How are you feeling trapped? How did you get to this point? What is your next step?
I trapped myself into believing I would always be a student, never confident enough to practice or teach. Instead, I convince myself I still have more to learn. I don’t have faith in my skills and knowledge, too afraid to put myself out there.
I don’t value or nurture my own intellect. Instead I pretend I have nothing new to offer. Instead of trying to share my unique insights and thoughts and communicating them to interested parties, I downplay it; denigrate it; treat it as if it’s nothing special.
My next step is to change these things. To paraphrase line from Mad Max:. Beyond Thunderdome, I need to break a deal and spin the wheel. I need to break free from this mindset that undermines my confidence and prevents me from recognizing my gifts. I need to create magick in my life; break the curse under which I’ve placed myself. No one else can do it for me.
How are you stuck? What can you do to free yourself?
I’m stuck because I’m afraid to trust my intuition, my instincts; fearful of going through that doorway and facing who I am and who I am meant to be. It’s as though I know there is knowledge and wisdom available for me to use on the other side of that door but I’m reluctant to explore it.
Change. The only thing that can free me is change. Rather than being a passive participant in my own life, waiting for Fate to determine what happens next, I need to grab that damned wheel and spin it. I need to be a true witch and be the change I want to see in my life. Whatever I want to become next, will be determined by my actions now. Hesitating serves no purpose; faintheartedness won’t produce the future I desire. So I need to decide what my destination will be and plot the route to get me there.
How might self-discipline give you more freedom? What would be a way for you develop that discipline?
Self-discipline would enable me to make more informed, practical decisions based in what I’ve achieved so far and what I plan to achieve in the coming years. I have a rather “shoot from the hip” approach to most matters. As a rule, this has worked just fine for me so I feel little incentive to change. This card suggests that planning things in advance and periodically taking stock might help me use my time and energy more effectively as well as recognizing how far I’ve come.
One technique that might help me in being more open to this approach is celebrating my victories when they occur. As much as I don’t take stock, I’m also not good at appreciating or valuing what I’m good at doing. I tend to take a dismissive approach to my own achievements. I’m not sure whether this is because I felt that highlighting my achievements would alienate me from other people or because I have self-esteem issues. What’s most likely is it is a combination of both. Having said that, maybe it’s time to embrace, honor, and celebrate my achievements. This certainly wood go a long way towards keeping me on track and being self-disciplined.
How connected are you to your personal power? What gets in the way? How can you best manifest the power that lays within you?
I find this reading fascinating (of course it’s about me so that might be just a tad self-centered). The Queen of Cups suggests that I see my personal power more as potential, a dream than as a reality. I know it’s there but I don’t tap into it or even believe in it. My power is really more wishful thinking.
What prevents it from manifesting is that I don’t believe it can manifest. My realistic, practical side battles with my intuitive, dreamy side. I remember readings a short story many years ago about children who exhibit psychic abilities. To test how reliable they are a government official forces the teacher to tell a levitating child that his skills are impossible; he cannot really be doing this. The child loses faith in his abilities and his desk crashes to the ground never to rise again. I feel like that child. I sense that I have untapped psychic abilities but because I don’t have faith in myself I find it impossible to tap into them.
The Fool is the key. Its message is that I can tap into these powers by believing in myself; having faith in myself. Doing the complete opposite of the child in the story referenced above. Can I do that? I have no idea. What I do know is that I can try. After all, if I don’t have faith in myself how can I expect others to have faith in me?
Do you remember the last time you felt confident? What can you do to easily access that state (physically and mentally) when it is called for?
I feel confident whenever I think about my marriage. My husband’s support, trust, faith and belief in me helps me remain confident and positive even when my life seems like a shit storm. He is proud of me in all my vocal, assertive brashness. He encourages my weirdness and reminds me of my value.
The way I can easily tap into that state is to look in my own heart and see my hubby’s face reflected there. I’m usually fairly confident but every so often I stumble. When I do, I hear my hubby’s voice in my head & heart encouraging me, supporting me and loving me.
So today I pondered where to focus my attention; my big, juicy brain (sorry, been watching zombie flicks with the hubby). This is the answer I received. Hmph, interesting that these cards are the same suits I drew yesterday. So I’d have to say I still need to focus on exploring and determining what brings me joy and how to express it and use it to fuel my creative energies.
I need to relearn the contours of my own heart – not always an easy task. I have a tendency of doing first and letting introspection fall by the wayside. I often joke that I’m as deep as a babbling brook, but that’s bullshit. It’s more accurate to say although I can be as deep as a babbling brook (I truly am a very WYSIWYG kinda gal), I also have hidden, unplumbed depths. The reversed Queen of Cups is telling me it’s time for some deep diving.
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to making changes in my life – to my blog, my online handle and my “career”. I’ll probably write a longer post about that in the coming days but this reading consolidates what I suspected. It’s time to get back to who I really am and what I really enjoy.
I can’t disconnect my creative energies from my heart. It’s difficult for me to try to earn money doing something I love. I realize that might sound strange but I work at things I do well not necessarily things about which I’m passionate. My salary supported my passions, my passions didn’t help me earn money. When I “have” to do something I love it becomes a chore and sucks the joy out of it.
You’re feeling torn and conflicted, unsure which path to choose. Part of you wants stability and emotional satisfaction while another side wants to be more daring and seek out physical gratification. In the battle between heart and body, which will win.
You dream of a knight in shining armor who will sweep you off your feet but all you’ve encountered so far are well meaning plodders caught up in the day to day grind. Perhaps you’re so caught up in your fantasy that you aren’t seeing things clearly. Your expectations might be unreasonable and unrealistic, leaving you few options and little opportunity for a fulfilling relationship.
Do you feel disconnected from your physical self? Are you more comfortable with emotional connections than physical ones? This separation between heart and body can lead to relationship and even health issues down the road. Now might be a good time for some introspection, journal work and physical activities like yoga or Tai chi to help reintegrate these different parts of yourself.
You see the vision you want to (and can) create in your life but in order to nurture it to fruition, you need to find the balance you currently lack.
Change your current perspective on things by shaking them up. Right now you see the path ahead quite clearly but is that what is truly best for you? Perhaps you’re twisting yourself up in an effort to maintain the status quo but does that nurture your creative nature?
You show a confident, accomplished face to the world but inside you feel like a phony. Why? What would help you feel as though you truly are confident and accomplished? What has thrown you off balance? Only you can do the work to find your equilibrium again.
You’re conserving your resources in order to nurture and harness your creative spirit. Be careful that you don’t hold on too tight or you risk strangling it out if existence.
Your present and past look at each other and realize how each impacted the other and both now shape your future. In order to travel that road, you need to accept how past & present weave your future. Celebrate it, don’t bemoan it.
Sometimes amazing blooms are produced in poor soil. Let stories like A Tree Grows in Brooklyn inspire you and reveal how a resilient and creative spirit can survive and even thrive in impoverished circumstances.