For some reason today, I’ve been pondering the benefits of confession. The other day I posted a blog entry about a shattering revelation I learned. Prior to writing the post I felt sick to my stomach and couldn’t sleep. Once I posted it I felt relieved and better. It was a cathartic experience. It also made me realize why they say confession is good for the soul.
I was raised Roman Catholic so after a certain point confession was expected to be part of the ritual of faith. I hated it! Being forced to attend confession every month just meant I made things up. As a child (and at the time I was between the ages of 10-14) the worst things I did were smart mouth my mother, curse and other assorted venial sins. Most of the times my friends and I would exchange notes before confession so we could beef up our offenses. This entire process defeated the point of confession. We felt no relief or healing from it. It stressed us out because we felt judged and harried to find sins to confess.
Even with friends and family, I have resisted discussing matters that most bothered my spirit. Whether they were things I’ve done or things done to me, I feared that others would negatively judged me. Fear and shame held me prisoner for a long time and allowed a lot of things to fester and become toxic. It’s only in the last year or so that I’ve been able to appreciate the benefits of confession (and forgiveness too for that matter).
Part of my inner labyrinth journey through the Dark Goddess majors has helped in this process. It has allowed me to face some of my fears and acknowledge some of my strengths. This journey has dredged up some issues I’ve tried hard to avoid but which clearly needed to be addressed. Burying them failed. Nothing went away, it just leached into my soul and poisoned me. As traumatic as this latest revelation has proven to be, at least it had the benefit of helping me understand how sharing or confessing can be healing. It allows us to lance the boil; cauterize the wound so that healing can begin.
The parts of my journey where I met Tlazolteotl and Kali proved especially beneficial to this process. Tlazolteotl is the Aztec goddess of corruption and filth as well as forgiveness and purification. The image on the card sums up her energy quite nicely – you must purge before you can purify. That’s what this sharing, confessional moment has allowed me to do. I’ve purged the ugliness and horror of what I learned and as a result I was able to begin healing. Kali, the Dark Goddess Tower, helped me learn that destroying external elements in my life was freeing not terrifying. I resist change with all my might but in this case Kali helped me embrace the fact that the destruction of the image I held of this relative would ultimately prove freeing. I allowed me to release a burden I hadn’t even realized I carried and continue on my journey with a lighter, more healthy spirit.
If you have any secrets or dark memories that are festering in your life and poisoning your soul find someone to tell. Don’t keep things hidden in the darkness. Bare your soul, dig at those repressed or ignored memories and expose them to the light of day so they can be detoxified. Ironically enough it turns out the Catholics are right – confession is good for the soul. The beauty of it is that you don’t need a priest to hear it and convey Yahweh’s forgiveness in order to benefit.