Tag Archives: Exploring New Opportunities

Because I’m Happy

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I was sitting in my house the other day just feeling content, satisfied, surrounded by my books. It actually took me a few minutes to realize, because I wasn’t looking for it, but ultimately it struck me that I was feeling happy; just quietly, joyfully happy. I wasn’t happy because of any major activity I had planned or because anything special had happened, I was just happy about where I was in my life. That made me wonder how many other moments of happiness I’ve missed because I didn’t know how to recognize it. M so I came up with this spread as a way to try to develop a plan.

  • How can I better recognize the happy moments in my life? Death Rx
  • How can I stop undermining my happy moments? 5 of Pentacles Rx
  • How can I more fully embrace & increase those happy moments? 8 of Cups
Death Rx, 5 of Pentacles Rx & 8 of Cups – Bohemian Gothic Tarot

Death Rx holds a two-fold meaning for me in this position. One is the fairly obvious fact that I need to recognize that my hubby’s death has not resulted in the death of joy in my life. It can be too easy to fall into the mindset of “how can I be happy without him here”. However, what I am realizing is that joy and happiness haven’t departed, but they may have changed shape a bit. Death Rx also reminds me that I have experienced a huge transition in my life. A transition that will force me to see things through a different lens and to have a different perspective going forward. Things that made me happy when I was part of a team may not bring me the same amount of joy now that I have no one to share it with. At the same time there may be things that I willingly compromised on because I knew that my husband did not enjoy them. Now that I’m on my own I can revisit and re-explore those interests and see if they still bring me joy. The way I can recognize the happy moments in my life now is by not comparing them to what they looked like to me before.

The 5 of Pentacles Rx reminds me that my happiness impacts no one but me. I don’t have to worry about how my choices impact anyone else. I don’t necessarily think this means I can be as selfish and self-centered as I want but it’s a reminder that I have no dependence I have no one in my life who will be directly impacted by these choices. That takes a lot of the pressure off it and frees me to just enjoy, instead of worrying.

The 8 of Cups shows that I need to be willing to leave behind what no longer brings me joy. One of the things I’m realizing as I am unpacking boxes at my house is that I have a lot of stuff that I can and should release. They are things that brought enjoyment to The me that I used to be. I’m not that person anymore, and I have to seriously consider whether these things will continue to bring me joy. Or should I let them go and hope that they find someone else who will enjoy them. I don’t think this is something I have to rush through but I’m looking forward to it. I’m realizing lately that owning so much stuff is starting to weigh me down and I need to lighten that load.

I realize ultimately being happy is a state of mind, obviously, and something that it is within my ability to control. My happiness is not the result of some purchase I have made or some book I have acquired, although they can certainly bring a little bit of joy. My happiness is the result of embracing quiet, little moments and just focusing on being fully present in my life.

Shine on You Crazy Diamond Spread with Alexandra Genetti’s Jumbledance Tarot

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Once again, the inspiration for this spread came from watching episodes of Professor of Rock focusing on Pink Floyd and the various challenges that face the group over its history. It reminded me how much I like this song and I decided to create a spread based on the lyrics.

6 of Wands Rx, 7 of Disks Rx & Man of Swords Rx from Jumbledance Tarot

The 6 of Wands Rx reminds me that I Shone like the sun when I was young because I believed in myself. I had confidence, one might even say arrogance, in my skills and abilities and often was quite successful as a result. At the center of this card is even a big diamond pendant to reinforce how I shone.

The crossfire that blew me on the steel breeze was the day-to-day responsibilities that stole my energy, that I allowed to steal my energy. The 7 of Disks Rx suggest that my ability to shine was buried under the detritus of obligation and everyday minutiae. The focus of taking care of family members, while something I feel I needed to do, has also stolen much of my Creative energy and my ability to shine.

I think the Man of Swords Rx shows that I need to stop comparing “my shine” against typical patriarchal measures of success. I love that in the little book that accompanies this Alexandra Genetti says “This is the card of mansplaining. Get over it”. I think one of the challenges I still experience in my life, is seeking validation and recognition from within myself rather than external sources. In many ways, my shine when I was younger was based on a very masculine definition of success and achievement. It was based on reviews, and grades, and what other people stated about my accomplishments. Good grades and excellent reviews bolstered my self confidence. Since 2009 I have not had access to these sources of positive reinforcement. I’ve needed to rely on my own internal measures of success and achievement, which is very difficult when one is engaged in stereotypical female pursuits of caregiving.

Week 48 – Healing (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #52WeekProject)

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  • What expectations need to be let go?  3 of Wands Rx
  • What beliefs need to be let go?  5 of Swords Rx
  • What will help me manifest who I am?  8 of Wands

The 3 of Wands Rx points out that I don’t need to wait for help to arrive; for my ship to come in. My life does not need to be on hold. I think the expectation I need to release is that someone else is going to come along and help me figure out a strategy to move things along. At the same time, this card reminds me that I still need support and help on occasion. Although I would like to pretend I’m perfectly capable of doing things by myself, in reality I do need assistance. So the expectations I need to let go of are the ones I keep imposing on myself. I don’t need to be a rugged individualist and handle all of the things I’m dealing with in my life by myself.

The 5 of Swords Rx points out that I can put down my sword at any time. I can let go of my belief that I always have to be on guard to protect myself. I can release the belief that everything has to be an argument or a debate. I can move away from needing to be victorious towards being whole, and release the belief that every confrontation needs an aggressive response.

The 8 of Wands shows me that what will help me manifest who I am is being open to new ideas, new energy, new experiences. Once I’m able to lay down my arms and release the expectations and beliefs that don’t serve me anymore I can be more open to embracing and exploring new ones. I can try things I never would have considered before and allow myself to fully embrace the entire experience whether I do well at it or not. I’m finally learning to accept and understand that it really is about the journey.

This reading actually is pointing out things that I’ve already noticed but not fully explored. One of the biggest challenges I’ve been facing is the idea that I’m being given an opportunity to explore paths that would have been closed to me had my husband lived. That’s not necessarily bad or good it simply is. Just as the fact that there are pads that are now close to me that would still be there if he were still with me. It’s both terrifying and exhilarating and I look forward to exploring this uncharted territory. At the same time, some of the behaviors and beliefs that have served me in the past no longer do. I need to release them and leave them behind so that I can develop new responses and new beliefs, and create new expectations for myself.

Week 45 – Stoplight Spread (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #52WeekProject)

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  • 1.  Green light: Something to pursue with speed – Page of Swords
  • 2.  Yellow light: Approach this with caution – 8 of Pentacles Rx
  • 3.  Red light: Something to be avoided – 7 of Pentacles Rx
7 of Pentacles Rx, 8 of Pentacles Rx & Page of Swords – Pam’s Vintage Tarot

The Page of Swords tells me that I need to start pursuing new ideas, new mental challenges, and a new way to sharpen the saw. To me this card speaks of needing to challenge myself intellectually; to find new ways of thinking about myself. I think this is a reminder that I should start exploring pursuing additional educational pathways. Looking into art classes I might enjoy or explore pursuing a new degree. I think the important thing about the Page is that it represents new experiences and taking things in a new direction.

To me the 8 of Pentacles Rx is a reminder that I need to get beyond seeing myself in the past. The perception that there are no new challenges for me because I’ve already mastered what I’m going to master in this life is a fallacy. It’s a mindset I need to avoid because it will limit me, and prevent me from exploring new territory and new challenges. I think it also reminds me that, going forward, my decisions do not have to be based on what I’ve accomplished in the past or financial considerations. I have a bit more flexibility, and the freedom, to try things that might not have an immediate financial benefit because that doesn’t have to be my priority right now.

The 7 of Pentacles Rx ties in with the message of the 8 of Pentacles Rx. It’s a warning not to rest on my laurels; not to spend the time I have left reflecting on past achievements and past glories because there are future ones waiting ahead. If I think that there are no new challenges awaiting no unchartered areas to explore, then in many respects I’m giving up. I will be in danger of calcifying and stagnating. If I want to keep expanding my horizons and knowledge base then I need to keep finding new interests and new pathways to reinvigorate and re-energize me. I don’t want to become a living mummy.

Overall this reading is showing me that there’s still a lot left for me to learn, and explore, and try. Well I may be at a point in my life where I could successfully teach that doesn’t mean that there’s no longer anything new for me to learn. I think that can sometimes be a danger to us as we get older. We think we know it all and there’s nothing new to teach us. Although I have no problem being cantankerous and cranky, I don’t want to be that person who thinks they know everything only to realize they know nothing and have missed the opportunities to learn.

Week 44 – My Journey Continues (#TarotReading #MarseilleWaiteTarot #52WeekProject)

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I was browsing through Sheilaa Hite’s 101 Tarot Spreads book in search of a spread and came across this one. It appealed to me because so often lately I focus on what’s going wrong or what hasn’t been achieved. This spread gives me the opportunity to look at what positive changes have occurred in my life. It offers me a way to look back, and reflect, on how far I’ve come.

Le Mat Rx, 4 des Batons Rx, 7 des Coupes Rx, 9 des Batons & As des Coupes – Marseille-Waite Tarot

Le Mat symbolizing a wish that has been fulfilled really puzzled me. Right now I’m just going to give my initial interpretation of it, but I may come back and change it after considering it further. There has always been a part of me that resists change, and so would not want to be The Fool setting out on a New Journey. However, there is also another part of me that yearned for adventure and trying new things. Now, this has been taken out of my hands. The death of my husband has forced me onto a new path, a New Journey that I never would have explored had he lived. I’m being forced to learn to trust and believe in myself because I’m the only one who truly can. I no longer have my primary support and cheerleader. As much as I desperately miss my husband, I have reached a point where I am very excited to discover what lies ahead.

The longing that is still with me is for my husband. Not just for him as a person, although that’s a significant part of it, but also for the relationship we had together; the way we supported each other and worked as a team. I see the 4 des Batons Rx as reflecting the yearning I feel every time I want to have a discussion with my husband about events of the day. I so miss our random conversations about everything. He might not have agreed with my assessment but, despite the fact that he didn’t graduate high school, my husband was a very intelligent and insightful man. And I so miss having that in my life. No matter what other types of relationships I nurture in the future, none will match the one that my husband and I had. It’s also interesting that Le Mat is walking away from the 4 of Batons. It symbolically shows that this new path, this new adventure, can only happen now that my life with my husband has ended. It is sad and hopeful, heartbreaking and joyous, at the same time.

I really appreciate that the 7 des Coupes Rx appeared as a fear that is dissipating. I think this card is showing me that, despite my panic, life isn’t passing me by because of the situation with my brother-in-law. There are still a lot of new options and choices that await me I’m just limited in which ones I can explore right now. What I can do is start to lay the groundwork so that when the opportunity does arise I will be ready to grasp it with both hands.

Ah, the 9 des Batons – my old friend. To paraphrase Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles, “I’m tired, tired of playing the game”. I’ve been engaged in this particular endeavor of caring for my brother-in-law since 2009. It was tolerable in the past because my husband was here to help, but for the past two years I’ve been doing it alone. I’m exhausted. I feel battered bruised and beaten however I also feel like there is an end in sight. Notice how the figure in the 9 des Batons faces the 7 des Coupes. She’s eyeing the dreams that shimmer just over the horizon, waiting for this latest battle to finish. They may not be manifesting yet but they’re waiting for her to be free to choose which option to explore next.

And finally we have the As des Coupes. The new beginning that awaits me is one of new joy, and New Hope; New opportunities to pursue dreams deferred. I think that cup reflects whichever one I select out of the seven that have been presented to me. Of course it may very well be that I will pursue all seven, but one at a time. I see this is a very hopeful sign of my life being refreshed and overflowing with bliss as long as I’m willing to grasp the cup and do the work.