Today I found myself thinking about my marriage (possibly because my hubby reminds me a bit of Thor – well except for the hair color). Hubby and I have been together for 31 years. As most couples do, we’ve had our ups and downs. There have been times when I’m sure one of us might have gladly killed the other. Yet somehow we manage to stay together. We gone through tragedies and triumphs together. We been financially stable and broke together. Now we’re dealing with the situation with his mother and brother together. None of it has been easy and I often think that we’re both just too stubborn to admit we might have made a mistake staying together. To quote The Twilight Zone episode “The Hunt”, “we have endured.”
Sometimes I have no idea how we’ve managed this. I can’t say that I have any tips to offer to anyone. No words of wisdom that might give insight to others. We just keep plugging along together. When we have issues we fight. I have to admit that I’m a lancer. If I know there is an issue simmering beneath the surface I keep trying to lance it so that all the ickiness comes out and we address it. Hubby is more of a brooder who would prefer to simmer and let it eventually evaporate. However I know him and if he doesn’t get it out of his system it will come up again, and worse, sometime in the future. This way at least we get it all out while there is a possibility of actually healing. I’m the explosive type. I can blow up about minor things (often because I’m really upset about something else that I didn’t address) which can often result in hubby staring at me with a befuddled expression on his face because he has no idea what brought this on. Sometimes he defuses things by making me laugh. Other times it triggers him and then we’re off on a battle. At the end of the day we try to work things out.
One thing we both know (and I’m convinced this is what has enabled us to stay together) is that we love each other. Sometimes we show it in minor ways (remembering a favorite TV show is one or picking up a treat the other likes) and other times it’s big things (hubby totally understands my need to replace my laptop if it dies). I sometimes think one of the reasons so many marriages fall apart is because people aren’t willing to do the work. I’ve seen many relationships implode because they never address the underlying issues that cause their fights. They break up and reunite but nothing actually changes and it eventually falls apart. I also think for some couples children become the glue and once the children are gone so is the relationship. Children were never a issue with hubby and me so we had to be sure we wanted to be with each other – there were no distractions.
The Ace of Wands reminds me that one factor in our continuing relationship is that we’re both passionate about keeping it alive. We’re willing to fight, to charge ahead and to try to keep the spark alive. In our cores, we both know we’re meant to be together. We try to keep things exciting (which can be very difficult with things the way they are now). I think the one thing I never want to do is take my hubby or this relationship for granted. If we don’t tend to it, it will die and neither of us want that to happen.