Week 42 – How can I mend my damaged soul? (#TarotReading #MarseilleWaiteTarot #52WeekProject)

Posted on May 28, 2023 by TarotBroad

Mending a Damaged Soul Spread by Janet Jendrzejewski from 101 Tarot Spreads by 20 Modern Tarot Masters by Sheilaa Hite

I found this spread while browsing through the book I’m looking for something that would feel appropriate to work with this week. This reading fits beautifully with a conversation I’ve been having with a friend about forgiving ourselves and changing familial patterns that impact our lives.

I decided to modify it and only pull four cards from the 8 in this spread. I asked:

How do I forgive what was done to me? 10 of Batons Rx
How can I reclaim what I lost, what was taken from me or what I’ve kept hidden? 7 of Sword
What does my soul need to be whole again and to flourish once more? Le Mat
How can I mend my damaged soul? Justice

10 of Batons RX, 7 of Epees, Le Mat & La Justice from The Marseille-Waite Tarot by Emmanuelle Iger

The figure on the 10 of Batons is so burdened that she cannot even see the path in front of her. She is so caught up in the responsibility, the weight that she bears, she cannot even see the path ahead. Reversed I believe this card is telling me it’s time to let this burden go. The burdens of past harms and abuses is exactly that – the past. Nothing I do now can change what has already happened. It’s very similar to the situation with my brother-in-law. Were there things that could have been done in the past that would have made this situation significantly better? Of course, but they didn’t happen. Nothing I do now changes that. Carrying the burden of my brother-in-law’s long-term care should never have been mine. Even though it will be hard to put him in someone else’s care that doesn’t mean I’m at fault, or that I am doing anything wrong. The only way to forgive what was done to me is to let it go. Just drop that burden to the ground and walk away. Simple in concept, a little more challenging in execution

The figure on the 7 of Epees looks behind her, not just to see if the coast is clear but also to ensure that Le Mat was able to begin her journey. She wants to assure herself that her efforts were not in vain. Similarly to the message of the reversed 10 of Batons, this card’s message feels very clear to me. The only way to reclaim what I lost is to literally go and grab it and walk away. I need to revisit who I used to be before. This is a message that’s come up for me a number of times it is a work in progress. I see this card is reaffirming and reinforcing that. It’s also interesting that she is carrying five swords and leaving two behind. This brings to mind the concept that I am going to be moving forward with my life and pieces of me will be left behind because I have lost my husband and because Edward will no longer be a dominant part of my life. Just looking at this card next to Le Mat also reminds me that eventually Edward and I will be going in separate directions. I will be moving forward, while still keeping an eye on him, to the next phase in my life. He will be The Fool, moving forward to the next phase in his.

Le Mat shows me that I need to be more willing to take chances; to have more faith in myself and trust that this journey will take me in the direction I need to go. I need to let it be about the journey and the joy and the new experiences and not about some specific goal. One of the things I’ve noticed about myself is that I often won’t try new things because I feel the need to study for months or years first so that I can get it perfect. Sometimes that really takes the fun out of it. I think the fool is showing me that I need to bring more fun and a more whimsical sense of adventure into my life and not worry so much about goals being achieved. I’ve already lived that life and it’s time to let it go and move in a different direction.

One of the messages I’m receiving from Justice appearing in answer to this question is that one way to mend my soul is to stop being so harsh on myself. I need to be fair to myself and I also need to be fair to those who have “trespassed against” me. This reading reminds me of the Our Father where the congregants say “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. I think it’s important to remember that I have done wrong probably as often as I have been wronged. That’s not always a pleasant fact to accept, but if I’m being fair and impartial I have to acknowledge it. And I think the only way to truly heal what damage remains in my soul is to understand that it is part of being human. That doesn’t mean I can’t work on improving it or attempting to make reparations to those I’ve wronged. It does mean I need to try being more clear sighted and impartial when looking at these past offenses.

The overall message I get from this reading is that my soul is not quite is damaged as I feared. There is still work to be done, but I truly believe that our journey through life is all about doing this work. If there’s nothing left to achieve then what’s the point. Despite the fact that the focus of this reading is mending a damaged soul, it has helped me realize that my soul is healing and transforming. I almost get the sense it’s like our lungs when we finally quit smoking. It may take years, but if we take care of our body there is every chance our lungs will return to a healthier condition. I think that’s where my soul is right now on its way to returning to its pink and healthy condition. It may bear some scars and damage that will never truly heal but that doesn’t mean it’s irreparably broken. That gives me a lot of hope and happiness.

Samhain 2021 – A New Year

Posted on October 31, 2021 by TarotBroad

This is something I’ve been putting off for a while now. Partly because I’m a fairly private person and don’t like exposing parts of myself to the general public but somehow this felt important to address here. On April 8th I lost my husband of 35 years. He died of a massive heart attack and went the way he would have wanted to go quickly and probably painlessly. And while I’m happy that he didn’t suffer, I’m also angry that he left me. I realize that to some degree this was out of his hands but I’m convinced that his smoking along with stress contributed to this. Maybe if he had stopped smoking a few years back it wouldn’t have gone this way. I’m trying to adapt to this new status in my life. For the first time in 38 years I am not part of John and Debbie; I’m just Debbie, and I’m not sure how to be just Debbie anymore. So I’m learning.

I’ve been very lucky to have supportive friends and families helping me with this and I’ve been doing a lot of Tarot work. In fact I think the only reason I might avoid grief counseling is because of the Tarot. It’s reminded me that one gift from my husband that I need to carry forward is a belief in myself. He was always my biggest supporter and convinced that I could do anything if I focused on it. So now I need to focus on being a solo individual. It is both an exhilarating and terrifying concept.

Fruits of Wisdom Spread from Tarot for All Seasons by Christine Jette

In honor of Samhain I decided to do the Fruits of Wisdom spread from Christine Jette’s Tarot for All Seasons. I used the Trick or Treat Tarot and pulled the following cards:

Fruits of Wisdom Spread using Trick or Treat Tarot

Death reverse carries a fairly simple to understand message for me right now – I’m still processing my John’s death and it’s ramifications. I’ve accepted and continue processing his loss but what is more challenging to get a handle on is who I am in the wake of his death. I think that’s where the Ace of Wands comes into play. It’s reminding me that no matter how much I sometimes feel the desire to join John, the reality is that I’m not the tight to just lie down and die. It’s not who I am and it’s not what John would want me to do. The Fool reversed is pointing out that I need to release and let go of the pattern of stasis I’ve been in lately. I lost my faith in myself and it’s paralyzing me so it’s time to let it go; time to make those leaps of faith and believe things will work out; to explore the uncharted territory that is Debbie Alone. I need to protect and nurture all the skills I’ve acquired up to this point, embrace the lessons John taught and the knowledge I gained simply by watching and listening to him. The Knight of Pentacles has always been the court card I most associate with John. Showing up reversed here reinforces that while he might be gone from the physical realm he’s still alive in my heart and soul. The Page of Cups reminds me that at the end of the day I need to look within myself and reconnect with things that gave ME joy and make ME happy. For 38 years I’ve taken into consideration what kinds of things John liked to do and where my interests and his overlapped. He did as well; that’s what being in a relationship should be. Now that John is gone I have an opportunity to explore my interests and my joys. I don’t know where this will take me but I’m cautiously optimistic that it will be an interesting journey.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + 4 of Cups (#TrickorTreat)

Posted on October 30, 2018 by TarotBroad

How are you thinking about your future? How are you preparing for your future?

The Fool reminds me that my future is unknown and filled with potential; endless possibilities. It’s a chance to explore unfamiliar territory, chart a new course for myself. Nothing has yet been written so believing in myself and having faith that things will work out offers the promise of fulfillment and joy.

I’m preparing for this potential future by remembering that even if I don’t like the choices before me, I do have a choice. We create our future based upon today’s choices and actions. Even if we take no action or decide not to vote or engage with others, we have made a choice. This gives us more control over our lives and forces us to take responsibility for our decisions or lack thereof. That means we do have the power in our lives. The 4 of Cups reinforces this message.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + 5 of Cups Rx (#TrickorTreat)

Posted on October 11, 2018 by TarotBroad

What questions should you be asking?

What I should be asking is what new opportunities await out there for me; how should I begin again? I do have faith in my abilities to accomplish things once I fully commit to them. In odd ways, I’m rather fearless (I may have self-esteem issues but as long as I don’t focus on them much, I can hold them at bay).

The reversed 5 of Cups reminds me that I’ve finish mourning what has been left behind. Yes, I’m sorry that my career ended the way it did, but there were aspects of it that were beyond my control so continuing to cry and gnash my teeth about it serves no useful purpose. Instead of obsessing about what has been lost, I need to focus on what I can still explore, still explore and discover about myself.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + Ace of Swords Rx +#TrickorTreat)

Posted on October 10, 2018 by TarotBroad

What is an accomplishment you need to celebrate?

This question ties in beautifully with yesterday’s. Now that I realize I need to stop undervaluing myself I can consider what I need to celebrate about myself.

Clearly I’m not afraid to look foolish, to take a leap of faith. This was not always the case. It took me a long time to learn to laugh at myself and not take myself so seriously. On the positive side, if I am interested in pursuing something I rarely let fear or self-doubt hold me back. For example, I had no problem returning to college for a master’s in public administration when I was in my forties. I wanted to get the degree so I did it. Having said that, I’m also very comfortable with my skills and knowledge as it pertains to the academic realm. Which brings us to the reversed Ace of Swords.

The reversed Ace of Swords reminds me that I can be too cerebral and get lost in my own head. I have a proclivity towards researching something to death before actively pursuing it. This allows me to bog myself down in so much detail and research that I never actually start anything. I’m very good at studying and a little weak on application.

So, I think these cards are reminding me that I can take a leap of faith; I’m not afraid to start something new. I just have to be careful not to get so lost in my own head researching that I don’t take actual steps to pursuing these new interests.

#TarotDaily – Queen of Cups + King of Discs + The Fool (#AllHallows)

Posted on September 25, 2018 by TarotBroad

How connected are you to your personal power? What gets in the way? How can you best manifest the power that lays within you?

I find this reading fascinating (of course it’s about me so that might be just a tad self-centered). The Queen of Cups suggests that I see my personal power more as potential, a dream than as a reality. I know it’s there but I don’t tap into it or even believe in it. My power is really more wishful thinking.

What prevents it from manifesting is that I don’t believe it can manifest. My realistic, practical side battles with my intuitive, dreamy side. I remember readings a short story many years ago about children who exhibit psychic abilities. To test how reliable they are a government official forces the teacher to tell a levitating child that his skills are impossible; he cannot really be doing this. The child loses faith in his abilities and his desk crashes to the ground never to rise again. I feel like that child. I sense that I have untapped psychic abilities but because I don’t have faith in myself I find it impossible to tap into them.

The Fool is the key. Its message is that I can tap into these powers by believing in myself; having faith in myself. Doing the complete opposite of the child in the story referenced above. Can I do that? I have no idea. What I do know is that I can try. After all, if I don’t have faith in myself how can I expect others to have faith in me?

#TarotDaily – The Fool + 4 of Swords (#AllHallows)

Posted on September 22, 2018 by TarotBroad

Which of your creative gifts are lying dormant? How might you awaken them?

All of my creative gifts are dormant right now because I don’t have faith in them; I’m afraid to express them. One of my biggest challenges has always been to recognize my gifts and accomplishments. I fell into the mindset of believing that if I am good at something, gifted with a skill, then it mustn’t be that difficult. I also resist exploring unfamiliar territory. If I don’t think I can do something well the first time, I avoid trying it. This has limited me in a variety of ways and us something I’d like to move beyond.

I think one I’ve the ways I can awaken these dormant, unexplored creative gifts is to take breaks for myself. I recently decided to spend 15-30 minutes everyday in a mini-retreat. I will spend the time journaling or crafting, listening to music and meditating. This will enable me to shake myself loose from current, stifling patterns. I think this will help me reconnect to existing creative gifts and discover new ones.

#TarotDaily – The World Rx + 9 of Wands Rx (#AllHallows)

Posted on September 13, 2018 by TarotBroad

How can I connect with my inner child?

Well, I guess the best way to connect with one’s inner child is to focus inward and not let the world’s crazy or personal daily obligations weigh you down. Focusing on the darkness in the world or personal responsibilities that weigh us down only serves to suck the joy out of life. Sometimes it’s necessary, vitally important, even life saving to take a break and focus on yourself.

Now, of course, the same advice I would give to someone else applies just as much to me but I ignore it all the time. It’s starting to show – the wear & tear; the fraying around the edges. So I have to make a commitment to take small blocks of time for myself everyday. I need to re-acquaint myself with me. I need to reread all those wonderful SARK books I own. I need to browse Jennifer Louden’s Woman’s Comfort Book and Woman’s Retreat Book. I know I can do it if I focus. I’ve done it before. Sometimes being stubborn has it’s advantages.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + Chief of Stakes Rx (#SacredBridges)

Posted on July 4, 2018 by TarotBroad

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

You are hoping for a new beginning, a new opportunity to change things but you don’t yet have the mastery, knowledge and experience to bring this to fruition. Patience is the key.
Believing in yourself; having faith in your abilities is a wondrous and important component of success but more is usually required for long term success. Learning to harness and focus your creative energies, your divine fire, is necessary too. That’s something only time and experience can offer. So have faith in yourself but do the work needed to acquire the knowledge and experience.
Sometimes mastery and experience can blind us to new paths, ideas and challenges. Every so often we need to jump in with both eyes open and take a risk; to take a deep breath and shout “What the f**k!”.

#TarotDaily – The Fool + Apprentice of Stakes Rx (Sacred Bridges)

Posted on June 22, 2018 by TarotBroad