I’m honoring my true self by conserving my resources; not giving go much of myself away. At the same time I’m learning to value myself and what I bring to the table. Instead of treating my gifts and knowledge as worthless, I’m beginning to appreciate how worthwhile they truly are.
I’m learning to see within myself more clearly and in a more balanced way. I still have biases and preconceived notions that skew my view but I’m more aware of them. It’s still a struggle but I’m more willing to fight the good fight so that I can honor and value my true self.
How are you feeling trapped? How did you get to this point? What is your next step?
I trapped myself into believing I would always be a student, never confident enough to practice or teach. Instead, I convince myself I still have more to learn. I don’t have faith in my skills and knowledge, too afraid to put myself out there.
I don’t value or nurture my own intellect. Instead I pretend I have nothing new to offer. Instead of trying to share my unique insights and thoughts and communicating them to interested parties, I downplay it; denigrate it; treat it as if it’s nothing special.
My next step is to change these things. To paraphrase line from Mad Max:. Beyond Thunderdome, I need to break a deal and spin the wheel. I need to break free from this mindset that undermines my confidence and prevents me from recognizing my gifts. I need to create magick in my life; break the curse under which I’ve placed myself. No one else can do it for me.
What are you concealing from others? Is the decision to do so empowering or weakening?
I often conceal aspects of my personality from others. It’s a defense mechanism and way to avoid unnecessary conflicts. I detest pointless arguments so I tend to avoid discussing politics (especially these days), sports etc. Temperance reversed also suggests I hide aspects of my personality from myself because in some calculation methods, Temperance is one of my birth cards. I think I’m more well-rounded and blended than I admit. There are hidden depths to my psyche (despite my glib claim to being as deep as a babbling brook).
The reversed 5 of Wands reinforces the point that hiding elements if who I truly am is a pointless endeavor; an effort in futility. On one hand I may not be as discreet as I like to think. On the other hand, why bother? At this point in my life being true to myself is more important than fitting in, not that I’m usually that successful at it.
How are you undervaluing yourself? What can you do in order to get what you deserve?
Hmm, it appears that I don’t appreciate things at which I have some expertise or mastery. I might have mentioned several times in the past that I often view my accomplishments as something easily dismissed as not difficult to achieve. I think that’s the message the reversed King of Wands is giving me – undervaluing my skills equals undervaluing myself. Not appreciating what I’ve accomplished in my life makes it seem as though I don’t count; have little to offer.
The reversed Six of Pentacles shows that although it’s nice to be generous, giving away too much undermines the worth of my skills and gifts. Unfortunately many people associate value with cost; being overly generous with my gifts sends the message to others that my skills are of little value. If I don’t value my gifts and skills, consider them worthy, then how can I expect others to do so?
What is the state of your creative life? How can you foster it?
My creative life has gone down the sewer, drifted away like an unwanted toy boat. Okay, maybe that’s a bit over the top. However, looking at the image on this card reminds me of the opening scene of It when little Georgie Denbrough chases his toy ship along the sidewalk. It disappears into the sewer and Pennywise appears, snatching Georgie. Could Georgie have avoided Pennywise if he wasn’t so desperate to reacquire his boat? Could I rediscover my creative life if I was willing to explore new ideas & methods; if I didn’t cling to what I knew before? I’m guessing the answer is “Yes”!
Temperance again! Obviously forging a new path blending past pleasures and current obligations is the option for me right now. I’ve known this for some time, but the truth is I need to make sure I carve out time for myself. I need to actually use all of the creative tools at my disposal and not just add to the collection. I need to accept that it’s healthy and beneficial to make time for myself if I want to stay sane.
How aware you of all of your different selves? How can you best honor and/or integrate them into your life?
I’m very aware of my different selves. I would say I’m the master of them but that would be quite an overstatement. I can say that I’m comfortably familiar with the ones I know and well aware there may be a few more waiting to be introduced. I’d hate to think that I am now all that I will ever be.
As for integrating them into my life, well, clearly I need to dance to the beat of my own drummer. I have to listen to the music that lives in my heart, creating moves that blend my current selves with any potential future selves. I need to learn to incorporate that which is and that which is becoming. Easy to say, perhaps not so easy to do but I look forward to the challenge.
Which of your creative gifts are lying dormant? How might you awaken them?
All of my creative gifts are dormant right now because I don’t have faith in them; I’m afraid to express them. One of my biggest challenges has always been to recognize my gifts and accomplishments. I fell into the mindset of believing that if I am good at something, gifted with a skill, then it mustn’t be that difficult. I also resist exploring unfamiliar territory. If I don’t think I can do something well the first time, I avoid trying it. This has limited me in a variety of ways and us something I’d like to move beyond.
I think one I’ve the ways I can awaken these dormant, unexplored creative gifts is to take breaks for myself. I recently decided to spend 15-30 minutes everyday in a mini-retreat. I will spend the time journaling or crafting, listening to music and meditating. This will enable me to shake myself loose from current, stifling patterns. I think this will help me reconnect to existing creative gifts and discover new ones.