Today while sharing a cuppa tea with my #ancestors. I asked for some advice & guidance. This was their reply:
I heard “You’re wasting time, hoping for the perfect opportunity. Stop futzing around and move forward. Trust that the direction in which you’re moving is the way you’re meant to go. You’ve done a lot of hard work; sown a lot of seeds; honed your skills. Now it’s time to real the benefits and embrace your achievements.”
QotD: How can I feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin? The Magician
What will challenge or support me in this? 8 if Pentacles Rx
I was watching a YouTube clip of the amazing Kelly Bishop performing “At the Ballet” from A Chorus Line. Watching her burlesque before the singing struck a chord with me. Sheila (Bishop’s character) is brash, ballsy and clearly terrified. She projects a confident, almost arrogant persona which is soon revealed to be a costume; an act. As I watched her I was struck by the thought that’s how I appear to people. I may try to portray myself as cocky and confident with a “don’t give a shit” attitude but the truth is I’m far from that.
I learned to don that persona as an adolescent as a way to protect myself from the teasing and petty cruelties of other children. I won’t say that I was bullied but kids are kids and I was different. I was not good at fitting in simply because it didn’t occur to me. The end result was that I was often teased and mocked which made me defensive and aggressive. Over time I learned to laugh at myself but deep down I’m still that confused child who doesn’t understand how to fit in and why I’m different. So I burlesque; I create a stage persona and don her as needed.
At Readers Studio I’m considered a charter member of the “bad girls’ table” (a term I hate because it implies we’re misbehaving children when in reality we’re simply doing our own thing. I prefer the “wild women’s table but what can you do?). I can often feel myself slip into performance mode when interacting with people I don’t know. I’m uncomfortable in large groups so the protective coating feels necessary. Unfortunately, I also slip into character when I’m with friends. I think sometimes it’s become second nature to play the role. I’ve gotten better at realizing it but it’s still a work in progress. So I decided to ask the Tarot for some tips on working through this.
I had to smile when I saw these two cards appear. The message was at once simple and deep. The only way I will feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin is if I will it to be so. I am the Magician of my own reality; creator of my own magic. The only thing blocking me is me. All the training, experience and hard work I’ve invested in myself in the past will support me now. I simply have to remember the lessons I’ve learned and not let the inner demons of self-doubt sidetrack me. I’m not a child anymore. All that past petty schoolyard cruelty can’t hurt me anymore unless I allow it.
How might self-discipline give you more freedom? What would be a way for you develop that discipline?
Self-discipline would enable me to make more informed, practical decisions based in what I’ve achieved so far and what I plan to achieve in the coming years. I have a rather “shoot from the hip” approach to most matters. As a rule, this has worked just fine for me so I feel little incentive to change. This card suggests that planning things in advance and periodically taking stock might help me use my time and energy more effectively as well as recognizing how far I’ve come.
One technique that might help me in being more open to this approach is celebrating my victories when they occur. As much as I don’t take stock, I’m also not good at appreciating or valuing what I’m good at doing. I tend to take a dismissive approach to my own achievements. I’m not sure whether this is because I felt that highlighting my achievements would alienate me from other people or because I have self-esteem issues. What’s most likely is it is a combination of both. Having said that, maybe it’s time to embrace, honor, and celebrate my achievements. This certainly wood go a long way towards keeping me on track and being self-disciplined.
TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:
- Happiness, joy and emotional satisfaction are amazing but not static. Remember that clear communication is essential to maintaining this state.
- Just because thing are good right now doesn’t mean you should ignore warning signs you receive. The assumption that things will always stay the way they are right this minute is a fallacy.
- Be cautious and careful about what goes on behind your back. Many smart people have been caught off guard because they left their flank unprotected. Think of the times we’ve seen people brought low right after their greatest triumph, their happiest moment. Don’t take your happiness and emotional satisfaction for granted.
TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:
- You’re holding on too tightly; trying to retain things that are best let go. Instead of clinging desperately to what should be released, celebrate how much you loved and enjoyed it when it was yours. Share memories with friends and loved ones; focus on the happiness it brought.
- You’re functioning like the boy with his finger in the dyke trying to stave off the inevitable flood. It’s ultimately pointless and wasted effort. Remember that life is mutable and it’s more fun to focus your energies on celebrating the changes rather than stubbornly trying to prevent them.
- Take a rest, give yourself a break. You’ve put a lot of time and effort into manifesting something and now it’s in the past. Instead of fixating on how you could have done things differently, focus on enjoying it’s end. Have a drink or minor celebration in its honor.
TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:
- Look deep within yourself, in those dark places you prefer to avoid, and ask what is motivating your behavior right now? What is driving you on your current path?
- You spend a lot of time judging yourself and others. Why? What purpose does it serve? Perhaps the only thing you’re accomplishing by these actions is to smother your creative drive. Maybe it’s time to focus less on judging and more on creating & doing.
- You’ve let the negative judgments of others douse your creativity, your passion, your drive. Instead of listening to those critics – both inner and outer, refocus on what excites you, inspires you and ignites your creative juices.
TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:
- You’re haunted by past experiences; looking behind you and harshly judging yourself. Remember, despite the axiom, hind sight in not truly 20/20. When we revisit our past we often do so through the lens of our current narrative, which can alter our recollections.
- You are not valuing your accomplishments the way you should. Instead of appreciating them, you are lessening their weight; lightening how important they were. If you’re going to judge what you’ve achieved then do so with clear sight and logical mind. Don’t let self-doubt or the criticisms of others undermine you.