“Prosperity and abundance appear to be all around. There seems to be new growth and expansion in the world. However, be cautious about celebrating just yet. The true cost of this wealth has not yet been determined. Will what you sow prove beneficial in the long term?”
How are the ghosts of your past still influencing your life?
Oh brother, this message seems very clear to me. I’m still held fast by the poverty in which my childhood was spent. No matter what my true current financial situation, in my mind I’m poor. This results in acquisitional behaviors. Instead of enjoying and using what I already have I focus my energies on acquiring more. I become afraid that I won’t be able to buy new things so I have to do it while I still have the ability.
I realize that my current situation is very different from my childhood, however it doesn’t stop the anxiety and fear of once again being poor. Whenever something shakes my security tree I go on a buying binge to settle it back down again. I think these are the ghosts from my past that still influence my life. Intellectually, I understand that things are different now but that little match girl inside me responds instinctively. Perhaps “shopping my stuff” will help me enjoy what I already own and satisfy that itch that pushes me to buy more.
You don’t believe in “happily ever after” and as a result find yourself alone and lonely. You can either change your perceptions so you’ll be more open to potential relationships or make your antisocial grumpiness work for you by gaining insights and knowledge easily missed if one is distracted by a relationship.
You’re resisting moving on to the next phase of your life because you don’t want to do it alone. Unfortunately, many of our greatest personal epiphanies occur when we are in solitude.
You fear that your lack of financial resources and impoverished lifestyle limit your social interactions. Is it that others judge you poorly for your socioeconomic status, or that you’re projecting your insecurities onto the world?
If you were suddenly gifted/won all the money you could ever need would it make you truly happy?
Weighing out good intentions and beneficence like coins on a scale is unlikely to bring emotional satisfaction.
Perhaps to find true happiness and emotional satisfaction we need to be as generous with ourselves as we are with our money. Donating cash is always beneficial, but to volunteer one’s time and energy is truly giving.
Looking at the 6 of Pentacles with its abundant and autumnal imagery, I was struck by the fact that one prevailing attitude when I was a child was that there was never enough. Looking at the apple trees blessing us with an abundance of fruit, I realized we didn’t baskets let alone trees. We were often forced to move from an apartment because we were unable to pay rent. I remember the most humiliating experiences were when I was sent grocery shopping and didn’t have the cash to pay for everything at the register. For an adult that may be embarrassing. For a 10 year old child it was excruciatingly, piercingly painful. I still remember the humiliation of having to select items to return while the other folks on line stared, grumbled and glared. I always swore I would never find myself in that situation again. And yet in many ways, here I am.
It’s not about being unwilling to share or being stingy, it’s about feeling that I just don’t have it. I would love to be able to help out others but that’s just not possible right now. I also find it difficult to ask for help from others. Being on the receiving end of charity stirs up those old emotions and leaves me feeling like a beggar.
I think the Queen of Swords is who I became as a result of some of these childhood experiences. She is the intellectual, rather unemotional shell with which I surrounded myself. She may not be the true me at my deepest core but she is the persona I adopt to adapt to that situation. What makes me laugh is that the smirk on her face tells me she knows this. She knows me better than I do. This is also the part of me that forces me to face the truth; who cuts away the bullshit.
The combination of these two cards tells me that my childhood poverty and my preferred method of dealing with the world (intellectualization, rationalization, etc.) have combined to convince me that I don’t care about money. I don’t need money. It’s know important to me. In reality it is very important to me. Not that I need a lot of money but I need to feel secure and grounded. My childhood had some very gypsy-like moments as we were forced to move around because we couldn’t afford the rent in our apartment. As a result I often felt as though I lived on a fault-line. You never knew when things was going to be some upheaval.
I think the Queen of Swords is also letting me know that I need to get to the truth of how I want my relationship with money to be. I need to be honest with myself and realistic about how much money I need, what I’m willing to do to earn money and how much influence I want it to have in my life.
Oh my goodness! I’m such a twit! I was reading a blog post by Raine of Lime Tree Fruits about changing her relationship with money. Suddenly a lightbulb clicked in my brain – that’s what this reading was about!! The past emotional influence that is still impacting my opportunities for new growth and prosperity are rooted in my childhood. My family was often in dire financial straits. There were six of us and Dad was pretty bad at holding down a steady job. He tended to work as a bartender or other job that provided an unreliable income. Mom had a full-time job but it never paid much. So with four kids finances were often very, very tight around our house.
Our own recent financial difficulties have triggered a lot of unresolved issues for me. It has shaken my security tree so to speak. Our nest egg has become alarmingly low and I’m nervous and scared. In fact I’m rather terrified that starting up a Tarot reading business is a rather ridiculous response to this situation. I know things are tough out there and I might find it very difficult to land a job earning what I used to in my previous life but I would hope I could find something that would tide us over.
My practical side is fighting a furious battle with my dreamier side and so far there is no clear winner. I think this reading is telling me that I need to let go of those fears and trust that I can manifest the future I want doing what I want. I can make that dream come true but first I have to trust my instincts and not let fear and past memories hold me back.
Interesting. The first reaction I had to these cards was that I’m haunted by my lack of a social life and it causes me to wail in sorrow. Okay, that’s a bit melodramatic but not necessarily inaccurate. I have friends but with the way my life is right now I don’t have much opportunity for socializing. This does cause me to gnash my teeth in frustration. I feel so isolated and out of the loop that I’m starting to avoid people because I’m insecure and feeling as thought my social skills are atrophying.
Taking a peek at the LWB I see that Lisa Hunt interprets this card as symbolizing harmony and abundance. That also fits into some of what haunts me right now – my life is not exactly overflowing with harmony and abundance. In fact quite often I feel very much like the banshee on the Queen of Swords – shrieking and wailing in sorrow.
However I cannot focus on the darkness for very long. I know it exists and I do enjoy the occasional wallow in it but (much to my surprise) I seem to have a very strong optimistic streak in my makeup. That means I try to put the most positive spin on things I can. Looking at these cards I can see their message can also be telling me that if I want to bring abundance and harmony into my life (so that it will stop haunting me) I need to use my wits and listen to the truth. It’s time to stop hoping and dreaming and face the harsh truth.
The Banshee/Queen of Swords speak the truth and cuts through the bullshit no matter how painful that might prove. There are several areas in my life right now that I know are not going to play out the way I would like. If that’s the case then I need to make alternative plans otherwise I’ll continue to be haunted while harmony and abundance elude me.
The reversed 7 of Wands tells me that it’s okay to let my guard down; be less defensive. Instead of getting my back up and hissing at folks, I might find it more helpful to relax a bit and be less aggressive. Of course that may be easier said than done. I learned the hard way that it’s best to prepare for the worst even as I hope for the best.
The reversed Ace of Discs (repeated from yesterday) is also reminding me that I can’t move forward and manifest new prosperity until I released this defensive posture. It is blocking me from moving forward and focusing on new projects. If I want to work on prosperity and abundance then I can’t funnel all my energies into holding on to old patterns, old defensive habits. I’m not a porcupine and need to stop behaving as one.
I see my message today as reminding me that if I keep clinging to outdated and worn patterns and responses then I can’t create new ones. I can’t build new prosperity and abundance in my life if I’m clinging to a scarcity mentality. I can’t keep blocking out the world to protect what I have and believe I’ll be able to manifest anything new. I won’t be able to fit it past the blockades and defenses I’ve built.
Wow! What a scary thought – tearing down my defenses and baring myself to the world. I’m not sure if I can do it but I have to give it a try.