#TarotDaily – Magician + 8 of Pentacles Rx (#WizardsTarot)

QotD: How can I feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin?  The Magician
What will challenge or support me in this?  8 if Pentacles Rx

I was watching a YouTube clip of the amazing Kelly Bishop performing “At the Ballet” from A Chorus Line. Watching her burlesque before the singing struck a chord with me. Sheila (Bishop’s character) is brash, ballsy and clearly terrified. She projects a confident, almost arrogant persona which is soon revealed to be a costume; an act. As I watched her I was struck by the thought that’s how I appear to people. I may try to portray myself as cocky and confident with a “don’t give a shit” attitude but the truth is I’m far from that.

I learned to don that persona as an adolescent as a way to protect myself from the teasing and petty cruelties of other children. I won’t say that I was bullied but kids are kids and I was different. I was not good at fitting in simply because it didn’t occur to me. The end result was that I was often teased and mocked which made me defensive and aggressive. Over time I learned to laugh at myself but deep down I’m still that confused child who doesn’t understand how to fit in and why I’m different. So I burlesque; I create a stage persona and don her as needed.

At Readers Studio I’m considered a charter member of the “bad girls’ table” (a term I hate because it implies we’re misbehaving children when in reality we’re simply doing our own thing. I prefer the “wild women’s table but what can you do?). I can often feel myself slip into performance mode when interacting with people I don’t know. I’m uncomfortable in large groups so the protective coating feels necessary. Unfortunately, I also slip into character when I’m with friends. I think sometimes it’s become second nature to play the role. I’ve gotten better at realizing it but it’s still a work in progress. So I decided to ask the Tarot for some tips on working through this.

I had to smile when I saw these two cards appear. The message was at once simple and deep.  The only way I will feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin is if I will it to be so.  I am the Magician of my own reality; creator of my own magic.  The only thing blocking me is me.  All the training, experience and hard work I’ve invested in myself in the past will support me now.  I simply have to remember the lessons I’ve learned and not let the inner demons of self-doubt sidetrack me.  I’m not a child anymore.  All that past petty schoolyard cruelty can’t hurt me anymore unless I allow it.

#TarotDaily – The Magician Rx + Ace of Cups (#AllHallows)

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What could undermine your self-confidence?

Okay, this was rather unexpected but not inaccurate.  My self-confidence is often directly connected to how in control of a situation I feel.  If I don’t believe I can excel at something, I often don’t bother to try.   This has prevented me from learning new things and trying new experiences.  It has inhibited my growth in more ways than I can imagine.

Feeling out of control or insecure about a situation reverts me back to childhood when I was very sensitive about being different (aren’t we all?).  I did well in school; was academically gifted.  As a result, I was often teased about my vocabulary (using $10 words), getting good grades (brainiac or “know-it-all”).  I eventually developed a thick about these things and stopped feeling as competitive about grades but the damage was done.  Although I have moved passed these responses in many ways, there are still moments when I revert right back to that awkward, smart, socially inept little girl who didn’t want to stand out.

#TarotDaily – The Fallen Tree + The Buddha (Sacred Bridges)

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • Shake things up in a big way. The only path to find enlightenment right now might be destroying the status quo.
  • Once the debris has cleared and the destruction has gotten rid of all the useless, pointless traditions to which many cling, then you can begin to manifest something better; something more holistic, healthy and beneficial. In order to make way for the new, the old must be destroyed.
  • Sometimes no matter how much you want to manifest your will in this world, things will change. Being too fixated on control will ultimately prove frustrating, futile and a waste of time.

#TarotDaily – Magician+ 6 of Wands Rx (Guardian)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • Knowledge is power and you are willing to use untraditional methods of gaining the knowledge you need. However, this has not always given you the sense of accomplishment and triumph you desire.
  • Your efforts to manifest your will and channel your energies into successful endeavors may not translate into external accolades. However, you’re okay with that. You don’t do it for recognition from others, you do it for personal satisfaction.
  • You enjoy finding new endeavors and techniques that make you feel successful. Your self-confidence and self-worth are fed from within and don’t need reinforcement from others. This helps you find the way to make will into reality. Don’t let possible disbelief or doubts by others undermine this.

A reversed journey through the Major Arcana part 2

The Hermit – After having our world turned upside down we might find ourselves in need of a retreat; to regroup. Instead of considering what we need to do to conquer the world, we ponder what will allow us to fulfill ourselves. We are still searching the darkness and trying to forge our own path through the darkness but now it’s the darkness within ourselves. We’re working towards finding truths in our soul that will allow us to lead a more fulfilling life moving ahead.

Strength reminds us that enacting these types of changes in our lives requires fortitude and inner strength; the need to stick with it especially when the going gets rough. This card reminds me of people who, after some dramatic shift in their career or life, manage to pick themselves back up and move forward again. It symbolizes those who find the inner fortitude to add a second act to their lives. The divorced woman who finds her passion in life again. The middle-aged man who discovers that he still has a lot to offer. Instead of letting themselves become defeated and miserable, they pull themselves up and find new meaning in their lives. They fight to find fulfillment and satisfaction.

The Chariot is our mode of transportation to get to that new place of fulfillment and satisfaction. Once we’ve made the decision and set the intention to find new meaning in our lives in Strength, we need to find the way to make it happen. We need to pick up the reins, grab the steering wheel and drive ourselves towards our new destination. We need to determine what route will serve us best and what speed we intend to travel. Do we want to take our time and enjoy some rest stops or do we want to get there as fast as we can? Either way, the decision and the choices are all on us. Do we believe this part of our lives has been fated? Is it our destiny to make this journey? Only you can decide that for yourself.

The Lovers reflect all the choices that still remain in our journey through life. I often like to view fate or destiny as a series of points on a map that we must experience – how we get there and how long the journey takes is up to us. I like to think it’s the combination of destined experiences and personal preferences that are reflected by the two different horses in this card. How & where we choose to steer them is on us.

The Hierophant shows us as we step into our role as mentors, lore keepers, historians. We have now reached a point in our lives when we can teach and guide others. We can show them the options available to them; share our stories. We can help open their eyes to the traditions and history that preceded them and allow them to determine who they might wish to incorporate this knowledge and wisdom into their own lives.

The Emperor is our journey to self-sovereignty. We no longer need to build an external empire, instead, we need to feel as though we are finally in charge of our own lives. We are the masters of our fate; the lords of all we survey. We no longer see success as an external measure but rather an internal one of personal satisfaction and fulfillment. It’s not about money and possessions, it’s about feelings of accomplishment and pride.

The Empress is when we finally learn how to nurture and embrace our true selves. We finally allow ourselves to explore our internal creative energy. Instead of feeling the need to focus on external objects or people, we aim it at ourselves. We tend and care for our own secret gardens and learn to feed our inner needs and desires. It doesn’t make us selfish but rather self-centered in the best possible way. Tending to ourselves allows us to replenish our resources and be there for others when the need arises.

The High Priestess guards the veil behind her. It is not something she parts lightly because one what awaits behind it is revealed, it can never be unknown again. When she pulls it aside we realize that what it hides is our true selves. We are finally ready to learn, accept and embrace who we truly are and were meant to be. We realize that we need to do things for ourselves; to nurture our souls not because they meet someone else’s need. In my experience, when the veil parted I was faced with my feral thirteen year old self – the part of me I’d tried (and failed) to civilize over the years. I was able to reconnect with that energy and unleash her into my life today. It was quite an amazing experience.

The Magician allows us to realize that (much like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz), the power to make things happen in our lives was in our hands the entire time. We are not dependent upon others to grant us power; we merely need to accept and grasp it. We often hear people talk about helping to empower others but the truth is we cannot do that. We can only help them understand that the power lies within them and only they can use it. That is what The Magician shows us at this point in our journey. Perhaps it’s near the end of the road but the message is no less valuable.

The Fool is our final stop. This is when we embrace all our foolish qualities and trust in the world again as we prepare to take that leap and move beyond this life into something new and unexpected. We are still leaping into the unknown but now all our knowledge and wisdom has combined to make us realize that we truly know nothing and the journey is always about the experiences and the learning. We have to believe that what awaits beyond is something new and exciting. Perhaps this is why so many of us believe in an afterlife – we want to believe we are leaping into something,  not just nothingness.