Oh my goodness! I’m such a twit! I was reading a blog post by Raine of Lime Tree Fruits about changing her relationship with money. Suddenly a lightbulb clicked in my brain – that’s what this reading was about!! The past emotional influence that is still impacting my opportunities for new growth and prosperity are rooted in my childhood. My family was often in dire financial straits. There were six of us and Dad was pretty bad at holding down a steady job. He tended to work as a bartender or other job that provided an unreliable income. Mom had a full-time job but it never paid much. So with four kids finances were often very, very tight around our house.
Our own recent financial difficulties have triggered a lot of unresolved issues for me. It has shaken my security tree so to speak. Our nest egg has become alarmingly low and I’m nervous and scared. In fact I’m rather terrified that starting up a Tarot reading business is a rather ridiculous response to this situation. I know things are tough out there and I might find it very difficult to land a job earning what I used to in my previous life but I would hope I could find something that would tide us over.
My practical side is fighting a furious battle with my dreamier side and so far there is no clear winner. I think this reading is telling me that I need to let go of those fears and trust that I can manifest the future I want doing what I want. I can make that dream come true but first I have to trust my instincts and not let fear and past memories hold me back.
Interesting. The first reaction I had to these cards was that I’m haunted by my lack of a social life and it causes me to wail in sorrow. Okay, that’s a bit melodramatic but not necessarily inaccurate. I have friends but with the way my life is right now I don’t have much opportunity for socializing. This does cause me to gnash my teeth in frustration. I feel so isolated and out of the loop that I’m starting to avoid people because I’m insecure and feeling as thought my social skills are atrophying.
Taking a peek at the LWB I see that Lisa Hunt interprets this card as symbolizing harmony and abundance. That also fits into some of what haunts me right now – my life is not exactly overflowing with harmony and abundance. In fact quite often I feel very much like the banshee on the Queen of Swords – shrieking and wailing in sorrow.
However I cannot focus on the darkness for very long. I know it exists and I do enjoy the occasional wallow in it but (much to my surprise) I seem to have a very strong optimistic streak in my makeup. That means I try to put the most positive spin on things I can. Looking at these cards I can see their message can also be telling me that if I want to bring abundance and harmony into my life (so that it will stop haunting me) I need to use my wits and listen to the truth. It’s time to stop hoping and dreaming and face the harsh truth.
The Banshee/Queen of Swords speak the truth and cuts through the bullshit no matter how painful that might prove. There are several areas in my life right now that I know are not going to play out the way I would like. If that’s the case then I need to make alternative plans otherwise I’ll continue to be haunted while harmony and abundance elude me.
The reversed 7 of Wands tells me that it’s okay to let my guard down; be less defensive. Instead of getting my back up and hissing at folks, I might find it more helpful to relax a bit and be less aggressive. Of course that may be easier said than done. I learned the hard way that it’s best to prepare for the worst even as I hope for the best.
The reversed Ace of Discs (repeated from yesterday) is also reminding me that I can’t move forward and manifest new prosperity until I released this defensive posture. It is blocking me from moving forward and focusing on new projects. If I want to work on prosperity and abundance then I can’t funnel all my energies into holding on to old patterns, old defensive habits. I’m not a porcupine and need to stop behaving as one.
I see my message today as reminding me that if I keep clinging to outdated and worn patterns and responses then I can’t create new ones. I can’t build new prosperity and abundance in my life if I’m clinging to a scarcity mentality. I can’t keep blocking out the world to protect what I have and believe I’ll be able to manifest anything new. I won’t be able to fit it past the blockades and defenses I’ve built.
Wow! What a scary thought – tearing down my defenses and baring myself to the world. I’m not sure if I can do it but I have to give it a try.
The Emperor crossed by The High Priestess – so does this mean my inner empire building is crossed by my inner temple guardian? Nah, that’s a bit too glib (although not necessarily inaccurate). The Emperor represents the benefits of being in control, in charge, the head honcho. It also represents the responsibility and obligations that go along with such power. For a great ruler, it’s not merely about satisfying your own personal needs and goals. It’s also about caring for those who follow you, protecting those who are weaker than you and ensuring that the powerful don’t trod upon the peasants. How sad that we have so few leaders who actually embody this archetype in its most positive aspects.
The High Priestess is the guardian of the hidden mysteries. She knows the way but may choose not to give you directions. She is able to look into your soul and determine whether you’re ready to peer behind the veil. She can read you like a book. This can be a huge responsibility because if she allows somehow who is unready or unworthy to see what lies beyond, it might cause damage to that person’s psyche. It might be too much for her to assimilate or she might use the knowledge acquired in negative ways.
So The Emperor is letting me know that if I want to build something stable and solid in my life, I need to remember that it will require responsibility, determination and steadfastness. He’s also reminding me that everything comes with a price. The more concrete and grounded things gets, the more rooted you become, the less mobile and flexible you can be. As we acquire things, responsibilities and stature, we are less able to maneuver quickly and make changes.
The High Priestess reminds me that sometimes spiritual knowledge and enlightenment can be blocked by having too many things, too much stuff. When we are too stable, too set and too grounded it can be difficult to make the necessary changes to acquire knowledge and see beyond the veil. It may be a reminder that focusing too much on stuff, having things and building a stable foundation, I may also discover that my spiritual work gets sidetracked. These two areas in life may not be mutually exclusive but it requires a lot of effort to balance between the two.
I had an interesting experience this week. While doing a reading about prosperity, I drew 3 cards that appeared for me at various points this month. All 3 also appeared during Readers Studio – 2 in a reading for me and 1 in a reading for my foundation partner. The next day I asked the cards what I was ignoring about prosperity and drew The World (Gaia) which also appeared for me at Readers Studio. That made me explore the deeper message these cards might have for me.
The three cards that appeared in a reading for me were the King of Wands, Knight of Cups and The World. I drew them as part of my Whole Person Profile Reading during James Wanless’ workshop at Readers Studio. In fact they were the only cards I drew in their respective suits. I was using Joanna Powell Colbert’s Gaian Tarot at the time so they were portrayed as the Elder of Fire, Explorer of Water and Gaia. This makes me think that part of who I am right now is impacting by prosperity and my relationship to it.
Like a lot of people who come from a poor family, I have a very complicated relationship with money and prosperity. On the one hand I try to act like I’m above such mercenary, mundane concerns and that I don’t need a lot of money to be happy. I tend to have what Richard Dreyfus’ character in Jaws referred to as “that working class hero crap”. On the other hand, I like having some extra money. The past few years have shown me that I don’t need as much money as I once thought I did. However, it is obvious that some source of income is always needed.
Considering that during the Whole Person Profile Reading, these cards were connected with enlightenment, emotional nature and Yin energies I wonder if these are the pathway through which I will discover prosperity and what it means to me? Of course this is a fairly rhetorical question because I’m the only one who can truly answer it but I often find if I put the questions out there to the Universe, I will draw the cards or find insights that provide the answers I seek. I do think there is a connection between who I am as a Whole Person and my relationship to prosperity. I also think these cards are guideposts along the way. It will be fun to see where they take me next.
Looking at the images on both these cards, I do not get the traditional message of financial hardship or physical want. In fact on the Fey 5 of Pentacles I get a sense of keeping the wolf at bay. The figures are snuggled inside a shelter with a golden, glowing orb hovering overhead while a large, dark, shadowy figure hovers outside. On the Gendron 5 of Pentacles a nude woman and a shadowy nude woman seem to be worshipping 5 pentacles embedded in the trunk of a tree. The pentacles seem vague and shadowy too, as though they do not truly exists. Are these cards suggesting that the security and solidness I believe exists around me is in reality an illusion?
If I wanted to get all physical with the issue (meaning quantum physics), I suppose that could be true. I’ve read about theories that propose that nothing is actually solid; that we are all vibrating particles that intersect at various points but do not hold concrete existence (or at least that was my understanding). It reminds me of the puzzler about a tree falling in the woods – if no one is there to hear it does it make a sound. My brain says ‘of course it makes a sound” but if in reality someone needs to be there to perceive the sound in order for it to manifest itself, then I’m not so sure.
So on some level this card is about manifesting the illusion or perception into reality. If the illusion is one of poverty and want, then that is what we manifest. If, however, the illusion is one of warmth, comfort and solidity then that is what is manifested for us. A friend and I have been talking about scarcity mentality lately. We both experienced childhoods that involved lots of down time on the fiscal front – lots of scrimping and saving and very little left for anything beyond the barest of essentials. What we both have experienced is how we still react the same way now, even when that type of scarcity is unlikely. I’ve heard the expression “shaking your security tree”, well anything that even remotely smacks of poverty or fiscal hard times sends me into a hoarding tizzy. I feel like squirrel storing up nuts against the hard times ahead. It also makes it very difficult for me to share with folks. I can sometimes experience bouts of generosity and give things away but more often I cling to them like Daffy Duck in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon shouting “mine, mine, mine”. I love the sense I feel when I have given something to someone they will truly enjoy. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy whereas clinging to it (when I no longer want or need it) makes me feel like a bloated tick.
Thinking about this card today I realize that although I am experiencing some fiscal challenges right now, we are not at a poverty crisis mode. I may not be able to splurge but I can still allow myself the occasional treat. And we are both (hubby and I) working towards improving the situation somewhat. So how I handle this is up to me. I can either allow myself to feel the golden glow and security that is available or I can focus all my energies on that shadowy figure in the window and worry about him getting me. It’s my mindset that needs to change in order to improve the situation.
I’ve always had a lot of affection for the Queen of Pentacles. I find her earthy and solid approach to life very appealing. She reminds me of the practical woman who deals with crises by picking herself up, dusting herself off and doing what needs to be done. She’s at home in her skin and her space and knows how to take the necessary steps to achieve her goals and manifest her desires. She can also, as suggested by the Bear on the Wildwood Queen of Stones, be fiercely protective of her territory and her young. She will leave you alone as long as you don’t both her but cross her or invade her home turf and you’ll have a fierce battle on your hands. Bears are also known to hibernate during the colder months. In some cases bears give birth while hibernating. This suggests that it is possible to incubate various ideas and projects eventually manifesting them when the time is right, even if I don’t realize it at the time.
I’m interpreting the Queen of Pentacles as a positive omen today for a few reasons. The first is that I’m meeting a friend who happens to be a Virgo and has some pretty powerful Queen of Pentacles energy (very practical, organized and no-nonsense). She’s also treating me to lunch as a birthday gift so she’s the bountiful, beneficent one sharing her gifts. I also happened to get my Gaian Tarot today – a very earthy, full-bodied and realistic deck showing people of all shapes, sizes and colors in setting both natural and beautiful and created by a Capricorn with very strong Queen of Pentacles energy. I manifested the Queen of Pentacles today by shopping at a local green market and just experiencing the gorgeous, rich and earthy aromas as well as enjoying some very earthy humor with one of the vendors. I chose two beautiful heads of lettuce, some rainbow chard and several herbs. I’m actually quite proud of myself because I made my first batch of pesto yesterday – quite a Queen of Pentacles type of thing to do. And tomorrow I want to make some more tasty sauces (like a spicy chimichurri) and toss some fabulous salads. My Capricorn mother is coming up tonight, more Queen of Pentacles energy.
My friend and I also used the Vision spread from Catherine of the Tarot Elements blog to help us work towards manifesting our goals. It was interesting to see what cards we each selected and where there was overlap. In some respects we complement each other and in others we enable. It did allow me to see a snapshot of some things in Tarot form that I knew but preferred to avoid addressing. It also became clear that passion and manifestation are inextricably intertwined for me right now. Whatever I want to manifest in my life must be something about which I am passionate. I also need to take practical, concrete steps to manifest abundance and prosperity in my life. These are things I know and this spread helped me clarify some of the issues that have been preventing me from moving forward. I’ll have to make sure I revisit this reading in the future to ensure I’m moving in the right direction.