Category Archives: Cups

Week 46 – What reality is my own narrative attempting to escape?  (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #52WeekProject)

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  • What is my narrative?  9 of Cups
  • What is my reality?  2 of Wands
  • How can I merge them?  King of Cups
Pam’s Vintage Tarot

Believe it or not I developed this question after reading this line in a book about folk horror movies.  After reading the sentence I just thought it would make an awesome tarot reading for this week.  When I saw the cards that I drew I realized this reading was giving me more insight than I anticipated.

Having the 9 of Cups appear as my narrative suggests that I’m trying to convince myself that I’m okay with my current reality.  That I’m happy and content with what I have, indeed maybe even a little smug because of how well I’m handling things.  It reflects that I’m trying to convince myself, and others, that I’m okay, I’m handling things in a mature, calm manner, but in reality I’m not. In fact, it strikes me that the figure crossing his arms is a self-soothing gesture. No one else is there to comfort him, so he must comfort himself. He’s distracting attention away from how he really feels by arraying all the cups behind him so that people will look at the cups and not at his own body language.

The 2 of Wands appearing as my reality suggests that I’m selling myself a fairy tale.  I know usually the 2 of Wands refers to some type of a creative project or partnership, and I certainly think that can  apply me right now.  I have been looking for ways to express my creative energy in a more positive and focused way.  On a deeper level, I also think it’s reflecting that I’m still searching for what I lost when my husband died.  I’m not looking for a new romantic partnership I’m looking to find traces of his energy still remaining in the world around me.  I’m still trying to find a connection to him. He, literally, was my world and I still miss him.  He always had my back and supported me. No matter how happy I try to pretend to be, or indeed genuinely feel, I’m still grieving.  Trying to distract myself with creative projects, or trying to create a narrative that I’m happy and content with my life now, is me trying to fake it until I make it.

The King of Cups shows that the way to merge my narrative with my reality is to listen to my heart; to continue on my current healing path and counsel myself in ways that support that healing. It could refer to actually seeing a therapist at some point down the road. However I know myself well enough to know I am not open to listening to the advice of a stranger right now. On a positive note I do have friends that I can bounce ideas off and brainstorm with who will call me on my bullshit. I do sometimes need a reality check because, like many of us, I often delude myself about what’s really going on in my life. Listening to my heart and nurturing my healing will help me reduce this tendency.

Week 44 – How can I adapt to the changes I’m experiencing?  (#TarotReading #VintageRWS #NewMoon #Gemini #52WeekProject)

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Knight of Cups, The Hierophant & The Tower Rx from Pam’s Vintage Tarot

For such a simple question I feel like the answer I received was rather profound.  The Knight of Cups reminds me that the way to adapt to the changes in my life is to move forward heart first.  It reinforces the message that has appeared numerous times in various ways over the past few months – that I need to live a more heart-centered life.  It’s not about seeking romance or relationships it’s about what makes my heart sing; what brings joy and bliss into my life.

The Knight moves towards The Hierophant, symbolically showing that while pursuing a more heart centered life I should not forget the lessons of the past and the knowledge that I have acquired over the years.  In fact, it may be showing that I can bring joy into my life by finding a way to share that knowledge and experience with others.  Perhaps it’s showing me that, in some capacity, I need to become the teacher that I have fought so hard to avoid being.  I don’t think it necessarily means teaching in a formal structured sense, but perhaps being more willing to share lessons I’ve learned will allow me to share the knowledge with others that it might benefit.

The Tower Rx is symbolic of a very real moment that has triggered all of this introspection and inner workings.  Losing my husband has probably been one of the most impactful Tower moments of my life.  And yet, despite moments when I might have wished otherwise, I survived.  I was able to adapt and move forward onto a new path. I was able to look at the destruction of my life and realize there was still something left, something worth fighting to manifest.

In many ways this reading is mirroring things that I already knew. I think it’s a reminder and a reflection of the fact that I actually am already adapting. I’m embracing the new opportunities and experiences that are being offered to me. Yes, sometimes I do it kicking and screaming “I don’t wanna”. Or I may dig in my heels and resist as long as possible until I finally accept, and give into the inevitable. At the end of the day, despite the resistance and denial, I am changing and I’ll continue to change. If we don’t learn and grow then one has to wonder what’s the point of existing.

Week 44 – My Journey Continues (#TarotReading #MarseilleWaiteTarot #52WeekProject)

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I was browsing through Sheilaa Hite’s 101 Tarot Spreads book in search of a spread and came across this one. It appealed to me because so often lately I focus on what’s going wrong or what hasn’t been achieved. This spread gives me the opportunity to look at what positive changes have occurred in my life. It offers me a way to look back, and reflect, on how far I’ve come.

Le Mat Rx, 4 des Batons Rx, 7 des Coupes Rx, 9 des Batons & As des Coupes – Marseille-Waite Tarot

Le Mat symbolizing a wish that has been fulfilled really puzzled me. Right now I’m just going to give my initial interpretation of it, but I may come back and change it after considering it further. There has always been a part of me that resists change, and so would not want to be The Fool setting out on a New Journey. However, there is also another part of me that yearned for adventure and trying new things. Now, this has been taken out of my hands. The death of my husband has forced me onto a new path, a New Journey that I never would have explored had he lived. I’m being forced to learn to trust and believe in myself because I’m the only one who truly can. I no longer have my primary support and cheerleader. As much as I desperately miss my husband, I have reached a point where I am very excited to discover what lies ahead.

The longing that is still with me is for my husband. Not just for him as a person, although that’s a significant part of it, but also for the relationship we had together; the way we supported each other and worked as a team. I see the 4 des Batons Rx as reflecting the yearning I feel every time I want to have a discussion with my husband about events of the day. I so miss our random conversations about everything. He might not have agreed with my assessment but, despite the fact that he didn’t graduate high school, my husband was a very intelligent and insightful man. And I so miss having that in my life. No matter what other types of relationships I nurture in the future, none will match the one that my husband and I had. It’s also interesting that Le Mat is walking away from the 4 of Batons. It symbolically shows that this new path, this new adventure, can only happen now that my life with my husband has ended. It is sad and hopeful, heartbreaking and joyous, at the same time.

I really appreciate that the 7 des Coupes Rx appeared as a fear that is dissipating. I think this card is showing me that, despite my panic, life isn’t passing me by because of the situation with my brother-in-law. There are still a lot of new options and choices that await me I’m just limited in which ones I can explore right now. What I can do is start to lay the groundwork so that when the opportunity does arise I will be ready to grasp it with both hands.

Ah, the 9 des Batons – my old friend. To paraphrase Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles, “I’m tired, tired of playing the game”. I’ve been engaged in this particular endeavor of caring for my brother-in-law since 2009. It was tolerable in the past because my husband was here to help, but for the past two years I’ve been doing it alone. I’m exhausted. I feel battered bruised and beaten however I also feel like there is an end in sight. Notice how the figure in the 9 des Batons faces the 7 des Coupes. She’s eyeing the dreams that shimmer just over the horizon, waiting for this latest battle to finish. They may not be manifesting yet but they’re waiting for her to be free to choose which option to explore next.

And finally we have the As des Coupes. The new beginning that awaits me is one of new joy, and New Hope; New opportunities to pursue dreams deferred. I think that cup reflects whichever one I select out of the seven that have been presented to me. Of course it may very well be that I will pursue all seven, but one at a time. I see this is a very hopeful sign of my life being refreshed and overflowing with bliss as long as I’m willing to grasp the cup and do the work.

Week 43 – Did everyone ditch me in advance? (#TarotReading #MarseilleWaiteTarot #52WeekProject)

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Have you ever had the feeling that your friends are mad at you or ditched you in advance?  Just a sense that there’s something wrong but you don’t know what it is?  It spirals out of control and you’re convinced you’ve done something to offend people, but since you don’t know what it is you can’t fix it.  Then when you finally get in touch with your friends you realize there’s nothing wrong they just got caught up in their own life?  I have an unfortunate history of that type of mental gymnastics.  The first time I realized I do this was at a Tarot conference back in 2002.  Well before the omnipresence of cell phones, I had returned to my room but expected to meet my friends once I returned.  When I got back downstairs I couldn’t find anybody that I knew.  I wanted around for a bit and didn’t stumble across any familiar faces.  I eventually returned to my room and watched TV, convinced everyone else was at some party to which I had not been invited.  When I ran into my friends the next day they all asked where I had been.  I explained what happened and several of them asked why I didn’t just call their rooms.  That’s when we realized none of us knew which rooms the other was staying in.  So I created much to do about nothing.

Even after all these years I still replicate this pattern. If I send a friend an email or text message and don’t hear from them within two or three days, I immediately assume I’ve done something and they’re angry with me.  When I hear from them again, it turns out that they were busy or they didn’t get the message or some other non-dramatic reason was the cause.  Since this is a pattern that continues to repeat in my life, I decided maybe it was time to take a look and get some insight from the Universe using Tarot.

  • What is the root of this feeling?  Reine des Epees Rx
  • What triggers it now?  6 des Epees
  • What will help cure this issue?  Cavalier des Coupes
Marseille-Waite Tarot

The root of this feeling is my own self doubts and inner critic.  I don’t feel worthy of having friends.  I often joke that I’m an acquired taste because I can be abrasive and opinionated.  I often think that these traits will alienate people; that they will grow tired of them and avoid me.  The reality is it has happened in the past so I’m not pulling these beliefs out of thin air.  The Reine des Epees Rx reminds me that my responses to these situations is not that of the mature, thoughtful person I have become.  Instead, I’m responding as if I’m still the insecure, hurt child I once was.  A more logical, rational response to these incidences would better serve me.

I think one of the key triggers right now is the sense of isolation I’m still experiencing in my life.  Basically, I’m in this boat with just me and my brother-in-law.  We may be guided on the journey by the ferryman however he is simply taking us from Point A to Point B.  Our survival once we get there will fall on my shoulders.  At the same time, I understand that once we do reach the end of this journey I will continue on alone.   That will force me to reassess and reevaluate what kind of relationships I want in my life, and if I want to change the ones I do have.  I also think that it’s the nature of the beast right now.  I don’t have the freedom I desire and it’s frustrating.

Having the freedom to move forward and begin to explore new interests and new relationships, to discover new paths and interests, should help improve this situation.  I think one of the reasons it still occurs is because I have the time to dwell on it.  When there is nothing external to distract me I tend to obsess over internal stuff.  This is a pattern I need to consciously make an effort to change.

From a visual perspective what struck me about these three cards is the flow between them.  La Reine des Epees faces the opposite direction from the other two because she is reversed.  She is blocked and unable to express her full potential.  However unleashing the gifts of her intellect and dispelling all those self-doubts will allow her to move forward; to travel to a place where she can more express her snarky, witty self with love and compassion and embrace her inner Cup side.  Once she no longer needs to be the one in charge of the situation, she will have the flexibility and freedom to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new quests.  She will no longer have the time to obsess over much ado about nothing because she will be finding the emotional fulfillment she desires.

Week 40 – Message of the Green Spirits (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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  • What message do the green spirits have for me?  5 of Pentacles
  • How can I best manifest this in my life right now?  Knight of Cups Rx
  • What will help me strengthen my connection to the green spirits?  The Chariot Rx
5 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups Rx & The Chariot Rx – The Herbal Tarot

The 5 of Pentacles suggest that the green spirits are letting me know this time of solitude and privation is necessary in order for me to lose my connection to things and start to spend more time focusing on who I am and who I want to be.  The connection of mugwort with this card may be showing that this is part of a healing process for me.  I think for many years I felt impoverished even when that was not the reality.  The lack of financial resources in my childhood has left its influence.  Mugwort suggests that I needed to go through this bitter time as a way to realign my system and be open to a new reality.  It’s time to sage my life so that the old negative influences can be swept away and make room for a stronger connection to the reality of what is around me right now.  The affirmation associated with this card is “I see the richness in my spirit and acknowledge my inner values.”  This seems very appropriate to where I am in my life right now.

The Knight of Cups Rx reinforces a similar message I’ve been receiving for the past few months – the answers I seek lie within my own heart.  As I’ve mentioned several times over the past few years, Cups have always been uncharted Territory for me.  Much of that is due to a childhood in which showing emotions or vulnerability often led to mockery or bullying.  So in order to avoid this situation, I donned very sick armor and acted as though the petty insults and slings of others didn’t bother me.  Unfortunately, I started to believe it myself.  Which led to many years of claiming “I don’t care” or “that doesn’t bother me”.  In reality it often bothered me a lot.  I started to believe that I couldn’t be hurt emotionally but the result of that was that I often cut myself off from emotional connections with people.  The only person I felt completely safe with from an emotional perspective was my husband.  Now he’s gone and if I don’t want to live an isolated, and very lonely, existence, I need to learn how to be more emotionally vulnerable with others so that I can form healthy relationships.  The affirmation associated with this card is “I create opportunities to share my thoughts and feelings with others.”  That is a key area of potential growth for me.   I think this reversed Knight of Cups shows that it’s safe to put down my armor for a while.  To start to look for ways that I can create a sense of trust and emotional vulnerability, that will allow me to be open to new relationships.  I also need to remember that just because I have removed the armor that doesn’t mean I’m discarding it completely. If the need arises I can always put it back on to protect myself depending upon the circumstances. According to the companion book one of the spiritual properties associated with sarsaparilla is “purification of the emotions and the associated ability to express clearly are most intimate thoughts and feelings with others.”. Perhaps a nice cup of sarsaparilla tea will help me in this endeavor.

The Chariot Rx shows that I still need to work on how to harness the energies of my will and steering the course of my life going forward. The herb associated with this is Cyperus. According to the companion book, its spiritual properties include teaching the way of the middle path and the capacity to regulate energy. In Chinese medicine it is seen as an important herb for regulating chi or bodily energy. I think what can help strengthen my tenuous connection to the green spirits is to listen to what they’re telling me. I think strengthening my connection to the green spirits has already helped me realize that it can be sensible to retreat. I’ve learned here is a delicate balance in life and trying to go against it can sometimes boomerang in negative ways. The way that I am going to learn how to steer the course of my own life will involve finding the middle path, and applying these lessons in practical ways. The key is realizing what my place is in this ecosystem and being careful not to disrupt things simply because it might benefit me. One of the key phrases associated with this card in the companion book is “needing to contact the watery part in oneself”. So obviously this also reinforces the message of the Knight of Cups. I need to create more balance within myself by embracing and acknowledging my emotional side. Working with the green spirits, and in this case I think that means reacquainting myself with herbal medicines, is a good place to start.

Week 39 – How can I bring Frith (Peace) into my life? (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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Earlier this week I drew the rune Jera as an omen. I decided to incorporate its energies into my reading for the week. Among other things, Jera represents “peace on the land and in the heart“. So I asked the universe how I can manifest this peace in my life and drew The Star Rx, 4 of Wands and Page of Cups.

The Star Rx, 4 of Wands and Page of Cups.

The Star Rx reminds me that I should never give up hope. I need to hold on to it within my heart and feel its healing waters wash over me. This card also reminds me that I’m still healing; I’m still in the process of grieving my husband’s death and determining what kind of life I want to create for myself moving forward. I need to still be gentle with myself and not try to force matters to suit some unwritten agenda.

The 4 of Wands shows me that continuing to connect with nature is another way to bring peace into my life. In the short time I’ve been paying more attention to the wildlife around me, I’ve come to appreciate the tenacity and courage of the small creatures – chipmunks, squirrels, small birds. There is so much out there that can threaten them and yet they endure. They managed to face the challenges and find paths that allow them to survive and thrive. They must experience loss and other potential miseries, but they still focus their energies on survival. I have to admire that quality. At the same, time I realize that one of the qualities of nature is that smaller critters are prey to larger critters. Pretty cats can be quite deadly to small animals. The crows I love to watch so much think nothing of feeding on smaller animals to survive. It is their nature and that is a lesson for me too.

The Page of Cups appears to once again point out that I need to continue the Journey of getting to know myself. I must continue exploring my emotions and embrace the fact that I’m human, I can, and most likely will, be hurt sometimes. Pretending that I don’t feel things deeply as a way of protecting myself is felt spectacularly, and I know that. The Page of Cups is letting me know that I need to explore new tools for dealing with my emotions; healthier, more balanced tools and techniques will be more beneficial. All I’ve managed to do by trying to build a huge wall to protect myself is become a cranky hermit. Not exactly the most well-balanced way to deal with life.

Once again these cards have reinforced messages I’ve received before, especially as it pertains to my own emotional healing and reconnecting with the world around me. A lot of this is beneficial to explore because right now I am rather limited in where I can go and what I can do. So, within those parameters, I need to find other ways to bring joy and peace in my life. Retail therapy is not a solution, despite my love of getting packages.

Week 38 – Bealtaine Spread (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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  1. What am I being asked to learn more about? King of Cups
  2. What is ready for release in this next seasonal cycle (from now until the next fire festival, Lughnasadh, in August)? 3 of Pentacles
  3. With this release, what am I making space for? Page of Cups Rx
  4. A card to ground me as I work with nature, rather than against. 4 of Wands Rx
King of Cups, 3 of Pentacles, Page of Cups Rx, & 4 of Wands Rx – The Herbal Tarot

The King of Cups reveals that what I’m being asked to learn more about is myself; my emotional needs; my relationships with others. I think it’s telling me that one of the areas I need to focus on more is my emotional connections with other people. For many many years I didn’t need anyone other than my husband. Now he’s gone, and I need to learn how to reconnect and form relationships and emotional bonds with others in a way that allows me to feel safe and able to express myself.

I think the 3 of Pentacles shows that I’m ready to release all the seeds that I have planted so far. All the hard work I’ve put into my current situation has laid the groundwork and results should begin to be seen. The creative endeavors I’ve been exploring now need to be nurtured and tended so they can grow and spring forth shoots.

The Page of Cups Rx reminds me that I’m making space for the simple internal Joy that can spring from discovering things that satisfy on an emotional level. Reconnecting with the childlike, simple happiness of coloring or drawing. Dancing just because it makes joy bubble up inside me. Connecting with friends because it makes me smile. I need to stop worrying so much about whether it’s good enough or if other people will like it and just do it for fun.

The 4 of Wands Rx with its fairy figures tending the plants reminds me of the connection I’ve developed to local wildlife since I began making daily offerings. It has helped me become more aware of the variety of small creatures that surround me every day and how in harmony they are with each other. Even when it seems harsh, there is a delicate balance to their interactions with each other and their environment. This card helps to remind me that I must be cautious not to make these wild critters dependent on me because that would throw the dance off kilter. At the same time, paying attention and watching them has made me more aware of the diversity existing even on this small little piece of land as well as reinforcing that I am also part of this web.

For me this reading reinforced previous messages that my focus needs to be on nurturing joy in my life as well as establishing new and tending existing emotional connections and relationships. It’s also giving me a sense that perhaps during this cycle some of the hard work I’ve been putting into the situation with my brother-in-law will finally show some results. And it reminds me that what is helping me to stay grounded is the connection I’ve been building with local wildlife through giving them offerings of food. Just that one little step shows me how important it is to maintain the dance; to remember I’m part of, not above, this web of life.

Week 37 – Conduits of Power Spread by Carolyn Cushing (#TarotReading #HerbalTarot #52WeekProject)

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Carolyn Cushing shared this spread in her blog post exploring the energies of this New Moon.  I recommend reading her post and considering how you handle and utilize power in your life too.  In America right now we’re seeing some of the results of unchecked power and abuses of power.   It made me consider how I contribute to, and resist, this paradigm.

  • POWER: What power desires to flow through me?  8 of Pentacles Rx
  • RECEIVING: How can I open to receive this power?  Page of Cups
  • RELEASING: How can I let it go?  10 of Pentacles
8 of Pentacles, Page of Cups & 10 of Pentacles – Herbal Tarot

The power desiring to flow through me is the power of putting my skills and knowledge to work; being able to embrace my inner craftsperson.  It’s the power of being able to share my experience with others.  Right now I’m still acquiring the skills, knowledge, and experience but I have the sense that soon I will have the opportunity to put my skill set to more practical use. Ginger is associated with this card which adds an element of igniting energy, and being more motivated to use my talents and constructive ways. Who knows? Perhaps this suggests that the power desiring to flow through me is that of becoming a teacher in some capacity.

The Page of Cups shows that the way I can be open to receive this power is by literally being more open emotionally; dipping my feet in the water of new experiences and letting go of my need to protect myself.  I need to trust in my inner nature and listen to my heart. Damiana can symbolize releasing self-consciousness and feeling more enthusiastic and self-confident. I need to believe in myself and embrace opportunities for growth, even if my initial efforts result in mistakes and stumbling around in ignorance. It’s the only way to truly learn.

The 10 of Pentacles tells me the way to let it go is to first fully embrace it. Then be willing to share it with others. I get the sense it’s telling me that I need to take stock of what skills I have and what knowledge I might be willing to share with others. The addition of Wild Yam to the energies of this card reinforce the message of accumulated energy and power; whose release will encourage the use of talents, gifts, and possessions for the greatest good (according to the companion book).

The message that I’m getting from this reading is that the power flowing through me that wants to be expressed is one of sharing, and teaching, and encouraging others, and myself at the same time. It’s about letting go of the skills and knowledge I hoard as I self-deprecatingly claim I have nothing. I think the first part is that I need to look at what I have that I can and would be willing to share. Then I need to consider how I might go about doing that. It may take some time simply because of the realities of what’s going on in my life, but it does open an intriguing pathway for me.

Week 34 – Forgiveness (#TarotReading #ShiningTribeTarot #52WeekProject)

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When I was younger, I would listen to people talk about how forgiveness was healing and that it was to the benefit of the forgiver more than the one forgiven, and I snorted in disbelief. Like many teens and young adults, I was arrogantly sure that my righteous anger was better than any potential healing forgiving someone might bring. Needless to say, as with so many things, maturity has taught me the folly of that belief.

Several years back I was working for a non-profit agency. There was a supervisor there with whom I had a challenged relationship. Overall we seem to get along fairly well however whenever there was a situation in which he was my supervisor I seem to irritate him. I think he was concerned that my loyalty was not to him. To be fair, in some ways that was true because I did have other supervisors, and in many cases my loyalty was to them. But he never understood that I could be loyal to more than one person if I felt that that loyalty was also extended to me. I never felt that with this person. He eventually became the executive director of this non-profit agency and within a few years of his ascension I was fired. Allegedly it was because there was no money to continue funding my position. However, considering that after I was gone someone else took the exact same job I would have to question that. Needless to say, I was devastated for years after. It was very traumatic, and I held on to anger and hostility towards this person for many, many years.

Recently I reconnected with two co-workers from that agency. During the course of our conversation this person was mentioned. I knew he had been fired from the non-profit where we were a few years after me. I have no idea why he was let go, but I will admit to experiencing a sense of schadenfreude when I heard the news. While talking with my friend, she mentioned that he had been out of work for a few years and was having a difficult time finding a new job. Based on things I’ve heard about this person, he is his own worst enemy and unfortunately has a tendency to undermine himself. However when my friend mentioned that he was interviewing for a new position I found myself genuinely wishing him well. That’s when I realized, I had finally let go of my anger and forgave him. The truth is I might have let go of the anger years ago but had no reason to consider it. Now that I was looking at it, I understood that I had finally let It go and I felt better, lighter. I finally understood what people meant when they said forgiveness helped the forgiver as much as, or more than, the forgiven. So I decided to pull some cards to explore how this situation influenced me.

  • How did holding on to the anger benefit me? The Chariot
  • How did releasing the anger and forgiving help me? 8 of Rivers
  • How can I embrace this lesson and allow this healing energy to benefit me in the future? 2 of Trees
The Chariot, 8 of Rivers & 2 of Trees from The Shining Tribe Tarot

The Chariot shows me that the anger allowed me to feel I had control over the situation or that I had some ability to influence it in some way. It allowed me to create a “sour grapes” type of scenario and convince myself that the agency didn’t deserve me anyway. Holding on to the anger helped me create a mask to hide behind and avoid dealing with the feelings of hurt and betrayal.

In the 8 of Rivers, Rachel Pollack writes “the 8 of Rivers shows the powerful new self who emerges after the liberating effective anger or simply telling the truth. The card says: if you feel like a new person trusts the feeling”. I cannot imagine a more perfect card appearing in response to this question! I do feel liberated and freer. I feel as though I was able to release some of those inner demons haunting me; or better said take off the mask of anger I was hiding behind to reveal a truer self. By releasing the anger, I opened myself up to connecting to my emotions on a deeper level.

Rachel writes “The trees form a gate that opens to new experience. The image suggests a gateway, a moment in our lives when we feel opportunities open before us. Opening to a higher level of awareness”. I can embrace this lesson by seeing it as the opportunity that it is; embracing its potential for transformation. In Tarot, the twos often represent a partnership. In this instance, I think the 2 of Trees is showing me that what I need to partner my emotional and spiritual side so that I can embrace the opportunities this experience is presenting to me.

This experience has helped me shed the angry, emotionally immature part of myself, and will allow me to move forward with a less reactive, childish mindset. It also helped me realize that holding on to that anger was giving that person power over my life, something to which they have never been entitled. Was it a devastating experience? Yes. Was it a learning experience? Also, yes. Did it break me? No, it made me stronger. Holding on to the resentment and anger I felt towards this person created a narrative of victimhood, and I refuse to be a victim. Realizing that I am able to, and have, released it allows me to change that narrative.

Week 31 – Offering Messages Spread (#TarotReading #WheelofChangeTarot #52WeekProject)

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This week I decided to create a spread based on the messages I received during each of my daily devotionals.  As I may have mentioned, from Monday through Friday I perform daily devotionals to the Earth mother, the nature spirits, the ancestors, the gods and goddesses, as well as the fair folk, and the outdwellers.  In addition to this, I make a daily offering to a specific deity or ancestor.  Right now I honor my hubby, The Morrigan, The Dagda, Thor and Skadi.  After making my offering I ask for a message from the ones I honored.  From my hubby, The Morrigan and The Dagda, I pull a Tarot card for their response.  I use runes for Thor’s and Skadi’s messages.  This past week my messages were The Sun Rx, Woman of Battle (Page of Swords), Foundation of Skill (6 of Wands), Ehwaz and Othala.  From these messages, I created the following spread.

  • Who am I in my true self?  6 of Swords
  • What changes are constellating around me right now?  7 of Swords Rx
  • What is my true skill in life?  Knight of Swords Rx
  • How can I create a support team to help me in this endeavor?  7 of Wands
  • How can my ancestors aid me in this endeavor?  3 of Cups
6 of Swords, 7 of Swords Rx, Knight of Swords Rx, 7 of Wands, 3 of Cups from The Wheel of Change Tarot

The message I get from the 6 of Swords is that there is a cycle to life. The caribou dies to feed the tribe. The birds fly south for the winter. Ice and snow cover the land and eventually melt away. In my true self I am a person who understands that there are cycles to life and tries to prepare and plan accordingly. I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices in order to achieve my goals. I’m not willing to continue spinning my wheels with no end in sight, and nothing achieved.

The changes constellating around me right now seem to involve communication and being open to suggestions and ideas from others. The image on this card represents the Rosetta Stone, a tool which allowed us to understand certain ancient languages for the first time. I think this card’s message reveals that I need to look within myself and find my inner Rosetta Stone; I need to find the key that will allow me to interpret my inner thoughts and ideas, and communicate them, calmly, clearly and intelligently, to those that need to hear them.

The Knight of Swords Rx representing my true skill in life threw me. I actually referred to the book on this one, and I rarely do that. Looking at what the deck creator intended this card to symbolize helped me understand that my skill is in approaching things from a very rational, intellectual perspective but not getting caught up in the perspective and vision of pure science. I can’t help but explore what the practical applications might be resulting from pure research. I can’t help but disagree with the belief that potential applications of knowledge shouldn’t preclude the pursuit of that knowledge. Nothing exists in a vacuum. I think we must take a hard look at where our pursuit of knowledge, without having the wisdom to apply it, has led us.

I think the 7 of Wands is telling me that I need to build a support network of friends and loved ones who not only support me but help me recognize my accomplishments and achievements. It has been pointed out to me that sometimes I don’t recognize how extraordinary some of the things I have been able to accomplish actually are. I have an unfortunate habit of downplaying my successes or treating them as though anyone could achieve them. With rare exception shooting my own horn is difficult for me. I need to build a support network that doesn’t allow me to get away with this and challenges me when I do.

The 3 of Cups shows that my ancestors will help me achieve this goal by the ancestral memories and examples they provide. The image on this 3 of Cups reminds me of the pensieve in the Harry Potter series. A tool through which I can revisit past events, and have a better understanding of the sacrifices made and challenges faced by my ancestors. Obviously I do not have a pensieve, but that certainly would be a task for which Tarot is uniquely suited. So I think the way the ancestors can continue to help me is by offering insight and advice from their perspective using the Tarot as a tool for communication.

I think one of my skills is calling myself on my own bullshit. I might be smart enough to use logic and claim that I’m being rational in my behaviors and my decisions however also well aware that I try to fool myself quite a bit. I think my true skill isn’t digging deeper until I get to the root of my bullshit, and expose it so that the light can burn it to a cinder. I’m learning how to listen to myself so that I can explore and understand better who I truly am, and not just meet the needs and expectations of others.