This week I decided to focus on something that’s been bothering me lately. I’ve always been a rather judgmental person. Part of that is due to the fact that I’m convinced that I know better than absolutely anybody else in the world. The other part is due to a desire to help other people fix the messes in their own lives because it’s a hell of a lot easier than fixing the messes in my own. So this week I decided to focus on being judgmental and trying to control other people’s lives. This is the reading I devised.
- What need does being judgmental fill?
- What drives people to want to control others’ lives?
- How can I change these tendencies in myself?
As you can see in the image above, the cards I pulled are Temperance Rx, 10 of Circles Rx, and The Emperor. I found this to be an interesting answer in response to my query. The overall take I got from these three cards is that a lot of this is due to imbalances in our own lives and an unwillingness to take control and be responsible for ourselves. Although that might quite possibly sound pretty judgmental on my part. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
So I think Temperance Rx is suggesting that we become judgmental in an effort to avoid dealing with imbalances in our own lives. Instead of forging ourselves into healthy, heartier, more holistic versions of ourselves, we project our unpleasant parts onto others. I know I often judge others poorly and see them as less because it helps me feel better about myself. So instead of building myself up, I try to accomplish the same goal by tearing others down. Instead of doing the hard work to embrace all my parts and merge them into a stronger unit; I slough it off, denying it and weakening myself. I think this is where Shadow work comes into play and can prove to be a very useful tool and fixing this particular flaw in myself.
The 10 of Circles Rx tells me that at the root of the desire to control others might be a need to maintain the status quo. I think a desire to protect our families, ourselves, our possessions, our stuff often feeds the desire to control others. I know I am often resistant to and fearful of change. It makes me feel very threatened and frightened. One way to address this fear is to try to control others to make sure that I protect my position, to keep my stuff. It took me awhile to remember that the point of this life is not accumulating stuff, it’s accumulating knowledge and experience. I lost the thread and lost sight of the fact that, in my opinion, my purpose for existing is to learn about myself, about the world, about other people. I can’t do that if I’m operating from a place of fear. As the saying goes it’s about the journey not the destination.
Seeing The Emperor in this position made me smile. It’s rather an obvious answer. The best way to change these tendencies mentioned above is to take control of my own life; to become the master of my own destiny. Instead of allowing myself to operate from a place of fear and reaction, I need to create my own game plan and move forward in order to achieve those goals and desires. Controlling others will never fix the core problem only I can do that by recognizing acknowledging and working on them myself. Other people have the right to live their lives however they choose to. It is not for me to say that their way is wrong. All I can say is that it’s the wrong way for me.
I want to focus on a more live and let live approach. As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone I think people should be free to live their lives the way that they choose, and I would hope they grant me the same courtesy. Unfortunately, there seems to be an increasing tendency towards trying to force one’s personal beliefs onto the rest of society. I have no desire to play that game. I think a lot of what we’re seeing going on these days is rooted in fear. There’s we’re always concerned about the status quo shifting, but the reality is nothing is fair about people enriching themselves at the expense and the oppression of others. {Soapbox rant ended}
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