#ChattingwithTarot – Queen of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles + 8 of Swords Rx (#Dreamkeepers #Tarot)

My ancestors are being a bit obscure today. I’m not really sure I’m fully grasping their message but this is what I’ve gotten out of it so far.

The only way to fully embrace who I am and what I want to be is to release sense of being entrapped by obligations I didn’t chose. If I want to free myself from the weight and responsibility that weighs me down, I need to change how I perceive them. At the same time, I need to accept that I have chosen to these obligations, even when they prove inconvenient. I need to be careful not get so caught up in my own mind that I trap myself even further. I keep seeing a prison when the only bars that exist are in my mind.

I think this is my ancestors giving me a gentle nudge to remind me that I’m not really trapped, imprisoned. Yes, some of my options are quite limited right now, however, that doesn’t mean that I can’t make choices and engage in activities that will alleviate that sense of oppression. Perhaps it’s also a reminder to focus on the things I have in my life that a good and fulfilling and stop focusing on what I perceive as lacking.

#ChattingwithTarot – 10 of Pentacles, 2 of Swords + 5 of Swords (#Dreamkeepers #Tarot)

Today’s chat with the ancestors was a bit of a scolding; a chiding if you will. They’re reminding me that lately I feel like I want to climb out of my own skin; I want to escape from all the stuff in my life – responsibilities, possessions, obligations.

The small figure climbing out if the town in the 10 of Pentacles is facing the blindfolded figure on the 2 of Swords. This suggests she has no clear idea what her next move should be. My ancestors are reminding me that in addition to having a plan, I need to find balance in my life. This is been a recurring theme for the past few months, at a minimum. I think they’re getting a little frustrated with my lack of action in this area.

I think the 5 of Swords is showing me that I sometimes feel trapped in a no win situation but that only remains true if I continue to resist making changes. I keep viewing this as an all or nothing scenario but that isn’t true. If I can make changes in baby steps it should reduce my frustration levels and my need for flight.

#ChattingwithTarot – Page of Oyster, 5 of Oysters Rx + 3 of Peppermills (#Wonderland #Tarot)

Today’s tea & chat with the ancestors produced a rather encouraging response.  I really needed an upbeat and supportive message today.

So, my message from my ancestors:  “The world is your oyster if you’re willing to take the chance.  It’s time to let go of what has held you back in the past; stop focusing on a poverty mindset.  It’s not about what you have or don’t have, it’s about what you do with what you’ve got.  Stop hiding who you are, cowering behind the curtain  and peeking out as life passes you by  Just jump into the thick of it and get moving!”

#ChattingwithTarot – Queen of Hats Rx, Knight of Oysters Rx + 4 of Oysters (#Wonderland #Tarot)

Today, over a cuppa @HarneyTea Elyse Blend, I had a chat with my ancestors asking for insight and guidance. Here are their words of wisdom:

“Stop talking through your hat and plodding around in circles. No matter how hard you try, you can’t keep things in stasis. Life is all about change and you can’t prevent it, only control how it impacts your life. So listen to your heart, plot a course that allows you to feel comfortable and grounded, and get moving!”

On being an outlier

I’m an outlier, an outsider, an oddball. I often don’t fit in even with groups to which I feel I belong. There is just something under my skin that become itchy when I try to fit in; be part of the group. I often joke that my motto is “Whatever it is, I’m against it” (thank you, Groucho Marx). In reality, it isn’t a joke. Even when it comes to opinions and stances which I share, I can’t help but argue the opposite position if I feel too many have jumped on the bandwagon. I don’t like to feel that I’m part of the majority opinion.  As Groucho also once said, “I wouldn’t want to join a club that would have me as a member.”

I’m not sure why I am this way but I tend to put it down to my parents exhorting me when I was a child not to do things simply because everyone else did. They encouraged me to trust my own opinions and not to be a follower. I may carry this a bit too far. This is both a blessing and a curse, allowing me to defend my positions despite others’ attitudes but also isolating me.

In order to get some clarity about this, I did a reading for myself.

Using the Wizards Tarot, I asked:

How does being an outlier serve me? Knight of Pentacles Rx
How does it hinder me? 2 of Cups Rx
What can I do with this information going forward? The Hierophant Rx

Being an outlier has been a way of protecting myself, of isolating myself before others could exile me. Of course, this also says a lot about some of the earlier relationships I had in my life. I did have occasions where those I believed were “friends” betrayed me or mocked me. It created a very weird dynamic and made me mistrustful and extremely cautious.

This mistrust and caution have also prevented me from forming closer friendships and emotional bonds. I do have friends but they are a small, select group. I don’t really do casual friendships which may explain why Facebook made me so twitchy. To paraphrase a friend of my hubby’s, if you haven’t seen me make a complete ass of myself at least once, you aren’t really my friend.

So, going forward I need to learn from these experiences; to be willing to use it as a learning opportunity. That doesn’t mean I have to change the way I am, simply that I should be more mindful and conscious of what I’m doing and why. Perhaps this will also serve as a tool for helping others who have similar issues.

#TarotDaily – Magician + 8 of Pentacles Rx (#WizardsTarot)

QotD: How can I feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin?  The Magician
What will challenge or support me in this?  8 if Pentacles Rx

I was watching a YouTube clip of the amazing Kelly Bishop performing “At the Ballet” from A Chorus Line. Watching her burlesque before the singing struck a chord with me. Sheila (Bishop’s character) is brash, ballsy and clearly terrified. She projects a confident, almost arrogant persona which is soon revealed to be a costume; an act. As I watched her I was struck by the thought that’s how I appear to people. I may try to portray myself as cocky and confident with a “don’t give a shit” attitude but the truth is I’m far from that.

I learned to don that persona as an adolescent as a way to protect myself from the teasing and petty cruelties of other children. I won’t say that I was bullied but kids are kids and I was different. I was not good at fitting in simply because it didn’t occur to me. The end result was that I was often teased and mocked which made me defensive and aggressive. Over time I learned to laugh at myself but deep down I’m still that confused child who doesn’t understand how to fit in and why I’m different. So I burlesque; I create a stage persona and don her as needed.

At Readers Studio I’m considered a charter member of the “bad girls’ table” (a term I hate because it implies we’re misbehaving children when in reality we’re simply doing our own thing. I prefer the “wild women’s table but what can you do?). I can often feel myself slip into performance mode when interacting with people I don’t know. I’m uncomfortable in large groups so the protective coating feels necessary. Unfortunately, I also slip into character when I’m with friends. I think sometimes it’s become second nature to play the role. I’ve gotten better at realizing it but it’s still a work in progress. So I decided to ask the Tarot for some tips on working through this.

I had to smile when I saw these two cards appear. The message was at once simple and deep.  The only way I will feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin is if I will it to be so.  I am the Magician of my own reality; creator of my own magic.  The only thing blocking me is me.  All the training, experience and hard work I’ve invested in myself in the past will support me now.  I simply have to remember the lessons I’ve learned and not let the inner demons of self-doubt sidetrack me.  I’m not a child anymore.  All that past petty schoolyard cruelty can’t hurt me anymore unless I allow it.

#TarotDaily – Ace of Swords Rx + Ace of Cups (#WizardsTarot)

QotD: What is the best use of my time & energy today? Ace of Swords Rx
What challenge or supports me in this? Ace of Cups

How fun! So I need to not get so lost in my head, seeking answers in an intellectual, rational way. Instead, it’s time to listen to the wisdom of the heart; trust my intuition.

I think in a very real way this message is to stop resisting any psychic, intuitive abilities I have and instead embrace them.