Tag Archives: Bliss

Because I’m Happy

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I was sitting in my house the other day just feeling content, satisfied, surrounded by my books. It actually took me a few minutes to realize, because I wasn’t looking for it, but ultimately it struck me that I was feeling happy; just quietly, joyfully happy. I wasn’t happy because of any major activity I had planned or because anything special had happened, I was just happy about where I was in my life. That made me wonder how many other moments of happiness I’ve missed because I didn’t know how to recognize it. M so I came up with this spread as a way to try to develop a plan.

  • How can I better recognize the happy moments in my life? Death Rx
  • How can I stop undermining my happy moments? 5 of Pentacles Rx
  • How can I more fully embrace & increase those happy moments? 8 of Cups
Death Rx, 5 of Pentacles Rx & 8 of Cups – Bohemian Gothic Tarot

Death Rx holds a two-fold meaning for me in this position. One is the fairly obvious fact that I need to recognize that my hubby’s death has not resulted in the death of joy in my life. It can be too easy to fall into the mindset of “how can I be happy without him here”. However, what I am realizing is that joy and happiness haven’t departed, but they may have changed shape a bit. Death Rx also reminds me that I have experienced a huge transition in my life. A transition that will force me to see things through a different lens and to have a different perspective going forward. Things that made me happy when I was part of a team may not bring me the same amount of joy now that I have no one to share it with. At the same time there may be things that I willingly compromised on because I knew that my husband did not enjoy them. Now that I’m on my own I can revisit and re-explore those interests and see if they still bring me joy. The way I can recognize the happy moments in my life now is by not comparing them to what they looked like to me before.

The 5 of Pentacles Rx reminds me that my happiness impacts no one but me. I don’t have to worry about how my choices impact anyone else. I don’t necessarily think this means I can be as selfish and self-centered as I want but it’s a reminder that I have no dependence I have no one in my life who will be directly impacted by these choices. That takes a lot of the pressure off it and frees me to just enjoy, instead of worrying.

The 8 of Cups shows that I need to be willing to leave behind what no longer brings me joy. One of the things I’m realizing as I am unpacking boxes at my house is that I have a lot of stuff that I can and should release. They are things that brought enjoyment to The me that I used to be. I’m not that person anymore, and I have to seriously consider whether these things will continue to bring me joy. Or should I let them go and hope that they find someone else who will enjoy them. I don’t think this is something I have to rush through but I’m looking forward to it. I’m realizing lately that owning so much stuff is starting to weigh me down and I need to lighten that load.

I realize ultimately being happy is a state of mind, obviously, and something that it is within my ability to control. My happiness is not the result of some purchase I have made or some book I have acquired, although they can certainly bring a little bit of joy. My happiness is the result of embracing quiet, little moments and just focusing on being fully present in my life.

Week 44 – My Journey Continues (#TarotReading #MarseilleWaiteTarot #52WeekProject)

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I was browsing through Sheilaa Hite’s 101 Tarot Spreads book in search of a spread and came across this one. It appealed to me because so often lately I focus on what’s going wrong or what hasn’t been achieved. This spread gives me the opportunity to look at what positive changes have occurred in my life. It offers me a way to look back, and reflect, on how far I’ve come.

Le Mat Rx, 4 des Batons Rx, 7 des Coupes Rx, 9 des Batons & As des Coupes – Marseille-Waite Tarot

Le Mat symbolizing a wish that has been fulfilled really puzzled me. Right now I’m just going to give my initial interpretation of it, but I may come back and change it after considering it further. There has always been a part of me that resists change, and so would not want to be The Fool setting out on a New Journey. However, there is also another part of me that yearned for adventure and trying new things. Now, this has been taken out of my hands. The death of my husband has forced me onto a new path, a New Journey that I never would have explored had he lived. I’m being forced to learn to trust and believe in myself because I’m the only one who truly can. I no longer have my primary support and cheerleader. As much as I desperately miss my husband, I have reached a point where I am very excited to discover what lies ahead.

The longing that is still with me is for my husband. Not just for him as a person, although that’s a significant part of it, but also for the relationship we had together; the way we supported each other and worked as a team. I see the 4 des Batons Rx as reflecting the yearning I feel every time I want to have a discussion with my husband about events of the day. I so miss our random conversations about everything. He might not have agreed with my assessment but, despite the fact that he didn’t graduate high school, my husband was a very intelligent and insightful man. And I so miss having that in my life. No matter what other types of relationships I nurture in the future, none will match the one that my husband and I had. It’s also interesting that Le Mat is walking away from the 4 of Batons. It symbolically shows that this new path, this new adventure, can only happen now that my life with my husband has ended. It is sad and hopeful, heartbreaking and joyous, at the same time.

I really appreciate that the 7 des Coupes Rx appeared as a fear that is dissipating. I think this card is showing me that, despite my panic, life isn’t passing me by because of the situation with my brother-in-law. There are still a lot of new options and choices that await me I’m just limited in which ones I can explore right now. What I can do is start to lay the groundwork so that when the opportunity does arise I will be ready to grasp it with both hands.

Ah, the 9 des Batons – my old friend. To paraphrase Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles, “I’m tired, tired of playing the game”. I’ve been engaged in this particular endeavor of caring for my brother-in-law since 2009. It was tolerable in the past because my husband was here to help, but for the past two years I’ve been doing it alone. I’m exhausted. I feel battered bruised and beaten however I also feel like there is an end in sight. Notice how the figure in the 9 des Batons faces the 7 des Coupes. She’s eyeing the dreams that shimmer just over the horizon, waiting for this latest battle to finish. They may not be manifesting yet but they’re waiting for her to be free to choose which option to explore next.

And finally we have the As des Coupes. The new beginning that awaits me is one of new joy, and New Hope; New opportunities to pursue dreams deferred. I think that cup reflects whichever one I select out of the seven that have been presented to me. Of course it may very well be that I will pursue all seven, but one at a time. I see this is a very hopeful sign of my life being refreshed and overflowing with bliss as long as I’m willing to grasp the cup and do the work.

Week 19 – Twelve Thirty (Young Girls Are Coming to the Canyon) Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

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I’ve always loved this song by The Mamas and The Papas and decided to create a 3 card spreads using some of the lyrics as inspiration. My 3 questions are:

1. Where is my life always stuck at 12:30? The Devil
2. What can I no longer keep my blinds drawn about in my life? 8 of Pentacles Rx
3. What changes can I feel happening in me? Knight of Skulls Rx

The Devil, 8 of Pentacles Rx & Knight of Skulls Rx – The Crooked Way Tarot

I find it kind of funny that I drew The Devil for this question because the answer implies that my life is stuck at 12:30 because it’s stuck in general. Of course this is true, I am a prisoner to circumstance right now. This imprisonment is not of my doing or caused by anything I’ve done. It’s something I inherited. Well I’m trying to rectify the situation it is proven to be more challenging than expected. The end may be in sight, but at this point I’m still bound by my obligations and responsibilities.

What I can no longer ignore, or “keep my blinds drawn” about, is the fact that I am reaping a crop that I didn’t sow. I didn’t create this monster but I’m the one responsible for making sure that the monster is handled in a way that causes the least amount of harm to all concerned. I think the reason this showed up for me is because sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of that fact. I’m still dealing with feelings of guilt and selfishness even if I don’t deserve them. I think

The Knight of Skulls Rx shows that the changes happening in me will soon allow me to pursue my inner dreams, my heart’s desire; to follow my own Grail quest. Of course right now that energy can’t be silly accessed because of the other circumstances in my life. Hopefully I will soon be free to explore my bliss and seek joy but I’m not quite there yet.

I will say, I didn’t find this reading especially enjoyable. However it clarified certain things and reminded me of realities I sometimes forget it choose to ignore.

Week 6 Tarot Spread for Autumn: The Hanged Man Season (#TarotReading #LePsychoTarot #52WeekProject)

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Cards from The New Tarot/Le Psycho Tarot by Hurley & Horler

My friend Diane sent me a link to this reading from the Llewellyn website.  I thought it looked interesting and decided to use it as my spread for this week.  I find the message the cards have given me to be fascinating (of course I would, it’s about my life 😉)

Pile One:
Top Card: The Hanged Man Question: What do I currently need to let go of and release in my life?  8 of Cups
Bottom Card: An additional message from The Hanged Man. 7 of Swords Rx

Pile Two:
Top Card: The Chariot Question: Where should I put my focus for moving forward?  3 of Cups
Bottom Card: An additional message from The Chariot.  9 of Cups

Pile Three:
Top Card: Ancestors Question: Advice from the Ancestors.  Ace of Cups
Bottom Card: More advice from the ancestors.  King of Coins/Earth.

The 8 of Cups is showing me that what I need to release is my emotional connection to things which meant something in my past but no longer resonate for me. One of the first things that comes to mind is my doll collection. I have a rather large collection of Barbie and other fashion dolls and they haven’t sparked Joy in quite some time. It’s time for me to let them go so I can make room in my life for something new. I also think this refers releasing any lingering guilt about the situation with my brother-in-law. Intellectually, I understand that what I’m doing is not only the right thing, it’s the best thing. However that doesn’t mean I’m not occasionally hit with twinges of regret and frustration that I have to make this decision; that I was left to clean up this mess. The addition of the seven of Swords reversed suggests to me that the guilt I’m taking on isn’t mine to bear. What I need to release is feeling responsible for other people’s burdens. It’s time to start reclaiming my own life, and the only way I can do this is to stop carrying guilt, sorrow, and emotional entanglements that hamper me from moving forward.

The 3 of Cups shows me that my focus should be on finding what sparks joy in my life; finding new friends and social connections that help me enjoy and celebrate what awaits me down this road. Instead of saying no to things, I need to start saying yes and open myself up to the fun and happiness that can bring. This seems to be even more reinforced by the 9 of Cups, which certainly suggests feeling emotionally fulfilled and having your wishes come true. It’s time for me to take control and steer my path along the road that will bring fun, joy, happiness, and emotional fulfillment.

My ancestors seem to be reinforcing the message abov by giving me the Ace of Cups. Once again, I get a sense of reconnecting with my heart; rediscovering things that bring me joy and a sense of contentment and happiness. It is enhanced by the King of Coins, which tells me that once I find my emotional core and reconnect with my inner dreams, live a more heart centered life, I will finally realize my own worth and feel better able to deal with the practical day-to-day realities. I will become the ruler of my life; become more grounded, practical, and learn to appreciate and care for my body as well as my heart, mind and soul.

This reading has been illuminating in many ways; reinforcing some things I already knew. It’s helped me fine tune where I need to channel my energies as well as come closer to accepting other things which I’ve known for some time but resisted.

#ChattingwithTarot – 10 of Pentacles, Ace of Cups Rx + Knight of Cups Rx (#Dreamkeepers #Tarot)

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Today I enjoyed a cuppa Harney & Sons Malachi McCormick blend while chatting with my ancestors. We had quite the chat.

Their message, “Nitwit! You’re missing the point! Instead of looking at the whole picture you’re focusing on details. Open your eyes, look inside your heart. What you seek can’t be found without but only within.”. This was followed by a metaphorical smack upside the head.

So, clearly, I was misinterpreting my ancestors’ message as far as the 10 of Pentacles is concerned because it kept coming up. So I did something I rarely do, looked in the companion book. The first sentence was “Honor the endowment of your roots.” D’oh! 🤦 The author then goes on to discuss how we need to connect with our roots so that we can then move forward and express that energy in our lives; ground ourselves so we can soar.

That makes do much sense because one of the motivating factors that influenced my taking on a caregiver role for both my mother-in-law and brother-in-law is that’s how my mother’s family did it. That’s what I saw growing up. In her later years, my great-grandmother suffered from some type of dementia and I watched my mother’s aunts and uncles rally round and take care of her so she could stay at home. My great-grandmother wasn’t relegated to the sidelines either. Despite her inability to fully comprehend what was going on, she sat at the dinner table with us, she was there when we sang Happy Birthday, she was there for holiday celebrations. So my experience growing up was that when family members were in bad shape those that could picked up the slack. That is how I continue to live my life.

My ancestors are reminding me that this is my inheritance but it doesn’t have to be my jail cell. I can still find ways to enjoy my life; find things that bring me joy and make my spirit soar. Right now, I’m restricted to things that I can do within the house and with limited flexibility and freedom but that doesn’t mean I can’t try. The key is looking within myself and changing my perceptions. I understand that focusing on the negative just enhances it, but sometimes I forget. So, what I need to do is focus on the positive; retrain myself to fully embrace the little things in my life that make me happy. I can also be a little more patient with myself when I lose sight of this.

#ChattingwithTarot – 7 of Swords, Knight of Wands+ 10 of Cup (#Dreamkeepers #Tarot)

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I think the ancestors are reinforcing their message from yesterday; reminding me that finding ways to sharpen my creative saw will come from my heart and spirit, not my mind.  My default mode tends to be overanalyzing and trying to be logical about things but in this situation that would probably prove more obstacle than beneficial.  If I try to be rational and logical I risk missing what will make me happy and fall into what makes sense.  

The mask on the woman in the 7 of Swords reinforces the idea that I hide behind my intellect.  I logic myself into and out of situations and that won’t serve me well here. She even holds the swords against her body as though her intellect can be armor against potential dangers.  Instead of trying to cover myself in armor, I need to find my quest, follow my heart (or my bliss, to invoke an overused cliche).   I need to open myself up to new possibilities and risk being vulnerable.  This is further reinforced by the positions of the cards.  The woman in the 7 of Swords is looking away from the other two cards while the Knight of Wands faces the woman on the 10 of Cups and offers her a rose.  It’s interesting that the woman on the 7 of Swords wears a dress and shoes that remind me of a dancehall costume and the Knight seems to be using the armor as a shield to hide his more traditional suit.  The woman on the 10 of Cups is draped in a diaphanous scarf that barely covers anything.  She is exposed, vulnerable and open as well as confident and content.  She looks down at the cups with fondness as though the memory of the joy they brought her was worth any sacrifice.  She is exposed and vulnerable but doesn’t seem weak or frightened.

Of course, I mistrust being vulnerable and unprotected.  In the past, it has proven to be dangerous and detrimental to my well-being.  However, I am no longer that person.  I think I can face the world without my protective coating and manage to survive, and even thrive upon, whatever is aimed my way.

#ChattingwithTarot – 2 of Peppermills Rx, Queen of Peppermills Rx + 6 of Hats Rx (#Wonderland #Tarot)

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My ancestors message for me today:

“Find an outlet for your energy and creativity before you become bitchy, embittered and unpleasant. Reclaim your crown, your passion and your self. Revisit creative outlets that brought you joy in the past but don’t get lost in “the good old days”. They probably weren’t as golden as your memory paints them.”

#TarotDaily – Queen of Wands + Ace of Cups (#AllHallows)

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I’ve been giving a lot of thought to making changes in my life – to my blog, my online handle and my “career”. I’ll probably write a longer post about that in the coming days but this reading consolidates what I suspected. It’s time to get back to who I really am and what I really enjoy.

I can’t disconnect my creative energies from my heart. It’s difficult for me to try to earn money doing something I love. I realize that might sound strange but I work at things I do well not necessarily things about which I’m passionate. My salary supported my passions, my passions didn’t help me earn money. When I “have” to do something I love it becomes a chore and sucks the joy out of it.

#TarotDaily – 7 of Pentacles Rx + 8 of Cups (Radiant WS)

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TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • In the past you’ve focused so much on your achievements that you didn’t consider whether you were happy about them. Now it seems as though all those accomplishments leave you unsatisfied and emotionally unfulfilled. It might be time to leave them behind and seek out what will satisfy your heart and soul.
  • You’ve been resting on your laurels; letting yourself coast on past glories. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it is not very challenging or satisfying. Maybe it’s time to reprioritize and seek out new challenges that will make your heart & spirit sing.
  • You’re not putting any effort into things anymore. You continue to do the work but your heart isn’t in it. Your enthusiasm has left the building. Maybe it’s time to revisit the things that you love in life and reprioritize. Find ways to become more enthusiastic and experience joy in what you do and what you accomplish.

#TarotDaily – Devil Rx + 5 of Coral (#Pholarchos)

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Her melancholy poured from her instrument. Her sadness shadowed her like a cloak. Although she was doing what she loved it was overshadowed by regret. She could have been doing this so much sooner if only she hadn’t let her own inner demons and the negative comments of others deter her; undermine her confidence; hold her prisoner; worm their way into her brain.

She paused for a second, shaking off those negative thoughts. That was all in the past now. she was moving forward and needed to focus on her future; no longer shackled to the past. She had found bliss and planned to treasure it.