. I do have friends but they are a small, select group. I don’t really do casual friendships which may explain why Facebook made me so twitchy. To paraphrase a friend of my hubby’s, if you haven’t seen me make a complete ass of myself at least once, you aren’t really my friend.

So, going forward I need to learn from these experiences; to be willing to use it as a learning opportunity. That doesn’t mean I have to change the way I am, simply that I should be more mindful and conscious of what I’m doing and why. Perhaps this will also serve as a tool for helping others who have similar issues.

#TarotDaily – 10 of Swords Rx + 9 of Cups Rx (#BohemianGothic)

What goal do I have that is stalled because I am overwhelmed? How might I best move forward?

I’m stalled because I still haven’t let go enough to move to the next level; the next phase in my life. I’m spending too much time focusing on the pain and the loss and not enough time focusing on what comes next; what I’ve achieved despite of or even because of the pain and loss.

The best way for me to move forward is to get more realistic and practical about matters. Wishes are wonderful things and can be quite a motivating factor, however they can also easily become a trap. Instead of dreaming about things that are unlikely to happen, such as winning the lottery, now is the time to focus on somewhat more realistic and practical dreams and goals.

This actually ties in quite nicely with yesterday’s reading reminding me that I need to narrow the field a bit because time has become more limited. This is a lot to think about and a lot to work with moving forward.

#TarotDaily – 7 of Pentacles + 6 of Wands (#TrickorTreat)

How might self-discipline give you more freedom? What would be a way for you develop that discipline?

Self-discipline would enable me to make more informed, practical decisions based in what I’ve achieved so far and what I plan to achieve in the coming years. I have a rather “shoot from the hip” approach to most matters. As a rule, this has worked just fine for me so I feel little incentive to change. This card suggests that planning things in advance and periodically taking stock might help me use my time and energy more effectively as well as recognizing how far I’ve come.

One technique that might help me in being more open to this approach is celebrating my victories when they occur. As much as I don’t take stock, I’m also not good at appreciating or valuing what I’m good at doing. I tend to take a dismissive approach to my own achievements. I’m not sure whether this is because I felt that highlighting my achievements would alienate me from other people or because I have self-esteem issues. What’s most likely is it is a combination of both. Having said that, maybe it’s time to embrace, honor, and celebrate my achievements. This certainly wood go a long way towards keeping me on track and being self-disciplined.

#TarotDaily – 8 of Discs + 7 of Cups (#AllHallows)

What parts of your past must you explore and resolve in order to move forward?

This was a tough reading for me. I sometimes find when the reading is about me, interpreting it can be tricky. I see what I want to see or delude myself. I plan to try avoiding it here but I’m not sure how successful I’ll be.

This reading feels connected to my career (well former career). I invested many hours into my former profession and still struggle to accept I’ll likely never work at a career again. Oh I may find work, get a job, but I’ll never again climb a career ladder. There are several reasons for this. One is that I wouldn’t return to my former profession even if it were possible. The field has changed dramatically since I left. Government regulations and funding requirements have made it more about metrics and measurable outcomes than quality programming and services.

I will also never invest so much of myself in another job. I dedicated my heart, soul and body to that job. I put in untold extra hours ensuring things ran smoothly and the facility was safe. I exhausted myself. I had friends and family volunteer for various activities and events. And, for several years I was able to work my dream job. I accomplished what I wanted in that field and now I need to release it and move forward.

Now I need to focus on the plethora of opportunities out there for me in new arenas. It won’t be a career path, instead it may be pursuing joy. This is my chance to explore all the things that make me happy, big and small, without pressure or expectations. For years I felt I didn’t live up to my potential. Now I can redefine where my potential truly lies. I can do things just for the sheer pleasure. That is exciting!

#TarotDaily – The Fool + 4 of Swords (#AllHallows)

Which of your creative gifts are lying dormant? How might you awaken them?

All of my creative gifts are dormant right now because I don’t have faith in them; I’m afraid to express them. One of my biggest challenges has always been to recognize my gifts and accomplishments. I fell into the mindset of believing that if I am good at something, gifted with a skill, then it mustn’t be that difficult. I also resist exploring unfamiliar territory. If I don’t think I can do something well the first time, I avoid trying it. This has limited me in a variety of ways and us something I’d like to move beyond.

I think one I’ve the ways I can awaken these dormant, unexplored creative gifts is to take breaks for myself. I recently decided to spend 15-30 minutes everyday in a mini-retreat. I will spend the time journaling or crafting, listening to music and meditating. This will enable me to shake myself loose from current, stifling patterns. I think this will help me reconnect to existing creative gifts and discover new ones.