#ChattingwithTarot – 10 of Pentacles, 2 of Swords + 5 of Swords (#Dreamkeepers #Tarot)

Today’s chat with the ancestors was a bit of a scolding; a chiding if you will. They’re reminding me that lately I feel like I want to climb out of my own skin; I want to escape from all the stuff in my life – responsibilities, possessions, obligations.

The small figure climbing out if the town in the 10 of Pentacles is facing the blindfolded figure on the 2 of Swords. This suggests she has no clear idea what her next move should be. My ancestors are reminding me that in addition to having a plan, I need to find balance in my life. This is been a recurring theme for the past few months, at a minimum. I think they’re getting a little frustrated with my lack of action in this area.

I think the 5 of Swords is showing me that I sometimes feel trapped in a no win situation but that only remains true if I continue to resist making changes. I keep viewing this as an all or nothing scenario but that isn’t true. If I can make changes in baby steps it should reduce my frustration levels and my need for flight.

#TarotfromtheDarkSide – December 2018 Dark Moon Spread (#BohemianGothic)

What is revealed in the darkness this month?

How can I best work with this energy?

What must I be cautious about during this time?

What serves me about this energy?

Wow, this is very interesting to me. I have been thinking about focusing some of my blog posts on the dark side of Tarot and the human psyche in general, hence the #TarotAfterDark. This reading certainly seems to support this idea.

The reversed 5 of Wands suggests that it’s time to put my creative struggles behind me. I’ve found my niche and now I need to begin exploring it further. All those ghostly self-doubts and inner critic can’t hold me back anymore. It’s time to move beyond those spectral annoyances and explore my new domain.

The Sun – how ironic! I’m in my natural element in the dark; it’s my native milieu. I am a Leo sun sign so this card is even more appropriate and impactful. I have always connected more with solar energies than lunar ones and yet I am also drawn to the darker side of human nature. I love exploring the darkness. I even pursued a masters degree in forensic psychology because I wanted to learn what contributes to some of the less pleasant, more horrific elements of human nature and behavior. Maybe this focus will be my platform to share some of my explorations with other interested parties.

The Queen of Pentacles nudges me to be careful about continuing to care for myself; nurturing my creative energies and manifesting them in ways that don’t exhaust me. I sometimes jump into the deep end and don’t consider long term ramifications or burning out. I think the Queen of Pentacles reminds me to go slowly; be practical about how often I can post and how often I want to post. I want this to be fun and enjoyable not become one more fucking thing I gotta do.

The Star reminds me that this is a way to re-energize my connection to Tarot; an opportunity to further explore the relationship between Tarot cards and the human psyche. The Star also gives me hope that this is doable and may even be another tool in my healing journey. Perhaps (if this isn’t too arrogant) this work will allow me to be a beacon in the dark for others who feel overwhelmed or lost.

Who knows, this may turn out to be totally inaccurate but it makes me feel hopeful and excited and maybe at the end of the day that’s more important.

#TarotDaily – 6 of Swords + Temperance (#AllHallows)

What is the state of your creative life? How can you foster it?

My creative life has gone down the sewer, drifted away like an unwanted toy boat. Okay, maybe that’s a bit over the top. However, looking at the image on this card reminds me of the opening scene of It when little Georgie Denbrough chases his toy ship along the sidewalk. It disappears into the sewer and Pennywise appears, snatching Georgie. Could Georgie have avoided Pennywise if he wasn’t so desperate to reacquire his boat? Could I rediscover my creative life if I was willing to explore new ideas & methods; if I didn’t cling to what I knew before? I’m guessing the answer is “Yes”!

Temperance again! Obviously forging a new path blending past pleasures and current obligations is the option for me right now. I’ve known this for some time, but the truth is I need to make sure I carve out time for myself. I need to actually use all of the creative tools at my disposal and not just add to the collection. I need to accept that it’s healthy and beneficial to make time for myself if I want to stay sane.

#TarotDaily – The Star Rx + 8 of Cups Rx (#AllHallows)

What is waiting within you to be realized? What is your next step?

So! I got the High Priestess again. Clearly she has a message that I’m either ignoring or not understanding. Looking at the image on that card I’m struck by the sense of hidden knowledge; wisdom being contained until I’m capable of understanding and embracing it. It’s as if the High Priestess and her Crow are speaking to me but I don’t recognize their language.

The Star Rx is pointing out that I need to look inward. In order to learn the High Priestess’ language I need to understand myself. The truth is she isn’t blocking me from finally learning what she hides; she’s protecting me from more pain. Although I present myself as though the pain and trauma of my past doesn’t hurt anymore, I’m lying to myself. If I want to heal and move forward then I need to truly release that pain and not just ignore it.

My next step is to stop trying to walk away from my emotions. I can’t run fast or far enough to escape it. I need to face it head on; stop treating my sometimes brutal past as a punchline. The reality is that I did survive but there are scars – physical, emotional and psychological. They may not be visible anymore but their energy lingers.

#TarotDaily – The World Rx + 9 of Wands Rx (#AllHallows)

How can I connect with my inner child?

Well, I guess the best way to connect with one’s inner child is to focus inward and not let the world’s crazy or personal daily obligations weigh you down. Focusing on the darkness in the world or personal responsibilities that weigh us down only serves to suck the joy out of life. Sometimes it’s necessary, vitally important, even life saving to take a break and focus on yourself.

Now, of course, the same advice I would give to someone else applies just as much to me but I ignore it all the time. It’s starting to show – the wear & tear; the fraying around the edges. So I have to make a commitment to take small blocks of time for myself everyday. I need to re-acquaint myself with me. I need to reread all those wonderful SARK books I own. I need to browse Jennifer Louden’s Woman’s Comfort Book and Woman’s Retreat Book. I know I can do it if I focus. I’ve done it before. Sometimes being stubborn has it’s advantages.

#TarotDaily – Empress + 9 of Wands Rx (Radiant WS)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • You’ve been so busy nurturing and caring for others that you’ve burnt yourself out. It’s time to take a break and take care of yourself.
  • You’ve exhausted all of your energies and have nothing left to give. You’ve tried a variety of options and nothing has produced the desired results. Maybe it’s time to appeal to a higher power, seek assistance from a non-traditional source.
  • Despite the fact that you have many options to express your creativity and feel productive, you haven’t really done much. Your creative energies have dipped so low that you have nothing left. This would be a good time to treat yourself to some nurturing. Arrange a staycation or an at-home personal retreat for yourself.

#TarotDaily – Strength Rx + 9 of Staves Rx (#SacredBridges)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • You don’t believe you’re strong enough to endure, to complete this task, and you’re right. If you don’t believe you’re strong enough then you won’t be. However, if you have faith in yourself, success is much more likely.
  • Are you feeling tired and worn down? Have the last few months reduced you to a nub? Perhaps you need to give yourself a break and recharge those batteries! You can only run on empty for so long before permanent damage occurs.
  • Your inner strength and determination have served you well. You’ve made it this far and the finish line is visible. Dig into your reserves and keep moving forward. Remember that you’re doing this for yourself, not to impress anyone else.

#TarotDaily – Chariot Rx + Devil (Guardian)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • You can move forward in you journey until you’re sure the oath is clear. Right now you’re letting bad choices hold you back.
  • You may believe you can stop your addictive behaviors at any time but your current direction (or lack thereof) suggests otherwise. You can’t steer your course or even trust that you’re moving in the right direction if you can’t even tell you’re not moving.
  • Complaining that you can’t get anywhere in your life when you can’t see the forest for the trees is counterproductive. You can only move out of the shadows when you finally face them and admit they exist. It’s difficult to change things when you don’t admit there is a problem.

#TarotDaily – 10 of Cups Rx + 10 of Wands (Grand Luxe)

Tarot Hunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • It is challenging to find emotional fulfillment, have a happy home life, when one spends too much time burdened by job obligations. As the saying goes “Work to live, don’t live to work”.
  • Perhaps you feel an inner sense of emotional satisfaction and fulfillment when you help others with their burdens. Be careful not to weigh yourself down in the process.
  • Past emotional damage or an unhappy home life can become burdens we don’t even realize we’re shouldering. Take the time to work through and heal from that emotional pain before it buries you alive.

Passions – what makes life worth living

Passion, excitement, enthusiasm, joy.  The other day I realized how absent these emotions have been in my life lately.  While chatting with a friend about hobbies it hit me that I haven’t lost myself in any of my hobbies for quite some time.  I collect and play with Barbies and similar fashion dolls but I haven’t redressed a doll in over a year.  I collect and use Tarot decks but I haven’t really played with my decks the way I once did.  I have more books in my TBR pile than I can possibly finish in this lifetime.  I have a list of recipes I want to try but instead, default to the same 10  What the hell is wrong with me?  I’m not sure but I do have a few ideas.
During the conversation with my friend, I realized that I’ve suppressed my excitement and passion because it became painful.  Seeing others who shared my passions being able to explore and enjoy theirs while I was stuck in caregiver mode sucked.  It made me envious and bitter so I must have decided on some level that if I didn’t want to become a bitter, bitchy (okay, more bitchy) person then I needed to distance myself from online groups and boards or else my envy would chew me up and spit me out.
Unfortunately, that also meant that I dampened my affect across the board.  I stayed in a middle position to avoid letting the negative stuff overwhelm me but it meant I didn’t really enjoy the positive stuff either.  I think in clinical terms it might be considered depression.  Luckily I realized that it’s a situation depression and not due to anything major.  That means I could treat it on my own – because gods forbid I should see help for anything.  I’m kinda stubborn that way.  I like to blame it on my Capricorn Moon.
So what is my solution?  Nothing especially groundbreaking.  I made myself a promise that I would consciously choose to engage in some of my hobbies.  For example – I re-committed myself to posting my daily Tarot card pulls at least 4 times each week.  I promised myself I would post something to my blog once a week.  I am determined to journal at least once a week (but preferably more).  There are small, simple and doable steps that I know I can achieve.  Once I’ve consistently done these for a few weeks I’ll add more or change them.  I also want to start reading books on journaling and finding your life purpose but I’m not making that part of this commitment.  I have also promised myself that I won’t spend money on hobbies/crafts for which I already have a wide range of materials that I have not used yet (such as my coloring books and composition notebooks). 
None of this is especially innovative or mind-blowing.  It might not be amazing, impactful or especially transformative for anyone else.  For me, this was quite an epiphany.  Sometimes it the small wake up calls in life that have the most long-lasting and beneficial results.