How can I start healing myself? Prince of Pentacles R, 7 of Wands + Justice (DruidCraft)

Green Man Tree Oracle NGetal

“When nGétal appears in divination, it suggests that health is or should be a priority now. It may indicate the danger of injury when paired with h-Úath or other challenging feda. In positive readings, it may suggest that an injury or illness is healing, or that a course of treatment for a chronic health problem may be going well. It can be a reminder to watch your health or to get something checked on that you might otherwise consider minor. It is a very hopeful fid to draw for those who are ill, as it implies active and progressing healing and the restoration of health and wellbeing.

Linked Concepts: Wounding, death, beneficial magic, healers and doctors, good health, wellbeing, regeneration, hope.” – Ogam:  Weaving Word Wisdom by Erynn Rowan Laurie

Based on the insights offered in Erynn’s Ogam book, I asked the Tarot this question:

How can I start healing myself? Prince of Pentacles R, 7 of Wands + Justice (DruidCraft)

DruidCraft Prince of Pentacles DruidCraft 7 of Wands DruidCraft Justice

I see the reversed Prince of Pentacles as telling me that I’m going to slow; being too plodding. It’s one thing to be cautious and well-prepared; another to procrastinate. I’m procrastinating. I know what steps I need to take to improve my health but I’m putting them off. Avoidance will cure nothing. If I want to manifest good health in my life and heal my body then I need to take action. I don’t need to go from zero to 60 in 10 seconds flat but I at least need to start making a few changes.

The 7 of Wands is telling me I need to be more fierce and vigilant in guarding and defending my personal space and time. Yes, I’m in a situation where I need clearly defined alone time – no internet, no cell phone and no in-laws. So far I’ve been putting my needs in this area as very low on the priority list, something easily ignored or put off until later. I need to stop doing that for my own mental health.

Justice is reminding me that balance and fairness are important. I’ve lost sight of that. To be fair to the in-laws, I also need to figure out ways to meet their needs for physical and intellectual stimulation too. Maybe a walk outside or watching the ducks would do it. Sometimes the mom-in-law can’t focus on things like that but it’s worth a shot. Of course it would also be a good idea to make sure I’m meeting my own needs for physical and mental stimulation. Watching TV and browsing the internet are all well and good but they should be kept to a minimum.

I think I’m finally getting on the right track. If I take it slow and easy I think I’ll eventually reach my goal. I sometimes have a tendency to want immediate results and when that doesn’t happen I quit. It’s time to change those patterns because clearly they are not working for me.

Thoughtful Thor’s Day: How can I maintain my sanity right now? 9 of Stones R (Wildwood)

Wildwood 9 of Stones

Looking at this Cernunnos-like figure sitting at the center of this card I was struck by two things:  I need to reconnect to my spiritual traditions and I need to not get held back by being outside the protective circle of the stones.  I need to reconnect with my roots and foundation while at the same time reaching for the stars or thinking outside the box.  In other words the way to maintain my sanity right now is to find my own path and not be held back by expectations or “supposed to”.

This is an important message for me because I have a tendency to try to do things “the right way” and then castigating myself if I fail.  Dealing with this type of situation is entirely new to me.  I’ve never had children and never been in the role of primary caregiver for someone who was entirely dependent upon me.  I must say I don’t like it much.  However I am also determined to do the best I can for both my in-laws.  To some extent that requires me to forge my own path.

I have a quirk in my nature that doesn’t allow me to follow paths created by others.  I may enjoy exploring their route and learning about how they chose the path and what they learned.  However at the end of the day if I haven’t forged my own way through the wilderness I don’t value the lessons.  I need to viscerally experience the process to gain the most benefit.  This even applied in school – if I did not hand write notes in class I found it much harder to remember the lessons.  Simply studying the texts or other’s notes was not as helpful as the simple act of writing.  It’s as though the physical act transferred the information to my brain cells and made them more available to access later.

One way I have decided to both go back to classic traditions and forge my own path is the concept of French Chic.  I think some Americans (especially women) tend to idealize the French and the stylishness and chicness of French women.  I am in no way impugning either of these traits, however I think they need to be taken in context.  French women are who and what they are because they are in France.  An entire culture is woven around them to support their lifestyle.  America is different.  We can certainly incorporate certain elements of French (or actually I suspect European in general) lifestyles but in some cases it’s just not practical.

For me, the key element of French chicness and style is to simplify; take the time to fully appreciate every experience and enjoy every moment in your life.  Instead of complaining about the routine, day-to-day drudge work that often seems to fill our days, see them as the foundation for a wonderful life.  Understand that without those daily chores and tasks, our lives would become a chaotic mess.  This is where I need to focus my energies.

Right now I feel as though my current situation is sucking the life out of me; killing my soul.  If I start to focus on these daily chores as essential to maintain the foundation of my life perhaps I won’t feel such resentment.  At the same time I need to embrace the idea that taking care of myself is just as essential as these daily tasks.  It’s not frivolous or shallow or pointless.  It’s beneficial and helps me maintain my equilibrium – quite a worthy endeavor in itself.

What do I need in my life right now? Ace of Stones (Wildwood)

Wildwood Ace of Stones

This makes so much sense to me.  I need to reconnect with the physical world.  Over the last few years of caring for the in-laws I’ve relegated my own needs to the back burner (of a stove in the seventh basement of hell).  I haven’t been eating right.  I’ve let my clothes become rather shoddy and worn.  I haven’t even bought new makeup in over 5 years.  I realize that I don’t need to “dress for success” while being a stay-at-home caregiver but I should still make the effort to be presentable, for myself if no one else.

The labyrinth that decorates the standing stone on this card also tells me that I need to get to the core of who I am.  I need to walk that pathway and find my way back to the real me.  I’ve lost sight of her and I miss her.  The first step is to work on improving my outer appearance.  It’s time to fix my hair and get some new makeup.  I need to focus on rebuilding my wardrobe so that it works for who I am now.  I have a closet filled with items that were once very useful and appropriate to the person I was then but aren’t very practical for now.  Suits and business pieces are useless when most days I barely leave the house.

On some level I feel that focusing on the external is shallow but I realize that it sends a message that I’m worth taking the time and making the effort.  If the only time I bother with my appearance is when I’m expecting to see other people, then I’m telling my psyche that I’m not important; I don’t count.  The first step to combating that mindset is to take the time to dress and tend to my appearance.  An occasional pajama day is fine but when it becomes the norm it means I’m sinking into a terrible rut.  I’m tired of being wrapped in ennui and self-defeat.  I need to start caring for myself body as well as soul and this is the first step.

Contemplating my own inner beauty.

Witches' Page of Wands Dance of Life Tarot Muse of Self

As soon as I saw the Muse of Self reversed I realized this card is a continuation of my message from yesterday.  The Page of Wands reminds me that I need to learn about myself again; to connect (or reconnect) to things that excite me.  Recently I have been feeling a new energy and enthusiasm for things that rarely interested me in the past – one of which is home decorating.  In the past – I couldn’t have cared less what my house looked like.  I tend to leave all the layout and design stuff to the hubby.  Lately I’ve been finding myself drawn to country cottage and French country style type magazines.  I think I’m feeling an urge to make my physical environment more reflective of my tastes; a place that nurtures my body and soul.

I’ve also been focusing more on the fact that I need to make changes to my lifestyle.  Looking at the Muse of Self I am struck by her comfort with her body, her beauty and her vulnerability.  That is an ideal towards which I strive.  I want to feel that unself-conscious and comfort with my body and myself.  The Page of Wands exudes an energy and enthusiasm that I want to embody.  I want to embrace that sense of daring and fearlessness.  I know that it might be a different sort of energy than I had when I was younger but it’s still there.  It’s a banked fire just wants to burn brightly once again.  I just need to tend it and feed it as necessary.

It’s been interesting to see how the Dance of Life cards I’ve drawn have so accurately given me messages about dealing with my health and self-image.  This is something I need to focus on in the coming months (and even years).  After all it’s not as simple as twitching my nose and changing things (oh that I was Samantha on Bewitched!).  As they say the longest journey begins with one step.  This is my one step.