COTD – Knight of Disks/King of Stones R (Wheel of Change & Greenwood)

 

The Wheel of Change Knight of Pentacles (Knights in this deck are equivalent to Kings in more traditional decks) shows an Aztec (or maybe Mayan) warrior accompanied by a jaguar looking over a pyramid.   A huge wheel engraved with symbols that is probably a calendar, stands behind him.  A beam of golden light shoots upwards to the sky from the top of the pyramid.  He holds his shield, bearing the same symbol as one on his chest, at his side.  He seems curious and exploratory rather than defensive or ready for battle.  The Greenwood King of Stones shows a powerful, peaceful and wise looking horse standing in the midst of a clearing.  a halo of small lights twinkle above his head and waves of energy seem to embrace him.

Both these cards offer a view of someone who is strong and powerful but does not feel the need to flex his muscle to show that power.  There is an essence of restrained and harnessed strength and power in both these figures.  The warrior on the Knight of Disks is obviously capable of going to battle if need be but as he is captured in this image, he does not appear to be moving ahead with the intent of engaging an enemy.  He seems more curious – as though he has found the source of his strength, power and wealth for the first time and is awed by a view that others have already seen in him.  The horse on the Greenwood King of Stones is solid, reliable and enduring.  He can work hard when the need arises but does not need to show off that strength as though it is a trick or circus act.

I get a sense of quiet competence, mastery and stability from both these images.  The horse is often view as one of the foundations upon which various civilizations were based.  The Aztec (or Mayan) empire achieved some amazing and wondrous milestones.  We are still learning about how complex and sophisticated their civilization was.  In both cases the foundation was solid and reliable.  Once that changed, civilizations fell or dramatically altered.  These figures give off a sense that you can count on them when the chips are down.  They will support and help you, as long as you’re willing to do the hard work.  They are masters of manifestation and know how to create the physical and financial environment they want.

So this leads me to ask myself am I willing to do the hard work in order to manifest my dreams into reality?  Quite frankly it’s not that I’m unable or unwilling to do the hard work; I just don’t know what it is.  I feel as though I don’t know where to start.  Therein lies my problem – I’m standing at a crossroads with no idea which path to take and not the faintest idea of where either will lead.  As a result, I’m paralyzed by indecision.  I’m consuming self-help books in an effort to seek some guidance but seem to become more confused.  Many of them offer no practical advice on achieving the goal of gainful and joyful employment.

I guess what I have to do is look inside myself and consider what my options are – what I like to do and what I do well (amazingly enough sometimes those are not the same things.  More than that I really need to work on a strategy and plan that is practical and workable for me.  There is part of me that would love to return to the safety and security (or the illusion of both) offered by a tradition job.  Then there is part of me that really wants to try to carve out a few different money-generating options that will allow me to flex my creative side and put my interests and passions to work.  On some level I guess I don’t have much to lose.  It’s not like job opportunities are knocking on my door right now.  I need to start feeling more like this King of Pentacles within myself and then I can learn how to best utilize his energies on the outside world.  I’ve got to do things one step at a time.  I need to master my own fears before I can master other things.  Once I achieve that, manifesting my dreams should prove to be the easy part.

COTD – The Chariot (Legacy of the Divine & Rabbit)

 

The Chariot symbolizes being totally in tune with a fast-moving process or event; aware of the tolerances and limitations of the situation and understanding instinctively how to act and react in order to direct or affect movement from within.  It can be about immersing yourself in the situation so you can exert control over it and direct its course.  The more immersed you are in the transition or growth process, the more involved you are with the energies and harmonies of the change, the better you’ll be able to see and direct them.

“Positive:  Events are moving quickly but you understand the situation well enough to know, instinctively, how to act or react.  you know how to handle yourself within the situation, so go ahead and immerse yourself in the current transition or growth process.  The more you are involved with the energies and harmonies of the changes, the better you’ll be able to use and direct them.
Upright:  You are in a situation where transition is occurring at an amazing rate.  You are completely involved and attuned to the fast pace of the changes that are happening in your relationship, home, career or worldly situation.  You sensitively shift, balance, and react to participate in keeping things moving.” – Gail Fairfield

This is the second time this month I drew The Chariot.  Obviously there are still more facets of its message and energy that I need to absorb.  Looking at the figure on the Legacy of the Divine Chariot, I was struck by how confidently she steers her horses.  One hand is holding aloft a glowing staff while the other is on the reigns.  She seems to feel that she doesn’t need both hands to control her direction and steer the chariot along the course she desires.  The fact that the horses are charging ahead over a body of water suggests that she is also on top of her emotional nature.  She knows how to move beyond areas that might make me feel in over my head and lost.  She embodies a sense of self-control and determination that I want to emulate.

Unfortunately most of the time I feel more like the white rabbit appears on the Rabbit Tarot Chariot – a bit nervous and scared.  She is steering the team of goats but one gets the sense that all has gone well up to this point because they have all wanted to move in the same direction.  If the rabbit decided to change course and the goats were not in agreement, I think we might have a problem on our hands.  In the past, I have often felt that I drifted along with winds of fate and things worked out for me.  When it was up to me to decide what direction to take I often felt paralyzed and fearful.  In fact I feel rather like the jock played by Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club.  There is a scene where he describes how disconnected he is from what is happening in his life.  He has been guided by his father’s and coach’s desires for him to be a successful wrestler and go to college.  His feelings about all of this are irrelevant.  He even describes himself as a race horse that has no input into what decisions are being made about his life.  I can completely sympathize with this sentiment.  I have often allowed the opinions and suggestions of others to carry more weight than my own.  Enough is enough, I’m tired of feeling this way and living my life this way.  I am slowly starting to reclaim the decision making in my life and take a more active role in steering my course, but it’s a slow process.

On a positive note, the pair of goats on the Rabbit Tarot Chariot card reminds me of the Norse god Thor.  Thor also drives a chariot pulled by goats (of course his are magical and can be eaten at night and be magically made whole again by his hammer).  And goats are associated with the zodiac sign of Capricorn.  I have a lot of Capricorn energy in my life.  I have a Capricorn Moon.  My hubby is a Capricorn Sun and Moon.  My mother has a Capricorn Sun.  My father-in-law, brother and grandmother were all Capricorn Suns.  I also have a number of dear friends who are Capricorn Suns.  So I have seen this energy in action and it can be quite impressive.  One quality I have to give to Capricorns is that they don’t quit.  They don’t take no for an answer.  Instead they decide on a course of action and do whatever it takes to reach that goal.  This is a trait I want to start embodying in my own life.  I’m tired of letting things be guided by the whim of others.  It’s time to embrace my Capricorn Moon and start steering my life in a way that will let me achieve my goals.  I don’t want to be a scared rabbit anymore.  I want to be the self-confident and determined woman steering the Chariot on the Legacy of the Divine card.  And the first step to achieving that goal is to start believing in myself.  If I don’t believe in myself then how the hell can I expect anyone else to do so?

 

COTD – 8 of Swords (Dreams & Ferret)

 

The number 8 represents balance, systems, regeneration and structure.  Swords represent reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind and survival in the world and the element of air.  This card can often suggests that the querent is trapped by her own fears but has the ability to free herself.

“You’re actively organizing or reworking something you’ve said or written.  You’re looking at your lifestyle and activities and finding ways to re-prioritize what you’re doing so that your schedule more closely matches your values.  You’re examining your communication patterns and making some decisions about which patterns you prefer.” – Gail Fairfield

The Tarot of Dreams 8 of Swords shows a nude woman encased in a clear sphere hovering above 8 upright swords.  Her back is to us and she seems to be touching the edge of the sphere but whether she is trying to free herself or test the limits of her captivity is unclear.  On the Ferret 8 of Swords, a ferret is struggling ferociously to free herself from a leash.  Despite the fact that it symbolizes a certain amount of safety and security, it also signifies domesticity and captivity.  Obviously the ferret is not willing to sacrifice her freedom for security.  Of course she also doesn’t realize that is she relaxed a bit more, she might find it easier to free herself from the leash.

I completely understand that feeling – trapped and yet unwilling or unable to free myself.  My entrapment is not because of external bonds but internal ones.  My own inner demons and self-doubts keep me encased in this prison.  It feels somewhat more secure but that’s because I already know its limitations and it gives the illusion of safety.  Limitations can serve a purpose, especially when one is still learning a craft or skill because it can prevent you from harming yourself or others.  But when we impose those limitations on ourselves, then we risk stunting our growth.  I think that is how I feel right now – stunted.  A variety of factors have consolidated in such a way that I’ve let myself become entrapped and leashed.

Now I’m tired of feeling that way.  I need to start challenging those beliefs that are holding me back.  I need to create some structure and establish new priorities for myself.  One of the benefit of having my “world” fall apart when I was laid off is that I was able to move beyond the edge of my world into dragon territory.  Things I did not believe I could live without, I now realize are not essential to my life.  I no longer want to work at a 9-5 job for someone else.  I don’t need that kind of security anymore.  So I have broken beyond some of my previously self-imposed barriers.  Now it’s time to break down some more.