This is week two of my personal 52 week project. My goal is to do a weekly three card reading and post it to this blog. I plan to stick to it but, as we all know, sometimes life has other plans
My reading for this week: 1) What aspect of my life should I focus on this week? The Moon; 2) What will help me with this? 6 of Wands Rx; 3) What unseen factors impact this? The Empress Rx
So, the Moon shows that I need to listen to my subconscious and find what fascinates in mesmerizes me. I really love how the two figures on this card seem to be in thrall to the Moon and communicating with it on some level. I need to do the same, to trust my instincts and look deep within myself to reconnect and find the answers to this question. For so long I’ve done what I had to do, I’ve kind of lost sight of what brings me joy and fulfillment. Now would be a good time to dive deep and uncover those treasures.
The 6 of Wands reversed guides this transformation by helping me triumph over my self doubt and inner demons. It also shows that I need to reframe my achievement so they’re less about defeating things and more about exploring new terrain and overcoming my own fears.
The Empress reversed reinforces the six of Wands reversed by pointing out that my focus needs to be on tending my own inner landscape, nurturing myself and my creative spirit. For so long I’ve been forced to nurture and care for others and it’s left a bad taste in my mouth. I need to relearn that nurturing and nourishing is not a bad thing, not when it’s done willingly. I spent enough time expressing my Empress energy on others, now it’s time to focus that on caring for and nurturing myself.
So I know I’ve been missing for quite a while. Life’s been challenging but I want to get back into posting Tarot readings and other content to this blog and hopefully there’s still people out there who want to read it. So I decided to set a challenge for myself. I’m going to challenge myself to post at least one Tarot card reading a week for the next 52 weeks. For the most part they’ll be three card readings because those are just the types I prefer. This is my first entry.
I focused on “What will bring me joy this week?” “What will cause sorrow?” “What will help me balance between them?”
Temperance shows me that joy can come from moderation and finding the way to forge balance between my obligations (those things I must do) and my hobbies and interests (those things I want to do). It reminds me of the Serenity Prayer, and that I need to understand that certain things are just out of my control. No matter how much I try, I won’t make any headway with those. At the same, time there are steps I can take to try to change those circumstances. So, I need to focus on not causing myself stress by fighting against circumstances over which I have no control. I also need to allow myself to accept that it’s okay for me to have fun, even while dealing with these obligations. As the saying goes, all work and no play makes one a dull girl.
The 2 of Wands reversed speaks to me on two different levels. On a personal level, it’s pointing out that it’s okay to get frustrated over the fact that all my excitement over new adventures and new experiences is temporarily dashed. It doesn’t mean it’s forever, but at this point those goals are stymied. It’s also a reminder that I may see other people exploring new projects and opportunities and feel a little resentful because I’m in a holding pattern. Or, on a more macrocosmic level, I may see other projects that I don’t want to see come to fruition because I disagree with their goals or agenda. I just need to remind myself it’s okay to be said about all of that.
In between, the Page of Pentacles show that balance will be found in practical, grounded responses and reactions rather than my usual fiery and impulsive ones. I also think its reminding me to use this opportunity to learn more about myself and find ways to express my creativity and find fun in things I can do right now. It may be time to reacquaint myself with SARK.
So, I’m having a problem with a neighbor over a small piece of property that belongs to me. She, however, feels that it is part of her property and has decided to try staking her claim by putting a chair on my property as though marking her territory. She’s never directly confronted me. Although, when I questioned her about what she was doing on the property, she did become rather verbally aggressive telling me she would not speak to me, and I should call the police. So I did. Naturally, it proved futile because she still behaves as if it’s her property.
I was becoming very stressed out by this. Headaches, anxiety, nervous stomach all decided to pay me a visit. One consistent trait I possess is that I’m very outwardly expressive when it comes to anger, I don’t internalize it. I sometimes joke that if depression is anger turned inward, I won’t suffer from it because I prefer to turn my anger outward. This situation, however, was getting the best of me. So I decided to do something about it because it had become intolerable and unacceptable.
When I find myself in times of trouble, Tarot always comes to me. So I did what I always do when I need clarification, I pulled cards! First I asked the Morrigan (my Matron goddess) “What is my neighbor’s problem? Then I asked my husband “How should I handle this?” And finally I asked my ancestors for additional insight or clarification. Here are my answers;
The Morrigan showing me my neighbor’s problem as the King of Cups suggests to me that this woman would benefit from therapy. I’ve seen her in other circumstances and she becomes easily agitated and emotionally overwrought, disproportionate to the situation. She definitely gives off a vibe of an out of control neighbor who could easily cross the line into potentially harmful confrontations.
My husband sending me the Strength card as the answer to how I should handle this is just so true to who he was, and how he saw me. This is John sending me support, and letting me know that I’m strong enough to handle this. I shouldn’t let this get the best of me. I don’t need to become aggressive in this situation, I just need to stay calm, not lose my cool, and do whatever is necessary legally to make sure that this is cleared up.
The final card, additional insight from my ancestors, is the 8 of Wands. As soon as I saw this image the first thing I thought of was people plugging in to a tree or waterway (appropriate, as this property is along an arm of a lake). That made me think of restoring myself by plugging in to the nature that’s surrounds me. Letting myself just relax by watching the squirrels and the birds and the other critters coexisting on this property. When I shared this reading with two friends, they both also pointed out that it could also symbolize plugging into my support network and my community so that I know I’m not dealing with this alone.
This reading really helped me get a better handle and different perspective on this entire situation. I feel much calmer and much better able to handle it in a non-stress-inducing way. I’ve decided she can play all the games she wants and each time she puts that chair on my property I will remove it again. If she involves the police, I will just calmly explain that it’s my property and, unless she can prove otherwise, I’m going to remove anything on there that isn’t mine. In the meantime, I will figure out a way to put up a barrier or some type so she can’t access it anymore. Simple but clear steps that should prove effective.
I hope anyone reading this enjoyed the journey through my mini near breakdown. While I hope none of you need to deal with a similar situation, if you do, I hope this post will prove helpful in some small way.
ADDENDUM: I had a bit of an epiphany after posting this. 💡 I realized that although the King of Cups can indeed suggest that this neighbor would benefit from therapy; I think it’s also pointing out is that she is a master emotional manipulator. Now, that might not be the right interpretation for other people, but I have always had a problem with the suit of Cups. I would prefer to get Swords in a reading for myself over Cups any day (it’s my issue, I’m dealing with it). The point is, in my own readings, I often see the Cups Court cards as representing some type of emotional manipulation. As Mel Brooks said in History of the World, Part I “it’s good to be the king”. 👑 She enjoys the sense of power that playing these kinds of games gives her. To take away that power, I need to stop responding the way I have been. I need to remove myself from her little emotional games. I can’t believe I didn’t see that before! 🤦♀️
So, since my husband died I find myself trying to speak with him every night before I fall asleep. I ask him to give me some kind of sign that he’s still with me in some way and I’ve never gotten one. It frustrated me because I believe in the afterlife and in the soul traveling to the Otherworld after death; and I felt like I was being cheated. I was rather angry about it. It was bad enough that he died on me but now I had no connection, no sense that he was still there at all. Until the other night.
I dreamed I was in my house, not a house I have ever actually owned but I knew it was my house. I also knew that my husband was there. I’m not sure how I knew this because I couldn’t see or hear him, but I was sure he was there. I was getting ready for something but I don’t know what. Then I heard footsteps walking through the house and knew that it was John coming my way. He finally stood in the doorway where I could see him. I took one look at him and turned away towards the wall screaming in horror. I was so terrified that I woke myself up and began sobbing. The figure I saw standing in the doorway bore almost no resemblance to my husband and in fact reminded me more of a Frankenstein type monster. I was shaken by this dream for days afterwards.
So, I processed this dream the way I process anything that bothers me – I did a tarot reading. Using Sasha Graham’s Haunted House Tarot, I pulled 3 cards:
What is the dream telling me? Knight of Wands Rx
Why did my husband appear that way? The Wheel of Fortune Rx
What terrified me? Justice
After looking at these cards, this is my interpretation of this reading. The first sentence that popped in my head upon seeing the reversed Knight of Wands is from the original Planet of the Apes movie. Dr. Zaius warns Taylor to be careful what he looks for because he might not like what he finds. I think that’s what this card is showing me. I’m trying to reach out beyond the veil for some type of reassurance from my husband but now might not be the time for that. What I discover might be more disturbing than I’m ready to handle. I have no idea how time flows in the afterlife or how a human soul processes transitioning to that level. Perhaps the living aren’t supposed to know these things or at least I’m not supposed to at this time.
The reversed Wheel of Fortune tells me that John appeared the way he did because he’s not finished transitioning yet. He hasn’t fully adapted to his new reality and so he looks like an unfinished science experiment. At the same time I can’t help but feel touched and reassured that despite this he still reached out to reassure me because he always tried to do that.
Justice was a little trickier for me to interpret. It wasn’t until I looked at the actual image on the card that a connection was made. The dream terrified me because if I had been able to fully connect to my deceased husband I think it would have thrown me off balance; so off balance that there would have been psychological and physical health repercussions. The female figure in the forefront of the Justice card looks like an old fashioned nurse. This makes me think that as things are right now my health would be endangered and that’s what terrified me. My soul was protecting itself.
When I first woke up from the stream I was so upset and disturbed. It really shook me. However, upon further reflection it has calmed me and helped me move forward in my grieving process. I realize now it’s not that my husband doesn’t want to connect with me; it’s just not advisable right now. Just knowing that he was willing to make the attempt, even if it wasn’t ultimately in either of our best interests, is reassuring and reminds me how much he loved me. I know now that I will reconnect with him someday; if not in this life then in the next. That makes me feel lighter.
Last night I attended a Tarot Meetup at the fabulous Crystals of Quartz store here in Greenwood Lake. These monthly meetups are led usually by Meghan and Jem but this month Syd, who owns the store, was the co-facilitator. It was a lively Meetup filled with a very diverse group of women ranging from two very mature and insightful young ladies of 9 and 13, to us more allegedly mature types in our 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and eternal.
We did a few different spreads and got some interesting messages. The one I’m sharing and focusing on here is a new moon spread exploring “What is the new moon teaching me?” Using Sasha Graham’s wonderful Haunted House Tarot, this was my answer: 3 of Cups Rx, Ace of Wands Rx & King of Wands Rx
The first thing I noticed is that everything is reversed which suggests to me that these are all areas which I haven’t fully manifested yet. The second thing is that two of the cards are wands suggesting my inner fire has been dampened, perhaps by the water the figure in the 3 of Cups is submerged beneath (my grief). I also think what I’m learning is how to shift this current circumstance so that I can activate the energies of these cards.
The 3 of Cups Rx reminds me that even if I can’t embrace it right now, I do have friends ready, willing and able to provide emotional support for me as I process my new status in life. The Ace of Wands reminds me that no matter how much I might wish to douse my own candle (in a vague, apathetic way) that’s not who I am. That’s really not who I want to be and that’s not who my John would want me to be. I think the King of Wands shows me what lies in wait once I can activate the candle shown in the Ace. The woman in his arms is Queen Debbie who was part of the ruling couple. Now she is morphing into a King in her own right; a Debbie who is master of her own fate and the final authority in her own life.
Quite honestly this felt very profound for me and it’s something I think is going to take me awhile to fully process. I’m both terrified and energized by the possibilities and potential that awaits as I move forward.
This is something I’ve been putting off for a while now. Partly because I’m a fairly private person and don’t like exposing parts of myself to the general public but somehow this felt important to address here. On April 8th I lost my husband of 35 years. He died of a massive heart attack and went the way he would have wanted to go quickly and probably painlessly. And while I’m happy that he didn’t suffer, I’m also angry that he left me. I realize that to some degree this was out of his hands but I’m convinced that his smoking along with stress contributed to this. Maybe if he had stopped smoking a few years back it wouldn’t have gone this way. I’m trying to adapt to this new status in my life. For the first time in 38 years I am not part of John and Debbie; I’m just Debbie, and I’m not sure how to be just Debbie anymore. So I’m learning.
I’ve been very lucky to have supportive friends and families helping me with this and I’ve been doing a lot of Tarot work. In fact I think the only reason I might avoid grief counseling is because of the Tarot. It’s reminded me that one gift from my husband that I need to carry forward is a belief in myself. He was always my biggest supporter and convinced that I could do anything if I focused on it. So now I need to focus on being a solo individual. It is both an exhilarating and terrifying concept.
In honor of Samhain I decided to do the Fruits of Wisdom spread from Christine Jette’s Tarot for All Seasons. I used the Trick or Treat Tarot and pulled the following cards:
Death reverse carries a fairly simple to understand message for me right now – I’m still processing my John’s death and it’s ramifications. I’ve accepted and continue processing his loss but what is more challenging to get a handle on is who I am in the wake of his death. I think that’s where the Ace of Wands comes into play. It’s reminding me that no matter how much I sometimes feel the desire to join John, the reality is that I’m not the tight to just lie down and die. It’s not who I am and it’s not what John would want me to do. The Fool reversed is pointing out that I need to release and let go of the pattern of stasis I’ve been in lately. I lost my faith in myself and it’s paralyzing me so it’s time to let it go; time to make those leaps of faith and believe things will work out; to explore the uncharted territory that is Debbie Alone. I need to protect and nurture all the skills I’ve acquired up to this point, embrace the lessons John taught and the knowledge I gained simply by watching and listening to him. The Knight of Pentacles has always been the court card I most associate with John. Showing up reversed here reinforces that while he might be gone from the physical realm he’s still alive in my heart and soul. The Page of Cups reminds me that at the end of the day I need to look within myself and reconnect with things that gave ME joy and make ME happy. For 38 years I’ve taken into consideration what kinds of things John liked to do and where my interests and his overlapped. He did as well; that’s what being in a relationship should be. Now that John is gone I have an opportunity to explore my interests and my joys. I don’t know where this will take me but I’m cautiously optimistic that it will be an interesting journey.
For the past few months I have been at loose ends. I can’t focus; haven’t been able to even start a new book; don’t even feel like changing out of my pajamas. As a result, I feel like a sloth. So I decided to gain some insight by using Tarot to explore what’s going on with me.
Using the Muse Tarot, I asked:
Why am I so unfocused? Queen of Materials Rx
What can change this? 10 of Inspiration
What underlying factors impact this? 3 of Voices Rx
Looking at the cards helped me realize that isolation and quarantine are negatively impacting me (something I’m sure us not unique right now. I can’t manifest what I want in my life. I’ve been forced into a caretaker role which is not innate to my nature and feels as though it’s sucking all my creative energies. I can’t focus on my needs and care for myself because I have to focus on others, and I rail against this restriction.
I can change this by taking baby steps; nurturing and tending to one interest, one creative endeavor even when I feel too worn out. Using the large amphora carried by the woman, I can carefully refill the smaller jars and slowly refuel. Instead of focusing on what I can’t do right now, explore what I can.
The reversed 3 of Voices touches on childhood feelings of feeling abandoned and excluded; as though I’ve been ditched in advance. Growing up I was always an oddball, a misfit and didn’t fit in well with most of my peer group. I had friends but even they didn’t get me. Quite often I felt like everyone else spoke in a code I didn’t understand and regularly mocked me (yes, I had issues). Being isolated and disconnected from friends and family right now triggers a lot of those feelings and made me realize it’s something I might need to work on a bit more.
I know I’m not alone in these feelings. In fact, in an odd way it’s reassuring to see other crafters expressing similar feelings or chatting with friends and hearing they’re going through their own moments of isolation and frustration. It helps me understand that I’m not in this alone, even if it feels that way right now. The best way for me to handle it is focusing on what I can do and using my creative energies in ways that revive and rejuvenate me.
I was recently reading a work of fan fiction in which the protagonist developed amnesia. The story focuses on learning who you are all over again, both the good aspects and the bad. This made me wonder how I would feel about myself if I woke up with all my skills and knowledge but no memories of my past, of who I was. As I slowly learned about myself, what would I think about that person? Would I be disappointed by things I had done? Would I be proud of what I achieved? So, I decided to work with my tried & true standby, my Tarot deck, to find an answer.
What positive aspects of the old me would I like? 10 of Swords Rx
What negative aspect of the old me would be disappointing? 3 of Wands Rx
How can I change that which should be changed? – 6 of Swords
What part of me would be changed the most if I had amnesia? Knight of Cups
So, who would I be? Page of Swords
The 10 of Swords Rx speaks to me of being a survivor; someone who is able to take a beating and keep on going, endure being stabbed in the back. There is strength, stubbornness and beauty in this image. She is not easily defeated and will continue on her journey despite any and all objections. I do think this is a quality I embody and it’s one of which I’m very proud. I think I’ve taken a lot of knocks in life; triumphed over a number of disadvantages and keep moving forward. The 3 of Wands Rx suggest that one of my less admirable qualities is that I’m not a self-starter; I will often let self doubt and insecurity undermine pursuing my goals, my dreams. I often became enthusiastically involved in projects other people have begun but rarely initiate them myself. This means I’m pretty good at helping other people achieve their dreams, but lousy at pursuing my own. The 6 of Swords reminds me that what I need to change is my focus and my willingness to pursue my own ideas. When I look at this image the woman in the boat has harnessed crows and has them pulling her across the water. She is alone, doing this by herself. The birds off in the distance are distraction, not part of her journey. This card reminds me that I can do it by myself, I just need to be focused and trust in my own ideas, my own thoughts. I can’t allow myself to get distracted by self-doubt, inner critics or other people’s input. The Knight of Cups shows me that without the life history I have had, I would be more open on an emotional level and more willing to pursue my hopes and dreams. I wouldn’t be so suspicious and emotionally closed off. Even looking at the image on this card I want to mock him and feel contempt for him. My initial reaction to this image is that he’s a poser, that this is an act to seduce someone into trusting him. Of course that tells you more about my state of mind and frame of reference than about this card. The Page of Swords as a reminder that if I were able to let go of my defense mechanisms and protective weapons developed to prevent and protect me from harm, I would be a perpetual student. I would maintain a youthful enthusiasm for learning new ideas and experiencing new things. I think if nothing else, the take away from this reading is that if I can let my defenses down a bit and listen to my inner self, I’ll find more joy and fulfillment in my life. Being a bit more trusting and open might bring untold benefits and satisfaction.
I use an Android app called Uni Tarot to randomly pick my card of the day. I prefer this app because it allows me to upload whatever deck I feel like using. This cycle I’m using The Light Seer’s Tarot. Recently The Devil was the card drawn. As I looked at the image on this card it struck me that this figure reminds me of a cult leader – he’s attractive, exudes a charisma and sexual energy mixed with soulful eyes that promise he’ll heal your wounded soul. All the while, attached to his fingers are the strings that hold you captive. I’ve always found myself fascinated by cult leaders and the people willing to give up their autonomy to follow him. This inspired me to do the following reading.
What is The Devil offering? 10 of Wands Rx
What will it cost? The World Rx
What need is he fulfilling? Queen of Pentacles
What’s the best way to handle this? 4 of Pentacles Rx
Looking at this reading, a few things struck me right away. The first is that three of the cards are reversed which suggests The Devil and all his temptations tap into hidden needs and the shadow side that we choose to ignore. This suggests it’s unhealthy and ultimately not in our best interest to succumb to his seduction. The second thing I noticed is that two of the cards are Pentacles and The Devil is associated with Capricorn which is an earth sign. Another hint that perhaps the false promises The Devil makes allow us to feel more secure and as though the ground beneath our feet is not going to shift unexpectedly.
Looking at the first card drawn, I was struck by how appropriate its message is. I think one of the things that attracts people to cults or fundamentalist religious paths is that you no longer have to carry the burden of free will; you don’t need to be responsible for making decisions. They tell you what rules to follow and what to think. They tell you what the consequences will be if you break these rules. To some people that may feel like a burden has been lifted from their psyche.
However the second card, The World Rx, reminds us of the dangers inherent in some admitting to the will of others. We risk losing everything in which we once believed, that we value and hold dear. It’s both that simple and that complex.
I found the Queen of Pentacles an interesting card to appear in response to this question. I suppose there is something that seems nurturing and supportive in The Devil’s promises. She persuades us to believe that she will care for us, attend to all our needs and all we have to do for her is follow. She allows us to feel as though we are now fulfilled because we have found our path, even if it is ultimately a false one. Another aspect of any cult is that they usually siphon all of your assets which may also be reflected in the Queen of Pentacles.
And finally we see the 4 of Pentacles Rx, another interesting card in response to what was asked but one which makes perfect sense. I think it’s a reminder that very often what leads people into the clutches of cults whether religious or political is that they play into our fears of scarcity and losing what we have. They convince us that there is an “other” out there that wants to take everything we own; everything we’ve worked so hard to acquire. It feeds into our fears and makes us clutch our positions even more closely like a miser. It leads us down a path of being not only financially impoverished but spiritually impoverished as well. the reverse nature of this card suggests that the way to free yourself from The Devil’s illusions and influences is by letting go of your fears and embracing the others. Welcome them and befriend them, give them the benefit of the doubt and consider what you can work together to build rather than what you’re convinced they wish to take away from you.
This reading seems so appropriate right now because I think as a nation we have gone through a time of listening to devils’ illusions and false promises and now we are left reeling and unsure how to move forward. I think what we have to do is pick ourselves up stop holding on to our fears and allow ourselves to embrace the possibilities that lie ahead.
Something that occurred to me is I was reviewing this post is that in some birth card systems the shadow side of The Devil is The Lovers because 15 reduces down to six. Maybe that is ultimately the answer to the seductive false promises of The Devil – love and aspiring to connect with our higher selves, our better angels. Instead of listening to The Devil that allows us to wallow in our pettiness and venality perhaps we can connect with our higher side and aspire to be greater than the sum of our parts.
How can I release the impact sins of others have left upon my psyche? 6 of Wands Rx
How can I walk through my past to heal my present? 3 of Cups Rx
Of course, being the snarky soul I am, my first response to Death was “Right, of course I’d have to die in order to learn to love myself.” Sassy snark aside, I think what Death is truly trying to let me know is that in order to love myself I have to defeat those self-denigrating habits that prevent it. I need to slay those inner demons who whisper poison in my soul (“you’re not good enough”, “no one really likes you”, “so & so does that much better than you do”), you know the drill. I’m sure we all have moments when we’re pits of self-loathing with self-esteem and self-worth in the sub, sub-basement. With the ways things are going lately it’s easy to allows these feelings to become overwhelming, because, as I mentioned in a previous post, being concerned about this kind of inner growth when the world around us seems to be going to shit feels self-indulgent and frivolous. Well fuck that! I have made a new resolution that the only way to make things better on a national or global scale is to make things better on a personal scale – as below, so above. What needs to die are all those self-defeating behaviors and crippling self-doubts. If I want to transform the world, first I need to transform myself!
The 6 of Wands is interesting because the image shows a woman on horseback freeing herself from the grasps of a crowd of hooded figures. The LWB mentions that the woman is “breaking free of the brood”. I think it’s showing me that the potential for feeling victorious & accomplished; the way to appreciate and embrace my achievements is to free myself from those self doubts and inner demons; these psychic scars left upon my soul by others. The way to victory is to slay those damn fuckers, defeat those who thought they’d permanently damaged me, and let myself emerge transformed and starting to heal.
In the LWB the listing for the 3 of Cups mentions intoxication and drowning in pleasure. Reversed, I feel as though I’m drowning my sorrows in distractions. Instead of celebrating I’m self-medicating. Granted, I’m not pouring booze down my throat but I do indulge in bouts of retail therapy or gorging on unhealthy food choices. Once again I think the message of the reversal is that the only thing preventing my from celebrating my joy and happiness, exploring my dreams with friends and loved ones is that I need to free myself from those negative beliefs and inner demons (fucking inner demons are such a pain in my ass!). The way forward is through and I need to charge through them and keep going even as they try to pull me back (I keep envisioning this struggle as Milo trying to free himself from The Doldrums in The Phantom Tollbooth)
I’m feeling rather inspired lately (which is a nice change) and I’m determined to keep moving forward even if my momentum is more like one step forward, two steps back. At least it’s some progress. It’s too easy to fall into despair and hopelessness but then they win – the demons both inner and outer, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let that happen. I’m a fighter and all I need to do now is focus on the win so I can win!