#ChattingwithTarot – 6 of Swords Rx, 7 of Wands + 9 of Swords Rx (#WizardsTarot)

So, regular card of the day readings aren’t working for me. So I decided to take a slightly different approach and have a daily chat with my Tarot deck.

I got the idea during Rana George’s session on Lenormand at this year’s Divination Day prior to Readers’ Studio. She said she would never do a one card Lenormand reading because a Lenormand reading is like a sentence requiring a subject, verb and object or like a conversation. It needs more than just one card. So I took that concept and applied it to my daily readings for myself. It helps put me in a different frame of mind.

So I sat down with a cuppa tea, pulled three cards and this is the message I received:

Her message:. “Stop resisting change, moving on to the next phase. You’re fighting too hard to maintain the status quo; defending yourself from imaginary threats. The only demons are in your head and if you look at things clearly you’ll realize they don’t exist. Right now the only thing you need to defend yourself from are your own doubts.”

In the Shadow of the Selkie

Have you ever heard of the Scottish myth of the Selkie? It’s a tale of a mythical, shapeshifting seal woman who sheds her skin and turns into a beautiful woman. A man becomes enamored of her and steals her skin, hiding it where she cannot find it. As long as he possesses her skin, the seal woman cannot leave. They often live as a married couple, having children and seemingly content. Eventually, the seal woman’s yearning for the sea becomes too much and either the husband, who truly loves her, restores her skin to her so she can return to the sea or she finds it herself and leaves him and their children behind.

I find these stories and the dynamics they express are still present in modern relationships, both interpersonal and communal; as above, so below.

Have you ever observed or found yourself in a relationship in which you feel your spirit is being held, hostage? Perhaps you initially agreed to the dynamics of the relationship but over time they shifted or your needs did and you find yourself unable to break free? I often note this dynamic in relationships where one partner is financially dependant upon another – often whichever is the stay at home parent raising the children or engaging in other traditionally feminine roles. I’m not referring to a SAHM or SAHD who feel this is their life purpose and who are treated as equal partners in the relationship. I’m referring to those in which the stay at home partner is treated unequally and told things like “It’s my money and I’ll decide how it’s spent” (you know what I’m talking about). Or relationships in which the more financially secure and established partner threatens to take away the children or the home if the other partner leaves. Some wonder how a woman can leave her children behind but if she has been forced to bear these children and their father and society determine they are “his”, then perhaps they are really a symbol of her imprisonment. How awful must it be to find yourself forced to bear children for someone who is imprisoning you?

I see this dynamic on a national scale in the US since the attacks on Sept 11th. So many are willing to give up their autonomy, right to privacy and independence for the illusion of safety and security Some have given up their skins in pursuit of the illusion of being cared for by the government and as a result those of us who were not willing to give up our freedom is being forced to anyway. Our skins have been stolen by those in charge. That is such a risky proposition. I think it’s what has to lead us to the situation in which we currently find ourselves and if we don’t fight to reclaim our skins we may find we are never able to return to that place of autonomy and independence and that way lies dictatorship.

So I asked the Divine via the Tarot:

Where am I a Selkie in my own life? 9 of Sword
How is Selkie energy being expressed in people’s lives? Page of Swords
How can we reclaim our skins? Knight of Pentacles
What can the Selkie teach us? 8 of Wands

So, my take on this reading. The first thing I noticed is that there are no Majors present. That suggests that changing this situation is entirely within our control. It’s about using our wits, our minds backed by groundedness and passion. This isn’t a time to appeal to hearts because people’s hearts (in many instances) are filled with fear.

In my own life, I think it’s more a fear of finding myself in a Selkie-type situation rather than a reality. The truth is that I’ll never willingly give up my skin and, in fact, would fight to the death to reclaim it. I’m also not in a relationship with a man who feels the need to dominate me in any way. In fact, he values and supports my independence and snarkiness.

The Page of Swords suggests that Selkie energy is the result of insecurity and an inability to trust in ourselves. We’re not sure we can protect ourselves and are trusting in others to do it for us. It seems logical to trust in the government to put our best interest first but history has proven that is risky and often unrealistic. Especially if the reality is that we’re being terrified into abandoning our skins. We’re not children (well most of us) and need to take responsibility for ourselves and our safety. If we allow anyone else to take away our freedom, we doom ourselves to losing autonomy over our lives. Can we really trust someone who has either captured, imprisoned or brainwashed us to ensure our rights won’t be violated?

The Knight of Pentacles offers the hopeful message that we can reclaim our skins but it will be an uphill battle. We will need to be stubborn, determined and focused. We can’t lose our heads or allow ourselves to be distracted by extraneous matters. Whether this is at a national or personal level, we need to stay the course and be willing to make the sacrifices and take the risks necessary to achieve this goal.

The Selkie teaches us that nothing is stagnant. New ideas and beliefs, new inspiration and energy are constantly entering our lives. Even if certain circumstances fit our needs right now, that may not be the case down the road and we need to be willing to fight for ourselves, for our autonomy and for our ability to breathe free. We need to seize the moment and be willing to burn down the house if all other options are exhausted.

#TarotDaily – Temperance Rx + The High Priestess Rx (#WizardsTarot)

Today I wondered what lesson I need to learn? Where should I be focusing my energy? I drew:

I need to learn to balance my energy and focus more effectively; blend what I must do with what I want to do. It would also help if I listened to my institution, trusted my inner voice. The truth is I know what to do and how to do it but I need to listen and trust in my inner wisdom; the self-knowledge woven through my soul.

#TarotDaily – Magician + 8 of Pentacles Rx (#WizardsTarot)

QotD: How can I feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin?  The Magician
What will challenge or support me in this?  8 if Pentacles Rx

I was watching a YouTube clip of the amazing Kelly Bishop performing “At the Ballet” from A Chorus Line. Watching her burlesque before the singing struck a chord with me. Sheila (Bishop’s character) is brash, ballsy and clearly terrified. She projects a confident, almost arrogant persona which is soon revealed to be a costume; an act. As I watched her I was struck by the thought that’s how I appear to people. I may try to portray myself as cocky and confident with a “don’t give a shit” attitude but the truth is I’m far from that.

I learned to don that persona as an adolescent as a way to protect myself from the teasing and petty cruelties of other children. I won’t say that I was bullied but kids are kids and I was different. I was not good at fitting in simply because it didn’t occur to me. The end result was that I was often teased and mocked which made me defensive and aggressive. Over time I learned to laugh at myself but deep down I’m still that confused child who doesn’t understand how to fit in and why I’m different. So I burlesque; I create a stage persona and don her as needed.

At Readers Studio I’m considered a charter member of the “bad girls’ table” (a term I hate because it implies we’re misbehaving children when in reality we’re simply doing our own thing. I prefer the “wild women’s table but what can you do?). I can often feel myself slip into performance mode when interacting with people I don’t know. I’m uncomfortable in large groups so the protective coating feels necessary. Unfortunately, I also slip into character when I’m with friends. I think sometimes it’s become second nature to play the role. I’ve gotten better at realizing it but it’s still a work in progress. So I decided to ask the Tarot for some tips on working through this.

I had to smile when I saw these two cards appear. The message was at once simple and deep.  The only way I will feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin is if I will it to be so.  I am the Magician of my own reality; creator of my own magic.  The only thing blocking me is me.  All the training, experience and hard work I’ve invested in myself in the past will support me now.  I simply have to remember the lessons I’ve learned and not let the inner demons of self-doubt sidetrack me.  I’m not a child anymore.  All that past petty schoolyard cruelty can’t hurt me anymore unless I allow it.

#TarotDaily – Ace of Swords Rx + Ace of Cups (#WizardsTarot)

QotD: What is the best use of my time & energy today? Ace of Swords Rx
What challenge or supports me in this? Ace of Cups

How fun! So I need to not get so lost in my head, seeking answers in an intellectual, rational way. Instead, it’s time to listen to the wisdom of the heart; trust my intuition.

I think in a very real way this message is to stop resisting any psychic, intuitive abilities I have and instead embrace them.

I am Nobody

I am Nobody. Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us — don’t tell!
They’d banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Since first reading it, I have been drawn to Emily Dickinson’s poem “I am Nobody”. It speaks to me because I have often felt like a nobody. So I decided to pull a few Tarot cards to gain some insight. I decided to use the Allison M. Garcia Illustrated Blind Person Tarot that I discovered on Etsy.

Why do I feel like nobody? Queen of Cups Rx
How does being a nobody serve me? 10 of Wands
How does it hinder me? Knight of Wands
What would happen if I became somebody? 3 of Cups Rx

I love when Tarot does this, calls me on my bullshit. I feel like nobody because I don’t love myself or trust my insights and intuition. I’m afraid to connect to my deep, emotional nature because it leaves me feeling vulnerable and at risk.

Being nobody serves me by giving me something to grumble about; a burden to carry. It allows me to feel unfairly treated while allowing me to appear sacrificing and long-suffering.

It hinders me because as long as I cling to this delusion it will prevent me from finding my creative spark, my life calling. I’m meant to be active and charging forward. If I can’t channel it in creative, healthy, productive ways then it will find less beneficial ways to express itself.

If I became somebody then I will truly find people with whom to celebrate this joy, in a quiet, non-public way of course. I might alienate some but the odds are the are folks with whom I wouldn’t be simpatico anyway. Being somebody would allow me the freedom to celebrate my weirdness and quirkiness with fellow oddballs – like the Addams Family!

Curious that I drew two reversed Cups and two upright Wands for this reading. Considering how long it has taken me to appreciate Cups energy, I can’t say I’m thrilled to see them but clearly that attitude is part of the issue. Obviously my heart & spirit, my soul and spark are intertwined and if I can’t find the way to embrace both equally I’ll always feel like nobody.

#TarotDaily – Ace of Pentacles + 4 of Swords (#BohemianGothic)

What belief about yourself no longer serves you? With what can you replace it?

Maybe the belief that no longer serves me is that I still have a lot of unexpressed, untapped potential. The reality is that I’m in my 50s and while I don’t feel old my clock has probably passed the halfway mark. That doesn’t mean I can’t still achieve new goals however it does suggest I need to narrow those goals down to more realistic proportions.

I can replace these myriad goals with more genuine ones; ones that truly fulfill my heart, mind and soul rather than gratifying my ego. I think it’s time for some focused goal setting and practical planning; time to weed through the excess and get to the core of things. Then I can move forward with thoughtfulness and drive.