Week 15 Sesame Street’s Inner Child Spread (#TarotReading #HauntedHouseTarot #52WeekProject)

1. What would you like to tell me? 10 of Zephyrs Rx
2. What is your favorite game? 2 of Brine Rx
3. What is your favorite thing to do? 9 of Oak Rx
4. What can I do for you? Queen of Brine Rx
5. Do you feel ignored or left out? Ace of Oak
6. What do you desire but aren’t getting? Temperance
7. How can I provide this for you now? Justice Rx
8. What do you fear most? 6 of Zephyrs
9. How can I give you what you need? 5 of Oak Rx

Stolen Child Tarot

I found this spread in Sasha Graham’s 365 Tarot Spreads book and decided it looked interesting, so I gave it a try. Sasha suggests picking a specific age when doing the reading. I decided to roll a die and came up with 15. So this is current me talking with 15-year-old me. One interesting thing about that time in my life is it’s before I met my hubby. As is true for many 15 year olds, this was a very chaotic and turbulent time in my life.

Some of the interesting insights offered by this reading include the fact that I never really felt safe and often preferred to hide to avoid being hurt. I wasn’t good with relationships and often tried to convince myself and others that I didn’t need emotional connections, despite the fact that I desperately craved them. I always felt that I didn’t fit in; that I was an oddball, so I often hide away in books. Many of the traits and behaviors I developed over the years were an effort to protect myself. They were the armor that helped me hold loneliness, pain and fear at bay. I still remain resistant to change simply because even if things are currently miserable, change always brings the potential for things to get worse. The best way that current me can help teenage me is by embracing her with all her sharp edges and flaws and showing her that it’s okay to be imperfect and that she is loved.

One of the major takeaways for this reading is that the majority of the cards are reversed which tells me that a lot of the issues brought up in this reading require me to forgive myself; to love myself. As has been said, I’m often my harshest critic. I think this reading shows that it’s time to let go of that critical perspective. It’s also interesting that there is not one Fire card in this entire reading. I find that interesting because fire is the element to which I feel most drawn and with which I’m most comfortable. So, clearly, I need to go outside my comfort zone in order to work on these issues. I think the message is that I have to stretch my boundaries and force myself to look at my past behaviors and attitudes and see them from a clearer perspective. To have a clearer idea what motivated them and stop castigating myself. It’s time to release past hurts and resentments so that I can move forward with a more healthy mindset and spirit.

Judgment – Mansions of the Moon Tarot

 

Mansions of the Moon Tarot
ZADOK (dahogue@nctc.net)
Self-Published

 

Traditional meaning: Experiencing the natural process of growth and maturation, principle of cosmic understanding, spiritual truth, change and transformation; a push, a call from within to make some important change; the final settlement of a matter; accepting the results of your decisions.

TarotBroad’s Theories: This card brings to mind the image of a loving parent who may be disappointed in a child’s behavior but who still loves the child and will continue to help offering guidance. Both the Virgin Mary and the Buddha are also well known figures of forgiveness and guidance. When we feel the need to be cleansed and purified, we pray to one of these beings for forgiveness. The Virgin Mary is often perceived as a gentle, nurturing figure who prays for sinners. And there are many stories of Jesus forgiving the past actions of others. But the key is that we must want to change, we must be willing to take the steps necessary to stop the behavior.

This card reminds me of a recovering substance abuser who finally cleans up his act and looks at the devastation his behavior has created in his life. Once this has been faced he has two choices – to run away from this knowledge by burying himself in his abusive behavior or to face the truth, forgive himself and move on trying to make amends where possible. We have this choice in our own lives. We can leave behind the self-defeating, critical inner voice that often holds us back and move forward with a sense of wholeness and newness. We are cleansed and purified. And the loving guidance these beings offer will be there, as long as we remain faithful and continue to follow the new path. We can move on to a new level, begin our lives on a new path, as long as we learn from the lessons of the past and don’t continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. We can let it go, start anew and allow ourselves to forgive ourselves and release ourselves from our own negative energy. And once we can forgive ourselves, we open ourselves up to a new world of possibilities.

Judgment – Wheel of Change Tarot

 

Wheel of Change Tarot
created by Alexandra Gennetti
Published by Destiny Books, 1997
ISBN #0-89281-609-0

The Book says: When Judgement is part of your reading, it serves to remind you to let go of your negative judgements and criticisms of yourself and others. These opinions are based on your preconceived ideas of how the world should be, and they trap you into a narrow vision of the world. Judgement is a reminder that only you are responsible for your actions. It is a symbol of a new awakening and awareness that allows you to begin again with freedom in every moment. It is the representation of a new sunrise and a new light being born from the creative darkness of the inner life. Judgement symbolizes the birth of something original and the recognition of the newness and special qualities of each moment. Judgement is the symbol of the constant birth of the present out of the past, and the awareness of these changes and the constant creative movement of the world.

TarotHunter’s Theories: This card gives an impression of rebirth, of coming back into the light after swimming through the darkness of space and time. His arms are stretched out above his read, drinking in the warm and light of the beam framing him. The growth and abundance surrounding him are a refreshing change from the darkness and coldness of space. He has been reborn, passed through the darkness and aloneness to return to the warmth and light.

The surrounding landscape, resembling a woman’s body, brings to mind the sense that the Earth is our mother and that we are all born from her. And the man’s nakedness also reminds us that we are offered this chance to start again and to renew ourselves. We are cleansed and given a new start. We can leave all that darkness, sadness, aloneness behind us and embrace the world which surrounds us. We can decide to become part of that world and celebrate its gifts.

This Judgment card is about releasing the past, the negative energy and the wasted regrets. It is about forgiving ourselves and allowing ourselves to emerge cleansed and whole on the other side. We have been there and done that and now it is time to start anew. We can be bathed in the radiance of the light, or perhaps our beam of radiance is finally ready to join the radiance of the cosmos. We can free ourselves of the self-critical judgments that have held us back and allow ourselves to rejoice in the light and joy of a new beginning.

Soul sickness by association

What do you do when you learn something about a family member that is so horrific and shocking that it shatters you? How do you pick up the pieces and move forward again? How can you repair the collateral damage it creates in your life? Can you ever again be in the presence of that family member? Do you share this information with other loved ones? I don’t know the answers to this litany of questions but I am about to start exploring my way through this thorny, nasty thicket.

The other day while talking with a childhood friend, she revealed something quite disturbing about a relative. I had often suspected that there was some shady and extremely negative in this relative’s behavior. In fact my hubby and I had even shared our suspicions with each other on several occasions. I genuinely thought I knew this relative and that nothing, no matter how vile, could surprise me. Well I have been proven wrong. My friend shared a past incident about this relative which completely shattered me. It left me feeling ragged, raw and reduced to tears. I still feel physically ill.  It revealed a darkness and depravity of which I had not believed this person capable. What makes me even sadder is that my friend holds herself responsible for what occurred and I can tell it’s destroying her up inside.

Without getting into details, because in this instance they don’t really matter, I feel the need to focus on the soul sickness that results from these types of incidents and how I plan to begin the healing process. What surprises me the most about this situation is that I understand how my friend feels. When she shared the incident with me I felt shame and blame – guilt by association. Have you ever experienced something like that?  You learn something about a relative, something which you could not have prevented even if you knew at the time, but feel as though you carry some of the blame? I feel as though I should have done something to protect this friend. I had an idea of the damage this relative was capable of inflicting on others, I knew my friend was in a vulnerable state at that point. Yet I did nothing to try to stop them from hanging out together. In my mind I realize that even if I had tried to prevent it, the odds are it would not have worked. My heart and my soul are finding this harder to accept.

Dark Goddess Tarot Moon/Arianrhod Dark Goddess Tarot 4 of Earth/Sphinx

So as an effort to start my healing process, and maybe help my friend with hers, I asked the Arianrhod (The Moon) from the Dark Goddess Tarot for guidance. I needed to know how to deal with having my illusions (or delusions) about this family member destroyed. Arianrhod sent me The Sphinx (4 of Earth). Her message to me was that it was time to face the harsh truth of this matter because trying to run from it does no one, especially me, any good. So I asked The Sphinx for some advice on facing this harsh truth. She offered me Temperance reversed and the Queen of Wands.

Hudes Temperance 34

The message these cards had for me struck my spirit immediately. Temperance reversed is telling me not to lose sight of the fact that my inner spirit is pure and carries no taint of blame. However, it also reminds me that a purification and cleansing ritual might help me and my friend feel better. I need to look deep within myself and embrace the reflection that shines back. She has nothing to do with this family member’s actions and behaviors. She couldn’t have stopped any of it but maybe she can help my friend find some healing too. The Queen of Wands reminds me of my warrior spirit. She is fierce in defense of those she loves and merciless to those who harm her loved ones. In this instance the harmer happens to be someone that is a family member and was once loved. That betrayal makes it so much worse but she is strong. She has survived harsh and painful experiences before and she can do it now. The pain will recede and she will emerge from the fire feeling stronger and tempered. That also ties in with Temperance’s energy and reminds me that what doesn’t kill us does make us stronger. I know it’s a cliché but that doesn’t make it any less accurate – at least for me. If I let this beat me than that family member has won. The damage caused all those years ago will finally prove fatal. I refuse, defiantly and assertively, to let that happen.

I’m sharing this in the hopes that anyone else out there who has gone through a similar shattering revelation or experience can find some support and comfort. You’re not alone. Don’t take the shame, blame and stain of the offender into your own soul. We are not our brother’s, sister’s, father’s, mother’s or anyone else’s keeper. Their actions and behaviors do not reflect upon us. Don’t let it make you soul sick.

I’ve learned much to my dismay that these types of people are rather sociopathic and very manipulative. They find our weaknesses and exploit them. There is no shame in being vulnerable, we’ve all been vulnerable at some point in our lives, especially as children. Don’t let it define you or damage you for the rest of your days. Fight it, explore that darkness and let yourself come out healed and whole on the other side. Remember that their darkness is not yours to carry and believe that you are worthy of love, forgiveness and wholeness.