On being an outlier

I’m an outlier, an outsider, an oddball. I often don’t fit in even with groups to which I feel I belong. There is just something under my skin that become itchy when I try to fit in; be part of the group. I often joke that my motto is “Whatever it is, I’m against it” (thank you, Groucho Marx). In reality, it isn’t a joke. Even when it comes to opinions and stances which I share, I can’t help but argue the opposite position if I feel too many have jumped on the bandwagon. I don’t like to feel that I’m part of the majority opinion.  As Groucho also once said, “I wouldn’t want to join a club that would have me as a member.”

I’m not sure why I am this way but I tend to put it down to my parents exhorting me when I was a child not to do things simply because everyone else did. They encouraged me to trust my own opinions and not to be a follower. I may carry this a bit too far. This is both a blessing and a curse, allowing me to defend my positions despite others’ attitudes but also isolating me.

In order to get some clarity about this, I did a reading for myself.

Using the Wizards Tarot, I asked:

How does being an outlier serve me? Knight of Pentacles Rx
How does it hinder me? 2 of Cups Rx
What can I do with this information going forward? The Hierophant Rx

Being an outlier has been a way of protecting myself, of isolating myself before others could exile me. Of course, this also says a lot about some of the earlier relationships I had in my life. I did have occasions where those I believed were “friends” betrayed me or mocked me. It created a very weird dynamic and made me mistrustful and extremely cautious.

This mistrust and caution have also prevented me from forming closer friendships and emotional bonds. I do have friends but they are a small, select group. I don’t really do casual friendships which may explain why Facebook made me so twitchy. To paraphrase a friend of my hubby’s, if you haven’t seen me make a complete ass of myself at least once, you aren’t really my friend.

So, going forward I need to learn from these experiences; to be willing to use it as a learning opportunity. That doesn’t mean I have to change the way I am, simply that I should be more mindful and conscious of what I’m doing and why. Perhaps this will also serve as a tool for helping others who have similar issues.

#TarotDaily – Chief of Wheels Rx + Ace of Stakes Rx (#SacredBridges)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • Mastery in any area is difficult to achieve when one’s mind is chaotic and troubled. Calming your mind so it can embrace new ideas is key right now.
  • Before you can manifest what you desire in your life you need to be able to envision it. That’s difficult when you can’t tame your “monkey mind” and channel it into more disciplined pathways.
  • You have the potential to be master of all you survey but it’s unexpressed right now because you are letting negative thought and a defeatist mindset hold you back. Work on improving your self-esteem and self-worth and you may find the path easier to maneuver.

How can I create a better relationship with my spirit guides? 10 of Wands R + Ace of Wands (BoS So Below)

BoS So Below 10 of Wands BoS So Below Ace of Wands

The fact that I’m feeling so overwhelmed and burdened by responsibilities is causing me to let things slip through the cracks.  I have an opportunity to reignite my spark but I have to take it.  With all the obligations I’m burdened with right now I feel as though I don’t have the right to take time for myself but these cards are telling me that I need to change that perception.

If I want to create a better relationship with my spirit guides then I need to stop letting my responsibilities be an excuse and just do something.  It doesn’t need to be elaborate.  I think it’s a question of taking 10 minutes or so every day and just being more mindful and open to connecting with the spirit world.  Right now I feel like a rat trapped in a barrel – I’m running in circles, using up all my energy and getting no where.  I’m exhausted, drained and defeated.  The only way I know to counter-act this is to take some time for myself; to be still and listen.

This isn’t exactly mind-blowing news.  I know the answer and realize the Tarot is reinforcing what I already knew but have been avoiding.  Small steps, baby steps – that’s all it takes.  I don’t need to reach the goal line in a week.  I didn’t get to this point in my life overnight so why I think the solution should be a quick fix is beyond me.  To paraphrase Robin Byrd, I need to lie back, relax and get comfortable – at least for a few minutes every day.

How can I welcome spirit in? 3 of Wands R + 10 of Wands

BoS So Below 3 of Wands BoS So Below 10 of Wands

These cards show an entwined and complementary answer to my question.  In the companion book, Barbara offers the interpretation “wasting time and energy” for the reversed 3 of Wands.  I can see that as one appropriate meaning but I also see it as telling me that I need to slow down and waste some time and energy on myself.  Focusing that energy inwards rather than outwards is one way of welcoming spirit in and honoring it in my life.

The 10 of Wands with its harried female office worker describes my life right now.  My harried, overworked feeling might not be due to an office environment but it exists nonetheless.  I think this card is reminding me that I need the slow down, wasted energy phase to counterbalance this harried, abundance responsibilities phase.

To me the 3 of Wands reversed is more about slowing down and tending to myself; stopping and enjoying a cup of tea while reading a great book.  Ellen of Greylady’s Hearth commented on my blog post the other day reminding me that a gratitude journal can be a powerful tool for staying on track when it comes to self-care and slowing down.  That seems to fit beautifully with this card’s message.

This is also the third time I’ve drawn the 3 of Wands since using this deck.  I think it’s trying to reinforce the message that I need to take better care of myself.  It’s important to take time for myself to relax, de-stress and just do something just for me.  Otherwise I’ll be blue and swamped like the woman in the 10 of Wands.  I can’t walk away from these responsibilities so I need to develop skills and techniques to help me relax and become calm and centered so that I can deal with them without losing my mind.