Is there an area in your life in which you are hesitant to stand out? Why?
If course there is! Don’t we all have an area in which we’re hesitant to stand out? No? Okay, maybe it’s just me.
Looking at these cards gave me a chuckle. The first thought that streaked across my mind is that I’m reluctant to share my happy marriage with other people (which wasn’t what I expected). It’s not that I’m afraid people will get jealous, although that certainly part of it, it’s that I’m very protective and defensive of certain elements of my private life. Hence the appearance of the 7 of Wands.
Quite frankly, I am very lucky in the man that I married. He encourages my weirdness, celebrates my intelligence and has no problem poking fun at me when my ego gets too big for itself. He is also fiercely proud of the fact that I don’t take crap from anybody. I honestly think I may have found the perfect husband for me.
At the same time, he does not ever want to be shared online in any way, shape, or form. he has been known to threaten friends and relatives with death if they post photos of him on Facebook. It’s also one of the reasons I rarely mention him by name in any of my posts.
Well, now I’ve done what I have always been hesitant to do. I guess it wasn’t as hard as I feared.
How are you exploring your subconscious? Why might it be a good idea to seek a connection with it?
Ironic that I drew The Empress in response to this; for many years I had quite a hostile relationship with her. Perhaps, like a lot of abused children, in an effort to avoid feeling powerless I identified with the abuser. I think I already had a well-developed Yang personality. Add in the perceived weakness of the women in my life and it was almost inevitable that to feel strong I expressed traditionally masculine attitudes and behaviors. Now, in order to explore my subconscious I need to follow a more Yin, feminine path.
This unfamiliar, to me anyway, path can help me become whole; learn to blend my outer Yang and inner Yin. It will help me heal and become more comfortable, more at home in my own skin. The truth is that I will always be assertive, forceful, quick to express my opinions and somewhat obnoxious. Diplomacy and tact are not really in my repertoire. Soothing the feelings of others rarely occurs to me but I suppose it’s never too late to learn. The first step is to embrace the belief that Yin energy is just as powerful and strong as Yang energy. Maybe it’s time to accept that I don’t need to be so defensive. I can let my guard down a bit (just a bit) and let a select, trusted few within the perimeter.
TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:
- Happiness, joy and emotional satisfaction are amazing but not static. Remember that clear communication is essential to maintaining this state.
- Just because thing are good right now doesn’t mean you should ignore warning signs you receive. The assumption that things will always stay the way they are right this minute is a fallacy.
- Be cautious and careful about what goes on behind your back. Many smart people have been caught off guard because they left their flank unprotected. Think of the times we’ve seen people brought low right after their greatest triumph, their happiest moment. Don’t take your happiness and emotional satisfaction for granted.
She looked at the man, surrounded and exhausted; his energy waning and yet still he had hope. His heart still yearned and his fire remained unquenched. He still offered her his heart.
It was time to let him in, to lower her defenses and see where this partnership could take them. They were strong willed, fiery, passionate people. It might not be an easy journey but it would certainly be exciting!
TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:
- You are clinging to illusions, to fantasies about yourself and your life. You think you are free and unencumbered but in truth, you are being willfully foolish.
- You have finally stopped deluding yourself; that is in your past. You can now move towards your future with hope, faith in yourself and a child-like wonder at what the future might hold.
- Things are hidden from you right now; you can’t see the entire picture because shadows obscure important facets of it. Believe in yourself and that you can accomplish what you want and overcome challenges thrown your way but be wary and cautious about what remains unknown.
Several years ago I attended a workshop in NYC lead by Rachel Pollack (quite frankly if I had the ability I’d attend any workshop Rachel facilitates). The focus of the class was how we approach relationships. My card was the 7 of Wands. Looking at the image on the card I realized that it pretty much does describe my approach to relationships in general, not just romantic ones. I fiercely defend my perimeter and only let in those who have proven to be worthy.
When I first met my hubby, I was a prickly defensive, cranky bitch (oh who am I kidding, I still am all those things). I only had a small circle of friends because I didn’t trust many people. In fact I was more than willing to cut friends and even family off if they violated one of my “rules” or offended me in some way. Usually it wasn’t something petty (or at least I didn’t think so at the time) but what I considered betrayal or disloyalty. Of course in retrospect some of those issues do seem petty. The point is that I learned to shore up my defenses because I had enough experiences that supported my belief that it was essential.
I love seeing thins in mythic terms so I often describe myself as a Briar Rose (aka Sleeping Beauty) type. Not because of the fairy godmothers or sleeping thing but because she was surrounded by a thick hedge of sharp, twisted thorns. For someone to get through that hedge he or she had to be focused, determined and a fighter. Perhaps this is the same reason I’ve always felt a connection to the myth of Brunhilde the valkyrie. I understand and sympathize with her fury at learning she was betrayed by Sigurd. I would have sought vengeance too. For that matter I understand Betty Broderick’s actions too. These are women who are forced into violent responses because they have been betrayed by the men in their lives. They are defending their home, their family, their heart, their integrity. I’m not necessarily defending their responses, but I do understand them.
I have learned to lower my defenses occasionally. I realized that I can always raise those defenses later on if it became necessarily. It was not easy and involved me fighting against a lot of instinctive and unconscious behaviors. The first step was literally training myself to look at incidences when my defenses flared up and explore what triggered them. I also considered what might have happened had I been more open. In some cases I’m convinced my instincts were right. In others I believe they caused me to miss out on an experience, event or friendship that might have enriched my life. I think that was the final impetus to change my stance. It’s one thing to be protective of one’s boundaries but when they become isolationist and start preventing one from enjoying new experiences and friendships then changes are probably in order. Lots of introspective Tarot readings helped me work through this (although to be honest I got a lot of repeat answers – the Tarot’s way of telling me I wasn’t paying attention).
As a result of this work I am not quite so isolated and unapproachable. I like to believe I can still rise to my own defense if the occasion calls for it. I feel safe and secure in my life, my body and in my ability to protect and defend my boundaries. That was not the case in my childhood and it caused me to developed very well established and fiercely guarded personal boundaries. Maybe I’m finally moving from the 7 of Wands approach to relationships to the 9 of Wands. I know I can rest, lay down my weapons and allow others to draw close. What a relief!