How are the ghosts of your past still influencing your life?
Oh brother, this message seems very clear to me. I’m still held fast by the poverty in which my childhood was spent. No matter what my true current financial situation, in my mind I’m poor. This results in acquisitional behaviors. Instead of enjoying and using what I already have I focus my energies on acquiring more. I become afraid that I won’t be able to buy new things so I have to do it while I still have the ability.
I realize that my current situation is very different from my childhood, however it doesn’t stop the anxiety and fear of once again being poor. Whenever something shakes my security tree I go on a buying binge to settle it back down again. I think these are the ghosts from my past that still influence my life. Intellectually, I understand that things are different now but that little match girl inside me responds instinctively. Perhaps “shopping my stuff” will help me enjoy what I already own and satisfy that itch that pushes me to buy more.
You don’t believe in “happily ever after” and as a result find yourself alone and lonely. You can either change your perceptions so you’ll be more open to potential relationships or make your antisocial grumpiness work for you by gaining insights and knowledge easily missed if one is distracted by a relationship.
You’re resisting moving on to the next phase of your life because you don’t want to do it alone. Unfortunately, many of our greatest personal epiphanies occur when we are in solitude.
You fear that your lack of financial resources and impoverished lifestyle limit your social interactions. Is it that others judge you poorly for your socioeconomic status, or that you’re projecting your insecurities onto the world?
If you were suddenly gifted/won all the money you could ever need would it make you truly happy?
Weighing out good intentions and beneficence like coins on a scale is unlikely to bring emotional satisfaction.
Perhaps to find true happiness and emotional satisfaction we need to be as generous with ourselves as we are with our money. Donating cash is always beneficial, but to volunteer one’s time and energy is truly giving.
Looking at the 6 of Pentacles with its abundant and autumnal imagery, I was struck by the fact that one prevailing attitude when I was a child was that there was never enough. Looking at the apple trees blessing us with an abundance of fruit, I realized we didn’t baskets let alone trees. We were often forced to move from an apartment because we were unable to pay rent. I remember the most humiliating experiences were when I was sent grocery shopping and didn’t have the cash to pay for everything at the register. For an adult that may be embarrassing. For a 10 year old child it was excruciatingly, piercingly painful. I still remember the humiliation of having to select items to return while the other folks on line stared, grumbled and glared. I always swore I would never find myself in that situation again. And yet in many ways, here I am.
It’s not about being unwilling to share or being stingy, it’s about feeling that I just don’t have it. I would love to be able to help out others but that’s just not possible right now. I also find it difficult to ask for help from others. Being on the receiving end of charity stirs up those old emotions and leaves me feeling like a beggar.
I think the Queen of Swords is who I became as a result of some of these childhood experiences. She is the intellectual, rather unemotional shell with which I surrounded myself. She may not be the true me at my deepest core but she is the persona I adopt to adapt to that situation. What makes me laugh is that the smirk on her face tells me she knows this. She knows me better than I do. This is also the part of me that forces me to face the truth; who cuts away the bullshit.
The combination of these two cards tells me that my childhood poverty and my preferred method of dealing with the world (intellectualization, rationalization, etc.) have combined to convince me that I don’t care about money. I don’t need money. It’s know important to me. In reality it is very important to me. Not that I need a lot of money but I need to feel secure and grounded. My childhood had some very gypsy-like moments as we were forced to move around because we couldn’t afford the rent in our apartment. As a result I often felt as though I lived on a fault-line. You never knew when things was going to be some upheaval.
I think the Queen of Swords is also letting me know that I need to get to the truth of how I want my relationship with money to be. I need to be honest with myself and realistic about how much money I need, what I’m willing to do to earn money and how much influence I want it to have in my life.
Oh my goodness! I’m such a twit! I was reading a blog post by Raine of Lime Tree Fruits about changing her relationship with money. Suddenly a lightbulb clicked in my brain – that’s what this reading was about!! The past emotional influence that is still impacting my opportunities for new growth and prosperity are rooted in my childhood. My family was often in dire financial straits. There were six of us and Dad was pretty bad at holding down a steady job. He tended to work as a bartender or other job that provided an unreliable income. Mom had a full-time job but it never paid much. So with four kids finances were often very, very tight around our house.
Our own recent financial difficulties have triggered a lot of unresolved issues for me. It has shaken my security tree so to speak. Our nest egg has become alarmingly low and I’m nervous and scared. In fact I’m rather terrified that starting up a Tarot reading business is a rather ridiculous response to this situation. I know things are tough out there and I might find it very difficult to land a job earning what I used to in my previous life but I would hope I could find something that would tide us over.
My practical side is fighting a furious battle with my dreamier side and so far there is no clear winner. I think this reading is telling me that I need to let go of those fears and trust that I can manifest the future I want doing what I want. I can make that dream come true but first I have to trust my instincts and not let fear and past memories hold me back.