Tag Archives: Envy

Envy, greed & lust – sins for a 21st Century Devil

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Dark Goddess Devil Tlazolteotl

For some reason the other day I found myself pondering the sin of envy. I’m not really big on thinking about sins but the more I thought about it the more convinced I became that envy might just be the worst of the batch. When I think of the acts that envy has caused individuals and societies to commit, it reinforces this perception. I suppose none of the seven deadly sins are especially pleasant, sloth, gluttony, pride, and wrath don’t seem to wreak the havoc that greed, lust, and envy do. To me, greed and lust seem to be different shades of envy. We become greedy because we envy what others have and we don’t. Lust, although often sexual in nature, is also a sin triggered by what we see others have and we envy and lust for their possessions or relationship. In fact in many situations we use lust almost interchangeably with envy.

I also think envy has grown more predominant in our society lately. As television, social media and a 24-hour news cycle makes the world a smaller place, we are also more aware of what we don’t have in our own lives. Beginning with shows such as Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous and continuing with such media darlings as Keeping Up with the Kardashians, we are continually exposed to lives which can most likely never achieve ourselves. At the same time we realize that these people are not better than us. This may result in feelings of envy because we find it difficult to accept that they deserve what they have and that we deserve to have more. Instead of being satisfied with our lives and what we have, we grow envious. We lust for what we see others have and become greedy to have more “things” in our own lives.

Blue Rose Tarot 9 of Pentacles

The term consumer society is often tossed around to describe our current society. It is predicated on the need to generate envy, lust and greed. We won’t buy new things if we don’t feel these emotions driving us to do it. How many of us must have the latest, greatest thing? Every time a new iPhone is released, people line up, sometimes for days, to be sure they’re among the chosen few to be blessed with this latest technological innovation. I can count the people I watched get rid of televisions that worked fine in order to acquire the latest in flat screen technology. People update their computers for no other reasons than a new model is available. Many people no long own cars, they lease them and upgrade them every two years.

Legacy of the Divine 4 of Coins

It’s as though we’ve been primed and programmed to be dissatisfied with our lives. We’re told the only way to heal this dissatisfaction is to buy new things. We let envy, greed & lust push us to spend more than we can afford in pursuit of an illusory goal. I am as guilty of this kind of behavior as anyone else but my envy, greed and lust are focused more on books and Tarot decks. I see images of other Tarot reader’s decks and am suddenly filled with lust to own a copy for myself. Then once I get it, I rarely work with it. The lust, greed and envy overwhelm me and once they’ve been satiated, I no longer have an interest in the object of desire.

Bohemian Gothic Devil

Much of this reminds me of The Devil card. We are chained, trapped and imprisoned by envy. We allow our greed and lust to control our behaviors and then try to project them on an external source. We keep reaffirming our addiction by falling into the same pattern of conspicuous consumption and consumerism.

Dark Goddess Tower Kali

In an effort to kill this particular devil and break free of these chains, I’ve decided to change my pattern. I’m going to commit to making September a no purchase month. Instead of purchasing anything new during the month of September, I am going to “shop my closet”. I’m going to look over what I already own – books, Tarot decks, clothing and actually put them to use. Rather than add to the mess of my already cluttered life, I’m going to start paring back. I’m going to review my possessions and either use it or prune it. I’ve had books in my collection for 15 years and I haven’t read them yet. If that’s the case then I have to assume I’ll never read it. If a Tarot deck does not ignite a warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart, then it needs to be released to find a new home. Clothes that no long fit or were never really “me” will be given or thrown away. Once I get rid of the extraneous things that envy, greed and lust convinced me to buy, I can get to the core of who I truly am and what I really want to do with my life. Somehow I doubt buying more stuff will aid this process at all.

Jealousy/envy – When it seems someone else is living your dream

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Have you ever had a moment when you become filled with envy listening to a friend gushing over some recent bit of good fortune? Have you ever wanted to shriek with fury because you’re listening to your dream come true for someone else? Then you feel awful because instead of feeling happy for your friend, you are letting envy taint the moment? I have and it’s a horrible feeling. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth and (if you’re anything like me) feeling like a lousy, rotten friend.

I’ve noticed that the green-eyed monster tends to rear its ugly head when I am feeling especially unspecial in my own life. It’s when I feel trapped, unsuccessful and unproductive that I am most likely to succumb to envy. It’s a sympathetic, seductive bitch of an emotion. It preys on insecurities and self-doubts. It convinces you that as long as your friend (or anyone else) is successful you can never be. It convinces you that there is only so much pie to go around and if your friend is enjoying a big slice then you won’t get any for yourself.

Of course none of this is true. However the strength of envy is that it doesn’t deal in reality it deals in illusion and self-doubts. It undermines our self-esteem and self-worth. It strikes when we are at our weakest. It sucks and makes a lousy period in your life even more lousy. So what can a person do about this? Not really sure, all I can describe is how I deal with it.

The first step that I find helpful is to acknowledge that I’m feeling envy. Sometimes I’ll even admit to the friend that it’s happened. That seems to take the fangs out of it. Then I need to look at my life and see what triggered the envy. Once I can see that more clearly I can figure out ways to diffuse the envy. Many times acknowledging the envy is the best solution. If that’s not enough then sometimes journaling through it or talking to a friend helps too.

For me, the best way to alleviate the envy is to find ways to feel more accomplished or satisfied in my own life. Focusing on the little things that make me happy – tea, friends, books. Other times I find that something like a gratitude journal or simply writing down a list of things I’m grateful for help improve my mood and attitude. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have in my life (which is often what triggered my envy in the first place), I focus on what brings joy into my life. It’s a simple, small step but I’ve found it’s very powerful.

Shadow Side Saturday: When resentment and envy lead to bullying and ostracism?

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I’ve noticed a somewhat disturbing trend among some police procedural shows – especially ones like Cold Case and Criminal Minds – very often the victim of the crime was a shining spirit, a unique and special individual. It’s as though they are sending a subtle (or maybe unsubtle) message that to be special, to rise above the average is worthy of punishment. It’s reminiscent of slasher flicks in which the rowdy, promiscuous and out of control teens are killed but the virginal “good girl” is spared.

You can see this message reinforced on any schoolyard in the country (maybe even the world); the mob mentality. Whenever a child is different – smarter, “nerdy”, awkward, vulnerable, the pack turns on that child. They mock and ostracize the child. Some children learn to adapt and blend in order to survive. Others suffer and eventually snap resulting in horrific situations like Columbine or suicide. There are some who endure, convinced that they will reap the benefits of their unique gifts as they grow older. They are often called adaptive children. They can look at the most horrific situations and see the silver lining.

I sometimes ponder if this type of attitude towards those who are different is because they hold up a mirror to us and we don’t like what we see.  In work situations, I’ve often seen it when a new employee full of new ideas and enthusiasm runs smack into the wall of apathy and dissatisfaction sometimes found in long-term employees.  The newcomer is mocked and derided for being so optimistic.  What is wrong with hopefulness and optimism?  Nothing, unless you have already jettisoned yours.  Why do resent someone else’s success?  Because we see it as a negative commentary on our current status.  Are we not as successful because we didn’t try as hard?  Is it really all about being in the right place at the right time or knowing the right people?  I’m not sure.  What I know is that I often feel an initial flash of resentment and envy at someone else’s good fortunes.  It doesn’t last and I usually acknowledge it but that doesn’t stop it from occurring.

Sometimes even the targets of this type of bullying can become bullies and ostracize peers if the circumstances are right. Have you ever seen a group of artistic students who mock the jock who wishes to participate in their activity? Or the “nerds” who mock the popular beauty queen? Is this a defense mechanism or revenge for past moments of ostracism? I’m not sure. This is certainly a much more complex topic than I can address within the confines of this blog.

What I do know is that I’ve caught myself doing it. When I attend events like the Tarot School’s Readers Studio, I have noticed that the larger the group, the most I self-select with whom I interact. I become more clique-ish and clubby. If I catch myself doing this I often make efforts to stop the behavior but it is usually so unconscious that I don’t realize it. It’s not an aspect of my personality of which I am proud. In fact It’s something I wish to minimize or eliminate altogether.

I would like to challenge anyone reading this blog post – let’s eliminate this tendency to mock or ostracize those who are different from us. Children are not the only ones who bully – adults are just more subtle about it. Let’s try to minimize this shadow in the world and teach children by our own examples. Reach out to someone who is different from you. Who knows maybe you’ll learn something transformative from them.