Week 24 – New Moon in Aquarius Spread (TarotReading #FörhäxaTarot #52WeekProject)

  • What unique talents can I share with the world? The Tower
  • How can I trust my intuition more fully? The Hermit Rx
  • What vision for the future is awakening in me? Temperance Rx
  • Who are my friends and how do they make me feel? Page of Fire
Förhäxa Tarot

I have to admit drawing The Tower as the answer to what talents I can share with the world was a bit off putting. But when I look at the image on the card it made me think of the benefits The Tower brings, just like the benefits after a volcanic eruption. Initially the devastation seems cataclysmic, but over time, once the rebuilding starts, we realize this is an opportunity to do things differently, possibly better. How does this tie in with talents I can share with the world? I’m not actually certain but the answer that came to me is that sometimes I am like that Tower. I sometimes look at things differently and perhaps I’m able to help other people tear down things that are preventing them from seeing things more clearly and from a different perspective

The Hermit Rx suggests that the best way to trust my intuition more fully is to take that journey within myself. I need to explore the inner workings of my own psyche and forge my own way through whatever overgrowth, also known as societal conditioning, is preventing me from achieving this. I tend to see myself as a very left brained, logical, rational Swords kind of person. However a recent conversation with a dear friend has made me realize I’m not very Swordsy. I am intellectual, but in a very Wands way. The belief that I am logical and rational has always made me scoff at the idea that I might have any inherent psychic ability, and caused me to mistrust my own intuition. I think The Hermit is showing this is a journey I have to make on my own, but it’s not outside it’s within.

I see the reversed Temperance card as the second phase of The Hermit’s journey. Once I have tapped into my intuitive nature and explored my psychic talents, I think this will allow me to find an inner balance between left-brain and right-brain. I love how the image on this card has her hands up and is embracing water from both left and right sides. She is pouring it into herself; purifying herself. She’s not overwhelmed by this water but channeling it. Considering I’ve always been very open about my lack of comfort with emotions and the Cuppish realm, I find this card especially empowering because it suggests that doing this work will enable me to become more comfortable with my intuitive, emotional side, and not feel overwhelmed by it.

I had to smile when I saw the Page of Fire show up in answer to the last question because it really struck me as such a clear message. My friends are people who like to explore new ideas, and get excited about new concepts. They are people who inspire me and help light my fires when it feels like they are burning low. They are people who like to have fun and can be serious at the same time.

I really appreciate that this reading begins and ends with very fiery imagery. I think it symbolizes my journey. I start off very explosive and sometimes out of control, but through the path of The Hermit and Temperance, I learn to control my energies so that they become something I can channel in ways that are more healing and beneficial to me and to others in my life.

Week 22 -How do I solve a problem like EL?  (#TarotReading #SlavicLegendsTarot #52WeekProject)

Card 1 – Positive aspects of pushing this issue?  2 of Cups Rx
Card 2 – Negative aspects of pushing this issue?  The Moon
Card 3 – Positive aspects of taking a more Stoic approach?  Page of Wands Rx
Card 4 – Negative aspects of taking a more Stoic approach?  The Devil Rx
Card 5 – How can I ensure the best possible outcome?  Queen of Wands Rx

On Friday a hearing was held to determine if my brother-in-law can be forcibly removed from this house in order for it to be sold.  The problem is that he hasn’t left the property in over 30 years.  It’s why I ended up in this position in the first place.  I can’t afford to keep the house. I certainly can’t afford the renovation that it needs and, as long as I’m stuck here taking care of him, I have no way to earn any income.  So I tried to push through the sale and the state, also known as his legal guardian, went to court to stop it.  They were successful.  The judge decided that it is not in my brother-in-law’s best interests to be forcibly removed from the home.  This leaves me with two choices:  I can either amp things up from a legal perspective, possibly hiring a lawyer of my own; or I can take a more Stoic approach and handle the things I can but accept that much of this is out of my control and just go with the flow.  Admittedly this is not my usual approach to things, but my usual approach has led to many, many months of me banging my head against concrete walls.

So I decided to pull some cards for some clarification.  Within this context, pushing the issue would mean amping up the legal proceedings and really kicking up a fuss.  Taking the more Stoic approach would mean taking a more thoughtful, grounded approach rather than my usual shoot from the hip style.

The first thing that struck me about the cards is that four out of the five of reversed.  This suggests to me that there’s a lot of blockages going on that are impacting this situation and the things will have to get turned on their head before changes will occur.  The 2 of Cups Rx as a positive aspect of pushing this issue implies to me that being aggressive will make no one happy.  Even if the sale does go through, presumably the seller and me would be happy but it’s not going to bring me the joy that I think it will.  I think The Moon reinforces this by implying that I’m deluding myself if I think that pushing this is going to produce the results that I want. 

The Page of Wands Rx suggest that the positive side of taking a more Stoic approach is that it will give me more time to focus on where I want to focus my energies once I have the freedom to do so.  The Devil Rx shows that the negative side is that I’m going to be tethered to this situation until they’re able to come up with a strategy to relocate my brother-in-law to a residential facility.  This isn’t an addiction or a choice I’ve made to commit myself so I can’t free myself right now.

The key to this entire reading for me is this final card – the Queen of Wands Rx.  I identify so much with the Queen of Wands that seeing It reversed here screams to me “you can’t resolve this issue by taking your typical shoot from the hip approach”.  This isn’t a situation that needs energetic and fiery assertiveness.  It needs subtlety and strategy. So it’s time to tap into my Capricorn Moon, and give my Leo Sun a bit of a rest.

As an interesting addendum to my reading, this is a reading a friend did for me regarding this issue using the Förhäxa Tarot. I think it ties in very well with my reading because it look like the figure on The Hanged Man man is being held aloft by a demon. Maybe this is The Devil’s tethering her in place because she needs to be patient and give up control of the situation. The 4 of Water speaks of having to make choices that we may find undesirable which certainly ties in with the reality of this situation right now. I’m getting so caught up in my own emotions about the situation that it’s making me frantic and I need to let it go. The Page of Earth offers what looks to me like a hopeful resolution to all of this. She offers the message that taking baby steps in a grounded and more practical way will produce the seeds of achieving my heart’s desire, which is selling this house and moving back into my own home.

So although things seem rather challenging right now, if I take time and plan a strategy, and accept that it’s not going to happen on my timetable, the situation will resolve itself in a positive way for me and my brother-in-law.

Week 20 – What is Life Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

Inspired by the George Harrison song of the same name.

Tell me what is my life without your love?  7 of Pins

Tell me who am I without you by my side?  Page of Sticks Rx

If it’s not love that I need, then what do I need to succeed?  Master of Pentacles

7 of Pins, Page of Sticks Rx & Master of Pentacles – The Crooked Way Tarot

Okay, this reading made me cry.  It felt like such a clear message from my hubby.  His way of letting me know he’s still watching over me and always will be.  Things have been especially challenging lately as I try to struggle to forge a new path for myself as well as trying to resolve placement issues for my brother-in-law. It feels like for every step forward I get knocked back two more and I’m genuinely reaching the end of my rope. So receiving this reassuring message give me quite a boost.

The 7 of Pins reminds me that I’ll never live my life without John’s love. Even if he’s no longer with me on the physical plane; even if he’s caged in an alternate level of existence; he’ll always be watching over me. He’ll always love me.

The Page of Sticks Rx shows me that my life without him by my side is something that still remains to be explored. Right now it’s untapped or unexpressed because of the situation with my brother-in-law. I just don’t have the resources or energy to invest any effort into accomplishing this right now, but soon.

The Master of Pentacles shows that what I need is to be a little bit more like my husband in the sense that I approach things in a calm grounded fashion as opposed to my usual shoot from the hip approach. I need to be firm and resolute without becoming overly agitated or making over the top statements. I need to channel the lessons I learned from John and put those into play.

My primary takeaway from this reading is that now is a time for practicality and intellect; for rationality and groundedness. My more fiery nature won’t stand me in good stead right now. Logic and common sense are what I will need to succeed right now.

Week 16 Memorial for a Dead Swan Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

On Monday I discovered a dead swan on the side of the road near my property. I don’t know how it got there and it didn’t seem to have been hit by a car but it made me so sad to see it. The water next to my mother-in-law’s property has always hosted ducks, geese, swans and herons. While not especially friendly, they are beautiful and it was always amazing to see them gliding along the water. Realizing that one of them is now gone made me feel as though a magical creature died. So in honor of this poor dead swan I decided to see if it left a message for me.

So I asked the universe the following three questions: 1. What does the dead swan symbolize? 4 of Sticks (Wands) 2. What is its message for me? Page of Pins (Swords) 3. How can I embody a manifest this message? Page of Sticks Rx

4 of Sticks, Page of Pins Rx & Page of Sticks Rx from The Crooked Way Tarot

Looking at these cards, my first thought at seeing the 4 of Sticks is that the death of the swan symbolizes the death of my husband and the huge change it made in my life. It’s letting me know that it’s okay to move on and learn how to interact and be with people; to discover new things that I might enjoy. It’s time make new friends and celebrate some of the new things I will be exploring going forward. The 4 of Sticks speaks to me of celebrating my marriage and honoring what we had, not just mourning my husband’s death.

The little Page of Pins Rx reminds me that, in many ways, I am at a child’s level of experience in dealing with certain things in my life. For example, most of the responsibilities associated with maintaining our cars were handled by my husband. I’m now learning how to deal with insurance issues, registration issues, inspection. Even filling the car with gas was not something I ever had to really handle. Just looking at that sword in the hand of the little Page tells me I need to stop poking myself and being too harsh with myself because I’m still learning how to be alone. I’m still discovering who I am without my hubby. He was such an integral part of my life, I was frightened that I wouldn’t be able to live without him. I have since learned that I can, and somehow that makes me very sad. However, it also means I have an opportunity to explore things that wouldn’t have been possible were he still here. There’s nothing wrong with being excited about the possibilities.

The Page of Sticks Rx reinforces the message of being in a child like, exploratory phase right now. One of the ways I can make it a little easier to adjust to my newly solo state is by re-exploring passions and interests I had when I was younger. It’s time to reconnect with things I might have put aside because I became distracted by interests I shared with my husband. I’m still learning who Debbie is without my husband.

This message reinforces ones I’ve gotten in previous readings. It reminds me not to be impatient with myself because I’m still taking baby steps. I was married for 35 years, it’s going to take me some time to adjust to being single. Trying to rush it or being judgmental with myself about it doesn’t help. So I think the swan was letting me know it’s okay to mourn something magical that passed away but it doesn’t mean that I need to remain frozen in time. It’s okay to change and become someone different, as scary as that might seem.

Week 10 Get a Clue Spread (#TarotReading #DarkWoodTarot #52WeekProject)

Get a Clue Spread by Nancy Antenucci from 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters (Volume 1) + The Hermit, 6 of Pentacles Rx and Page of Cups from The Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham

The Hermit is telling me that what I truly know is how to be alone; how to handle things by myself. I know how to explore new territory in a search for answers and knowledge. I truly know how to rely on no one but myself. I know how to shoulder a burden and continue moving forward despite the cost. It’s a very short trip from self-reliance and solitude to isolation and loneliness.

The 6 of Pentacles Rx shows that I’m clueless about asking for or accepting help. As The Hermit shows, I’m comfortable, maybe too comfortable, going it alone. Asking for help has often seemed like a devil’s bargain to me. Often this is because when I have asked for help in the past it is either reluctantly or begrudgingly given or, after promising to help, people don’t follow through. At his often left me feeling like a character in Oliver Twist with my hand out asking “please may I have some more”. I’m clueless about accepting that people will be honest when I ask for help, and if they’re unable to do so will let me know. I’m clueless about accepting did people really do want to help when they offer. This is definitely a learning process for me.

The Page of Cups is showing me that what will help me transform my cluelessness into awareness is listening to my heart, my inner voice; being kinder and gentler with myself. It also shows me that I need to relearn how to be more heart centered, and focused. I need to reconnect with my emotionally vulnerable inner core, which is something I’ve never been comfortable doing.

Overall, this reading reminds me that while self-reliance and independence can be positive traits, they can also become negative traits when it makes one unable to ask for or accept help. It also reminds me that sometimes you have to be willing to be emotionally vulnerable in order to establish positive, healthy, reciprocal relationships. Reality is that always giving or always being the one who helps creates an imbalance in relationships. Denying people the opportunity to provide support and assistance can create resentment and strain, and may even eventually damage the relationship. If I want to avoid this I need to work at establishing a more balanced give and take in my relationships.

Week 4 – Being Oblivious (#TarotReading ##LePsychoTarot #52WeekProject)

For this moon cycle I’ve decided to switch up my decks and use the Le Psycho Tarot. This is a French Canadian reissue of a 1974 deck, originally called The New Tarot, created by William Hurley and J.A. Horler. It has a very late ’60s early/’70s vibe to it and hasn’t been appreciated in a while, so I thought it was time.

This week I’ve been a little all over the place so I decided that I was going to focus on:

  • What am I ignoring or oblivious to that could improve or enrich my life?
  • How can I activate or tap into this?
  • What do I need to be cautious about while doing this?
King of Cups, Princess of Swords and 10 of Swords – Le Psycho Tarot

The first thing that struck me looking at the King of Cups is that he’s holding his heart in his hand, however he isn’t looking at it. He also seems to be completely naked. This tells me I’m ignoring things which will bring me emotional fulfillment and maturity. I may be able to hold my heart in my hands, but I’m not exploring it, I’m not considering what will make it healthy and whole again. I need to Bear my heart to my mind and be willing to face whatever truths arise. I have to become a counselor to my own heart because I’ve been avoiding this for too long. I have often been open about the fact that I prefer to avoid dealing with the suit of Cups and emotions because it’s not an area with which I’m comfortable. This kind of cups is showing me that I’m going to have to get over that discomfort and face some truths.

The Princess of Swords seems to be holding lightning in her hands. I find it interesting that it’s suggesting I can activate my emotional, heart energy by unleashing my mind, my mental energy; trapping lightning in a bottle. I also think the youthfulness implied by the Princess shows this is about learning to be more fluid in how I perceive and think about things, not rigid and fixed. Which is a trait I fully admit to having. It’s interesting because in the last few days I’ve been talking with friends quite a bit about the fact that this phase of my life feels very much like reconnecting with younger me. Becoming a widow has given me the independence and self-reliance that I had before boys became an interest. My inner warrior maiden has connected with my battle tested crone, if you will.

The last card I drew is the 10 of Swords. The hooded executioner figure certainly seems ominous but I think in this case his reflecting the end of a cycle that can now be put to rest. At the same time I think he’s warning me that I need to be cautious about any mental pain this whole process will unleash. Let’s face it healing isn’t a painless process. Whether it’s physical or psychological we often have to push past the pain so that we can start to get better. I think that’s what the 10 of Swords reflects here. Digging into one’s heart or psyche to release the toxins within gets worse before it gets better. If I give in to the pain and quit I’ve achieved nothing. So I think this executioner is reminding me that in order to align my chakras, and release that trapped untapped energy, if you will, I need to be willing to do the work and push through the pain. At the same time I need to be very clear that it’s okay to take breaks from the pain as long as they don’t become permanent. As my dear friend Diane often tells me, I need to remember to be gentle with myself.

So this is my fourth week of my 52 week project. I hope these readings are providing additional insights for anybody reading them. Granted they are fairly personal because I often find that I learn more from others experiences then from objective impersonal concepts.

Looking at my week ahead – Week 1 #TarotReading #SecretForestTarot #52WeekProject

So I know I’ve been missing for quite a while. Life’s been challenging but I want to get back into posting Tarot readings and other content to this blog and hopefully there’s still people out there who want to read it. So I decided to set a challenge for myself. I’m going to challenge myself to post at least one Tarot card reading a week for the next 52 weeks. For the most part they’ll be three card readings because those are just the types I prefer. This is my first entry.

Week 1 three card reading using the Secret Forest Tarot

I focused on “What will bring me joy this week?” “What will cause sorrow?” “What will help me balance between them?”

Temperance shows me that joy can come from moderation and finding the way to forge balance between my obligations (those things I must do) and my hobbies and interests (those things I want to do). It reminds me of the Serenity Prayer, and that I need to understand that certain things are just out of my control. No matter how much I try, I won’t make any headway with those. At the same, time there are steps I can take to try to change those circumstances. So, I need to focus on not causing myself stress by fighting against circumstances over which I have no control. I also need to allow myself to accept that it’s okay for me to have fun, even while dealing with these obligations. As the saying goes, all work and no play makes one a dull girl.

The 2 of Wands reversed speaks to me on two different levels. On a personal level, it’s pointing out that it’s okay to get frustrated over the fact that all my excitement over new adventures and new experiences is temporarily dashed. It doesn’t mean it’s forever, but at this point those goals are stymied. It’s also a reminder that I may see other people exploring new projects and opportunities and feel a little resentful because I’m in a holding pattern. Or, on a more macrocosmic level, I may see other projects that I don’t want to see come to fruition because I disagree with their goals or agenda. I just need to remind myself it’s okay to be said about all of that.

In between, the Page of Pentacles show that balance will be found in practical, grounded responses and reactions rather than my usual fiery and impulsive ones. I also think its reminding me to use this opportunity to learn more about myself and find ways to express my creativity and find fun in things I can do right now. It may be time to reacquaint myself with SARK.

Samhain 2021 – A New Year

This is something I’ve been putting off for a while now. Partly because I’m a fairly private person and don’t like exposing parts of myself to the general public but somehow this felt important to address here. On April 8th I lost my husband of 35 years. He died of a massive heart attack and went the way he would have wanted to go quickly and probably painlessly. And while I’m happy that he didn’t suffer, I’m also angry that he left me. I realize that to some degree this was out of his hands but I’m convinced that his smoking along with stress contributed to this. Maybe if he had stopped smoking a few years back it wouldn’t have gone this way. I’m trying to adapt to this new status in my life. For the first time in 38 years I am not part of John and Debbie; I’m just Debbie, and I’m not sure how to be just Debbie anymore. So I’m learning.

I’ve been very lucky to have supportive friends and families helping me with this and I’ve been doing a lot of Tarot work. In fact I think the only reason I might avoid grief counseling is because of the Tarot. It’s reminded me that one gift from my husband that I need to carry forward is a belief in myself. He was always my biggest supporter and convinced that I could do anything if I focused on it. So now I need to focus on being a solo individual. It is both an exhilarating and terrifying concept.

In honor of Samhain I decided to do the Fruits of Wisdom spread from Christine Jette’s Tarot for All Seasons. I used the Trick or Treat Tarot and pulled the following cards:

Fruits of Wisdom Spread using Trick or Treat Tarot

Death reverse carries a fairly simple to understand message for me right now – I’m still processing my John’s death and it’s ramifications. I’ve accepted and continue processing his loss but what is more challenging to get a handle on is who I am in the wake of his death. I think that’s where the Ace of Wands comes into play. It’s reminding me that no matter how much I sometimes feel the desire to join John, the reality is that I’m not the tight to just lie down and die. It’s not who I am and it’s not what John would want me to do. The Fool reversed is pointing out that I need to release and let go of the pattern of stasis I’ve been in lately. I lost my faith in myself and it’s paralyzing me so it’s time to let it go; time to make those leaps of faith and believe things will work out; to explore the uncharted territory that is Debbie Alone. I need to protect and nurture all the skills I’ve acquired up to this point, embrace the lessons John taught and the knowledge I gained simply by watching and listening to him. The Knight of Pentacles has always been the court card I most associate with John. Showing up reversed here reinforces that while he might be gone from the physical realm he’s still alive in my heart and soul. The Page of Cups reminds me that at the end of the day I need to look within myself and reconnect with things that gave ME joy and make ME happy. For 38 years I’ve taken into consideration what kinds of things John liked to do and where my interests and his overlapped. He did as well; that’s what being in a relationship should be. Now that John is gone I have an opportunity to explore my interests and my joys. I don’t know where this will take me but I’m cautiously optimistic that it will be an interesting journey.

Who Would I Be if I Was Not Me? (#Tarot #LightSeer’s)

I was recently reading a work of fan fiction in which the protagonist developed amnesia. The story focuses on learning who you are all over again, both the good aspects and the bad.  This made me wonder how I would feel about myself if I woke up with all my skills and knowledge but no memories of my past, of who I was.  As I slowly learned about myself, what would I think about that person?  Would I be disappointed by things I had done?  Would I be proud of what I achieved?  So, I decided to work with my tried & true standby, my Tarot deck, to find an answer.

  • What positive aspects of the old me would I like?  10 of Swords Rx
  • What negative aspect of the old me would be disappointing?  3 of Wands Rx
  • How can I change that which should be changed?  – 6 of Swords
  • What part of me would be changed the most if I had amnesia?  Knight of Cups
  • So, who would I be?  Page of Swords

The 10 of Swords Rx speaks to me of being a survivor; someone who is able to take a beating and keep on going, endure being stabbed in the back.  There is strength, stubbornness and beauty in this image.  She is not easily defeated and will continue on her journey despite any and all objections.  I do think this is a quality I embody and it’s one of which I’m very proud.  I think I’ve taken a lot of knocks in life; triumphed over a number of disadvantages and keep moving forward.
The 3 of Wands Rx suggest that one of my less admirable qualities is that I’m not a self-starter; I will often let self doubt and insecurity undermine pursuing my goals, my dreams.  I often became enthusiastically involved in projects other people have begun but rarely initiate them myself.  This means I’m pretty good at helping other people achieve their dreams, but lousy at pursuing my own.
The 6 of Swords reminds me that what I need to change is my focus and my willingness to pursue my own ideas.  When I look at this image the woman in the boat has harnessed crows and has them pulling her across the water. She is alone, doing this by herself.  The birds off in the distance are distraction, not part of her journey.  This card reminds me that I can do it by myself, I just need to be focused and trust in my own ideas, my own thoughts.  I can’t allow myself to get distracted by self-doubt, inner critics or other people’s input.
The Knight of Cups shows me that without the life history I have had, I would be more open on an emotional level and more willing to pursue my hopes and dreams.  I wouldn’t be so suspicious and emotionally closed off.  Even looking at the image on this card I want to mock him and feel contempt for him.  My initial reaction to this image is that he’s a poser, that this is an act to seduce someone into trusting him.  Of course that tells you more about my state of mind and frame of reference than about this card.
The Page of Swords as a reminder that if I were able to let go of my defense mechanisms and protective weapons developed to prevent and protect me from harm, I would be a perpetual student.  I would maintain a youthful enthusiasm for learning new ideas and experiencing new things.
I think if nothing else, the take away from this reading is that if I can let my defenses down a bit and listen to my inner self, I’ll find more joy and fulfillment in my life.  Being a bit more trusting and open might bring untold benefits and satisfaction.

#MessageoftheDay – Page of Pentacles Rx, The Emperor + 7 of Wands Rx (#SecretForest Tarot)

We are learning new things and discovering revelations about ourselves. We can’t engage the world in our usual way, so we are left looking inward. This is our opportunity to dig deep within our psyches and excavate who we truly are; to uncover who we want to be.

Although it seems like things are falling apart, they’re not. Unrest is being exhibited but overall people are doing their best to maintain the societal status quo; to follow the recommendations provided by authority figures. Things are still stable and orderly, not anarchical.

Of course we’re all probably suffering from a touch of cabin fever; feeling the need to get outside and go somewhere, anywhere. We’re tired of defending our territory. However, it does feel as though an end is in sight. Things seem to be slowing down but if we cease being vigilant we may endanger this improvement.

It sucks, we all probably share this sentiment right now. We’re stressed and frustrated but the only way through this is to stay the course. Part of me agrees with protestors and wants to see everything open up again but I have someone else to worry about. For myself, I’d might chance it but I won’t risk exposing him to this virus. I also don’t think it’s fair to expose others to any contagion I might carry. Just because I’m asymptomatic doesn’t mean I’m clear. I may not agree that I’m my brother’s keeper but when it comes to communicable diseases I don’t know if there’s any other way to handle things. We need to balance our needs with those of society; make decisions for the greater good without losing sight of the rights of individuals. Quite a trick.