Today I focused on what will aid me in staying on course with my new journaling goals. I drew:
To me, this reading is a reminder to keep my creative energies focused and balanced; not to overdo things and run out of steam (a tendency of mine). I also need to reflect along the way so I can fine tune what I’m doing. To fully real the benefits I also need to be willing to poke at myself; apply my analytical, rational side to evaluating emotional responses to situations. To make lasting changes in my life I’ll need to sometimes be harsh, almost cruel, in my honesty because repeating the same patterns defeats the purpose.
I’m still enthusiastic about this process but this reading reminds me it’s not all fun and games, at least not if I want lasting, impactful change.
Well, I guess the best way to connect with one’s inner child is to focus inward and not let the world’s crazy or personal daily obligations weigh you down. Focusing on the darkness in the world or personal responsibilities that weigh us down only serves to suck the joy out of life. Sometimes it’s necessary, vitally important, even life saving to take a break and focus on yourself.
Now, of course, the same advice I would give to someone else applies just as much to me but I ignore it all the time. It’s starting to show – the wear & tear; the fraying around the edges. So I have to make a commitment to take small blocks of time for myself everyday. I need to re-acquaint myself with me. I need to reread all those wonderful SARK books I own. I need to browse Jennifer Louden’s Woman’s Comfort Book and Woman’s Retreat Book. I know I can do it if I focus. I’ve done it before. Sometimes being stubborn has it’s advantages.
So today I pondered where to focus my attention; my big, juicy brain (sorry, been watching zombie flicks with the hubby). This is the answer I received. Hmph, interesting that these cards are the same suits I drew yesterday. So I’d have to say I still need to focus on exploring and determining what brings me joy and how to express it and use it to fuel my creative energies.
I need to relearn the contours of my own heart – not always an easy task. I have a tendency of doing first and letting introspection fall by the wayside. I often joke that I’m as deep as a babbling brook, but that’s bullshit. It’s more accurate to say although I can be as deep as a babbling brook (I truly am a very WYSIWYG kinda gal), I also have hidden, unplumbed depths. The reversed Queen of Cups is telling me it’s time for some deep diving.
It’s time to rest, draw in your energy and take a break. This gives you a chance to reassess, reevaluate and reconsider your plans. Soon, you be released and unleashed – ready to take on new projects; reenergized to discover what lies around the next curve in your road.
Be careful not to withdraw from others right now. You may have been judging yourself too harshly and, as a result, cut yourself off from those who can help you move past this tendency. Be open to listening to the advice friends and loved ones offer.
You’ve been in a period of hibernation, removing yourself from the world around you in order to better assess what you want to do next. Now it’s time to emerge again and celebrate your potential; explore what new opportunities await!
You don’t believe you’re strong enough to endure, to complete this task, and you’re right. If you don’t believe you’re strong enough then you won’t be. However, if you have faith in yourself, success is much more likely.
Are you feeling tired and worn down? Have the last few months reduced you to a nub? Perhaps you need to give yourself a break and recharge those batteries! You can only run on empty for so long before permanent damage occurs.
Your inner strength and determination have served you well. You’ve made it this far and the finish line is visible. Dig into your reserves and keep moving forward. Remember that you’re doing this for yourself, not to impress anyone else.
It’s easy to focus so much on the task at hand that you lose sight of the big picture; you can’t see the direction in which you’re moving. Take a moment to get your bearings before you are so off course you can’t correct it.
Teamwork may be the answer to completing current projects. Creating an environment where everyone’s opinion and input is valued may produce better and more innovative results than trying to outdo each other and racing for the finish line.
You are going in circles, not sure which way is up. Instead of continuing on this exhausting path try taking a break to regroup and relax. Without time to recharge your energy and rejuvenate your body you’ll burn out. You need to prioritize time for yourself too.
The medicine wheel can help you manifest your dreams and create prosperity in you life but before that can happen you need to way to cut through what holds you back and unleash your intellectual power; find a balance between existing beliefs and new ones.
This is an opportunity for a new start; to explore new territory. Right now you may feel stifled and stagnant because you’ve been ignoring your need to nourish you mind; to sharpen your saw. Unleashing that potential will help you manifest new and unlimited possibilities for growth and success.
Wheels turn, that’s what they do. You are being given a message that changes are coming your way. Right now your mental energies are in a receptive phase; you are taking in new techniques, inspiration and ideas. Soon you will be focusing it outwards and creating magic in your life; sharing what you’ve learned with others. Just believe in yourself!
Passion, excitement, enthusiasm, joy. The other day I realized how absent these emotions have been in my life lately. While chatting with a friend about hobbies it hit me that I haven’t lost myself in any of my hobbies for quite some time. I collect and play with Barbies and similar fashion dolls but I haven’t redressed a doll in over a year. I collect and use Tarot decks but I haven’t really played with my decks the way I once did. I have more books in my TBR pile than I can possibly finish in this lifetime. I have a list of recipes I want to try but instead, default to the same 10 What the hell is wrong with me? I’m not sure but I do have a few ideas.
During the conversation with my friend, I realized that I’ve suppressed my excitement and passion because it became painful. Seeing others who shared my passions being able to explore and enjoy theirs while I was stuck in caregiver mode sucked. It made me envious and bitter so I must have decided on some level that if I didn’t want to become a bitter, bitchy (okay, more bitchy) person then I needed to distance myself from online groups and boards or else my envy would chew me up and spit me out.
Unfortunately, that also meant that I dampened my affect across the board. I stayed in a middle position to avoid letting the negative stuff overwhelm me but it meant I didn’t really enjoy the positive stuff either. I think in clinical terms it might be considered depression. Luckily I realized that it’s a situation depression and not due to anything major. That means I could treat it on my own – because gods forbid I should see help for anything. I’m kinda stubborn that way. I like to blame it on my Capricorn Moon.
So what is my solution? Nothing especially groundbreaking. I made myself a promise that I would consciously choose to engage in some of my hobbies. For example – I re-committed myself to posting my daily Tarot card pulls at least 4 times each week. I promised myself I would post something to my blog once a week. I am determined to journal at least once a week (but preferably more). There are small, simple and doable steps that I know I can achieve. Once I’ve consistently done these for a few weeks I’ll add more or change them. I also want to start reading books on journaling and finding your life purpose but I’m not making that part of this commitment. I have also promised myself that I won’t spend money on hobbies/crafts for which I already have a wide range of materials that I have not used yet (such as my coloring books and composition notebooks).
None of this is especially innovative or mind-blowing. It might not be amazing, impactful or especially transformative for anyone else. For me, this was quite an epiphany. Sometimes it the small wake up calls in life that have the most long-lasting and beneficial results.
As the holiday spending season shifts into overdrive, I find myself once again almost devoid of “Christmas spirit”. Watching the chaos and greed at Black Friday events all over the country I am struck by how truly soulless this season has become for some people. Don’t misunderstand me, I like getting goodies as much as the next person, I’m just not willing to trample over folks to get them at a discount. This is truly nothing new. Even in the classic movie Miracle on 34th Street characters are heard lamenting about how commercial Christmas has become. Kris Kringle is seen as crazy and dangerous because he wants to help people. What does that say about us as a society? I suppose what it really says is that we’ve always been this way. The primary difference is that now the chaotic madness is televised.
At one point I decided to make gifts for folks on my list – personalized colognes, shower gels etc. That went over like a lead balloon with most of them. I also got tired of receiving gifts that were clearly choices made from convenience with no real insight into what I might like. Once again, not that I wasn’t appreciative but if it’s the thought that counts then what does it say when no thought was behind the gift at all? It can really suck all the joy out of the holiday season. Add to that the friggin’ political correctness bug that has infected us all. Happy Holidays is really not the same as Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or Happy Yule. Aren’t we grown up enough that if someone wishes us a happy holiday that isn’t our own we can simply smile and thank them or thank them and politely correct them? That certainly seems easier and less stressful than stepping on eggshells while trying to wish someone a happy holiday season.
I think the biggest issue that can suck the joy out of the season for me is its lack of spiritual focus. I may not celebrate it anymore but Christmas is supposed to be about honoring the birth of Jesus Christ the Christian savior not deciding what kind of video game the kid wants. I would even consider a family focusing on what kinds of cookies to leave out for Santa to be something of a triumph compared to the current topics of conversation – where the best bargains can be found. As if that isn’t sad enough, many of the crazed mob charging stores on Black Friday are primarily buying stuff for themselves.
In addition to all the seasonal madness that can quickly sour one on this time of year, the family responsibilities that limit me can become especially onerous right about now. I can’t even stroll through a shopping center or along the main street of the village without it requiring some major planning beforehand. Who would have thought that simply viewing Christmas windows would become practically impossible. Sometimes this entire situation leaves me drowning in self-pity and depression at this time of year. On the positive side, at least I have a choice. I can focus on what makes me miserable and sad or I can focus on what makes me feel happy and fully of joy. It’s all about where I focus my intentions and attentions.
So I have decided that in order to increase the sense of wonder and joy I feel at this time of year, I plan to savor holiday movies – from classics to some of the rather cheesy newer entries. Even when I know they’re unrealistic, happy ending holiday movies make me cheery. The fact is that I do believe in Santa Claus and always have. I enjoy the feeling of Christmas cheer that sprinkles over many of us at this time of year. I have signed up for a 30 Days of Yule ecourse with Joanna Powell Colbert. I will focus on the happiness I feel when I give someone a gift they will truly enjoy (rather than just a gift card or money). I will lose myself in the happiness I feel simply looking at twinkling Christmas lights. Rather than sink into the dark morass so easily accessible at this time of year, I’ll try to steer my course towards shores filled with tidings of comfort and joy. Oh and I’ll drink tea – lots and lots of warming, comforting tea! I hope others find themselves willing and able to do the same to keep their joy and cheer levels up this Christmas, Hanukkah, Yule, Kwanzaa or whatever seasonally appropriate holiday they choose to celebrate (or even if you celebrate none at all).
Starting today I am beginning my Dark Goddess labyrinth work with The Sun aka Sekmet. I have to admit to an enduring fondness for The Sun’s energy. Even from my earliest childhood I felt a much stronger connection to the Sun and daylight than I did to the Moon and nighttime. This is ironic considering I am a confirmed night owl but what can I say, I’m nothing if not inconsistent about some things. I have also long felt an affinity for Sekhmet’s energy. She is assertive, aggressive and energetic; roaring out her anger and affection with equal measure. This confident lioness could only be stopped in her destruction by blood colored beer. I gotta love a goddess who can only be slowed down by an alcoholic beverage.
To start off our relationship, I asked Sekhmet for a message and she sent me Blue Dakini/3 of Air. This goddess reminds me that in order for something new to bloom, I must excise what is dead and outworn. This is often a difficult process because there are times when what is apparently outdated and work out can carry great sentimental value. Although as I am learning, clinging to the past can often blind us to what promise lies ahead.
The appearance of the Blue Dakini also reminded me of another aspect of The Sun’s energy can be overlooked – the sun’s light is a purifier. It bleaches away stains and destroys bacteria. It’s a powerful source of energy, light and warmth. It is what allows life to exist on Earth. All of these are amazing gifts but they can also have harsher aspects. Too much light or heat can blind or dehydrate. Too much energy can be exhausting. If we destroy all bacteria then we risk killing off the good ones too. So it is clearly a question of balance. The destructive aspects of the Sun are essential and necessary but they certainly should not overshadowing its more beneficent ones. During the journey ahead I’m sure I will find harsh light shed on areas of my life I’ve preferred to avoid and at the same time once I clear away those hidden, shadowy areas I’ll be making room for more creative projects and radiant energy.