Tag Archives: Unleashing my potential

Samantha Stevens Syndrome or hiding your light under a bushel for love

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Last night I was watching an episode of Bewitched in which Darren Stevens once again demands Samantha stop using witchcraft. Most of the time I don’t pay much attention to his tantrums because you know somehow they’re going to be ignored anyway, but last night it really hit me. Perhaps it was because of a conversation with a friend during which we discussed deliberately dimming one’s light for a spouse, or parent or other loved one. It made me realize what has annoyed me about Bewitched (and to a lesser degree I Dream of Jeannie) for many years.

As a child I simply thought Darren Stevens and Major Nelson were silly not to enjoy the benefits their partners’ magical abilities could bring. I always though it would be wonderful to have such powers! As an adult woman facing impending cronehood I see it from a very different perspective. What I see now is a woman whose special gifts are being deliberately denigrated by a loved one. In both these examples it’s a husband/partner who does the damage but in reality I suppose it could be anyone we care about – a friend, a spouse, a sibling or even a parent. How many time in your own life have you deliberately downplayed a talent so as not to hurt the feelings of someone else?

On one level I find it outrageous that Darren Stevens feels he has the right to tell Samantha anything. She’s a grown woman and his partner not his child, but of course these shows were made at a different time with different attitudes and expectations about such things. Even if Darren or Major Nelson didn’t demand their magical partners not use their gifts, they could just as easily convey the same message by subtle emotional blackmail. Have you ever found yourself restraining your gifts so that you don’t insult a friend? I remember times when I would play trivia games with friends and I would deliberately miss answers because I was afraid they’d be insulted if I won again. Of course the implication is that if I keep defeating a friend at a game they won’t be my friend anymore. As an adult I don’t believe this has happened to me (or at least not very often) but I clearly remember times as a child when someone wouldn’t play with me anymore for similar reasons.

To be perfectly fair, I suppose there have been times when I had a similar effect on someone else – friends and family who were reluctant to share their good fortune with me because I might feel envious. I think incidences such as these are part of all relationships. I suppose the key to them become too much of a problem is to simply be aware of and address them. However these relatively minor incidences aren’t really what I mean. Samantha Stevens Syndrome is a persistent, consistent effort by a loved one to restrain, destroy or limit one’s gifts; an external force exerting pressure for us to conform.

I think that’s the part I find most offensive – the implication or outright statement that we must conform and confine ourselves to do so. I see it most frequently in women but that might be a generational thing – perhaps it has become a more equal opportunity offense now. How many assertive, outgoing, aggressive women have I seen tone themselves down in order to be more accepted and viewed as more traditionally feminine? I was very lucky in that my spouse has no problem with my pugnacious, aggressive side – in fact he enjoys it. However I can’t say that other men I’ve met in my life felt the same way. I’ve noticed that I have an especial problem with male authority figures – the Emperors of the world. I tend to lock horns with them, perhaps because I challenge their assumptions and they push my buttons. It’s a no-win scenario all around. Of course realizing it and changing the behavior are two very different things. I accept that my attitude limits me in ways that conforming would not but I’ve accepted that.

Pearls of Wisdom Sun

So I guess the takeaway from this post is simply to put it out there – have there been times in your life you’ve had to dim your own radiance, downplay your gifts for someone else? IF so , maybe now is a chance for you to reclaim and celebrate those gifts.  Let’s stop hiding our talents, our gifts, our beauty and our brains because of the tyranny of others!

Losing sight of my dreams

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Dark Goddess 2 of Water

 

Over the last two weeks, during my Dark Goddess labyrinth journey with Arianrhod/The Moon I’ve drawn Lorelei/2 of Cups three times. This makes me realize that there is a subtlety to her message that has been eluding me. The majority of the cards I’ve drawn along with Lorelei have been either Cups or Majors. This tells me that one of the challenges she’s pointing out is that the next major shift/life lesson for me will involve my dreams and emotions; two things I’ve lost touch with over the years.

When I looked over these cards they forced me to reflect on the fact that I truly don’t know what my dreams are anymore. I had dreams when I was a kid, although as with most childhood dreams they were mostly vague, nebulous and unrealistic (like wanting to be a princess). As I grew older my dreams became more practical and less connected to what my soul desired. I wanted a job that I enjoyed that paid me well. I wanted things – computers, clothes, etc. I wanted to attend college. I wanted to be the director of the recreation center I attended as a child. Of these goals, only the last one felt connected to my spirit. The rest were either to prove my worth to others or so that I could silence my spiritual ennui with stuff. It worked for a while but eventually cracks appeared. Even achieving the last goal was ultimately not as satisfying as I had hoped, a;though I was glad I manage to accomplish it.

Considering the Lorelei’s appearance with The Moon, I realized that I haven’t even tried to connect with my dreams or my inner desires in a long time. Feelings of betrayal and disappointment had caused me to dismiss them as worthless and pointless. Of course this left a huge hole in my soul. I didn’t realize it until I sat down to write this. It began to occur to me that without dreams we have nothing to look forward to in the future. Instead it becomes a vast, desolate wasteland; an endless barrenness that one tries to avoid at all costs. It explains my rigid and stubborn resistance to change. At least if things are familiar they offer a certain level of comfort and consistency, even if we don’t feel a sense of excitement or joy. Unfortunately this very sameness makes it difficult to get up every day. Who really wants to live a same shit/different day existence?

The Lorelei’s song is luring me to a land of dreams and desires; a world of hope for the future. That is a scary, unfamiliar world indeed. I don’t know what I’ll find there but just making the decision to follow it is encouraging me to decide to plan for the future. It is making me feel more alive and creative and excited. That terrifies me and exhilarates me at the same time. I want to dance to her song but not get crushed on the rocks. Of course the truth is that nothing in life worth doing is without risk. I’ve been avoiding risk for a long time (or at least telling myself that I”m avoiding it) but the reality is that I’m deluding myself and it’s time to stop.

Wheel of Change Tarot – Hanged Man

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Wheel of Change Hanged Man

 

Wheel of Change Tarot
created by Alexandra Gennetti
Published by Destiny Books, 1997
ISBN #0-89281-609-0

The Book says: The image of the Hanged Man shows the solar king turned on his head, ready to being the journey back to the darkness he has come from. The Hanged Man symbolizes the sacrifice of the sun’s light at midsummer, when the long hours of daylight are beginning to slip away. When interpreting this card in a reading, think first about the aspect of reversal in this card. The sun has turned the corner and is beginning the downhill part of his travels. You may have reached a turning point in your life or in one particular aspect of it. However, the appearance of this cad in a reading does no mean that you are “over the hill”. After examining this aspect of the card, look also at the sacrifice required to make the turning, for no transformation will occur without this sacrifice. Examine the nature of sacrifice in your life: what kinds of sacrifices have you made of your own time or energy in order to make changes? Perhaps by giving up something at this time you may be able to take the downhill path towards the change you have been wanting. This card implies such a crossroads; you are at a point of change, but you must let go of something or this change will not take you to the retuning path. Focus clearly on the turning point; the journey and the sacrifice will seem like a clear and unavoidable choice.

TarotBroad’s Buzz: The Hanged Man is naked and exposed, stretching towards whatever awaits him. He is calm and centered, understanding the necessity of this sacrifice and appreciating the fact that this is part of the cycle – sacrifice and rebirth, release and regeneration. He accepts and embraces his role in the cycle. This card is a reminder that we all go through these types of phases in our life. But in addition, the Hanged Man forces us to stop long enough to consider our options and reflect upon our life up to now.

He is fully connected to the natural cycles of the cosmos and appreciates his importance in this cycle. But he has voluntarily put himself in this position; he can release himself at any time.

To me this card speaks of leashed power and strength, the ability to subsume our own personal desires and goals for the greater good of our world. It is the contained energy present in the seed just before it bursts and begins sprouting. Yes, this card is about sacrifice but it is also about untapped potential and unlimited possibilities. All we need to remember is that we can achieve our goals and our potential as long we are willing to release ourselves and drop the past behind us like a discarded skin. Like a snake, now is the time to shed the useless things we’ve been carrying and allow ourselves to move forward in our new, fresh skin.

I am a magical manifesting machine!

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I was having a pity party kind of day today. You know, one of those “would you like some cheese with that whine?” type of day. Between the weather, family obligations and other annoying crap I was in a lousy mood. I hate being in a lousy mood because I really can’t indulge myself. I can’t sink into a real pity party kind of day because I have things to do that can’t be put off or avoided (believe me, I’ve tried).

So while washing away my crappy mood in a nice, hot shower I had a bit of revelation – my life is not that bad. Granted, right now it’s stressful and restrictive but I am fully aware that this is a temporary (albeit long-term) situation. I’ve also been feeling old I’m 48 and will be 49 in a few months. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me but every so often (such as when I realize the stars of my favorite TV show weren’t born until after I started high school), I feel a bit ancient. I don’t feel old and when I look in the mirror I don’t see myself as “old”. I don’t look the way I did at 18 but then again, who does? Well I suppose it’s possible but it usually seems to involve a lot of plastic surgery and/or other cosmetic procedures. I’m too lazy to dye my hair. I know I’ll never put in the effort needed to maintain it. I should eat better and exercise more but overall I feel good. Realizing that triggered some other minor epiphanies.

I realized that I am a magically masterful manifestor. When I focus on what I’ve achieved in my life I have to say I’ve done well (even if I am being modest about it). One of my dreams was to become the director of the recreation center I attended as a child. I achieved that goal several years ago. I have always known I wanted to attend college. I not only attended college but I have completed two masters degree programs. When I was working towards my degree in forensic psychology, my grades were good enough that I was eligible to participate in an accelerated program that allowed me to complete my BA and MA in the same amount of time. I was able to complete a Master in Public Administration while at my last job so that it was paid for by the agency. I have been happily married for 29 years this April. I have wonderful and supportive friends and family who are always offering to help when I need them.

All of these facts made me realize that when I focus my energies on something I usually manage to achieve my goals. Sometimes I get lost in feeling frustrated and trapped but in reality I have been able to manifest a reality where I can take care of my in-laws. It’s not perfect but that’s not surprising. I want to start generating income offering Tarot readings via email. Once I am ready to do this, I have no doubt that I will find the way to manifest this goal too.

What’s wonderful is that I don’t think I’m more gifted or special than anyone else. I think the reality is that we get so caught up in what we perceive is lacking in our lives that we lost sight of what we have. We spend so much energy feeding that mindset, we lose the power to make it so. We get lost in our own personal 5 of Cups moments – unable to move forward because we can’t let go of what we believe we’ve lost. Let’s all stop doing that. Instead let’s take a page from SARK’s book and act as thought what we desire has already happened. Maybe if we fake it until we make it or “don’t dream it, be it”, we’ll find it easier to manifest our dreams. Maybe if we stop focusing on our failures, losses and frustrations, we’ll free up our energies to make our dreams come true. Let’s all turn into magically manifesting miracles (I was going to say “mofos” but that just sounded stupid to me).

So now the pity party is over and I’m revving up my engines to start manifesting some magic, miracles and major mojo! Watch out world, here I come!

Strength – Wheel of Change Tarot

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Wheel of Change Strength

Wheel of Change Tarot
created by Alexandra Gennetti
Published by Destiny Books, 1997

The Book says: When this card comes up in your reading, pay attention to what you have passion for and use this passion to further your life. This is a card of enormous courage, vitality, and power to achieve anything within your imagining. The power you have is not a power over others but a power from within, a strength you have that is really your own. You do not need to hold it over others, but if you use this inner strength calmly, many others, by example, may discover this most powerful strength. This is also a card of initiation; just as the new woman is initiated into womanhood when her menstruation comes, you are initiated into something new and special when this card comes up in your reading. It is a good time to begin something new that you love and have a passion for. Like the blooming gorse, you will blossom into something bright and lovely. It is a special time for love and sexuality or for the passions that arise from anything truly moving. You are moving away from the control of others and can make your own decisions.

TarotBroad’s Buzz: Her banner shows that she is comfortable with both her lunar and her solar natures. Her expression is one of sheer joy and excitement – finally she can ride the lioness too! She has learned the self-control and mastery needed to control the lioness without any visible means – just her body language. She and the lioness are one, joined in their goal and their destination. She has passed the necessary tests and achieved the maturity needed to continue onto the next phase of her journey. I just love the energy and excitement visible in this card.

I have a special affinity for Strength (being a Leo Sun) and this is one of my favorite versions of the Strength card. This card embodies the solar side of female nature. This is that wild, untamed, physical side which revels in the warmth of the Sun on our bodies. This is that part of us that wants everything out in the open, revealing all facets of herself and not caring whether others approve. At the same time she represents the inner strength, fortitude and ability to proceed along her journey, no matter how challenging it may become. I want to be this woman, riding forward with joy and excitement, confident that I can overcome whatever obstacles are in my way and in my ability to maintain my connection with the lioness and the natural world around me. Can’t you just hear strains of Helen Reddy’s I Am Woman “I am woman hear me roar in numbers to great to ignore”

Tarot Truth Tyr’s Day: The Chariot – Blue Rose Tarot

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Blue Rose Chariot

Blue Rose Tarot
Created by Paula Gibby
Published by Soul Guidance

The Book says: The Chariot symbolizes the active realization of those concepts by getting out there and participating in Life. And you begin with the basics; navigating through the world, getting to know the other players, learning how to fend for yourself, cloth yourself, educate yourself. Control yourself.

The Chariot card is all about mastery and control. And in most cases, when you first attempt to control a situation, you exert a lot of energy and concentration. It’s a kind of “brute force” attempt to navigate one’s way through a situation, issue, relationship, whatever. You rely upon great strength of will. You constantly employ the concept that every action results in an equal but opposite reaction.

TarotBroad’s Buzz: When I first looked at this card I didn’t see the monitor, I saw it as representing people heading to the “big city” to find success, money or themselves. It reminded me of the expression “all roads lead to Rome”; if you can make it there you can make it anywhere. All of which I though fit The Chariot card – the desire to steer your own course, follow your own destiny. The need to move beyond your starting point (home town) and move on to a bigger challenge. Then when I realized that it was representing the electronic age, the information superhighway – it added an additional layer to the meaning.

On the Internet there is a need to be focused on your goals and aims, to have an idea where you are heading and how to get there. Without this focus and aim you can find yourself spending hours doing absolutely nothing but roaming without direction. You may have a goal in front of you but it is very easy to get lost on a byway or side route. There is also, unfortunately, a serious need for cautious and taking steps to protect yourself. Some strange and dangerous people populate the Internet just waiting for someone to cross their path.

The Internet also demands a certain amount of self-control and discipline. Communicating with people online can be tricky. One misplaced word can lead to a flame war of immense proportions. So The Chariot can also represent the need for maturity and responsibility. It can be so easy to send off a letter shredding someone else’s opinion to bits without giving a second thought, something many of us would never do in person. But the anonymity of the Internet seems to release us from some of the controls we usually place on our tongues. The Blue Rose Chariot card is a reminder and a representation of all the potential and the lure of such freedom. The road lies gleaming ahead of us and it is up to us whether we steer through it following some of the basic rules of the road or being a road hog, leaving pockets of road rage in our wake.

Tarot Truths Tyr’s Day: The Sorceress – Transformation Tarot

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Transformational Sorceress

The Sorceress
Transformation Tarot
Created by by Arnell Ando
Published by US Games ISBN:1572815396

The LWB says: A free-spirited woman initiated into the mysteries by her openness and dedication to self-study. This may lead her in many directions: magic, spirituality, philosophy, psychology – but the eventual outcome is the same. Intuitive and wise, she is a natural healer, though secretive and guarded. She is surrounded by her familiars: the raven, black cat, and snake.

TarotBroad’s Buzz: She peers into the crystal ball, scrying the future and peering into the past. The crescent moon gracing her brow connects her to the psychic world – our inner landscape of hopes, dreams and nightmares. The cards falling from the table are simple playing cards but their message is clear to her. She is The Sorceress and her sanctuary is not a place for the faint of heart. Are you willing to risk what will be revealed to her and by her? Are you ready to face the truths hidden in those deep places in your soul you prefer to avoid?

The Sorceress is self-contained and secretive. She guards the keys to awe-filled mysteries and can unlock the powers of the hidden world. Before giving you even one hidden key she must test you. She will look into your soul and see if you are ready to handle the power and responsibility of such knowledge. If you are not, then she will help you and teach you to become ready. She is not unforgiving but she is unpersuadable. You cannot charm her into giving you the answer you seek.

The Sorceress aka The High Priestess not only guards these mysteries, she also guides us through them. She helps us find our way through seemingly dark and frightening landscapes that make no sense. She can offer us a small light of hope, help us find the familiar in the darkness and not fear. She leads us into the core of the labyrinth to find the heart of who we truly are and then she helps us heal from whatever lingering pain holds us back. She is guide and mentor, healer and teacher. If we are willing to face her in her sanctuary there is much to gain but the learning may prove to be a painful, transformative and ultimately healing process.

Thoughtful Thor’s Day: How can I maintain my sanity right now? 9 of Stones R (Wildwood)

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Wildwood 9 of Stones

Looking at this Cernunnos-like figure sitting at the center of this card I was struck by two things:  I need to reconnect to my spiritual traditions and I need to not get held back by being outside the protective circle of the stones.  I need to reconnect with my roots and foundation while at the same time reaching for the stars or thinking outside the box.  In other words the way to maintain my sanity right now is to find my own path and not be held back by expectations or “supposed to”.

This is an important message for me because I have a tendency to try to do things “the right way” and then castigating myself if I fail.  Dealing with this type of situation is entirely new to me.  I’ve never had children and never been in the role of primary caregiver for someone who was entirely dependent upon me.  I must say I don’t like it much.  However I am also determined to do the best I can for both my in-laws.  To some extent that requires me to forge my own path.

I have a quirk in my nature that doesn’t allow me to follow paths created by others.  I may enjoy exploring their route and learning about how they chose the path and what they learned.  However at the end of the day if I haven’t forged my own way through the wilderness I don’t value the lessons.  I need to viscerally experience the process to gain the most benefit.  This even applied in school – if I did not hand write notes in class I found it much harder to remember the lessons.  Simply studying the texts or other’s notes was not as helpful as the simple act of writing.  It’s as though the physical act transferred the information to my brain cells and made them more available to access later.

One way I have decided to both go back to classic traditions and forge my own path is the concept of French Chic.  I think some Americans (especially women) tend to idealize the French and the stylishness and chicness of French women.  I am in no way impugning either of these traits, however I think they need to be taken in context.  French women are who and what they are because they are in France.  An entire culture is woven around them to support their lifestyle.  America is different.  We can certainly incorporate certain elements of French (or actually I suspect European in general) lifestyles but in some cases it’s just not practical.

For me, the key element of French chicness and style is to simplify; take the time to fully appreciate every experience and enjoy every moment in your life.  Instead of complaining about the routine, day-to-day drudge work that often seems to fill our days, see them as the foundation for a wonderful life.  Understand that without those daily chores and tasks, our lives would become a chaotic mess.  This is where I need to focus my energies.

Right now I feel as though my current situation is sucking the life out of me; killing my soul.  If I start to focus on these daily chores as essential to maintain the foundation of my life perhaps I won’t feel such resentment.  At the same time I need to embrace the idea that taking care of myself is just as essential as these daily tasks.  It’s not frivolous or shallow or pointless.  It’s beneficial and helps me maintain my equilibrium – quite a worthy endeavor in itself.

What am I refusing to let go of; what am I delaying or denying? Knight of Swords + King of Pentacles

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BoS So Below Knight of Swords BoS So Below King of Pentacles

The images on these cards spoke to me.  The Knight of Swords shows a focused, somewhat intent blonde woman writing while sylphs dance about her.  I realize that her message to me is that I need to get back to writing.  When I was younger, writing was one of my passions in life.  A semester of English composition in college shook my faith in my writing skills and I fell away from it.  In recent years I have begun writing a bit by maintaining my blog but I’m beginning to realize that I need to write again.  It doesn’t have to be something I share with anyone else but I need to express myself.  I need to find a creative outlet and writing is that outlet for me.

The King of Pentacles is reminding me that I can have it all – personal satisfaction and prosperity, if I believe in myself and work to manifest it in my life.  I think it’s also showing that expressing my creative side is the key to achieving this prosperity.

These cards seem to be telling me that I need to let go of my resistance and fear.  I need to let go of the self-doubts that bubbled up during that English comp class and haven’t gone away.  I need to embrace writing for the sake of writing not for public approbation.  I need to do this for me.  Where it might lead is irrelevant.  What’s important is what it can do for me now.  Otherwise I’m denying myself a creative outlet and a sense of satisfaction and joy.

How can I more fully embrace who I am meant to become? The Wheel of the Year + Ostara R (BoS As Above)

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Book of Shadows As Above Wheel Book of Shadows As Above Ostara

I was blown away to see these two cards appear in response to my question.  I have the feeling that this particular line of inquiry is going to yield life altering results (assuming I actually implement the recommendations).  Right now I’m up to my armpits in snow so the only exploring I can do is within myself.  Sometimes that’s not the most exciting terrain to hike alone but I must say it does often produce surprising results.

Both these cards speak to me on two levels, one is the external “real world” level and the other is my internal landscape.  The Wheel of the Year serves as a reminder that life is change.  This cold, snowy weather will eventually give way to the warmer, rainy days of Spring.  My life will eventually turn and I will find myself in a different place with different responsibilities.  Right now I feel as though I’m at the lowest point I’ve been since childhood – broke and not really sure what to do next.  The difference is that this situation is my responsibility.  In childhood I had very little control over much of what occurred in my life.  That isn’t the case right now.  If I want to feel in control of things then I need to take responsibility for those things I can change.  I think the Wheel is reminding me that sometimes things just aren’t meant to be changed – at least not at this time.

That is one of the challenges I’m facing with the hubby.  He is a fix-it kind of guy.  He truly believes that if we can figure out the right formula or actions we can change this situation.  I know that isn’t the case.  We’ve done what we can to make the mom-in-law and brother-in-law comfortable.  I’m exploring external resources the might be available.  We can’t change the physical realities of this situation.  My brother-in-law is deaf and developmentally disabled.  My mother-in-law is either suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s or something that looks so similar as to make no difference.  She will not recover from this.  The only release is death.  I know that’s extremely difficult for the hubby to accept (hell, it’s not so easy for me to accept either).  What makes it more difficult is that on a deep level we both realize that the most likely change to this situation will be mom-in-law dying.  Not a pleasant truth to face.  The Wheel of the Year is a reminder that “to everything there is a season”.

The Wheel of the Year also reminds me that if I want to fully embrace who I am meant to become I need to learn to embrace and work with change.  I’ve been focusing on time management lately because my skills (never the greatest) have slipped so much they are nonexistent.  Procrastination has always seemed so much easier to me because there were little consequences to letting go until the last minute.  Even in school my grades were good with the amount of effort I put into it.  What would be the point of spending more time on assignments when I was already getting great grades?  I’m sure there reality is that I would have gained even more insight from the lessons had I done the work but sometimes my reasons for pursuing advanced degrees were convoluted and didn’t always involve acquiring insight.  Sometimes I did it just to prove that I could.  Not the most enlightened reason for doing things but often at the core of my motivation.

In my career I often  had the same experience.  With some minor bursts of effort and energy just prior to the deadline I was able to complete assignments that proved more than satisfactory to my supervisors.  Spreading that energy and effort out over a longer period of time just seemed silly to me.  Now I’m finding those patterns are holding me back.  With no external pressure to force me to finish, I just keep procrastinating.  I think The Wheel is telling me this behavior needs to change too.

Ostara (Temperance) is connected to the Pagan Sabbat celebrating the Spring Equinox; the time when light and dark are in perfect balance.  Light will soon emerge triumphant, increasing slightly more each day after the Equinox but for this moment they are perfectly balanced.  However this balance is hard won.  The cold and darkness of the winter months does not give up without a fight.  There will still be times when the cold is numbing and the darkness seems never-ending.  However the light and warmth just keeps taking baby steps until the tide has turned.

I’ve read that Spring is not for the weak and that is true.  Thinking of the rains and upheaval that precedes the shoots of new life bursting forth, it’s rather amazing that we survive it.  This creates a crucible when all life is weighed and the necrotic parts are sloughed off.  Having Ostara show up reversed for me makes me realize I need to take a hard look at where I’m resisting sloughing off necrotic cells.  One example is my doll collection.  For years I was an avid collector of Barbie and Fashion Royalty dolls.  I found relaxation in redressing them, taking photos, making up backstories.  Over the last few years I have found myself less enthralled with them.  There are still many I will keep but I know it’s time to release some and yet I resist.  I’m convinced that once I let them go I’ll rediscover my love for them.  This indecisiveness paralyzes   me.  I need to stick with my decision and take the steps necessary to make it happen.

I have the sense that this ability to clear away the dead wood – old records, dolls, books, etc. is essential.  Before I can embrace the light and welcome it back into my life I need to let go of these things so that I can actually see the light.  Right now I’m so block in and weighed down by things that I can’t see anything else.

On an inner, spiritual level, I think Ostara is telling me that I’m not taking time for myself.  Yes, my life is hectic and chaotic and much of my decisions are based on how my in-laws are behaving at the moment but I’m completely ignoring that I might need time alone.  How can I weed through all these things I need to sort out if I never make the time?  It won’t magically happen.  I’m not Samantha from Bewitched; twitching my nose won’t organize and weed things out.  This ties in with my need to get better at time management.

I think these cards are telling me that before I can embrace the person I am meant to become, first I need to make some room for that person in my life.  I need to eliminate the old versions of me that are no longer necessary.  New growth can’t happen until the underbrush is cleared away.  Right now I need to focus on clearing out the underbrush, the overgrown weeds that are choking the vitality out of my life.  Once I can take steps towards accomplishing this, I believe I’ll find a new life blooming forth for me.  Right now my life is a badly cluttered room – there are lots of things lying around but I can’t see what I have anymore.  It’s time to change that.  Before I can pour magical rainbow energy on the eggs in my basket I need to be able to find the eggs.