I’ve been reading Alice Miller’s “The Body Never Lies” I felt it resonate within me. In the book, Miller addresses the damage abusive parenting can cause in our lives. Specifically, she connects diseases in adulthood, ranging from asthma to mental illness, to harsh, cruel parenting styles. Miller uses the histories of well-known writers to support her theories and, while I think she makes some overly enthusiastic leaps of logic, her premise rings true.
One of the points Miller makes that I find intriguing is that we block these abuses from our memories because adherence to the 4th Commandment (honor thy father and mother) is so prevalent in our society that we don’t even realize its impact. We can’t reconcile our need to honor our parents with the realities of the abuses we experience and this manifests in physical and mental ailments. Our souls and psyches are broken on the wheel of obedience to our parents’ wills and societal demands that we honor our abusers.
I know in my own life I was frequently told not to speak ill of my parents; that I didn’t’ understand what they had gone through. Depending upon my age and attitude at the time I might ignore the comments or I might choose to unleash a rage-filled diatribe against the offender, explaining to him or her that they were talking out their ass. In some respects I consider myself blessed because I seem to lack that personality trait that requires me to absolve my parents of their sins against me. I may have learned to forgive my parents but it doesn’t ameliorate the abuses to which they subjected me. However, my goal here is not to revisit these abuses or even to explore Miller’s theories. Instead, I want to use Tarot to explore my own responses to this childhood abuse and how I can heal from it.
So my question is: How have childhood traumas impacted me: Physically? Dancer of Money & the Material World Emotionally? Muse of Self Psychologically? Sage of Money & the Material World Rx How can I move forward and heal this damage? Muse of Money & the Material World Rx
Looking at these cards the initial message I receive is that as a result of my childhood experiences I have a chip on my shoulders; always struggling not to lose myself beneath the weight of those experiences. I can also be emotionally closed off and protective of my heart. At the same time, I am willing to keep struggling uphill and I’m comfortable exploring those dark places within myself; to explore my shadow side. I’ve also put a lot of time and effort into mastering and exploring my psyche so the damage has been exposed, explored and expunged.
Moving forward, I think the key to dealing with this is to remember that it is in the past, it can’t hurt me anymore. I know how to balance the anger and betrayal I feel towards my parents because of those traumas against the love I genuinely do bear them. I can understand some of what damaged them and lead to this abuse but that doesn’t exonerate them. I think the primary difference between my experience and those Alice Miller writes about is that I never accepted it was okay. I never forgot or tried to downplay those memories. I was also fortunate enough to have a husband who bore witness and reinforced that I had every right to hate my parents for what they did to me. So, although I am certainly damaged by my childhood trauma I have also healed and learned to move forward.
How are you undervaluing yourself? What can you do in order to get what you deserve?
Hmm, it appears that I don’t appreciate things at which I have some expertise or mastery. I might have mentioned several times in the past that I often view my accomplishments as something easily dismissed as not difficult to achieve. I think that’s the message the reversed King of Wands is giving me – undervaluing my skills equals undervaluing myself. Not appreciating what I’ve accomplished in my life makes it seem as though I don’t count; have little to offer.
The reversed Six of Pentacles shows that although it’s nice to be generous, giving away too much undermines the worth of my skills and gifts. Unfortunately many people associate value with cost; being overly generous with my gifts sends the message to others that my skills are of little value. If I don’t value my gifts and skills, consider them worthy, then how can I expect others to do so?
I would advise my younger self that I will eventually manifest the life I truly desire. I will become comfortable in my own skin and not need external validation and approval. My life will have the things I truly need to be content and happy, even if those things turn out to be markedky less “stuff” than I imagined I needed to be happy and fulfilled.
Restricting myself according to others’ rules will never serve me well. Limiting myself to meet others’ standards will frustrate me and lead to a lot of sublimation and retail therapy. Regretting instances where I let myself become ensnared is natural but letting them continue to haunt me puts the control and power in someone else’s hands. Screw that! Once free of those restraints, i need to leave them in the dust at my feet and move forward; reclaim my life and pursue my future.
How connected are you to your personal power? What gets in the way? How can you best manifest the power that lays within you?
I find this reading fascinating (of course it’s about me so that might be just a tad self-centered). The Queen of Cups suggests that I see my personal power more as potential, a dream than as a reality. I know it’s there but I don’t tap into it or even believe in it. My power is really more wishful thinking.
What prevents it from manifesting is that I don’t believe it can manifest. My realistic, practical side battles with my intuitive, dreamy side. I remember readings a short story many years ago about children who exhibit psychic abilities. To test how reliable they are a government official forces the teacher to tell a levitating child that his skills are impossible; he cannot really be doing this. The child loses faith in his abilities and his desk crashes to the ground never to rise again. I feel like that child. I sense that I have untapped psychic abilities but because I don’t have faith in myself I find it impossible to tap into them.
The Fool is the key. Its message is that I can tap into these powers by believing in myself; having faith in myself. Doing the complete opposite of the child in the story referenced above. Can I do that? I have no idea. What I do know is that I can try. After all, if I don’t have faith in myself how can I expect others to have faith in me?
You have all that you desire, all the wealth you ever wanted, but it isn’t providing the satisfaction you believed it would. Instead, you’re trapped by your own mind. You think you have to continue maintaining this lifestyle; to keep up with the Joneses, but is that accurate? Maybe it’s time to put that mindset behind you, remove your blinders and take a reassess your priorities.
You’re surrounded by abundance and plenty but feel as though you’ve lost your mind. You’ve lost sight of what you once believed and your view of the world. Now you’re wondering what you can do to change this situation. The reality is, accepting this is the biggest part of the struggle. if you truly wish to free yourself from this current reality all you have to do is try.
You feel as though you have so much while others around you are suffering. At the same time you feel as though you are helpless, powerless to change this situation. That is a fallacy. You’re in a uniquely perfect position to make positive changes if you choose to do so. The first step is removing your blinders and seeing yourself for the powerful, influential person you truly are. Stop merely thinking about making changes and start talking to those who can help get your message across.
She sat alone in the dark trying to connect with her dreams, saddened to realize they were lost. Instead of soaring high supported by exciting ideas and intriguing thoughts, her head was filled with to do lists, meetings and schedules. She was in a position of authority but felt stultified, stagnant. Her spark, her inspiration, her passion for what she did had been doused beneath the mantle of obligation and responsibility.
Kali’s dance of death is inevitable. You can’t avoid it or postpone it, only accept it. Stubbornly refusing to accept change can create stagnation and prevent skills from growing. Face Kali and absorb her message so you can begin growing and manifesting your future.
Perhaps you enjoy the status quo. You feel on top and in control and don’t want that to change. Unfortunately, that’s an illusion. No matter how hard we cling to now, it always slips from our grasp. Enjoy it while it’s here but prepare yourself for future changes as well. Being King of the World is never permanent.
Kali will eventually dance on all our bones, that is the nature of life – things die so new life can grow. We try to outrace her; to create an oasis hidden from her influence, but it’s futile. On the positive side, things we hate right now will eventually fall to Kali’s dance too. As Bowie sang “Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, turn and face the strange.”
Mastery in any area is difficult to achieve when one’s mind is chaotic and troubled. Calming your mind so it can embrace new ideas is key right now.
Before you can manifest what you desire in your life you need to be able to envision it. That’s difficult when you can’t tame your “monkey mind” and channel it into more disciplined pathways.
You have the potential to be master of all you survey but it’s unexpressed right now because you are letting negative thought and a defeatist mindset hold you back. Work on improving your self-esteem and self-worth and you may find the path easier to maneuver.
You are hoping for a new beginning, a new opportunity to change things but you don’t yet have the mastery, knowledge and experience to bring this to fruition. Patience is the key.
Believing in yourself; having faith in your abilities is a wondrous and important component of success but more is usually required for long term success. Learning to harness and focus your creative energies, your divine fire, is necessary too. That’s something only time and experience can offer. So have faith in yourself but do the work needed to acquire the knowledge and experience.
Sometimes mastery and experience can blind us to new paths, ideas and challenges. Every so often we need to jump in with both eyes open and take a risk; to take a deep breath and shout “What the f**k!”.
It’s time to let go of the need to judge and focus on the darker side of life. Instead, try connecting with the world around you; the wisdom of nature. Listen to the messages being offered to you by the divine.
You may be intelligent, rational and a great communicator but you can also be harsh and judgmental, especially about yourself. Crows are very canny creatures who are quick to learn and smart about their environment but don’t waste time judging. Maybe you should take a page from their handbook and release some of those inner critics that judge so harshly.
You may be a master at what you do but your rational, logical approach to matters can come across as harsh and cold. As the saying goes, judge not lest ye be judged Maybe it’s time to incorporate a more humane, approachable, less buttoned up persona.