Week 16 Memorial for a Dead Swan Spread (#TarotReading #CrookedWayTarot #52WeekProject)

On Monday I discovered a dead swan on the side of the road near my property. I don’t know how it got there and it didn’t seem to have been hit by a car but it made me so sad to see it. The water next to my mother-in-law’s property has always hosted ducks, geese, swans and herons. While not especially friendly, they are beautiful and it was always amazing to see them gliding along the water. Realizing that one of them is now gone made me feel as though a magical creature died. So in honor of this poor dead swan I decided to see if it left a message for me.

So I asked the universe the following three questions: 1. What does the dead swan symbolize? 4 of Sticks (Wands) 2. What is its message for me? Page of Pins (Swords) 3. How can I embody a manifest this message? Page of Sticks Rx

4 of Sticks, Page of Pins Rx & Page of Sticks Rx from The Crooked Way Tarot

Looking at these cards, my first thought at seeing the 4 of Sticks is that the death of the swan symbolizes the death of my husband and the huge change it made in my life. It’s letting me know that it’s okay to move on and learn how to interact and be with people; to discover new things that I might enjoy. It’s time make new friends and celebrate some of the new things I will be exploring going forward. The 4 of Sticks speaks to me of celebrating my marriage and honoring what we had, not just mourning my husband’s death.

The little Page of Pins Rx reminds me that, in many ways, I am at a child’s level of experience in dealing with certain things in my life. For example, most of the responsibilities associated with maintaining our cars were handled by my husband. I’m now learning how to deal with insurance issues, registration issues, inspection. Even filling the car with gas was not something I ever had to really handle. Just looking at that sword in the hand of the little Page tells me I need to stop poking myself and being too harsh with myself because I’m still learning how to be alone. I’m still discovering who I am without my hubby. He was such an integral part of my life, I was frightened that I wouldn’t be able to live without him. I have since learned that I can, and somehow that makes me very sad. However, it also means I have an opportunity to explore things that wouldn’t have been possible were he still here. There’s nothing wrong with being excited about the possibilities.

The Page of Sticks Rx reinforces the message of being in a child like, exploratory phase right now. One of the ways I can make it a little easier to adjust to my newly solo state is by re-exploring passions and interests I had when I was younger. It’s time to reconnect with things I might have put aside because I became distracted by interests I shared with my husband. I’m still learning who Debbie is without my husband.

This message reinforces ones I’ve gotten in previous readings. It reminds me not to be impatient with myself because I’m still taking baby steps. I was married for 35 years, it’s going to take me some time to adjust to being single. Trying to rush it or being judgmental with myself about it doesn’t help. So I think the swan was letting me know it’s okay to mourn something magical that passed away but it doesn’t mean that I need to remain frozen in time. It’s okay to change and become someone different, as scary as that might seem.

Week 15 Sesame Street’s Inner Child Spread (#TarotReading #StolenChildTarot #52WeekProject)

1. What would you like to tell me? 10 of Zephyrs Rx
2. What is your favorite game? 2 of Brine Rx
3. What is your favorite thing to do? 9 of Oak Rx
4. What can I do for you? Queen of Brine Rx
5. Do you feel ignored or left out? Ace of Oak
6. What do you desire but aren’t getting? Temperance
7. How can I provide this for you now? Justice Rx
8. What do you fear most? 6 of Zephyrs
9. How can I give you what you need? 5 of Oak Rx

Stolen Child Tarot

I found this spread in Sasha Graham’s 365 Tarot Spreads book and decided it looked interesting, so I gave it a try. Sasha suggests picking a specific age when doing the reading. I decided to roll a die and came up with 15. So this is current me talking with 15-year-old me. One interesting thing about that time in my life is it’s before I met my hubby. As is true for many 15 year olds, this was a very chaotic and turbulent time in my life.

Some of the interesting insights offered by this reading include the fact that I never really felt safe and often preferred to hide to avoid being hurt. I wasn’t good with relationships and often tried to convince myself and others that I didn’t need emotional connections, despite the fact that I desperately craved them. I always felt that I didn’t fit in; that I was an oddball, so I often hid away in books. Many of the traits and behaviors I developed over the years were an effort to protect myself. They were the armor that helped me hold loneliness, pain and fear at bay. I still remain resistant to change simply because even if things are currently miserable, change always brings the potential for things to get worse. The best way that current me can help teenage me is by embracing her with all her sharp edges and flaws and showing her that it’s okay to be imperfect and that she is loved.

One of the major takeaways for this reading is that the majority of the cards are reversed which tells me that a lot of the issues brought up in this reading require me to forgive myself; to love myself. As has been said, I’m often my harshest critic. I think this reading shows that it’s time to let go of that critical perspective. It’s also interesting that there is not one Fire card in this entire reading. I find that interesting because fire is the element to which I feel most drawn and with which I’m most comfortable. So, clearly, I need to go outside my comfort zone in order to work on these issues. I think the message is that I have to stretch my boundaries and force myself to look at my past behaviors and attitudes and see them from a clearer perspective. To have a clearer idea what motivated them and stop castigating myself. It’s time to release past hurts and resentments so that I can move forward with a more healthy mindset and spirit.

Week 14 Election Spread (#TarotReading #HauntedHouseTarot #52WeekProject)

As tomorrow is Election Day and I think the outcome of the election is going to have significant long term consequences, I decided to do a reading about it. Using my trusty Haunted House Tarot, I asked the following three questions: 1 – What do we need to know about this election? 2 – What is the likely outcome of this election? 3 – what will help us heal and move forward after this election? Below are the answers I received.

Queen of Cups Rx, Queen of Pentacles Rx, and 8 of Cups Rx from The Haunted House Tarot by Sasha Graham and Micro Pierfederici

I think one would have to be living in a cave to not realize that this election may prove to be a highly contentious one in America whose outcome is likely to be challenged at various levels. The campaigning has been aggressive, filled with falsehoods and exaggerations on both sides, and haunted by the lingering specter of the former president’s claims of election fraud. If I have learned one thing watching people’s responses to the politicians running and their campaigns’ agendas, it’s that the majority of people are not being influenced by the facts but rather are motivated by their party affiliation and personal interests. How this may or may not impact the outcome of the election has yet to be seen. I find it rather frustrating that many of us are falling into the pattern of seeking out facts that reaffirm our existing belief system instead of trying to get to the truth. I don’t necessarily think this is different from the way we have all decided who to vote for in the past but it seems to have more impactful consequences this election.

I’ve decided I’m not going to offer any interpretation of these cards at this point because I’m honestly not clear on the message, except the final card. I think the 8 of Cups Rx is suggesting that the only way we can move forward as a nation is to leave the hurts and negative emotions behind us; let them stay in the past and try to work together in the future.

Addendum November 9, 2022: So, the election is over and some results are still being tabulated. As things stand right now, it looks like the Democrats lost both houses of Congress. That may change after every vote is counted, but I’m not very hopeful. I think the reversed Queens in this reading were telling me that emotions and financial considerations played a major role in how people voted (d’uh 🤦‍♀️) but that they weren’t operating from a nurturing, heart-centered mindset. Instead, fear and “mine, me, mine” won the day. How that will impact this country going forward will depend on how petty and vengeful those now in power become.

Week 13 Speak to the Dead Spread (#TarotReading #HauntedHouseTarot #52WeekProject)

3 of Swords Rx, 8 of Cups & 7 of Cups from The Haunted House Tarot

Who is here with me?  3 of Swords Rx – This is my brother Tom coming through. His death was violent and this image shares certain similarities.

What message do you want to convey?  8 of Cups – He’s telling me it’s okay to walk away; to move on to a new phase. I believe this is in relation to the resolution of my brother-in-law’s future residence. Even though I know it’s for the best it’s going to be an emotionally wrenching experience to see him relocated. I think my brother is trying to reassure me that it’s okay to feel bad about that while also being excited about what awaits.

What do I need to know?  7 of Cups – The 7 of Cups continues the message of the 8 of Cups. It’s reinforcing the hope that there will be many opportunities and possibilities awaiting me once the situation with my brother-in-law is resolved and I move on to the next phase in my life. It’s a card of magic and potential because it will give me an opportunity to explore different possibilities that will bring joy and happiness into my life

Once again this reading points out things I already understand on an intellectual level but haven’t fully absorbed in my heart. It’s going to be very difficult to watch my brother-in-law leave. At the same time I’m convinced it’s the best thing for him and the best thing for me. It’s not selfish to accept that I can’t do this alone, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to accept.